by Nicky Shanks
She knew I needed her.
She knew I needed her to help me heal. I didn’t want to be broken anymore.
“Don’t hurt me, Julie,” I said. She wrapped her arms around my neck and smiled. She had the answers for everything that was, and still is, wrong with my life. I knew she could fix me; I knew she could make me feel better.
“I will never hurt you.”
Chapter Eight
Oliver
Julie walks several feet in front of me, her pale legs glowing in the sunlight as we follow a small trail into the forest on our hike around the lake. I can’t stop thinking about her dream the night before—it startled me from sleep enough to rattle my bones. She screamed so loud and thrashed around so hard that she ended up punching me square in the jaw before I was able to calm her down and wake her up.
I know she can feel my eyes on her—wherever her body went, my tired gaze followed. “I don’t remember my dream,” she says without turning around. “I can hear your loud thinking from up here.”
I try not to blush, but her body turns suddenly and she catches me. “It was pretty scary; I was concerned. It’s not every day that a girl wakes up screaming next to me.”
She waves me off, giving me a pretty good show of her fake annoyance. I know that she likes when I fret over her—I can see it in her eyes whenever she lets me. “Don’t be worried; it must have just been a random nightmare. Nothing to write a book about.”
I don’t want to press her as she struggles on her wounded leg—her stitches look worse than before. She needs to rest, but she isn’t going to listen to me about anything. Instead, she enters a small clearing and waits for me. I can sense her smile from several feet away. Breathing in deeply, she softly says, “This will do.” I breathe in the thick forest air, the smell of pine and salty lake water filling my head, no one around for miles.
It’s just me and her.
Alone.
“Let me help you,” I say. She swats my hand away when she manages to finally lay out a blanket for us to sit on. She lowers her curvy body softly, careful not to hurt her leg, and she holds onto my hand so tight it tingles a little. I sit next to her and put my hand on her left knee, and the smile she paints on her baby pink lips makes me rage with fire.
“Smooth,” she says, offering me an apple, but I wave it away. I’m hungry for you, not a fucking apple. After a few moments of taking in the scenery around us, she clears her throat. “I think this is in my top ten favorite places now.”
There is wonder in her eyes. I’ve seen this forest dozens of times; the greenery doesn’t captivate me like it does Julie. Her small sigh whispers in the wind around us—I can’t imagine myself anywhere but here. If my grandfather could see me right now, here with Julie in this place, he’d pick me up by my collar and slap me silly for being so soft. Her eyes follow mine into the darkness I’ve created in my mind and she takes my hand, squeezing it to let me know she cares. “Do you want to talk about your ex?” she asks. I instantly shake my head.
“Not really, no.”
“Are you sure? Maybe talking about it will help you move past your anger—talking about my breakup with Nora really helped me.” The sweetness in her voice jams itself into my jaw and I rub the stubble on my cheek, trying to hide the pain. “I know it might be a little weird to talk about it with me—”
“A little weird? Look—” I snort and reach for her, brushing a few stray hairs behind her ear before she pulls away. “I’m the kind of person who looks forward…there’s no point in crying about the past when you don’t have an endless future to live. I don’t chase people and beg them to love me, either.” The fabric of her silky blouse touches my arm and I can feel the burn marks it leaves on my skin from the jolt of excitement.
Julie’s eyes shimmer beneath the tears looming in the corners of her bright eyes, ready to fall on her cheeks like a waterfall. “You don’t sound like you trust in love anymore.”
“Love isn’t real—it’s an illusion we create in our minds to tell ourselves that we’re happy with whatever life choices we’ve made. It shields us from truth and reality.” I shake my head and frown. “That’s my grandfather for you.”
She places her body closer to mine and rests her head on my shoulder. “I’m glad you came with me—it would’ve been lonely without you.”
I kiss her head and snake my arm around her waist. The truth is that I like sitting here with her, just the two of us, where no one can ruin our good mood. “Likewise, baby.” I pause for a moment and cringe at my choice of nickname. It just spilled from my mouth; I tend to word vomit a lot around her. She doesn’t notice and leans back, soaking in the sunlight around us. “You really don’t remember your dream?”
Julie sighs, annoyed that I’ve brought it back up again. “Brandon wasn’t very nice to me in our relationship. I guess I have remnants of that in my mind still.”
Okay, settle down, Oliver.
“Like, what? Would he hit you?”
She bites her lip. “Let’s just change the subject.”
I want to scream. I want to find that jackass and punch his damn lights out. She’s perfect—maybe I didn’t see just how much at first, but no woman deserves to be abused, physically or mentally. The rage builds inside of me and I have to use everything I have to not lose my temper.
“What would he say to you?” I demand. My jaw tightens and starts to throb; no matter what she says, I am going to kick this guy’s ass.
“Let it go, Oliver,” she warns me. “This isn’t your business.”
I scoff. “You and I are trying to start something here, or so I thought, and it’s not my business? What did he say to you?” I regret asking as I listen to her tell me all of the things he would say and do to her.
“You have to know it didn’t start off all bad, okay? We met in high school, we fell in love. I followed him on a path that didn’t lead to college.” Her voice is barely above a whisper. “It wasn’t always bad.”
