by Nicky Shanks
Julie
What is wrong with me?
I literally have to ninja my way out of the bed four times during the night. All because I need to run to the bathroom; I had to pee so bad. Oliver is still snoozing next to me. He’s unaware of my frequent trips to the bathroom; I’m so quick that I’m back in my warm spot just minutes after leaving it. My space never grows cold enough for him to notice I was gone. I decide to try it one more time before daylight really hits us and he’s easier to wake. I manage to maneuver my way out again and once I’m done, I feel so hungry I think I might throw up.
We have no edible food in this entire apartment. I am sick to my stomach. I think I’m going to lose whatever I have left in it on the floor.
Oliver looks peaceful and happy in the sunlight. I sigh, not really wanting to disturb him, but I really have no choice. “Hey sleepyhead, do you want to get up and run to the store with me?” I whisper into his ear, careful not to fully wake him. “Or I can go by myself if you let me drive the Jeep.”
He mutters something. I swear I hear, “Take the Jeep.” I don’t ask again; I find the keys and dress quickly, careful not to wake him any further. I just need a break from everything. I need something I can do on my own without someone holding my hand. Or asking if I’m okay every three seconds.
I realize I left everything at the cabin. We left in such a rush that my bag and wallet are still there. “Great,” I say out loud and hear feet shuffle behind me. I scream when I turn around; Oliver’s tall body is behind me, hovering. “Going somewhere?” His arms are crossed over his chest and there’s a broad smile on his lips. “I thought we were going to look at the house today…where are you running off to?”
“I asked you if I could borrow your Jeep to go to the grocery store. You said yes, so I’m going.” I shake the keys at him. “I just need some money because mine is all up at the cabin still.”
“Paul and Madrie are bringing our stuff back tonight. We can go then and then I will pay for them, not you.” He stands his ground but I’m not having it.
“Oliver, I want to go alone, okay? I just need some alone time.” I say it before my brain can catch up. I realize how that must sound to him. To my surprise, he walks back into the bedroom and comes out with his wallet. He hands it to me and smiles. “I want you back here in no less than an hour. We gotta get to the house…I have to sign the papers before noon.”
Finally, an ounce of trust from someone.
“Take care of my baby.” He winks at me.
I groan. “I won’t hurt the Jeep.”
His lean body towers over mine. He leans down to kiss my forehead and pulls me into a tight hug. His lips are brushing the top of my ear and he whispers, “I wasn’t talking about the Jeep.”
I blush so hard I think my skin is on fire. I kiss his cheek and zoom out of the apartment so fast I probably knocked some pictures off the wall. Mrs. Atchley is coming out of her apartment but I politely wave and enter the stairwell. I don’t want to wait to be stuck on the elevator with her.
I just need to remember to breathe sometimes.
The parking garage is stale, like something died in the corner overnight. The air is still and odd. I put the key into the driver’s side door of the Jeep, and someone shuffles their feet directly behind me. I roll my eyes, annoyed that Oliver followed me down here.
“Jules.”
Brandon.
I panic and drop the keys at my feet, too scared to turn around.
“Jules, please don’t be scared. I won’t hurt you.”
I want to call out for Oliver, but I’m an idiot and told him to stay upstairs. I wonder if I’ll ever see him again.
“I need to talk to you, okay? Can you turn around?”
No.
NO!
I feel him grab my arm and my body goes frigid. He spins me around to face him; he looks pale and tired. “I’m leaving town. I just wanted to see you one last time before I go. Don’t worry, okay?”
“G-Go away,” I stutter and tears form in my eyes. I feel for my phone in my pocket, and I think about dialing Oliver before it’s too late.
Even if it’s to say goodbye.
I want to tell him that I love him.
“Jules, please, look.” Brandon takes a few steps back, his hands up in surrender. He’s shaking so hard I think he might take off like a rocket. “I’m not here to hurt you. I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry and to say goodbye. I’m skipping town; I’m sure you’ve heard about Nora.”
I nod but say nothing.
“Okay, well…I think you need to know the truth. I didn’t just go looking for trouble, you gotta know that. I don’t know what happened…she said some things I didn’t like and the next thing I know she’s tripping down the stairs.”
“That’s because you pushed her,” I squeak.
The parking garage door opens and Oliver steps through the door. He looks like someone has just hit him with a freight train. He gazes at me, scared and backed up against the Jeep, then at Brandon, who doesn’t see him until it’s too late. Oliver tackles him to the ground. They both wrestle around on the concrete until Oliver pins Brandon and holds him there.
“Call the cops, Julie!” he yells at me, but I can’t move.
“Wait, just wait!” Brandon screams as Oliver starts to punch him. I hear the thuds of Oliver’s rough knuckles hitting Brandon’s face. I can see the blood from his jaw start to splatter the concrete.
“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here,” Oliver growls at him.
Brandon looks up at me with sorrow in his eyes. “I don’t have one. I’m sorry for fucking up your life, Jules. Dude, please, you can hold onto me, but let me just talk to her, okay?”
“You don’t ever get to speak to her again.”
“Oliver, let him up,” I say, surprised. Oliver looks surprised too, but he does what I ask. He holds onto the back of Brandon’s jacket as he brushes himself off. “What is your problem? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” I say to him, but he doesn’t try to move toward me. His body language isn’t vicious like last time; he hangs his head in sadness.
“I know I was a horrible person, both when we were together and afterwards.” Oliver looks like steam is going to come out of his ears. We lock eyes and he eases up a little. “I don’t have an excuse for that, okay? I just know that I needed to apologize and see you before I leave town and tell you both that I’m sorry for what I’ve done.”
