by Jack Harbon
Arthur started to pull his hand away when Mateo caught him by the wrist and brought his fingers back to his mouth. “I want it bad,” he said, immediately dragging his tongue down the side of Arthur’s middle finger after.
“What do you want, baby?”
“I want you to come for me.” Mateo wrapped his lips around Arthur’s index finger and sucked, eyes wide as he felt Arthur’s speed increase. “Yes,” he groaned around the digit. “Yes, Daddy.”
Arthur’s eyes narrowed on him, and though Mateo tried to keep his composure, Arthur hit him in just the right spot, causing him to let out an authentic gasp that served to set the man off. His fingers dug into Mateo’s side and his head fell back against the chair they sat in.
“Fuck,” he cried, his once-rapid jerks lessening as he rode out his orgasm. Mateo smiled and tightened his muscles, trying his best to help Arthur fill the condom around him. When his breathing ultimately returned to normal again, Arthur nuzzled against the smaller man’s neck.
“You’re incredible,” he whispered, kissing his heated skin over and over.
A wry smile tugged at Mateo’s lips. “I know.”
16
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT
The flight back was stranger than the flight to Las Vegas. Then, Mateo had been scared out of his wits, trying to keep it composed until Arthur mercifully helped distract him. Now, Mateo was reluctant to get on the jet because he wasn’t ready to leave. He’d gotten a taste of Vegas, all the beautiful sights and lavish experiences, and this trip back was a reminder of how fleeting all the fun had been.
They woke early in the morning and prepared their bags, heading to the airport to board the jet. Arthur was still quite tired, so he took a nap, his head falling on Mateo’s shoulder. The younger man didn’t say anything, but he couldn’t ignore the warm fuzzies in the pit of his stomach.
He distracted himself with the book he’d brought. It proved to be enough to keep him from stressing about their altitude, and he was so engrossed in the novel that he didn’t realize they were home until they were landing.
On the car ride back to his apartment, he finally got to talk to Arthur, now much more rested than on the flight. They talked about meeting up that week and what times would work best for one another.
Arthur distracted him on the car ride back to his apartment. They talked about meeting up that week and what times would work best for one another.
Arthur had meetings on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, and Mateo couldn’t get a day off besides the weekend. They both scheduled time to spend with each other into their planners just as the car pulled up to Mateo’s usual drop off spot.
“Thank you so much for coming with us,” Nicola exclaimed, pulling him into a firm hug. She kissed him on the cheek when they parted, and he laughed unexpectedly.
“No, thank you so much for inviting me. Sorry about...” He didn’t want to explicitly say why he couldn’t spend time with her on Saturday, but it wasn’t a big problem. She knew the real reason, and she shrugged.
“Listen, we all had fun, how about that?”
Mateo laughed and grabbed his book from the seat beside him. “Let’s go with that,” he said. He looked at Arthur. “Can I get some help?”
“Oh, yes!” Arthur opened the door and helped him out, following him to the back of the car. He opened the trunk and pulled out the bags they’d purchased earlier that weekend. Carefully, he and Mateo climbed the stairs. When they made it to the door, they paused and looked at one another, boyish smiles on both of their faces.
“Thank you for everything,” Mateo started. At the same time, Arthur said,
“We should do that again.” Arthur laughed and pecked him on the lips. “You’re welcome. Thank you for trusting me.”
“Implicitly,” Mateo said with a nonchalant shrug. “Sorry, it was a word that I read on the flight back. Talk to you tonight?”
“I’ll be waiting.” He accepted Mateo’s last kiss before he headed downstairs and climbed back into the car. Mateo watched it roll away then dragged his luggage back to the steps of his apartment. He knocked on the door three times. A moment later, Amira opened the door and made a face at all of the things he’d brought back.
“Cuánto dinero tiene Valerie?!” his mother exclaimed. For a moment, Mateo forgot he’d told her that he and Valerie went to Vegas rather than who he actually went with. When he recalled his lie, he laughed and walked inside.
