by Lee Shepherd
Edna, sensing the look of shock and fear in his face, swiftly tried to put the boy at ease, and tried to play it down by saying she had tripped on the tiled kitchen floor after mopping before bed. Jonathon knew she was lying but chose to accept her version of events so as not to rock the boat. As he left that morning for school, he once again felt isolated and alone; he had an overwhelming feeling that this was to become yet another failed placement. He still believed that it must’ve been his fault that Jim had struck his wife, and therefore decided he must try harder to please him so that it didn’t happen again.
The couple of days that followed were very tentative for Jonathon, as he did his utmost to please Jim, trying to regain the relationship they had prior to the incident in the kitchen that night, as he really had felt a sense of belonging before that had happened and just wanted everything back the way it was. He convinced himself that it must have been a one off, while Jim just continued as though nothing had ever happened. One thing Jonathon knew in his mind though, was that he was sure he did not want to anger him; he was scared Jim might just take it out on him the next time he came home drunk and angry. Jonathon just did as much as he could to help out from that day forward, and he would sometimes spend hours after school tending to the cattle with his new best friend, Amber, by his side. He tried desperately to prove to Jim that it was worth keeping him around, but also, he didn’t to be in the firing line if something was to happen.
That day didn’t come until seven weeks after that initial incident. Jonathon, by this time, had settled back into a routine, and had tried to forget about Edna’s bruised and swollen features. If truth be known, he even started to question the realness of the incident in his own mind — it was as if he had dreamt it. He didn’t want to have a distorted picture of Jim, the man he respected and looked up to for a giving him a home in this picturesque surrounding, the man who had taken him in and befriended him. Before that night, Jonathon had even thought of him as a father figure. Yet after that one evening, seven weeks later, the young boy’s opinion of Jim was to alter forever.
Whilst lying in his bed, not quite awake, but not yet sound asleep, Jonathon was startled by raised voices again coming from downstairs, but this time there were more than just Jim and Edna’s voices. He thought he could also make out the distinct West Cumbrian twang of his Social worker, Brian. This immediately got his young, curious mind thinking. Were they talking about him? Had the Beatties finally had enough of him and called in Brian to come and collect him during the night? With these thoughts of uncertainty racing through his head, he decided he would creep downstairs and listen to what was being said.
As he got to the bottom of the stairs, he was certain at this point that it was definitely Brian’s voice that he could hear, but still wasn’t sure at this stage of the reason for his visit. As Jonathon crept around in the hall, he was quite surprised to hear Jim and Brian casually chatting away and laughing together. Still puzzled by what was happening, he entered the kitchen under the pretence of needing a drink.
As Jonathon made his way towards the sink, he could clearly see Jim and Brian sat around the dining room table. The two men were smoking cigars, and in front of them were two glasses of whiskey; the rest of the half-empty bottle lay close by. Edna was busy attending to the laundry and preparing to iron Jonathon’s school clothes for the following day.
‘Hey, look who it is!’ Jim said, slurring his words slightly. ‘Come say hello to “Uncle Brian”, son. He’s come to see how you are getting on. I’ve told him you’re doing just grand, isn’t that right, Jonathon?’
All Jonathon could offer in reply was, ‘Yes, everything’s going really well, I like it here, Brian.’ He poured himself a glass of water at the kitchen sink.
‘Well then, son, come and sit with us for a while and tell Brian all about what you have been doing here.’
Jonathon’s panic at the thought of being moved had now subsided as he approached the table where the two men were sat. Mr Beattie playfully ran his sweaty hand through Jonathon’s hair, then picked him up and placed him on his knee. Jonathon didn’t know what to say or do as Jim had never done this before, so he just went along with it to show a united front to Brian to reaffirm just how comfortable he was living on the Beatties’ farm.
Edna, sensing an overwhelming familiarity in her drunken husband’s behaviour, tried to coax Jonathon away from the men and back to his bedroom.
