by Amber Garza
At the memorial service so many people came up to me to give their condolences. And they all had the same look on their face. A look of pity. And I hated it. I never wanted to be pitied. I had never been a joke. I’d always been strong.
It was why I hated Ace so much. He’d made me into a joke here. And my poor playing had caused people to feel sorry for me. I was sick of it. It all needed to stop.
“Cooper?” Charlotte’s voice cut into my thoughts. She was walking with a group of girls. I hadn’t even seen her, I’d been so lost in my own thoughts.
Shoving my hands into the pocket of my jeans, I forced myself to stay composed. “I need to talk to you.”
“Okay.” She appeared perplexed. Turning to her friends she said, “I’ll be up in a minute.” They all nodded and then scurried toward the building. Charlotte licked her lips. “What’s up?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
Her innocent act was infuriating. “I watched the show, so you can cut the shit.”
Her gaze shifted nervously, and I made a mental note to dial it down. “So you know about my parents.”
“You already knew about mine, didn’t you?”
She shrugged. “When I was being interviewed I shared where I went to school. Afterward, one of the producers mentioned that one of the other survivors went here as well. I asked him who, and he told me your name.”
“Survivors?” I grunted. “We weren’t on the flight.”
She shook her head. “You know what I mean. We are surviving relatives or whatever.”
“Did you start dating Justin before or after you had this information?”
“Wow. Someone is pretty self-absorbed.” She widened her eyes. “I was dating Justin before. It was just a bizarre coincidence that you were his roommate.”
I wasn’t sure I believed her until I remembered when the show called me. It was during Christmas break, and Justin and Charlotte had already been dating, so I’d give her the benefit of the doubt. I thought about how upset I’d been lately – at London, at Ace, at myself – and I wondered if maybe being mad at Charlotte was easier than facing what I was really mad at. Perhaps I was just shifting my focus. Feeling bad for tearing over here, I was about to walk away when Charlotte stopped me.
“I wanted to tell you when I found out, but I didn’t know how. The producers told me that you wanted nothing to do with the show, and I worried that if I said anything you’d be upset with me.” She flashed a wry grin. “It seems that you were going to be upset either way.”
I felt like an ass.
“Besides, Justin broke it off and you were so sweet.” Reaching out, her hand closed around my wrist. “I didn’t want to mess that up. But I’m glad you know. Now you can see how perfect we are for each other.”
Her words were totally out of left field. “What?”
“Yeah.” She stepped closer, her face nearing mine. “We both know what it’s like to lose our parents at a young age. We’ve both fought through tragedy and heartache to be here. I felt a connection to you from the minute we met. And when I found out about your parents, it all made sense. And when I’m with you, I can tell you feel it too.” Angling her face, she brushed her lips over mine. Then she clamped down firmly.
CHAPTER 23
London
When I turned the rental car into the visitor’s parking lot of Fallbrook University’s campus, nerves attacked my insides like tiny ants covering a piece of uneaten food after a picnic. I had thought of warning Cooper I was coming, but then decided against it. Our phone conversations had been so strained lately, I figured what I had to say would be better in person.
Besides, surprises were romantic, weren’t they?
Romance wasn’t exactly my forte. Cooper was my first boyfriend, and I’d spent the first few months of our relationship sick, and then the remainder of it we’d been apart. Cooper was the romantic one out of the two of us. He loved surprising me, so I decided it was best to take my cue from him.
The last time we talked he told me he planned to just hang out this weekend. He had some studying to do and he thought he might meet Parker to throw some pitches. But other than that, he hadn’t made any plans. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from spilling the beans at that point. I knew he’d be doing a lot more than hanging in his dorm room or practicing with Cooper, but I couldn’t tell him any of that.
After parking, I assessed my reflection in the rearview mirror. Yanking the brush out of my purse, I ran it through my hair. It had grown out considerably since I last saw Cooper. It was now down to my chin. It curled out a little at the edges after I ran the brush through it. Dad had taken me to the salon this week and I had some highlights put in. It was dark outside, but when the streetlamp from above shone on me, golden strands sparkled. I smiled, knowing Cooper would love it. I’d worn a little bit of eye shadow and mascara since Cooper loved my eyes so much. I didn’t go crazy. It was subtle, but I still thought it looked nice. I glided some gloss over my lips and then put all the contents back into my purse. Flinging the purse over my shoulder, I stepped out of the car. Glancing at the trunk, I thought of my luggage inside, and about the box Cooper’s grandma had given me. The nerves started back up again, so I stood still and took a deep cleansing breath. I almost stopped at the hotel first to check in, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I had to see Cooper. It had been too long. My body longed for his touch, my lips longed for his kiss. Quite simply, every part of me wanted him.
Shivering, I stepped away from the car. Then I stopped, reached into my purse, and pulled out the map I’d printed of the campus. Cooper’s grandpa had circled Cooper’s dorm room for me. Still I was terrible with maps, so I wondered how easy it would be to find it. The campus sprawled out before me, large and imposing. It was much larger than it appeared on this tiny map. I held it up, my finger tracing the route. Lowering it, I started walking. I wondered if I should text him to make sure he was in his room. I mean, what if he was out practicing or something?
