by Annie Murray
‘Nothing.’ How could she say what her status was in the McBride household? A servant-cum-mistress, to be controlled and used? For that was the truth of it and she saw now how she had let herself slide down and down into it. ‘It’s just that they’re very particular about punctuality.’
He was staring at her, as if he could still scarcely believe she was here. ‘God, girl . . .’
‘How long are you staying?’ she asked. Suddenly she was excited. It would be lovely to see the Fairfords as well! She would hear more of Cosmo.
‘I’ll be here for two weeks. I expect Mrs Fairford and Isadora will be staying during the heat. That’ll be nice for you, won’t it? They said to ask you to call in as soon as you can. Can you get away? You have time off, I take it.’
Lily’s mind was working fast. The one thing the doctor must not find out on any account was that she was meeting Sam. But she knew that if she said the Fairford family were here in Mussoorie and she would be visiting Mrs Fairford, that would be just about acceptable, unless he was in an especially difficult or demanding mood, when nothing she did except giving him her full and slavish attention would do.
‘Oh yes – of course I’ll come! I’d like to see Mrs Fairford very much.’
‘And me . . . ?’
‘Oh, Sam.’ Her eyes were full of pain as she looked up at him. ‘Have you come to break my heart all over again?’
With great solemnity he said, ‘No, Lily. No. I’ve come to be with the woman I love, and have loved ever since I saw her.’
And uncaring of who might be watching, he took her in his arms and kissed her passionately.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Lily lay awake much of that night. The doctor had left her alone, to her enormous relief, but she felt as if her heart had been broken open and her emotions were raw and strong. Sam Ironside loved her and she loved him, and she was so full of tremulous joy, as well as fear and disquiet about what that might mean, that she could hardly bear even to lie down. All she could think of was his face, his words of love to her. Her body was full of restless energy and in the small hours she got up and walked around the room trying to quiet herself.
The most immediate worry was how she was going to see anything of Sam without the doctor finding out. The very thought of her anywhere near another man would send him into a jealous rage.
And then a miracle happened. Before he went out to his surgery the next morning, Dr McBride said, ‘I’ve had a wire from an old friend, Duncan McCluskie – he trained with me in Edinburgh. He’s doing a spot of work in Patna for a few months and he’s coming up to pay a visit. He’ll be arriving at about tiffin time. So things will be different for a few days, Lily. I shan’t be able to spend as much time with you, I’m afraid. You’ll have to find ways to amuse yourself.’
Lily felt her eyes widen and had to suppress a grin of astonished delight. She seized her chance immediately.
‘I’m sorry to hear that,’ she said, trying to look sober and talking in the quiet, careful way she always used with him now. ‘But perhaps it’s a happy chance. You see, I heard yesterday that the family I worked for in Ambala are staying here in Mussoorie and I was going to ask you if I might visit and spend some time with them.’ She couched the request very humbly. ‘Would that be all right, while you have a visitor yourself?’
‘This is Captain Fairford’s family, I take it?’ he asked. There was an edge of suspicion but he seemed in a good humour. ‘Who will be there, d’you suppose?’
‘So far as I know, just the captain and his wife and daughter and a handful of servants,’ Lily said. ‘And I should very much like to see Mrs Fairford and Isadora, their daughter. I spent a lot of time with them, you see.’
Dr McBride seemed reassured. He came and gave her a fatherly pat on the shoulder, then kissed her on the lips, forcing his tongue into her mouth. ‘That sounds like a nice little holiday for you, my dear, to spend time with your old mistress. And you deserve a little break. You’ll be here at nights, of course, if I need you.’
‘Of course,’ Lily agreed, her heart soaring with excitement. She could hardly believe how easily he seemed to accept the thought of her going out, and realized it was because he saw no threat to his control. ‘Things will be just as normal, dear.’
When it came to meeting Sam again later that morning, as she had arranged to do, Lily was full of misgiving. She felt shy of meeting him, as if they would have to break the ice again.