“Julie…” My jaw hurts from the tension. “Tell me what he did to you.”
She sighs. “At first, it was fine. The first six months or so, it was actually perfect. But once he got an internship at a law firm, things started to change. He would snap at me, lash out at things I would do wrong…or say wrong. He broke me down a lot, called me names, and took advantage of me even if I didn’t want him to. He only put his hands on me a few times.” She sucks in a hard breath when she sees my face. “And I know it was a few times too many. I loved him; you have to understand it’s different when you love someone.”
“No, it isn’t. He hits you—shit, even if he mentally abuses you—you leave.”
I honestly don’t know what I’m talking about. I’ve never hit a woman, no matter how angry I was. I haven’t been in her situation, but I’m so pissed I can’t see straight. “So, what you’re telling me is that this guy not only smacked you around and made you feel less than human, but he raped you?”
Her small body shakes. “He didn’t rape me.”
“It’s rape if you didn’t want it,” I murmur. I try to force down the anger; I don’t want her to feel like I’m attacking her. She’s dealt with that enough. “Did you say no?”
She shakes her head; I can tell she isn’t comfortable talking about it anymore. “I never said no. I was afraid to.”
“Oh, Julie.” I want to rip my hair out. I want to kill this guy and I’ve never met him.
He had better hope I never do.
The look in Julie’s eyes is heart-wrenching, and I know it’s up to me to take her mind off the damage he’s done to her. As we sit in the clearing, with the breeze caressing our skin and her wounded leg intertwined with mine, I think about how much I wanted this with Heather. I can feel my body tensing—I’m getting ready to stand up and push Julie away from me—but I manage to hold on with every fiber of my being just a few more minutes before she breaks us apart first. I’m not sure if she can feel my mood shift or not—I don’t really care.
She tugs at my arm. “Hey, let’s not let that ruin today, okay?”
I nod. Of course, I do what she asks. I’ll always do what she asks.
“So…” The silk in her voice ties around my throat. “What would you be doing right now if you actually had to work?”
“Probably working for my grandfather, shaking people down for money,” I joke. “Actually, at one point, Casey and I wanted to open a bar downtown in Rockford.”
Her eyes light up with bright blue waves of happiness. “You should do it! Nora and I could be waitresses, and you can kick all the drunks out who grope us.”
When our laughter meets, it warms my entire body. The only feeling that has ever come close to this was the relief of knowing my crazy mother had left town when I was a kid. I pull her close to me and breathe in her strawberry scent. “I wouldn’t want you as a waitress—too many creeps out there,” I mumble.
She allows herself to lean into me. “You can say that again.” Her wink is so playful that it makes me growl and nibble on her earlobe. This is crazy. I literally can’t believe I’m sitting in the middle of the forest with someone like her. When she stands, I stand. When she walks, I walk. Our movements are like a symphony.
She totally gets me.
“Let’s skinny dip,” I say, my voice low just in case anyone might be near without us seeing them. “In the rock pool at the south end of the property.”
She whips her body around and looks from left to right, her honey hair falling around her shoulders. “You mean…we’re still on your property?”
I smile. “Of course we are. We—I own several acres.”
As Julie processes that, she allows me to inch closer to her and push her hair behind her ear: the few strands that keep falling from her braid. “Come with me,” I whisper and kiss her bottom lip. She blushes. “No one is out here but us.” I look around once more just in case. “And even if they were, they’d be trespassing.” I can tell I’m making her nervous because she leans so hard into me I have to hold her up. I kiss her to steady her.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Her voice is very small.
Nudging her with my nose, I go in again. “Please? It’ll be fun, I promise.”
“I said no, okay?” Julie snaps and her blue eyes catch fire. “Can we just head back to the cabin now?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer before turning the way she thinks the cabin is and storming off. I let her walk a few paces ahead of me for ten minutes before she realizes that we’re heading in the wrong direction. “Are we lost?” She huffs and places her hands on her hips. “It’s starting to get dark.”
Holding my hands up in defeat, I close in on her. “What’s your problem? I’m sorry I say the wrong things sometimes—”
“Nothing.” She pouts and looks around for the right way to go. I nod slowly for a few moments and give her the chance to let off some steam, but she can hardly look at me. Am I pressuring her? “Hey,” I say and gently grab her arm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be aggressive back there.”
Eyelashes.
Her long, flowing eyelashes touch her cheeks as she frowns.
Another dagger in my chest.
“You weren’t,” she says and frowns harder. “I did learn how to say no, you know.”
I nod in agreement. “I’m proud of you.” We’re both smiling now. She slides her small hand into mine and I guide her back onto the right path toward the cabin. We’re still a good ten-minute walk away and she’s getting cold, so I throw my jacket over her and bathe in the feeling that regardless of what I thought Heather was going to be, it doesn’t matter now.
I want Julie.
The firelight in the large backyard welcomes us and the others are sitting around, making out and laughing when we join them. I place Julie in front of me and let her relax her body into mine as Nora watches us with eagle eyes.
Good job, Nora and Casey.