“She’s loaded, Mami, I told you!” Amira grabbed two suitcases from outside and dragged them in behind him. She shut the door and leaned in to look at the label. Whoever it was from, she could tell they were expensive. Hearing the noise from outside of their bedroom, Salome, Tomas, and Victor came out to see what all the fuss was about.
“Whoooooa,” Salome exclaimed, rubbing her hand against the luggage. Before any of them could ask, Mateo reached into his backpack and pulled out a plastic bag.
“I got you guys something!”
Victor and Salome exchanged smiles and rushed forward to see what their presents were. Mateo removed a box full of various puzzles. There was also an assortment of toy cars inside the bag, and when he saw the packages at the store, he knew he had to get it for them. The kids thanked him and ran off. Mateo turned to Tomas. His younger brother stood silent, scrutinizing something.
“What’s wrong?” Mateo asked. Tomas waited until Amira followed the other kids into their room before he spoke.
“How much did all this cost?”
Taken aback by his question, Mateo took a moment to reply. “Why does that matter?”
“Mateo, we’re not rich enough for all of this. You work too hard to go spending it on dumb stuff like fancy bags for your Salvation Army t-shirts.”
Mateo could tell he was concerned, but he couldn’t help but laugh at his comment about his shirts. It was true, he didn’t spend enough money on clothing to warrant spending money on luggage.
“You’ve got it all wrong,” he said lightly. “You promise to keep it a secret between us?”
“Duh,” Tomas said, as if he’d asked if the sky was blue.
“I went to the casino with this guy I like.”
“You told Mom you went with… You’re a liar!” Tomas shook his head at Mateo judgmentally, the same way their mother did. “So, you went to Vegas with your rich boyfriend to gamble. You better have brought me back something nice.” Tomas glanced at his bag.
“Nothing but the best,” Mateo said, pulling out a pair of shoes for the boy. He’d been in dire need of some new ones when Mateo left, and he figured it’d be nice to pick him up a new pair. “How do you like these?”
“Awesome,” Tomas whispered, looking over the shoes with wonder in his eyes. He checked them out at all angles before he gave Mateo a hug.
“Go try them on and see what Salome and Victor think.”
His brother nodded and ran off towards his room, a small limp noticeable. Mateo made a face before he straightened up and cracked his back. Amira emerged from the kids’ bedroom a moment later, nosily picking through all the things he’d purchased.
“Tell Valerie she’s welcome here any time,” she said when he cleared his throat. Mateo chuckled and sat down on the couch, watching as she emptied the bags and hung up his shirts.
“Thank you for letting me go. I had a ton of fun that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.”
“It was the least I could do. You deserve that break.” She stopped folding his underwear long enough to look at him carefully. “I’m glad you had fun.”
“How were things with Papa?” Amira went quiet. That was all the answer he needed. “Mami, why didn’t you call me?”
“You were out having fun. You deserved a break!”
“Mami, you’re supposed to tell me when these things happen. I would have come home immediately.”
“Which is exactly why I didn’t tell you,” she sighed. She placed his shoes near the door and covered her face, her back to him. “I just wanted you to be happy fo
r once. You can hide it from them, but not from me. I know how tired and sad you are all the time. And lately, you’ve been nothing but smiles and giggles. I don’t want anything coming between that.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing. It’s not that bad.”
“What happened?” he asked, this time with a bit more bass in his voice. Amira turned to face him.
“He heard someone break a glass outside and thought one of the kids had broken a window or something. He came running out with the belt. Tomas tried stopping him, but Sergio pushed him to the side and accidentally stepped on his ankle. I stopped him before he could start spanking Salome.”