She wore a favourite dress stitched in raw silk of kingfisher blue and a blue hat to match. The costume looked very striking set against her sultry colouring and she saw Sam react to the sight of her. He was waiting just where she had asked him to, at the corner of the road leading up into Kulri Bazaar. There was a strong smell of frying onions and spices in the spring air and she breathed in happily, catching sight of Sam standing, looking rather self-conscious on the corner, beside a cow with sharp horns that was trying to nibble his sleeve.
‘I’m glad you’ve come to rescue me – I think she has taken too much of a shine to me altogether!’
Lily laughed, as the cow moved away with an affronted slouch.
‘God, Lily—’ Sam looked at her closely then, seeming awed. ‘You’re so beautiful. You look astonishing.’
Lily felt herself light up at the sight of him. Her eyes met his, and the bustle of the streets around them seemed to disappear. All she could see was him and she was filled with a soaring happiness.
‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ she said, feeling her voice catch. ‘I keep thinking you’ll just disappear again.’
‘I’ve got ten whole days. The captain said we might as well do the necessary with the car while he was in the hills. It’s good for putting her through her paces up here.’ He paused, then said, ‘Are you free to come up to the house?’
As she walked beside him towards the Mall, Lily kept stealing glances at him. He’s here. Sam’s really here, walking beside me. It was a miracle.
The bungalow which the Fairfords had rented nestled into the side of Gun Hill, along a path off the main one up to the top. Lily climbed up the familiar, steep slope, and what joy to have Sam beside her, not Ewan McBride with Cameron plodding along behind! It was quiet this morning, and they passed very few other walkers.
‘I’ve walked up here so many times,’ she said, pausing to catch her breath and looking across at the valley, the green hills with a scattering of houses tucked between the trees. ‘I never once thought I’d walk up here with you.’
‘I know. It’s heaven.’ He turned to her and took her hand, lifting it to his lips to kiss it. She saw that he was moved, and it brought tears to her eyes.
‘I’ve tried my best with Helen, my very best, but she’s not you, Lily. I’ve tried not to let myself see it, or feel it. I just keep on, work hard every day, don’t think about anything deeply. Then, before Christmas, they told me I was doing another delivery to Ambala and it brought it all rushing back, brought you back, stronger than ever. I didn’t know if you were there any more, but I knew I couldn’t come back to India and not try to find out, to see you again if you were here.’
She listened, moved, all the hurt of the past years forgotten.
‘When you left, I think I hated you,’ she said. ‘You lied to me – or at least you didn’t tell me all the truth. I’d never loved anyone – not the way I did you. And do still.’
His eyes registered her words. He glanced around to see that they were alone before leaning down, intensely serious, and kissing her, pulling her close. After a time he drew back, smiling down at her.
‘I’ve got the motor parked in a garage up at the other end.’ Sam pointed to the Library end of the Mall. ‘I think I might be able to take it out one day. We could go somewhere, just us together. Who’s going to worry about all the rules up here?’
Lily’s immediate thought was the doctor. How would she ever get away for the day? She decided she really didn’t care; she’d find a way.
‘That sou
nds like heaven,’ she said, as they climbed the path at the front of the Fairfords’ yellow holiday bungalow, outside which there were neat flower beds and a wooden sign by the path which said ‘Zinnias’.
Srimala, Isadora’s ayah, opened the door. She seemed just the same, and with a cry of delight she flung her arms round Lily’s neck.
‘Oh, Miss Lily! I am so happy to see you again!’ She stood back in the doorway, wiping tears of joy from her eyes and looked Lily up and down. ‘I have missed you very much. I wish you were still with us! But you are looking so very lean and tired – not like the Lily we knew before. Are you sick?’
‘No,’ Lily laughed. She felt more relaxed now than she had in weeks. ‘I am quite well, really I am.’
They were in the hall, a sparsely decorated space with two cane chairs and a table and a coloured rug on the floor. Just then Susan Fairford appeared, her expression set into its customary cool formality which made her seem very distant. Lily felt chilled by it and said politely, ‘How do you do, Mrs Fairford?’
‘Lily—’ Susan Fairford was about to hold out her hand as she would to an acquaintance, but as she came closer her face softened and she smiled prettily. ‘It’s so very nice to see you again,’ she said, and leaned to kiss Lily on the cheek. Then, to Lily’s surprise, briefly, she put her arms round her and when she drew back there were tears in her eyes. She wiped them away hurriedly. ‘We have missed you, my dear. All of us.’