Jim just dismissed her. ‘Have you not got things you need to be doing, woman?’
Edna knew by the tone of his voice not to argue, and reluctantly exited the room, a sense of foreboding of what was to come next embedded at the forefront of her mind.
‘I’ve just been telling Brian what a good little helper you have been around here, Jonathon, and how we would be lost without you now. You have been practically running the farm single-handed lately.’
Jonathon, feeling a sense of pride and acknowledgement for his efforts over the past few weeks, started to relax and relay to Brian all the things he had been occupying his time with, his mouth spewing out words before his mind could process them. Everything was going well until Jonathon accidentally told Brian about the incident with Jim and his wife seven weeks earlier.
Jonathon knew just how much of a mistake he had made as soon as the words had left his mouth, but it was too late, the damage had already been done: he had broken Jim’s trust. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. As Jonathon dropped his head and looked at the floor, he failed to notice as Brian winked at Jim.
‘Is this true Jim?’ said Brian in mock-concern. He knew exactly how Jim was towards his wife, but he was of the same ilk as Jim and believed that women should be seen and not heard, and would also sometimes ‘discipline’ his own wife if she dared to ‘step out of line.’
‘Of course it’s not true, Brian,’ Jim responded. ‘That boy has got one vivid imagination, I tell you.’ He pushed Jonathon off his lap and ordered him to go to bed. ‘I will deal with you later!’
‘See Jonathon, if Mr Beattie here says it didn’t happen, then I believe him that it did not happen. And another thing, young man, you shouldn’t go around making accusations that aren’t true, especially against honest, hard-working people that were kind enough to give you a home. Now do as Jim says and get to your room!’
As Jonathon made his way out of the kitchen and through the hall, he could clearly make out Brian’s words to Jim.
‘Make sure you keep that boy disciplined, Jim, he can be a cheeky little shit at times. Don’t give him an inch as he will try and take the piss if you let him!’
‘Oh don’t you worry, mate, he will get what’s coming to him later, you mark my words!’ Jim replied.
‘Good, good, Jimmy boy, I’m just forewarning you as I’ve seen exactly what he can be like at previous placements, and I can assure you that that boy needs a firm hand.’
‘And it’s a firm hand he will get, believe me!’
Jonathon, after overhearing this, quickly ran to his room, jumped back into bed and covered himself with his duvet, hoping on the off-chance that Jim wasn’t actually serious about what he had just said. He thought that if he tried to get to sleep Jim might just leave him alone. This wasn’t to be the case however. As Jonathon lay there for what seemed like a decade, too afraid to go to sleep, he heard Jim see Brian out of the door and exchange goodbyes. Sheer panic set in to Jonathon’s now trembling body as he heard the loud thuds of Jim’s size ten boots coming ever closer up the stairs towards his bedroom. His panic soon became a reality as he watched as the handle turned. The door was flung open and he could see Jim’s large frame silhouetted in the doorway.
‘RIGHT YOU BIG MOUTHED LITTLE BASTARD, I’LL TEACH YOU TO KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!’
Jonathon watched as Jim removed his solid, brass buckled belt before dragging him from his bed by his hair, then forcefully pulling down Jonathon’s pyjama bottoms and then proceeding to deliver lash after lash of the thick leather belt hard over his backside
and tops of legs. The young boy screamed out for help in pain and distress, but as the farm covered many acres there was nobody to hear his screams. Nobody, of course, except Edna, who by this time was on tenterhooks on their sofa, cringing with every blow she heard. She hated herself for being too weak to intervene; instead she prayed for Jim to leave the boy alone.
Eventually Jonathon’s young body could take no more, and he went limp in Jim’s hands as he passed out through shock and pain and fell to the floor, laying there in a bloody heap.
