by Amber Garza
I chuckled, grateful for the reason.
She slid off the bed and scurried toward the bathroom. I watched her long slender legs and cute round ass. Damn, she was sexy. It took all my willpower to stay put when she vanished into the restroom. Threading my hands under my head, I lie back down and stared up at the ceiling. I listened to the sound of running water and the whir of London’s electric toothbrush. After a few minutes she emerged and made a beeline for her suitcase. Bending down, she unzipped it and started sifting through her things. Rolling my head to the side, I had the perfect vantage point to stare at my girl. I took in the way she gracefully tucked her hair behind her ear, the way her long arms reached for her clothes. My gaze landed on her suitcase, and I pondered the fact that she’d brought so much stuff for only two days. As she picked up one of her shirts, a brown box came into view.
Stiffening, I slowly sat up. “What’s that?”
Her eyes widened. “Oh. Um…”
I got down from the bed and moved toward her.
“It’s….I brought it for you.” London picked it up and stood. Then she held it out to me.
But I couldn’t bring myself to take it. I knew exactly what it was. Grandma had tried to give it to me before, but I refused to even look at it. Why did London have it? Why now?
“Coop, you don’t have to look through it if you don’t want to.” London tucked the box up against her body. Even in this moment I longed to be that box. I found myself jealous of the way it was pressed against her chest. “I only brought it because I thought it might help you.” She bit her lip, staring deeply into my eyes. “I thought it might help us.”
This perked my interest. “How would a box of stuff from my parents help us?”
“You’ve been so distant lately,” London said, and her words hit their mark, tearing into my heart. “And I’ve tried everything I can to get you to open up to me. To get you to be the Cooper I fell in love with. But nothing has worked.”
“Oh, baby.” I stepped forward. She was right, and I hated that I’d made her feel this way.
“It’s not your fault,” she said abruptly. “I know this year has been tough for you. And I know that when you feel alone and abandoned you close up. You shut down.” Impressive how well she pegged me. Perhaps she should become a therapist instead of a writer. “I know because I do the same thing. But you have helped me with that. Last year when I was so sick you wouldn’t let me shut down, Coop. You taught me how important it was to let others in, and it changed me.”
“I’m so sorry.” I ran a hand down London’s arm. “I never want to shut you out, baby.”
“I know. But you’ve been scared, and you’ve felt alone. I get it.” She glanced down at the box in her arms. “And I know that the television show brought up a lot of unwanted memories and emotions for you. Perhaps it’s time to face them. Maybe it’s time to let go.”
I knew it was. I’d been feeling it for months. This black cloud hung over me. Emotion sat right in my throat at all times, an ocean wave ready to crest. But I’d held it back, shoved it down. However, that was only a temporary fix. The wave couldn’t be held back indefinitely. I could wait for it to crash into my life, obliterating it. Or I could take this gift London was offering me, and make the choice myself.
“Remember when you shaved my head?” London asked. “You helped me take control that day, and I’ve never known how to thank you.” Reaching out, she thrust the box into my hands. “Now I do.”
She was the best damn girlfriend in the world. And I wouldn’t let her down. I closed my hands around the box. Carrying it back to the bed, I perched on the edge. With shaky fingers, I lifted the lid.
“I’m going to take a quick shower. Give you some time alone. But I’ll be right back if you need me.” London stood still, awaiting my response.
“Okay.” I nodded, flashing her a small smile.