“Did he spank Victor?” Again, Amira was quiet. Mateo felt sick to his stomach. He knew he shouldn’t have taken this trip. It wasn’t worth coming home to find this out. “Damn it,” he whispered. For once, Amira didn’t pop him in the mouth for swearing around her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“Stop. This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you, mijo. This isn’t your fault. This isn’t anyone’s fault. So don’t blame yourself.” Amira wanted to convince him of this but for Mateo it was already too late. If he’d been there, he could have prevented all of this. He could have stopped Sergio like he had last time.
“Do you think it’s time to put him somewhere?” He regretted the words the moment he said them.
“He wouldn’t want that,” she said indignantly. “You know he wouldn’t want that.”
“I know, but do you think he’d want this more?” Mateo gestured to his siblings running around outside. “You think he’d prefer to lose his mind and hit his children? Mami, he almost attacked you. And now he’s hitting Victor and hurting Tomas. I know you don’t want to think about it, but we have to.”
Amira’s angry expression melted into sorrow, and she buried her face in her hands. Mateo’s heart broke. It hurt a special kind of way to make his mother cry. He rose from the bed and pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. He should’ve found a softer way to put it.
“I’m a failure, Mateo,” she cried. “I can’t even protect my own babies.”
“You’re not,” he insisted. He rubbed small circles on her back, hoping she’d find some comfort in his touch. “You’re a good mom, you hear me? But you can’t do it all. You can’t be everything and everywhere. If it’s not my fault that I left town when he got bad, it’s not your fault that he’s getting worse.”
Mateo knew his mother wouldn’t believe a word he said, at least not at first. Just as his father was a proud man, Amira was a proud woman. She didn’t allow herself any time to breathe and relax. She refused to take a break, and the moment she did, she was filled with the same kind of guilt as Mateo. But he wouldn’t let her beat herself up.
“We have to look into this, Mami,” he said, stroking her hair. “I know you don’t want to, but he’s getting worse. He’s getting dangerous, and you and I can’t always be around to protect the kids from him. He needs trained professionals. People who can calm him down better than you or me.”
“I just… I don’t know how we’re going to pay for it all. It’s so expensive.” Amira pulled away and wiped her eyes. Her mascara was a mess, but she tried her best to put herself back together.
There was one way he could pay for it. He couldn’t tell Amira about it, but the option was always there.
Arthur.
Mateo had explained his situation in Vegas, but if he heard how bad it truly was, Arthur might consider helping him out. It was a lot to ask for, but he didn’t have many options. He could be like his father, too proud to reach out and ask for help, or he could do what he knew had to be done.
“I’ll figure it out, okay? I’ll try to move some money around and find a good place to put Papa.”
Amira cupped his cheek softly. “I love you. You know that?”
“I know,” he smiled. “And I love you too.”
When her sniffling died down and she wasn’t as upset, she gave him a hug and let him finish unpacking all of the things he’d brought home. Mateo stood up to get changed into a pair of pajamas, checking his pockets before he tossed the pants into the laundry basket.
Inside, he found a small key and smiled. It was the one to his loft that Arthur had given him on the flight home.
“For when you need some time alone,” Arthur had told him.
Mateo smiled and sat down on the bed, rolling it around in his hand. He finally placed it on the counter and laid back, unaware that he’d desperately need a moment alone that following day.
17
FINISH IT
The following morning was peculiar. It was quiet. Most mornings in his home were filled with the sound of small children running around, trying to get all their school supplies ready before Amira dropped them off at the proper campuses.
Mateo blinked and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, a yawn echoing from deep within his chest. He looked at his clock and his eyes went wide.
“Jesus,” he sighed. He rarely slept past ten, let alone until noon.
He reached for his phone, quickly dialing his boss. She answered, and immediately he let out a torrent of apologies. Laughing slightly, she let him off the hook and told him not to worry about it. Someone had already come in to fill his shift. He made a mental note to make it up to his boss and his coworkers tomorrow. Maybe he’d bring donuts or something, just to show that he truly was sorry.
Mateo climbed out of bed and walked into his parents’ bedroom, where he could hear the sound of the TV and his father’s deep chuckles. It had been too long since he’d heard that noise, and a small, sad smile pulled at his lips. Curious about what the man was watching, Mateo poked his head in his bedroom.