Jim finally gave up and casually rethreaded his belt, straightened his hair, then made his way out of the bedroom and into the bathroom to get cleaned up before taking himself off to bed. Edna waited and waited until she was certain her husband was sleeping; she knew she was safe when she heard Jim snoring. She was shocked and horrified as she entered Jonathon’s room to find him still passed out on the carpet, his body a cold mess, with blood seeping from his fresh, open wounds.
She rushed to get her first aid kit and a warm, wet flannel from downstairs, then gently dabbed the sores and bandaged him up where he lay as he slowly regained his senses. She helped place the terrified boy back into his bed and tucked him in before giving him a kiss on his forehead and instructing him to try and get some rest. As Edna quietly crept out of the room, closing the door behind her, Jonathon just lay there, dumbfounded at what had just happened. He was still reeling from the excruciating pain radiating from his backside, sobbing and too afraid to move in the dark room. He prayed for someone to come and take him from this nightmare, and started to reminisce about his mum and dad. Oh, how he wished they was still alive and everything could go back to the way it once was!
***
This was to be the turning point in Jim and Jonathon’s relationship. From then on, Jim would treat Jonathon with pure contempt. Jonathon never did make it to school that next morning, as he could barely walk after the beating he had undertaken. Edna informed the school that he was unwell, and he had to stay home for the following week so nobody would be alerted to what had happened to him. This incident set a precedent for the following months, and Jim would regularly beat and take out his frustrations on Jonathon every time he was intoxicated and stressed. The beatings became more and more vicious each time. Jim was even going as far as burning the boy all over his body with cigarettes, then urinating on the wounds. Every single time, Edna would fix Jonathon up and try and make excuses for her husband. As a result, the Beatties’ marriage became very strained, and any rare intimacy they shared was one sided and forced by Jim.
As the following summer approached, Jonathon could not wait for the long break; due to his troubled home life, he had again become very reserved and withdrawn. Any friends he had made previously he had since lost, as he felt as though he couldn’t trust anyone — especially not his Social worker, who’d totally dismissed what he had told him that night. He also started to become a victim of bullying in school, as the other children classed him as a ‘weirdo’ and would often taunt him at break times. There seemed to be no respite for Jonathon, and the only thing he actually took comfort in was his one true friend, Amber, who he could often offload his problems onto. He couldn’t wait for a break from it all.
Unfortunately for him, that respite did not come, as when the school term finished, the beatings became more frequent, as Jim had turned his once a week drinking sessions into full weekend events, with more and more of Jim’s ‘friends’ attending the farm. With Jonathon being off school, Jim didn’t have to worry about the teachers or other parents witnessing the horrific injuries the boy was sustaining for a while. Brian would sometimes appear from time to time, but whenever he would catch Jonathon’s gaze, he would just offer him a half-arsed smirk, as if to say, ‘Know your place, boy!’
***
One August summer night, just six days before Jonathon’s ninth birthday, things went from bad to worse. A drunken Jim crept into Jonathon’s bedroom whilst his friends continued to drink downstairs; Edna had already taken herself off to bed, as she had had just about enough of Jim and his friends. What came next for the innocent eight year old little boy still haunted him in later life.
Jim quietly woke him from his sleep by pressing his wandering hand down on the boy’s leg. As Jonathon opened his eyes and looked up, he could clearly see Jim sat on the bed beside him. With one hand still on Jonathon’s leg, he raised his other hand towards his face and placed his finger over his mouth as if to say, ‘Be quiet’.
Once Jonathon was fully awake, he not only noticed that his bedroom door was shut, but he had to watch as Jim started to undo his trousers. Jonathon didn’t have a clue what was happening, and prayed he was going to wake up and realise it was all just a bad dream. Unfortunately for him it wasn’t. Totally numb, Jonathon listened as Jim whispered threateningly at him in the dark.
‘Do exactly as I tell you, boy. If you tell anybody about tonight, nobody would believe you and you’ll get into huge trouble for telling lies.’