You brought me Julie.
She’s healing the parts of my heart that Heather destroyed.
“And where have you two been?” Nora clicks her tongue.
Julie and I are hardly listening to her as I smile down at her; the pockets in the corners of her mouth are making me come unhinged. I bend down and kiss the corner of her lips. “I don’t kiss and tell, Nora,” I say.
Casey hands me a beer and offers one to Julie, who declines but doesn’t move an inch from my side. “Well, it seems like you two are getting along,” he whispers.
She nestles her warm body into my thighs and there isn’t any time for me to adjust. I know she feels my hard-on against her back. But she doesn’t move her body away—instead, she places her hand on my knee and squeezes, letting me know it’s time for us to move our own little party inside. Swiftly, I stand up with her in my arms, then throw her over my shoulder and fist pump—yes, fist pump—into the air before playfully carrying her back into the cabin. Once the bedroom door is closed behind us, she searches my face for anything that might give away something she hadn’t noticed in me before.
“Oliver?” Julie says. “Can I tell you something?”
I don’t hesitate. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”
She does hesitate. “I haven’t been with anyone since Brandon.”
Good.
“Oh?” I fake a surprised voice. “Well, that’s good for me, right?”
Julie scoffs, embarrassed. “I guess.”
“What I mean is…” I press her body flush against mine. “I don’t want anyone touching you that isn’t me.” I lick my lips before I press them to hers. Her skin vibrates from my rough hands moving over every inch of her body. I turn her to face away from me, parting her legs with mine. I try my best to be gentle, even though I want to rip her clothes off. “You smell like strawberries and sunflowers…it’s very…intoxicating.” I kiss her shoulder and nip at her collarbone. “You know once I start I won’t be able to stop, don’t you?”
“I know,” she whispers, her eyes tightly shut. “I don’t want you to stop.”
I lay her onto the bed and take off her shorts, tracing the pad of my thumb along her panty line to feel her squirm beneath me. Her nails rake my shoulders with excitement as I tease her and each time she lets out a billowing breath, she whispers my name into the air. I grip the sides of her panties and rip them off her; there isn’t anything in my way now.
“Wait,” she says, catching her breath. “Do you have anything?”
Shit.
“I-I don’t know.” My head spins. “Let me check my wallet.” I leap off the bed and find my jeans. The wallet is the last thing I graze my fingers over. I say a little prayer in my head before I open it and find the silver wrapper of a condom peeking out of the smallest flap. I don’t know how long it’s been in there, but I don’t care about that now. I tear off my clothes and rip it open; I slide it on and rush back to her.
She giggles as I kiss her neck. By the time my tongue has reached her stomach, the giggles have turned into moans and I am ready to go. I kiss the insides of her thighs and she aches for me. I have to do this now before I lose all control. Losing myself between her shaking legs, our bodies lock together and our thrusts rock the bed several inches from the wall. The marks from her nails scratching the headboard motivate me to push harder. I’m pulled to her like a magnet as her breathing matches mine and I bury my face in her hair before we both explode and our bodies go limp against each other. She catches her breath and looks up at me with innocent eyes, so I lower my head and kiss her, transferring whatever energy I have left into her.
Julie bites her bottom lip and blinks a few times, bringing herself back to reality. She looks even more incredible than she did with her clothes on. Her hair is wild and yet I still find my fingers tugging at the ends as she looks into my eyes. I can see how quaint she really is.
Small. Fragile. Satisfied.
Maybe even tearing up a bit.
“Shit, are you okay?” I check her expression, then her body, for any unwanted marks.
She smiles up at me and quickly kisses my lips. “I’m fine. It was perfect.”
Perfect.
There she goes, throwing those words around again. It makes me smile big and goofy. “O-okay, well…” I have to clear my throat of the lump that’s risen in it. “Do you want to shower with me?”
Her eyes laugh at me. “You shower a lot for a guy.”
“Hey, I like to be clean. Are you sure you don’t want to join?”
She shakes her head and I don’t push it—not after what she and I just did. “If you change your mind, you know where I’ll be.” I kiss her forehead and nuzzle my nose into her hair, which is matted with sweat but still smells like strawberry shampoo from her last shower. Before I can devour her again, I make myself get up and slip the condom off before she notices. I look back at her and smile. I don’t bother to put on clothes as I walk across the room naked. I can feel her watching me disappear into the bathroom.
When the door closes, I let out a deep breath. “Holy shit. That was…that was intense.”
As I wait for the water in the shower to get warm enough, I think about what just happened. The water is a little hotter than I wanted, but I don’t really care. I’m not focused on that. Julie’s blue eyes burned into mine at the end and our worlds exploded and collided at the exact same time.
My Julie.
I shake my head in the shower, letting the water hit the walls. I need to get a damn grip; this chick is doing a number on my head. I think about her soft, thick thighs and get hard again. There’s a small knock on the bathroom door—I can barely hear it over the running water. After a few moments, the knock on the bathroom door comes back, a little louder and more frantic this time.
“Yeah?” I call out.
A muffled female voice says something behind the door.
I smile. “Come in here, I can’t hear you.”