After she left the room I glanced inside the box. Dipping my fingers inside, they brushed over my baby book. The cover had a small round frame displaying a picture of me as an infant. I hoisted it out and set the box on the bed. Then I peeled back the first page. Mom had written out all my stats – eight pounds, five ounces, twenty-one inches long. The glossy photo showed me all scrunched up and purple. I turned the page and sucked in a breath. This was a picture I’d never seen before. It was of my mom holding me in her arms, and it must have been taken moments after my birth. I still had that weird purple, scrunched-up look. But Mom was gazing at me as if I was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. Her skin was tight and smooth, her eyes bright. For just giving birth, she looked stunning. My heart leapt into my throat, and I swallowed down the sob that threatened to pour out. Blinking, I turned to the next page. Only this wasn’t any better. Now I’d come across a picture of my dad holding me. If I had any hope of holding back my emotions, it was a losing battle now. Moisture filled my eyes as I took in the way my dad looked at me so tenderly – with so much love. Taking a deep breath, I closed the book and discarded it next to my thigh. I needed a break from pictures.
Reaching back into the box, I was shocked to find a video camera inside. It was an older one, before digital cameras had come into the market. I yanked it out and studied it. A screen was folded against the side that you could flip open. When I did, I pressed the play button. The screen roared to life, a toddler version of me filling the screen. I was wearing an A’s shirt and green shorts, an A’s hat on my head. In my hand I held a wiffle ball.
“Come on, son. Throw it to daddy,” My dad’s voice came from somewhere off the screen. But the sound of it caused my chest to tighten.
With a smile, I lobbed the ball in his direction. The camera swung to follow it, making me feel dizzy. Dad came into view, and I involuntarily reached out and touched his face with my fingertip. I traced his face that bore so much resemblance to mine.
“Great throw, son.” Dad caught the ball and threw it back.
I watched as we tossed the ball for a few minutes. Then the camera spun around and Mom’s face filled the frame.
“Hey! It’s me. The one behind the camera.” She waved. “Cooper, one day you’ll watch this video and I just want you to know how much your daddy and I love you. You’re the greatest little boy in the world. And I just know you’re going to do amazing things with your life.” A broad smile swept her face, but it was hard to make out through the tears filling my eyes. Pressing her hand to her lips she kissed her palm and flung her hand forward, blowing it into the camera.
A memory surfaced of Mom blowing me kisses the first day I went to kindergarten. Now that I thought about it, she used to blow me kisses a lot. I had forgotten that until right now. The screen went dark, and I released the breath I’d been holding. After setting down the camera, I reached back into the box. Snatching up a picture of my parents, I traced their faces with my fingertips. A gentle sob drifted from the back of my throat, fresh tears surfacing.
“I miss you,” I whispered. “You were the best parents in the whole world, and losing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever went through. It left a hole in my heart I’ve never fully been able to close. Maybe I never will. But I don’t want to be scared anymore. I want to remember you with happiness and gratitude.” I paused, sucking in a breath. “Good-bye, Mom and Dad. I love you.” Blowing out a breath, I dropped the picture back into the box. When I was a kid, I never went to my parents’ grave site. My grandparents went, but I never accompanied them. I used to say it was because they weren’t really there. But the real reason I never did was because I didn’t want to say goodbye. It was almost like I believed that if I avoided saying my goodbyes then they wouldn’t really be gone. Even at the memorial service, I refused to receive the closure it was supposed to provide. This was the first time I’d truly said the words.
The bathroom door popped open and London stepped out. Her hair was wet, the scent of apple shampoo wafting through the air. She paused in the doorway, studying me.
I opened my arms. “C’mere.”
With large strides she glided across the room and stood in front of me. I snatched up both her hands and held them in mine.
“Thank you,” I said. “This was exactly what I needed.”
She raised her brows, her gaze falling to the video camera. “There was a video?”
“Yeah. Of my dad and I playing baseball.”
“They would be so proud of you, Coop.”
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I’ve been a mess since I got here, and all I’ve done is screw everything up.”
“That’s not true.” London knelt down to face me. “You’ve made some mistakes, but that’s part of life. You have plenty of opportunity to fix it.”
“I’ve been so scared, London,” I said, sharing what I’d been too ashamed to say to anyone else. “I’ve been scared of not being good enough to make my dad proud. I’ve been scared of losing everything…including you. And it’s made me lose my goddamn mind.”