Without further warning, Jim removed his penis from inside his underwear and forced Jonathon to perform fellatio on him.
‘If you try anything like biting me or screaming, I promise I’ll break your skinny, worthless neck and bury you in the garden.’ Jim’s words made Jonathon’s blood run cold.
As Jonathon did as he was told, he felt sick to the pit of his stomach and could not wait for this ordeal to be over. All he could smell was the pungent, stale sweat from Jim’s genitals, along with the combination of whiskey and cigar smoke that clung to him. His mouth tasted as though someone had urinated into it. Jonathon died a little bit inside that night, as he was hoping that one of the many voices he could hear coming from downstairs would come and rescue him, but it wasn’t to be — he realised he was alone, nobody was coming to his aid. He had to endure this abomination of trust until Jim had finally ‘relieved’ himself into his mouth.
Jonathon just lay there, once again frozen in his bed, scared to move in case Jim decided to give him another beating for good measure. He managed to contain his emotions as he waited for Jim to leave the room and go back downstairs and continue drinking with his friends, as he didn’t want to show Jim just exactly how petrified and upset he was. When he finally plucked up the courage to move, he ran to the bathroom to wash the vile taste from his mouth, then brushed his teeth for a good ten minutes and drank several glasses of water, but nothing could take away the feelings of shame and disgust that he was feeling.
Chapter 7
This cycle of sexual abuse and violence continued throughout the next couple of years of Jonathon’s life, but by now other men were starting to become involved too. Unbeknown to Jonathon, Jim and his so-called ‘friends’ from the lodge, were actually part of a secret paedophile ring that spanned throughout Cumbria. Many of them took in children in care, often referred to them by the Social worker, Brian Jenkins — the same man that just happened to be Jonathon’s Social worker. Quite a number of them had high-profile jobs in authority, which made a perfect cover for their more deviant indulgencies.
Jonathon was now twelve years old and had become quite desensitised to the abuse bestowed upon him. He would often lock himself away in his room for hours watching action movies on the VHS recorder he had received from the Beatties for Christmas. His favourite actors were Charles Bronson and Bruce Lee, as he loved how masculine and tough they were. He would sit and watch their movies over and over and dream of one day becoming like them. He knew they wouldn’t be the type of people to let others abuse them the way he had been abused, and he was in awe of their strength and courage.
It was also around this time that he picked up and started to read the Bible that had been in his bedside drawer ever since he arrived at the farm.
It was on one of these occasions, whilst scanning through Genesis 6:5-8 in the King James Version of the Bible, that he came across a passage he associated with.
And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of
the thoughts of his heart was evil continually. And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord said, ‘I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them’. But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.
It was after reading this that Jonathon started to find solace in the Bible. Although he didn’t quite understand it fully, he saw himself as Noah, and his abusers as the wicked men that God would wipe out. The thought pleased Jonathon. Thus, his interest in Christianity was born.
Jonathon actually started to look forward to and embrace his once hated Sunday morning visit to church with the Beatties, and he would take the Bible text as literal and set about studying it in its entirety for passages he could relate to and take meaning from that would offer him some form of comfort in what he was enduring.
However, there was just one thing he could not quite get his head around: if Jim was a Christian, how could he commit such devious and wicked crimes against fellow mankind?
He read a passage in Levictus 20:13 which both pleased, yet frightened him.
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
For obvious reasons, he liked the idea of his abusers being put to their deaths, but he couldn’t work out if this also applied to himself. He liked to think that due to him being an unwilling participant in the abuse, the Lord would give him mercy.
***
As Jonathon grew into adolescence over the following couple of years and his body matured, he started to stand up for himself a lot more, unwilling to suffer any more abuse either at home or in school. He started fighting back, and the Beatties would often get phone calls from the school to come and collect him after he had been involved in one fight or another. Even Jim, who had totally overpowered and dominated him over the past seven years, was starting to become wary of the ever growing young man before him.