No, I’d go to his dorm, and if he wasn’t there I could text him then. I was sort of worried that if we spoke now I’d give something away. I was never good at keeping secrets. Skyler’s family tried to throw her a surprise party one year, and I’d accidentally told her a few days prior. Since she’s so dramatic she pretended to be shocked, and I thought she played it off well. But I’d always felt bad about it.
When I reached the grass, my feet sank into it, the reeds tickling my flesh through my sandals. I almost wore a skirt, but didn’t want to bother with it on the plane. Instead I wore a pair of shorts and a v-neck shirt. It wasn’t fancy, but at least it was form fitting. Skyler approved, so I figured it would do.
I hurried across the grass heading toward the concrete walkway. Buildings loomed above me, and I squinted to make out the words displayed on them. Then I checked it against the map. Satisfied I was going the right direction, I continued on. My purse thumped against my hip with each stride. The air was warm against my skin, the scent of clean air filling my senses. I could see why Cooper liked it here. It was warm back home, but nothing like this. This felt like being at the beach. I wondered how close we were to the beach, and my heart fluttered. I’d brought a swimsuit just in case.
Remembering that last morning in Cooper’s room propelled me to walk faster. The next time I glanced at the map I stopped, realizing that I’d gotten myself turned around. Somehow I’d ended up near the girls’ dorms. As I stared at one I found myself wondering what it would be like to live here. A group of girls whisked past, a plume of floral perfume trailing them. They barely gave me a glance, but I was used to that. Spinning around, I started heading in the other direction. A couple was in front of me, facing each other. When my gaze landed on them, the girl stepped forward and pressed her lips to the boy’s. There was something oddly familiar about him. About the way he stood, about the slant of his nose, the slope of his shoulders.
Cooper.
No, it could
n’t be.
Shaking my head, I told myself I was imagining things. It was another boy. It had to be. Cooper was in his dorm room thinking about me. Cooper loved me, and only me. Always. Wasn’t that what he promised?
When the couple separated, the boy’s head swiveled in my direction. When our eyes met, I know I couldn’t deny it any longer. It was Cooper - my boyfriend, my heart, the love of my life. And the girl next to him sure as hell wasn’t me.
Turning away, I felt my heart breaking apart. I could barely breathe against the pain of it. Unable to stand it any longer, I took off running. I heard Cooper hollering my name, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
Not until I was as far away from him as possible.
CHAPTER 24
Cooper
It took a minute to register what the hell was happening. Then I shoved Charlotte back and shook my head in response. Words seemed stuck in the back of my throat, locked in stunned silence. A loud gasp in the distance caught my attention. When I turned in the direction of it, I saw a splash of blond hair and my breath hitched in my throat. London. No, it couldn’t be. I blinked. What was she doing here? My heart arrested at the expression of horror on her face. Before I could say anything she spun around and started running away from me.
“London! Wait!” I called after her, but she didn’t stop. In fact, her legs appeared to be moving faster than before. Shit. What the hell was happening tonight? First Charlotte came on to me, and now London was here. Was I on some prank show or something? God, I wished. But it seemed like this was real life shit.
“Let her go,” Charlotte said. “She needed to know what was going on. Maybe it’s for the best that she saw.”
I narrowed my eyes at Charlotte, certain she was certifiably insane. “She didn’t see anything. This was nothing.” I pointed between us.
“How can you say that? Surely you feel something between us or you wouldn’t even be here.”
“You’re right. I did feel something for you. I felt sorry for you when Justin broke it off with you. And tonight I felt anger with you for keeping a secret from me. But that’s it.”
She reeled back, appearing stricken.
“Nothing was ever going to happen between us. And now that you’ve messed things up with me and my girl, I never want to see your face again.” Without even bothering to look back at Charlotte, I took off sprinting. I ran as if I was chasing a ball, or running the bases in an attempt to make it to home. I’d never been a very fast runner. It was one of the many reasons I was grateful to be a pitcher. When I went up to bat, I could easily turn a double into a single based on my speed. But right now, I was on a mission. I ran with purpose. There was no way I could let London get away. If she left, she’d take my heart with her.
Lungs burning and legs aching, I finally caught up to her. She was almost an arm’s reach away, but not quite. Her ragged breathing reached my ears, making me feel like shit. I knew running wasn’t her thing either, and I felt bad for being the reason she was pushing herself like this. “London. Please stop running. Let me explain.”
“There’s nothing to explain. I’ve seen what I needed to.” Her voice was choppy as she spoke between labored breaths.
“Baby, c’mon. Stop.” I threw my arm out, my fingers circling her wrist.
She stopped running, her body going rigid from my touch. Blowing out a breath, her chest heaved. Everything in her stance told me she had no desire to speak to me.
I wanted to launch into my explanation, but my curiosity got the better of me. It was so shocking to see London here. She hadn’t mentioned anything about visiting, and yet, here she was. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to surprise you, but it seems that I’m the one who was surprised.”