“You’re not losing me, Coop. You never were.” She smiled. “And trust me, you’ve already made your dad proud by just being you. You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met. You’re strong and loyal and loving and kind. Yeah, you’re good at baseball, but that doesn’t define you. Your character defines you. And you have one hell of a character.” She winked.
“London, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I think it goes both ways,” she said. “Coop, we both have a lot of baggage. I mean, I lost my shit last night when Ace approached me because I had a flashback of my mom’s dead body. Talk about crazy. It’s like I can never get over that fear.”
“It’s understandable. No child should go through what you did.”
“We’ve both been through a lot.”
“It’s a good thing we have each other,” I pointed out. “Together we’re stronger, baby.”
She nodded. “Yeah, we are.”
“I love you so much.” Dropping her hands, I cupped her face with my palms and drew her face forward. Then I covered her mouth with mine, sealing my words with a kiss.
I knew what I had to do, but I’d been avoiding it all weekend. London and I hardly left her hotel room. I didn’t want to leave her side, not for one minute. The two days went by too fast as it was, but when she left I felt lighter than I had before. Soon she’d be with me for good. I only had to get through the rest of the school year. Then we’d have all summer together, and when I returned here in the fall I’d be bringing her with me. It seemed too good to be true.
But now that she was gone, it was time to face what I’d done.
It was time to talk to Ace.
When I arrived at his dorm, I wondered if this was a huge mistake. I’d found out his room number from Parker. He offered to come with me, but I told him this was something I had to do on my own. London reminded me of something over the weekend. She reminded me that I was strong and capable, nothing like the wuss I’d been behaving like since I’d arrived here. The Cooper in high school would never let some douchebag push him around all year. And I was done with that starting today.
When Ace answered, I almost lost my nerve, but forced myself to stand tall. No way was I going to cower any longer.
“What do you want?” Ace bellowed, but I noticed it lacked its usual luster. The bruise on his jaw was pretty dark, all purple with pink spots. I got him good.
“I wanted to talk to you about Friday night.”
“Oh, yeah?” He crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want? A rematch?’
I shook my head. “I want to make a truce.”
“A truce, huh? And why should I do that for you?”
“Because I know you don’t want Coach to find out about our fight any more than I do.”
I saw the flicker in his eyes and knew he’d agree. Parker finally told me Ace’s big secret. Apparently he’d gotten into a fight with one of the new pitchers last year. Ace beat him up pretty bad, and the guy ended up transferring out. Coach had threatened to kick Ace off the team, but ultimately let him stay. No one really knew why, although there was a lot of speculation. At the end of the day, most of the team just figured it was because Ace was a better player than the other guy and Coach needed him. I’d seen Ace play. He wasn’t bad, so I could see why everyone thought that. However, Coach put him on a pretty short leash. If he found out Ace had fought again, Parker was sure he’d get kicked off the team this time.
“Fine. I’ll keep my mouth shut if you do,” Ace said, and I marveled at the fact that this was the first civil conversation we’d had.
“Deal.” I stuck out my hand.
Ace shook his head, but didn’t shake my hand. “We don’t need to shake on it. I gave my word. That’s all you need, Mini.”
I cringed. “And can we lose the nickname?”
“Not a chance. I’ll agree to keep the fight on the DL, but that’s it. I’m not doing you any more favors.” He smirked. “See ya round, Mini-Coop.” And with that he slammed the door in my face.
Well, that went better than I thought it would.
CHAPTER 27
London
Cooper looked so hot standing on the mound in his Fallbrook Falcons uniform. It was the first game I’d attended, and the excitement that filled the air was contagious. Cooper’s grandparents sat on one side of me, my dad on the other. All of us sat forward watching with rapt attention. Ever since his first game of the season Cooper had progressively gotten better. Even though I hadn’t made a game, I watched the scores online religiously. Besides, Cooper and I spoke after every game and he recapped everything for me.
