August 2, 1767.
I have been disturbed and unsettled for a long time, and have been without resolution to apply to study or to business, being hindered by sudden snatches.
I have for some days forborn wine and suppers. Abstinence is not easily practised in another’s house; but I think it fit to try.
I was extremely perturbed in the night, but have had this day more ease than I expected. D. gr. Perhaps this may be such a sudden relief as I once had by a good night’s rest in Fetter Lane.
The shortness of the time which the common order of nature allows me to expect, is very frequently upon my mind. God grant that it may profit me.
Johnson spent the summer at Lichfield, and during that time Catherine Chambers, the friend and servant of his late mother, died. The ‘Lucy’ mentioned was Johnson’s step-daughter, Lucy Porter. Of Johnson’s attention to Kitty Chambers, and the tenderly beautiful last scene, Boswell writes ‘By those who have been taught to look upon Johnson as a man of a harsh and stern character, let this tender and affectionate scene be candidly heard; and let them then judge whether more warmth of heart, and grateful kindness, is often found in human nature.’
August 17, 1767. From that time, by abstinence, I have had more ease. I have read five books of Homer, and hope to end the sixth to-night. I have given Mrs. — a guinea.
By abstinence from wine and suppers, I obtained sudden and great relief, and had freedom of mind restored to me; which I have wanted for all this year, without being able to find any means of obtaining it.
I am now about to receive, with my old friend Kitty Chambers, the sacrament, preparatory to her death. Grant, O God, that it may fit me. I purpose temperance for my resolution. O God, enable me to keep my purpose to thy glory.
5.32 P.M.
I have communicated with Kitty, and kissed her.
I was for some time distracted, but at last more composed. I commended my friends and Kitty. Lucy and I were much affected. Kitty is, I think, going to heaven.
Aug. 17, 1767.
O GOD, grant that I may practise such temperance in meat, drink, and sleep, and all bodily enjoyments, as may fit me for the duties to which Thou shalt call me, and by thy blessing procure me freedom of thought and quietness of mind, that I may so serve Thee in this short and frail life, that I maybe received by Thee at my death to everlasting happiness. Take not, O — Lord, thy Holy Spirit from me; deliver me not up to vain fears; but have mercy on me, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
O God, who desirest not the death, etc.
O Lord, grant us increase —
O God, pardon and peace O God, who knowest our necessities —
Our Father —
Sunday, Oct. 18, 1767.
YESTERDAY, Oct. 17, at about ten in the morning, I took my leave for ever of my dear old friend Catherine Chambers, who came to live with my mother about 1724, and has been but little parted from us since. She buried my father, my brother, and my mother. She is now fifty-eight years old.
0 — desired all to withdraw, then told her that we were to part for ever; that as Christians, we should part with prayer; and that I would, if she was willing, say a short prayer beside her. She expressed great desire to hear me; and held up her poor hands, as she lay in bed, with great fervour, while I prayed kneeling by her, nearly in the following words: —
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, whose loving-kindness is over all thy works, behold, visit, and relieve this thy servant, who is grieved with sickness. Grant that the sense of her weakness may add strength to her faith, and seriousness to her repentance. And grant that by the help of thy Holy Spirit, after the pains and labours of this short life, we may all obtain everlasting happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord: for whose sake hear our prayers. Amen. Our Father, etc.
I then kissed her. She told me that to part was the greatest pain that she had ever felt, and that she hoped we should meet again in a better place. I expressed, with swelled eyes, and great emotion of tenderness, the same hopes. We kissed, and parted. I humbly hope to meet again, and to part no more.
The Year 1768
BED-TIME
An accommodation of the Collect for the Second Sunday in Lent. The note about the parchment book is Strahan’s.
Lent 2.
ALMIGHTY God, who seest that I have no power of myself to help myself; keep me both outwardly in my body, and inwardly in my soul, that I may be defended from all adversities that may happen to the body, and from all evil thoughts which may assault and hurt the soul, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
This prayer may be said before or after the entrance into bed, as a preparative for sleep.
When I transcribed this Prayer, it was my purpose to have made this book a Collection.
STUDY OF TONGUES
ALMIGHTY God, giver of all knowledge, enable me so to pursue the study of tongues, that I may promote thy glory and my own salvation.
Bless my endeavours, as shall seem best unto Thee; and if it shall please Thee to grant me the attainment of my purpose, preserve me from sinful pride; take not thy Holy Spirit from me, but give me a pure heart and humble mind, through Jesus Christ. Amen.
Of this Prayer there is no date, nor can I tell when it was written; but I think it was in Gough Square, after the Dictionary was ended. I did not study what I then intended.
Transcribed June 26, 1768.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
Townmalling was the country residence of Francis Brooke. The continuance of Johnson’s depression and ill-health is painfully manifest. ‘Do not forget me in your prayers,’ he this year wrote to Lucy Porter. ‘I have for a long time back been very poorly; but of what use is it to complain?’
Townmalling in Kent, Sept. 18, 1768, at night.