Sergio’s face looked hollow, but he wore a smile as he stared at the television. Tentatively, Mateo took a seat on his mother’s side of the bed. “What are you watching, Papa?” he asked, glancing at the older man.
“Nothing,” he said, snickering. Mateo made a face and narrowed his eyes, focusing on the show. It wasn’t until another dirty joke popped up that he realized what the man was watching. It was a raunchy sex comedy.
“Shame on you,” he teased. Sergio smiled even wider.
“It’s funny!” his father said indignantly.
“Oh, I bet.” Mateo fell silent and got situated in bed with him, watching the movie. As much as he wanted to turn his nose up at what was happening, he had to admit that it was quite humorous. “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, mijo.”
“Do you remember when we went to the Grand Canyon?”
“I do,” Sergio said, a sparkle in his eyes. “It was me, Amira, Mateo, little Tomas and you.”
Mateo nodded, then froze. “What do you mean, Mateo and me?”
He continued as if he hadn’t heard Mateo. “Mateo was so scared of heights, so you had to hold his hand the entire time and promise him that he wouldn’t fall off the edge. Then your mother got onto you for making a joke about tossing him over because he stole your toy. We should go back there, Angel.”
Mateo’s blood ran cold, and he instinctively winced at the name. He hadn’t felt this kind of sorrow in months, but the mention of Angel’s name was like a sharp knife in his chest. Sergio looked over at him and smiled sadly.
“One of these days, me and you are going to see each other again. I’m sure you already know about that, though. You were always so smart as a baby. You’d have everything figured out before any of us could teach you.”
As badly as he wanted to respond, Mateo sat still. He tried opening his mouth but his jaws were clenched too tight. His eyes stung, and he felt like if he moved, he might break into a million pieces.
“I’m dying, but I’m not too sad about it. They’ll be okay without me. I had a dream about what it might be like. Mateo was someone important. Amira was happy. The babies were happy. And I felt like you were there. Were you in my dreams last night, Angel?”
The only thing Mateo could do was st
and and leave the room. He closed the door behind him and ran a shaky hand through his hair. He’d thought he was over that. He thought he’d moved past the anguish of Angel’s death. But now, the mere mention of his name had him clenching his muscles and trying to breathe normally. For a moment, Mateo wasn’t sure what to do.
Sergio was finally happy. He was happy thinking he’d been talking to Angel, and it felt wrong to just leave without a word. On the other hand, there’d been no way to speak without his voice wavering or cracking. He wasn’t strong enough to talk about his brother again, let alone pretend to be him.
The only thing Mateo could be sure of was that he needed to get out of here. He needed to clear his mind before he went back down that dark hole—back to those memories that had haunted him all throughout middle school and his early years of high school.
He changed into a pair of pants and grabbed the key Arthur had given him. Amira had taken the car, so he grabbed his bike, pedaling furiously. The burn in his legs worked as a decent distraction from the invasive thoughts he just barely held off. They staved off his desire to revisit the last few memories he had before his brother took his life.
Mateo left the bike chained up outside and took the elevator to Arthur’s penthouse, thankful to be out of his own house and out of that mindset. He unlocked the door and smiled softly when Clementine stretched and sauntered over to the front door to greet him. He scratched the top of her head and slipped around her, locking the door once he was inside.
“How are you, pretty girl?” he asked, squatting down to get on eye level with her. She nudged his hand with her nose, sniffing for a minute. Mateo allowed her to give him a few licks before he walked to the kitchen and pulled out her dog food. He filled her bowl and returned the dog food to its place, then collapsed on the sofa and began flipping through channels.
There wasn’t much on, but he did find an episode of Real Housewives that he wanted to watch. He chuckled at the women as they threw glasses of wine across the table. When the commercial break came, he realized just how hungry he was. He’d left his house without eating anything.