It was clear that the weekend I surprised him had changed things. Cooper had been different. More open, more confident, more like himself. I felt like things had come full circle for us.
The batter swaggered to home plate, and Cooper got in position. I loved the expression Cooper got right before a pitch. The intensity in his eyes made me feel like I was burning from the inside out. It was similar to the way he looked at me right before a kiss. Only this was more dangerous, more fierce. Honestly, it was freaking hot.
When he released the pitch it shot to the batter. He swung, missing it. The crowd around me erupted in cheers. But no one cheered louder than me. Two more pitches and that batter was out. I pumped my fist and hollered along with everyone else.
Cooper’s gaze flickered to me momentarily, and I saw the hint of a smile on his face. It was weird to be so connected to someone that you detected even the slightest shift in their expression. I never thought I’d have this with someone, and often it felt surreal.
It was the ninth inning and Cooper only had to strike out one more batter. I held my breath as the batter approached the plate. Even though Cooper was on fire today and I had no doubt he’d strike this guy out, adrenaline surged through me.
I heard the guys in the dugout shouting out encouraging words to Cooper, but I noticed his eyes were on the catcher. He and Parker shared a connection he didn’t have with any of the other guys on the team. I was grateful that he had found a friend like that. Being away from Nate and the guys he’d played ball with for years was difficult for him, so I knew it was crucial for him to make a solid friend here.
It reminded me of how hard it was going to be when I had to leave Skyler and come here. Skyler was staying in Folsom and attending junior college. School was never her thing, and besides that, her parents couldn’t afford to send her away. But I wasn’t sure how well I’d fare without her. Making friends wasn’t really my thing. And even though Cooper would be here, I couldn’t hang out with only him all the time. He would have baseball and guy time. I would need to make some girlfriends, and just the idea of that caused panic to choke me.
The batter hit the first pitch Cooper threw him, but the first baseman caught it. I leapt up and clapped my hands. Cooper’s face broke out into a smile. They won the game.
I watched as Cooper and Parker commiserated before heading off to talk with the team. While waiting for Cooper, the four of
us gushed about Cooper and how he’d played. By the time he came out to us, the bleachers had pretty much cleared out. Cooper’s grandpa got to him first, and I gave them a few minutes to chat. Then he gave his grandma a hug and greeted my dad. I waited patiently for him to get to me.
When he did, he swept me into his arms, picking me up off the ground. I squealed as my feet hovered over the grass. His lips clamped over mine firmly, but it was a quick kiss since our families were watching. Still, it made my cheeks warm.
“You were incredible,” I said, when he lowered me back down.
“That was because I had my good luck charm right here.”
Biting my lip, I smiled.
“You and me, we make a great team, baby.” He stole a kiss on my cheek. “It’s like I always said – together we win.”
EPILOGUE
London
The stadium was packed, all the seats crammed with people. Laughter and chatter filled the space, excitement radiating. The scent of hot dogs and beer wafted through the air. It was a warm day, the sun’s rays hot as they beat down on us, spraying the stands with bright yellow light. The grass on the field was so green it appeared fake, the sand golden, the bases gleaming white. Taking it all in, we headed down the stairs, searching for our seats. We zipped past a man carrying a bag of peanuts and a kid with one of those foam fingers. I bit back a laugh remembering when Cooper and I were in high school and I joked with him about wearing a foam finger. I may not have had one of those, but I was wearing my A’s cap today. My long hair was pulled back in a ponytail under my cap, and it swung down my back as I walked.
Our seats were right behind home plate. Stepping over the feet of those at the end of the row, I carefully made my way to my seat. Then I plopped into it, adjusting Nolan in my lap. He blinked, his eyes wide as he stared out at the field. His chubby cheeks were smooth and pale, and I couldn’t help it. I had to kiss them. His skin was soft against my lips. He had my same blue eyes, but everything else about him resembled his dad. I was sure as he got older he’d become a miniature version of Cooper.