I HAVE now begun the sixtieth year of my life. How the last year has past, I am unwilling to terrify myself with thinking. This day has been past in great perturbation; I was distracted at church in an uncommon degree, and my distress has had very little intermission. I have found myself somewhat relieved by reading, which I therefore intend to practise when I am able.
This day it came into my mind to write the history of my melancholy. On this I purpose to deliberate; I know not whether it may not too much disturb me.
I this day read a great part of Pascal’s life.
O Lord who hast safely brought me, etc.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, Creator and Preserver of mankind, look down with pity upon my troubles and maladies. Heal my body, strengthen my mind, compose my distraction, calm my inquietude, and relieve my terrours; that if it please Thee, I may run the race that is set before me with peace, patience, constancy, and confidence. Grant this, O Lord, and take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but pardon and bless me, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord.
The Year 1769
NEW YEAR’S PRAYER
‘In 1769 the public was favoured with nothing of Johnson’s compositions. His ‘Meditations’ too strongly prove that he suffered much both in body and mind; yet was he perpetually striving against “evil,” and nobly endeavouring to advance his intellectual and devotional improvement.’ — Boswell. Safely brought me, etc., refers to the third collect of Morning Prayer in the Prayer Book.
January 1.
I AM now about to begin another year; how the last has past it would be in my state of weakness perhaps not prudent too solicitously to recollect. God will, I hope, turn my sufferings to my benefit: forgive me whatever I have done amiss, and having vouchsafed me great relief, will by degrees heal and restore both my mind and body; and permit me, when the last year of my life shall come, to leave the world in holiness and tranquillity.
I am not yet in a state to form many resolutions: I purpose and hope to rise early in the morning, at eight, and by degrees at six; eight being the latest hour to which bed-time can be properly extended; and six the earliest that the present system of life requires.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast continued my life from ye
ar to year, grant that by longer life I may become less desirous of sinful pleasures, and more careful of eternal happiness. As age comes upon me, let my mind be more withdrawn from vanity and folly, more enlightened with the knowledge of thy will, and more invigorated with resolution to obey it. O Lord, calm my thoughts, direct my desires, and fortify my purposes. If it shall please Thee, give quiet to my latter days, and so support me with thy grace, that I may die in thy favour, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Safely brought us to the beginning of this year, etc.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
At this time Johnson was at Brighthelmstone as the guest of Mr and Mrs. Thrale. The signs of returning health and spirits are evident, and appear also in a letter he wrote to Boswell this month.
September 18, 1769. THIS day completes the sixtieth year of my age. What I have done, and what I have left undone, the unsettled state of my mind makes all endeavours to think improper. I hope to survey my life with more tranquillity, in some part of the time which God shall grant me.
The last year has been wholly spent in a slow progress of recovery. My days are easier, but the perturbation of my nights is very distressful. I think to try a lower diet. I have grown fat too fast. My lungs seem incumbered, and my breath fails me, if my strength is in any unusual degree exerted, or my motion accelerated. I seem to myself to bear exercise with more difficulty than in the last winter. But though I feel all those decays of body, I have made no preparation for the grave. What shall I do to be saved?
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, I now appear in thy presence, laden with the sins, and accountable for the mercies of another year. Glory be to Thee, O God, for the mitigation of my troubles, and for the hope of health both of mind and body which Thou hast vouchsafed me. Most merciful Lord, if it seem good unto Thee, compose my mind, and relieve my diseases: enable me to perform the duties of my station, and so to serve Thee, as that, when my hour of departure from this painful life shall be delayed no longer, I may be received to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
O LORD, without whose help all the purposes of man are vain, enable me to use such temperance as may heal my body, and strengthen my mind, and enable me to serve Thee. Grant this, O Lord, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Saviour. Amen.
Who hast safely brought me, etc.
September 19, 1769.
YESTERDAY, having risen from a disturbed and wearisome night, I was not much at rest the whole day. I prayed with the collect, to the beginning, in the night and in the morning. At night I composed my prayer, and wrote my reflection. Reviewing them, I found them both weakly conceived and imperfectly expressed, and corrected the prayer this morning. I am glad that I have not omitted my annual practice. I hope that by rigid temperance, and moderate exercise, I may yet recover. I used the prayer again at night, and am now to begin, by the permission of God, my sixty-first year.
WHEN HE LIVED ON MILK
November 5, 1769. ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, whose providence is over all thy works, look down with pity upon the diseases of my body, and the perturbations of my mind. Give thy blessing, O Lord, to the means which I shall use for my relief, and restore case to my body, and quiet to my thoughts. Let not my remaining life be made useless by infirmities; neither let health, if Thou shalt grant it, be employed by me in disobedience to thy laws; but give me such a sense of my pains as may humble me before Thee; and such remembrance of thy mercy as may produce honest industry, and holy confidence. And, O Lord, whether Thou ordainest my days to be past in ease or anguish, take not from me thy Holy Spirit; but grant that I may attain everlasting life, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
This I found January 11, 1772; and believe it written when I began to live on milk. I grew worse with forbearance of solid food.