She came all this way to surprise me? It was so damn sweet I wanted to reward her with a kiss, but I couldn’t do that. Not now. Not after what she’d seen. Shit. I could kill Charlotte. “London, what happened back there was just a misunderstanding.”
She whirled to face me, and I sucked in a breath. She looked gorgeous, and all I wanted to do was sweep her into my arms. It was killing me to keep my arms at my sides, to not touch her. I’d been dreaming of this moment for months, fantasizing about when we’d see each other again. And let me tell you, this was never one of the scenarios I imagined. No, my daydreams involved a lot less anger and a lot more kissing and touching.
“So that wasn’t Charlotte, the girl you’re always with when I call?” She crossed her arms over her chest. The light from a nearby streetlamp shone across her face, causing her eyes to sparkle.
“I’m not always with her when you call.” Her eyes narrowed, and I realized that was probably the wrong answer.
“So I’m right?” She nodded as if answering her own question.
“You’re right about her being Charlotte.” I mentally scolded myself for going to talk to Charlotte tonight. If only I’d stayed in my dorm room. It’s just that I was so angry after watching the show, and I wanted an explanation. I wasn’t expecting her to behave the way she did. Stepping forward, I reached for London, but she stepped back. “But nothing happened.”
“Something happened from where I stood.” London’s lower lip trembled. “God, Coop, did you mean anything you said to me at Thanksgiving?”
Her words were like a knife to my heart. “Every. Single. Word.” I had hoped that my answer would assure her, but her face hardened at my response.
She shook her head. “Then why were you with her? You said you wanted to be with me and only me.” Her eyes filled with moisture and she bit down on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering. “I believed you. I thought nothing could come between us.” Turning away from me, her voice came out in a shallow whisper. “I guess I was wrong.”
“No, you weren’t wrong.”
“Clearly I was if you were with another girl!” She shouted.
I flinched. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a flash of movement. When I turned to look, I saw some guys off in the distance, but they were minding their own business. Ignoring them, I looked back at London. “I wasn’t with another girl. I haven’t been with any other girl since we got together. I promise.”
“But what about what I saw…” London craned her neck in my direction, a sliver of hope in her eyes.
“She came on to me, but I pushed her away. I never wanted any of it.”
“Then why were you even with her tonight?” London asked.
“I watched the show. The one about the plane crash,” I responded, hoping she’d listen long enough for me to explain everything. “I didn’t think I would, but I guess I was too curious not to.” I shrugged. “Anyway, Charlotte was on the show. Apparently she lost her parents on the flight as well.”
London cocked her head to the side, her eyebrows lifting slightly. “And she never told you?”
I shook my head. “I mean, it’s not like we were close or anything. She dated Justin for a short while, and she and I talked a few times. Despite what you think, we didn’t really hang out or anything. Honestly, I’ve been so busy with baseball and homework, I didn’t have time to hang out with anyone.” I caught London’s gaze. “Whenever I had a free moment I devoted it to you.” Searching her eyes, I tried to see if I was getting through to her, but I couldn’t tell. So I pressed on. “Still, I was bothered by the fact that she kept that information from me. Clearly she knew who I was the whole time, and I wondered why she kept it a secret.”
“How could you be sure she knew about your parents?”
“She’d made a few cryptic statements. At the time I brushed them off, but when I found out who she was, I knew.” I swallowed hard. “So I went to talk to her. Mostly I wanted to find out why she kept it from me in the first place. It didn’t make sense.” Pausing, I ran a hand through my hair. “She told me that she knew I wanted nothing to do with the show, so she worried that if I knew about her parents I wouldn’t want to speak to her anymore. Then she started saying all this stuff about
how we were connected since we’d gone through the same thing in losing our parents. And she told me she had feelings for me. Honestly, London, I wasn’t expecting any of it.”
“And did you feel the same way?”
“No,” I answered firmly. “Not at all. I was shocked. That’s why it took me a minute to respond, but when I did I told her I wasn’t interested in her. I told her I loved you.”
London closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. “I’m just so confused.”
“About us?” My stomach tightened.
“About everything.”
“London.” I moved toward her.
She shook her head. “Please give me some time alone. I need to think.”
“Don’t do this, baby. Just come with me. I’ll take you somewhere and we can talk. We’ll work this out.”
“Cooper,” her tone was harsh. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you. Not right now.” Spinning on her heels, she stepped away.
Panic bloomed in my chest. “Where are you going?”
“On a walk.”
“Where? You don’t even know your way around.”
“I have my phone. I’ll call you later.”
As she walked away, my stomach plummeted to my feet. I’d screwed up big time, and I wasn’t sure how to fix it.
CHAPTER 25
London
I had this whole plan for what I’d do when I saw Cooper tonight.
And now it was ruined.
Destroyed.
I wished I’d never come here. If only I’d stayed home. Then I could have avoided the whole damn thing. I never would’ve seen him with that girl pawing all over him. That image would forever be burned in my brain, like a tattoo. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to erase it.
