When I purposed to apply vigorously to study, particularly of the Greek and Italian tongues.
The Year 1777
January 1, 2 P.M.
ALMIGHTY Lord, merciful Father, vouchsafe to accept the thanks which I now presume to offer Thee, for the prolongation of my life. Grant, O Lord, that as my days are multiplied, my good resolutions may be strengthened, my power of resisting temptations increased, and my struggles with snares and obstructions invigorated. Relieve the infirmities both of my mind and body. Grant me such strength as my duties may require, and such diligence as may improve those opportunities of good that shall be offered me. Deliver me from the intrusion of evil thoughts. Grant me true repentance of my past life; and as I draw nearer and nearer to the grave, strengthen my faith, enliven my hope, extend my charity, and purify my desires; and so help me, by thy Holy Spirit, that when it shall be thy pleasure to call me hence, I may be received to everlasting happiness, for the sake of thy Son Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Our Father —
March 28.
THIS day is Good Friday. It is likewise the day on which my poor Tetty was taken from me.
My thoughts were disturbed in bed. I remembered that it was my wife’s dying day, and begged pardon for all our sins, and commended her; but resolved to mix little of my own sorrows or cares with the great solemnity. Having taken only tea without milk, I went to church; had time, before service, to commend my wife, and wished to join quietly in the service, but I did not hear well, and my mind grew unsettled and perplexed. Having rested ill in the night, I slumbered at the sermon, which, I think, I could not, as I sat, perfectly hear.
I returned home, but could not settle my mind. At last I read a chapter. Then went down, about six or seven, and eat two cross-buns, and drank tea. Fasting for some time has been uneasy, and I have taken but little.
At night I had some ease. L.D. I had prayed for pardon and peace.
I slept in the afternoon.
29, — Easter Eve.
I ROSE, and again prayed, with reference to my departed wife. I neither read nor went to church, yet can scarcely tell how I have been hindered. I treated with booksellers on a bargain, but the time was not long.
BEFORE EASTER DAY
Of this period, Boswell writes: ‘It appears from his “Prayers and Meditations” that Johnson suffered much from a state of mind “unsettled and perplexed,” and from that constitutional gloom which, together with his extreme humility and anxiety with regard to his religious state, made him contemplate himself through too dark and unpardonable a medium. It may be said of him that he “saw God in clouds.”’
30, — Easter Day, imà mane. THE day is now come again, in which, by a custom which since the death of my wife I have by the divine assistance always observed, I am to renew the great covenant with my Maker and my Judge. I humbly hope to perform it better. I hope for more efficacy of resolution, and more diligence of endeavour. When I survey my past life, I discover nothing but a barren waste of time, with some disorders of body, and disturbances of the mind very near to madness, which I hope He that made me, will suffer to extenuate many faults, and excuse many deficiencies. Yet much remains to be repented and reformed. I hope that I refer more to God than in former times, and consider more what submission is due to his dispensations. But I have very little reformed my practical life; and the time in which I can struggle with habits cannot be now expected to be long. Grant, O God, that I may no longer resolve in vain, or dream away the life which thy indulgence gives me, in vacancy and uselessness.
9nâ mane.
I WENT to bed about two, had a disturbed night, though not so distressful as at some other times.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who seest all our miseries, and knowest all our necessities, look down upon me, and pity me. Defend me from the violent incursions of evil thoughts, and enable me to form and keep such resolutions as may conduce to the discharge of the duties which thy providence shall appoint me; and so help me, by thy Holy Spirit, that my heart may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found, and that I may serve Thee with pure affection and a cheerful mind. Have mercy upon me, O God, have mercy upon me; years and infirmities oppress me, terrour and anxiety beset me. Have mercy upon me, my Creator and my Judge. In all dangers protect me, in all perplexities relieve and free me, and so help me by thy Holy Spirit, that I may now so commemorate the death of thy Son our Saviour Jesus Christ, as that when this short and painful life shall have an end, I may, for his sake, be received to everlasting happiness. Amen.
Mrs. Gardiner, of Snow Hill, who, according to Boswell, ‘though in the humble station of a tallow-chandler, was a woman of excellent good sense, pious, and charitable,’was much esteemed by Johnson. In his will he left her a book, ‘at her election, to keep as a token of remembrance.’
John Paradise, LL.D., was distinguished for his learning and talents. He was the son of Peter Paradise, the English Consul at Salonica.
April 6, 1777.
BY one strange hindrance or another, I have been withheld from the continuation of my thoughts to this day, the Sunday following Easter-day.
On Easter-day I was at church early, and there prayed over my Prayer, and commended Tetty and my other friends. I was for some time much distressed, but at last obtained, I hope from the God of Peace, more quiet than I have enjoyed for a long time. I had made no resolution, but as my heart grew lighter, my hopes revived, and my courage increased; and I wrote with my pencil in my Common Prayer Book,
Vita ordinanda.
Biblia legenda.
Theologiæ opera danda.
Serviendum et laetandum.
I then went to the altar, having, I believe, again read my Prayer. I then went to the table and communicated, praying for some time afterwards, but the particular matter of my Prayer I do not remember.