The Year 1770
NEW YEAR’S PRAYER
Primâ mane — early in the morning;.
Jan. 1, primâ mane.
ALMIGHTY God, by whose mercy I am permitted to behold the beginning of another year, succour with thy help, and bless with thy favour, the creature whom Thou vouchsafest to preserve. Mitigate, if it shall seem best unto Thee, the diseases of my body, and compose the disorders of my mind. Dispel my terrours; and grant, that the time which Thou shalt yet allow me, may not pass unprofitably away. Let not pleasure seduce me, idleness lull me, or misery depress me. Let me perform to thy glory, and the good of my fellow-creatures, the work which Thou shalt yet appoint me; and grant, that as I draw nearer to my dissolution, I may, by the help of thy Holy Spirit, feel my knowledge of Thee encreased, my hope exalted, and my faith strengthened; that, when the hour which is coming shall come, I may pass by a holy death to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
HIS WIFE’S MEMORY
Though eight years had passed since the last prayer in memory of his wife was composed, the following tender meditation abundantly shows Johnson’s constant and loving remembrance of her.
Wednesday, March 28, 1770. THIS is the day on which, in 1752, I was deprived of poor dear Tetty. Having left off the practice of thinking on her with some particular combinations, I have recalled her to my mind of late less frequently; but when I recollect the time in which we lived together, my grief for her departure is not abated; and I have less pleasure in any good that befalls me, because she does not partake it. On many occasions, I think what she would have said or done. When I saw the sea at Brighthelmstone, I wished for her to have seen it with me. But with respect to her, no rational wish is now left, but that we may meet at last where the mercy of God shall make us happy, and perhaps make us instrumental to the happiness of each other. It is now eighteen years.
PASSION WEEK
How scrupulously Johnson kept Good Friday, notwithstanding his broken health, is apparent in his notes of this week: ‘I had nothing but water, once in the morning and once at bed-time. I refused tea, after some deliberation, in the afternoon.’
April 14, 1770.
THIS week is Passion Week.
I have for some weeks past been much afflicted with the lumbago, or rheumatism in the loins, which often passes to the muscles of the belly, where it causes equal if not greater pain. In the day the sunshine mitigates it; and in cold or cloudy weather, such as has for some time past remarkably prevailed, the heat of a strong fire suspends it. In the night it is so troublesome, as not very easily to be borne. I lie wrapped in flannel, with a very great fire near my bed; but whether it be that a recumbent posture increases the pain, or that expansion by moderate warmth, excites what a great heat dissipates, I can seldom remain in bed two hours at a time without the necessity of rising to heat the parts affected at the fire.
One night, between the pain and the spasms in my stomach, I was insupportably distressed. On the next night, I think, I laid a blister to my back, and took opium; my night was tolerable, and, from that time, the spasms in my stomach, which disturbed me for many years, and for two past harassed me almost to distraction, have nearly ceased; I suppose the breast is relaxed by the opium.
Having passed Thursday in Passion Week at Mr. Thrale’s, I came home on Friday morning, that I might pass the day unobserved; I had nothing but water, once in the morning, and once at bed-time. I refused tea, after some deliberation, in the afternoon. They did not press it. I came home late, and was unwilling to carry my rheumatism to the cold church in the morning, unless that were rather an excuse made to myself. In the afternoon I went to church, but came late, I think at the Creed. I read Clarke’s Sermon on the death of Christ, and the Second Epistle to Timothy in Greek, but rather hastily. I then went to Thrale’s, and had a very tedious and painful night. But the spasms in my throat are gone; and, if either the pain, or the opiate which the pain enforced, has stopped them, the relief is very cheaply purchased. The pain harasses me much; yet many have the disease perhaps in a much higher degree, with want of food, fire, and covering, which I find thus grievous, with all the succours that riches and kin
dness can buy and give.
On Saturday I was not hungry, and did not eat much breakfast. There was a dinner and company, at which I was persuaded or tempted to stay. At night I came home, sat up, and composed the Prayer; and having ordered the maid to make the fire in my chamber, at eight went to rest, and had a tolerable night.
EASTER DAY
April 15, 1770, in the morning.
ALMIGHTY and everlasting God, who hast preserved me, by thy fatherly care, through all the years of my past life, and now permittest me again to commemorate the sufferings and merits of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ; grant me so to partake of this Holy Rite, that the disquiet of my mind may be appeased, that my faith may be encreased, my hope strengthened, and my life regulated by thy will. Make me truly thankful for that portion of health which thy mercy has restored, and enable me to use the remains of life to thy glory and my own salvation. Take not from me, O Lord, thy Holy Spirit; extinguish in my mind all sinful and inordinate desires; let me resolve to do that which is right; and let me by thy help, keep my resolutions. Let me, if it be best for me, at last know peace and comfort; but whatever state of life Thou shalt appoint me, let me end it by a happy death, and enjoy eternal happiness in thy presence, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
EASTER DAY
I in the afternoon.
I AM just returned from the communion, having been very little interrupted in my duty by bodily pain.
Complete Works of Samuel Johnson Page 364