Lily felt her eyes fill as well. Even when she left Ambala, Susan Fairford had scarcely shown any emotion. Lily had told herself that she was only a servant and of course her leaving would mean nothing. But now she saw how much feeling Susan Fairford had been holding back at the time and it touched her.
‘We’ll order some tea and sit out, shall we?’ Susan Fairford suggested. ‘It’s such a good day. I say, how marvellous you look, Lily – what an extraordinary dress.’
Srimala vanished with a regretful smile and Lily reminded herself that she must go and see her later.
‘We’re all very casual here,’ Susan Fairford said, leading them out to the veranda. ‘You find us in our holiday mood.’
It was an apology for the simplicity of the house, which was certainly a far less sumptuous dwelling than they were used to in Ambala. There were more cane chairs out on the veranda, which faced over a small rectangle of garden edged by flower beds with roses and phlox and snapdragons and was, at this hour, in the shade. The three of them settled round a table and soon one of the servants, whom Lily recognized and greeted with pleasure, brought out tea and biscuits and a Victoria sandwich cake filled with jam.
‘Ah – that looks very nice,’ Sam said. ‘The air up here seems to give me an appetite.’
‘Well, let’s carry on,’ Susan Fairford said. ‘Charles has taken Isadora out to have a pony ride. She is absolutely mad on horses now – quite different from how she used to be. We ride out with her every day now, and she could not do without it here. Mind you, neither can Charles!’ She laughed, pouring the tea. ‘I think you’ll find our Izzy changed a little, Lily. Wouldn’t you agree, Mr Ironside?’
‘Yes,’ Sam said, accepting a slice of the cake with enthusiasm. ‘She’s older, obviously. But much calmer than I remember.’
‘Of course, you were quite a horsewoman yourself, Lily!’ Susan said, handing her a cup of tea.
‘Yes,’ Lily sighed. ‘But there’s not much chance here.’
‘But there are the pony rides! Surely you could go out very occasionally at least?’
Lily was seized by a sudden great hunger to ride. She had not mounted a horse for a long time, but now the memory of those beautiful mornings riding out on the Punjab plains came vividly back to her and she sighed. How could she explain that her freedom here was curtailed not just by her being a servant but by her master’s obsessive moods and whims?
‘Perhaps we could go for a ride?’ She looked round teasingly at Sam who made a face. She had not forgotten his fear of horses.
‘I think I’ll stick to the motor,’ he said ruefully. ‘You can go much further in it.’
‘So how is life here treating you, Lily?’ Susan Fair-ford said over the rim of her teacup. She looked relaxed, in a pale pink cotton dress. Lily could see that Sam was more at ease with her than he had been on the first visit, and indeed Susan did seem less tense and forbidding.
‘Very well, thank you,’ Lily said, carefully. ‘I’m employed as a sort of housekeeper. The doctor’s wife is an invalid. They’re all very kind, and of course I love the town. But do tell me – what news is there of Cosmo?’ Though she had occasional letters from him they told her very little.
‘Oh!’ Susan Fairford rolled her eyes humorously, but then she looked pained. ‘You might well ask. It seems he is turning into a rebel – he’s been in no end of trouble.’
‘Has he?’ Lily cried. This was not the sweet, biddable Cosmo she remembered! ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Well, so far as I can gather, it’s mostly just lack of discipline, and any sort of attention in lessons . . .’
‘But he used to be so good!’ Lily protested.
‘I know.’ Susan Fairford took a sip of tea, looking upset. ‘He was evidently had up for stealing something off another boy recently as well. Nothing very big, I don’t think, but they take that sort of thing very seriously there and of course he was caned. Charles’s brother got to hear about it and wrote to us.’ She looked at Lily with stricken eyes. ‘My poor boy. I feel so far away from him, and there doesn’t seem to be anything I can do. I’m so grateful that you still keep in touch, Lily dear. We heard that he still receives letters from you.’
‘Oh yes – I’ll never forget our little man,’ she said. Once more she saw her old mistress looking close to tears and realized just how great a toll the separation was taking on her.