I dined, by an appointment, with Mrs. Gardiner, and passed the afternoon with such calm gladness of mind as it is very long since I felt before. I came home, and began to read the Bible. I passed the night in such sweet uninterrupted sleep, as I have not known since I slept at Fort Augustus.
On Monday I dined with Sheward, on Tuesday with Paradise. The mornings have been devoured by company, and one intrusion has, through the whole week, succeeded to another. At the beginning of the year I proposed to myself a scheme of life, and a plan of study; but neither life has been rectified, nor study followed. Days and months pass in a dream; and I am afraid that my memory grows less tenacious, and my observation less attentive. If I am decaying, it is time to make haste. My nights are restless and tedious, and my days drowsy. The flatulence which torments me, has sometimes so obstructed my breath, that the act of respiration became not only voluntary but laborious in a decumbent posture. By copious bleeding I was relieved, but riot cured.
I have this year omitted church on most Sundays, intending to supply the deficience in the week. So that I owe twelve attendances on worship. I will make no more such superstitious stipulations, which entangle the mind with unbidden obligations.
My purpose once more, O Thou merciful Creator that governest all our hearts and actions; let not my purpose be vain: — My purpose once more is, To rise at eight To keep a journal.
To read the whole Bible, in some language, before Easter.
To gather the arguments for Christianity.
To worship God more frequently in public.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
At this time Johnson and Boswell were the guests of the Rev. Dr. Taylor at Ashbourn, near Oxford. In Boswell’s ‘Life,’we read:— ‘Thursday, Sept. 18. — Last night Dr. Johnson had proposed that the crystal lustre, or chandelier, in Dr. Taylor’s large room should be lighted up some time or other. Taylor said it should be lighted up next night. “That will do very well,” said I, “for it is Dr.
Johnson’s birthday.” When vve were in the Isle of Sky, Johnson had desired me not to mention his birthday. He did not seem pleased at this time that I mentioned it, and said (somewh
at sternly) he “Would not have the lustre lighted next day.”’
Ashbourn, Sept. 18, 1777.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast brought me to the beginning of another year, grant me so to remember thy gifts, and so to acknowledge thy goodness, as that every year and day which Thou shalt yet grant me, may be employed in the amendment of my life, and in the diligent discharge of such duties as thy providence shall allot me. Grant me, by thy grace, to know and to do what Thou requirest. Give me good desires, and remove those impediments which may hinder them from effect. Forgive me my sins, negligences, and ignorances; and when at the last Thou shalt call me to another life, receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
The Year 1778
GOOD FRIDAY
It was Boswell’s habit, when in London, to spend Good Friday with Johnson. Of this date he writes: ‘April 17th being Good Friday, waited on Johnson as usual. I observed at breakfast that although it was a part of his abstemious discipline, on this most solemn fast, to take no milk in his tea, yet when Mrs. Desmoulins inadvertently poured it in, he did not reject it.’
Of the meeting with Mr. Edwards, a rather shallow individual, Boswell says: ‘It was in Butcher Row that this meeting happened. Mr. Edwards, who was a decent-looking, elderly man in grey clothes and a wig of many curls, accosted Johnson with familiar confidence, knowing who he was, while Johnson returned his salutation with a courteous formality, as to a stranger.’ Johnson took Edwards home with him, and Boswell gives an extensive account of their talk.
April 17.
IT has happened this week, as it never happened in Passion Week before, that I have never dined at home, and I have therefore neither practised abstinence nor peculiar devotion.
This morning before I went to bed I enlarged my prayers, by adding some collects with reference to the day. I rested moderately, and rose about nine, which is more early than is usual. I think I added something to my morning prayers. Boswell came in to go to church; we had tea, but I did not eat. Talk lost our time, and we came to church late, at the Second Lesson. My mind has been for some time feeble and impressible, and some trouble it gave me in the morning; but I went with some confidence and calmness through the prayers.
In my return from church, I was accosted by Edwards, an old fellow collegian, who had not seen me since 1729. He knew me, and asked if I remembered one Edwards; I did not at first recollect the name, but gradually, as we walked along, recovered it, and told him a conversation that had passed at an alehouse between us. My purpose is to continue our acquaintance.
We sat till the time of worship in the afternoon, and then came again late, at the Psalms. Not easily, I think, hearing the sermon, or not being attentive, I fell asleep. When we came home we had tea, and I eat two buns, being somewhat uneasy with fasting, and not being alone. If I had not been observed I should probably have fasted.
EASTER DAY
The Langton’ mentioned here was Bennet Langton, Esq of Langton, in Lincolnshire, a great friend of Johnson, and one who is frequently mentioned in Boswell’s ‘Life.’ He was one of the original members of the famous Literary Club Johnson founded.
April 19, after 12 at night.
O LORD have mercy upon me.
Yesterday (18) I rose late, having not slept ill. Having promised a dedication, I thought it necessary to write; but for some time neither wrote nor read. Langton came in and talked. After dinner I wrote. At tea Boswell came in. He staid till near twelve.
I purposed to have gone in the evening to church, but missed the hour.
Edwards observed how many we have outlived. I hope, yet hope, that my future life shall be better than my past.
From the year 1752, the year in which my poor dear Tetty died, upon whose soul may God have had mercy for the sake of Jesus Christ, I have received the sacrament every year at Easter. My purpose is to receive it now. O Lord God, for the sake of Jesus Christ, make it effectual to my salvation.
My purposes are, To study divinity, particularly the evidences of Christianity.
To read the New Testament over in the year, with more use than hitherto of commentators.
To be diligent in my undertakings.
To serve and trust God, and be cheerful.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, suffer me once more to commemorate the death of thy Son Jesus Christ, my Saviour and Redeemer, and make the memorial of his death profitable to my salvation, by strengthening my faith in his merits, and quickening my obedience to his laws. Remove from me, O God, all inordinate desires, all corrupt passions, and all vain terrours, and fill me with zeal for thy glory, and with confidence in thy mercy. Make me to love all men, and enable me to use thy gifts, whatever Thou shalt bestow, to the benefit of my fellow-creatures. So lighten the weight of years, and so mitigate the afflictions of disease, that I may continue fit for thy service, and useful in my station. And so let me pass through this life, by the guidance of thy Holy Spirit, that at last I may enter into eternal joy, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
HAVING gone to bed about two, I rose about nine, and having prayed, went to church. I came early, and used this prayer. After sermon I again used my prayer; the collect for the day I repeated several times, at least the petitions. I recommended my friends. At the altar I prayed earnestly, and when I came home prayed for pardon and peace; repeated my own prayer, and added the petitions of the collect.
O God have mercy upon me, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
At my return home, I returned thanks for the opportunity of communion.
I was called down to Mrs. Nollikens. Boswell came in; then dinner. After dinner, which I believe was late, I read the First Epistle to Thess.: then went to Evening Prayers; then came to tea, and afterwards tried Vossius de Baptismo. I was sleepy.
Monday, April 20, 1778.
AFTER a good night, as I am forced to reckon, I rose seasonably, and prayed, using the collect for yesterday.
In reviewing my time from Easter 1777, I found a very melancholy and shameful blank. So little has been done, that days and months are without any trace. My health has, indeed, been very much interrupted. My nights have been commonly, not only restless, but painful and fatiguing. My respiration was once so difficult, that an asthma was suspected. I could not walk, but with great difficulty, from Stowhill to Greenhill. Some relaxation of my breast has been procured, I think, by opium, which, though it never gives me sleep, frees my breast from spasms.
I have written a little of the Lives of the Poets, I think with all my usual vigour. I have made sermons, perhaps as readily as formerly. My memory is less faithful in retaining names, and, I am afraid, in retaining occurrences. Of this vacillation and vagrancy of mind, I impute a great part to a fortuitous and unsettled life, and therefore purpose to spend my time with more method.
This year, the 28th of March passed away without memorial. Poor Tetty, whatever were our faults and failings, we loved each other. I did not forget thee yesterday. Couldest thou have lived! —
I am now, with the help of God, to begin a new life.
The Year 1779
Jan. 1, before 1 in the morning.
ALMIGHTY God, merciful Father, who hast granted to me the beginning of another year, grant that I may employ thy gifts to thy glory, and my own salvation. Excite me to amend my life; give me good resolutions, and enable me to perform them. As I approach the grave, let my faith be invigorated, my hope exalted, and my charity enlarged. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit; but in the course of my life protect me, in the hour of death sustain me, and finally receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
GOOD FRIDAY
‘In the interval between morning’ and evening service, he endeavoured to employ himself earnestly in devotional exercise: and, as he has mentioned in his “Prayers and Meditations,” gave me “Les Pensées de Paschal,” that I might not interrupt him. I preserve the book with reverence.’ — Boswell.
April 2.
/> AFTER a night restless and oppressive, I rose this morning somewhat earlier than is usual; and having taken tea, which was very necessary to compose the disorder in my breast, having eaten nothing, I went to church with Boswell. We came late; I was able to attend the Litany with little perturbation. When we came home I began the First to the Thess having prayed by the Collect for the right use of the Scriptures. I gave Boswell Les Pensées de Pascal, that he might not interrupt me. I did not, I believe, read very diligently; and before I had read far, we went to church again; I was again attentive. At home I read again, then drank tea, with a bun and a half, thinking myself less able to fast than at former times; and then concluded the Epistle. Being much oppressed with drowsiness, I slept about an hour by the fire.
11 — P.M.
I AM now to review the last year, and find little but dismal vacuity, neither business nor pleasure; much intended, and little done. My health is much broken; my nights afford me little rest. I have tried opium, but its help is counterbalanced with great disturbance; it prevents the spasms, but it hinders sleep. O God have mercy on me.
Last week I published [the first part of] the Lives of the Poets, written, I hope, in such a manner as may tend to the promotion of piety.
In this last year I have made little acquisition; I have scarcely read any thing. I maintain Mrs. — and her daughter. Other good of myself I know not where to find, except a little charity.
Complete Works of Samuel Johnson Page 367