‘Our little man . . .’ Susan Fairford echoed, bitterly. ‘Yes, this is how it happens here, that a child spends more time with strangers, or servants, than with his own mother.’ She caught herself out then. ‘Still – that’s how it is, I suppose.’
They spent a happy hour reminiscing about Lily’s time in Ambala and Susan gave her news of people she had known, and other children. Later on they heard the front door open and voices.
‘Charles?’ Susan called. ‘Come out here – Lily Waters is here!’
A moment later Charles Fairford appeared, almost seeming to bound out of the bungalow door. He looked a little heavier to Lily, slightly more thickset, but very strong and healthy. He was beaming broadly.
‘How very nice to see you!’ he cried, and it sounded genuine.
Lily stood up, smiling, and they shook hands.
‘You know, we’re really up here because of you?’ the captain said. ‘Everyone wanted to come and see you, and I thought Sam here should see Mussoorie . . .’
‘So much nicer than stuffy old Simla,’ Susan said.
‘I hope you’ll be able to come on a few jaunts with us while we’re here,’ the captain continued. ‘How’s it suiting you?’
‘Very well . . .’ Lily began, but she then caught sight of Isadora, who walked out confidently on to the veranda carrying a riding crop and switching it at the air behind her as if she was still on a mount. She was taller, and though her long dark hair was just as messy as ever, she seemed calmer and more self-possessed.
‘D’you remember Lily?’ her father said gently.
Isadora stared hard at Lily and then, to all their surprise, walked up and planted a kiss on her cheek, saying, ‘Lily. She’s a friend.’
‘Oh – thank you!’ Lily exclaimed, deeply touched. She hadn’t expected Isadora to remember her.
‘There you are, you see,’ Sam said. ‘No one forgets you, Lily.’
And Lily saw Susan Fairford turn to look at them both, sharply, with a slight frown on her face.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The week turned out to be more wonderful than Lily could ever have imagined.
When she ret
urned home that afternoon, Dr McCluskie had arrived as promised and seemed to have put Ewan McBride in an exceptionally good mood. Duncan McCluskie was a slim, mild-mannered man. On first sight his blue eyes seemed to hold a melancholy seriousness, but this changed, when he smiled, into an impish cheerfulness as he shook Lily’s hand.
‘Miss Waters!’ His Scottish accent was like crisp mountain ice. ‘How nice to make your acquaintance.’
‘How d’you do?’ Lily said, deciding he looked reasonably pleasant. She had no idea of what Dr McBride had told his friend about her, but assumed he had told him that she was the housekeeper. But then Dr McBride said, ‘Dr McCluskie will be staying in the middle room, and we’ll be dining together. I hope you’ll join us one evening, Lily?’
‘Yes, Doctor,’ she said, obediently, though she felt a blush spread all over her, and she was sure she saw a sudden sharp look of curiosity come into Dr Mc-Cluskie’s eyes. What on earth must he think! Housekeepers did not dine with the master of the house! She knew Ewan McBride wanted to show her off as his prize as he did in the town. But she told herself it was not important. He would be gone soon, back to Patna, and she would never see him again, whatever he thought. And the fact that he was here meant she could get out to see Sam and that was all that mattered.
There were several jaunts with the Fairfords. Charles Fairford appeared more relaxed than Lily ever remembered seeing him before. He was obviously delighted with his new model of Daimler and, she saw, was enjoying Sam’s company again. He had not brought his syce Arsalan with him, and when she asked about him Susan Fairford told her that the groom’s wife was very ill with a fever and he had not been able to leave her.
What took Lily by surprise was the difference in the way Susan Fairford treated her. Whereas before, when in her employ, Lily had been a servant, although one to whom Susan Fairford often turned for company and in times of distress and loneliness, now they were no longer mistress and servant, and she treated her more like a friend. The first time the five of them set off for a picnic in the car, the two women sat at the back with Isadora, and Lily felt like Susan Fairford’s confidante. She talked about some of the other women in Ambala and what was happening in their lives far more openly than she would have done before. After a time she turned to look at Lily, with a little frown.