Oliver scoffs. “Nora is the one you should be apologizing to right now, don’t you think?”
Brandon shakes his head. “I didn’t push Nora—she tripped. It was an accident. I just went over there to ask her to help me. I swear, Jules.” He starts to move toward me but Oliver stops him. “You have to believe me. I’ve never hurt anyone like that before, not something like that. I couldn’t. Not that it matters, but the cops are looking for me. Can you just give me a half an hour head start, dude?”
Oliver laughs and lets go of Brandon. He throws him against a pillar to his left. “Two minutes, dickhead. Go.”
Brandon takes one last look at me. His steel-colored eyes are cold and lonely. I don’t know him anymore, not that I have for a long time. Something inside of him has changed. We forced each other to grow apart. And now, as he locks eyes with mine, I feel bad for him. We hear sirens somewhere and he disappears onto the street.
“What the hell was that? Were you going to call me?” Oliver’s voice booms in the garage.
“Call you—wait, what? He had me cornered, how would I have done that?” I yell back.
He shakes his head. He looks around to make sure we’re alone. “Do you believe him?”
I look at the ground. “I don’t know what I believe.”
We stand in silence. He walks over to me and pulls me into a fierce hug. “Are you okay to drive?” He looks down at my face.
“You’re still going to let me go alone?” I’m startled by the surprise in my voice. Oliver isn’t controlling�
��he just wants me to be safe. I mean, look what happened when I demanded a taste of that freedom: Brandon.
“I think you’re safe. I’m pretty sure he won’t be showing his face around here anymore.” I don’t wait another minute. I kiss him goodbye and pull the Jeep out of the parking garage. I catch myself still looking around for Brandon on the streets around me. When I’m safely out of view, I park the Jeep in an empty parking lot and sob into my hands.
There’s a knock on the window and it startles me. I nearly jump out of my skin. A police officer is motioning for me to roll down the window. Her eyes soften when she sees that I’m crying. “Is everything okay here?” She looks around the front of the Jeep, no doubt checking if I’m alone.
I wipe my face and fake a smile. “Yeah—yes, I’m sorry. Did I do something wrong?”
“No, I just saw you sitting in an empty parking lot crying and thought I could help. Are you sure you’re okay?”
I nod at her and sniffle. “Just emotional, I guess. I had to pull over and have a good cry.”
She smiles. “I know that feeling. Where are you headed?”
“Valkson’s Grocery on Ninth,” I tell her, hoping she’ll go away, but it takes a few more tries. The officer drives off and I make sure to drive carefully to the store. I’ve already been gone for the better part of twenty minutes; Oliver wants me back soon to go look at his house.
I fill the cart once I get into the store with tons of food and essentials. I pick up a new toothbrush for myself and Skittles for Oliver. I’m not paying attention to the time as my phone starts buzzing in my pocket.
Oliver: Where are you?
I put down the shampoo I’m holding to respond.
Julie: Valkson’s. Be back in fifteen minutes, had a slight delay.
His response is instant.
Oliver: Are you okay? What happened?
I type a quick yes and shove the phone back into my pocket. I look around in case anyone noticed me blushing. I slowly walk through the rest of the aisles, thinking of the past few weeks. My mind is tired just thinking about my life—where I’ve come from to where I am now.
I was weak. Abused. Neglected. Stepped on. Hated.
I met Oliver and that all changed.
Now he wants me to follow his rules.
I broke through his walls and he broke through mine somehow, walls that I didn’t even know I had built. A visit to the hospital for stitches is what it took for us to admit that we even had a connection. A few crazy exes thrown into the mix, a fistful of drama, and some extra incredible nights getting as close to one another as humanly possible and—
Now here we are.
Afraid to tell each other, “I love you.”
Well, I’m not afraid anymore. I plan on telling him once I get back to the apartment. I bite the inside of my cheek as I walk down the feminine hygiene aisle. I’m still in an Oliver love daze in my mind, but that doesn’t stop me from knocking over a tampon display in the middle of the aisle. One by one, I pick up the boxes and my head starts to ache. I think about the last time I needed a tampon and how horrible it—
Wait. When was the last time I needed them?
I take out my phone and check a few things on my calendar. The aisle starts to spin around me and I can feel the panic start to rise in my throat. I push it back down because now is not the time or place to panic.
I am late.
Like, late—late.
Okay, now is a perfect time to panic.
Chapter Thirty
Oliver
None of this is real.
Julie isn’t real, her love for me isn’t real.
My love for her isn’t real.
It can’t be. Something that makes me feel this good just can’t exist.
I’m standing on the edge of something incredible and pure, but I feel like there’s always going to be something getting in the way of my happiness.
Then there’s Julie.
I am so in love with this girl. For a million reasons even I don’t understand.
There’s too many reasons to even explain why she’s the perfect one for me. She’s changed me into someone I actually like. Someone I can stand to be alone with. Hell, I may even love myself.
…Okay, let’s not get too crazy.
She walks in the apartment like she owns the place. She makes simple things feel like they’re on fire in my brain. I watch her body dip and bend as she empties the grocery bags. She doesn’t even look back at me for confirmation; her presence demands the space she’s in without even trying. She moves like she’s meant to be here.
She is meant to be here.
She was made for me.
“Oliver? Can you help me with the high shelves?” Her voice is strained. I see her stand on her toes to try her best to put boxes away. I smile and slide up behind her; I purposely feel her warm ass on my thighs. I’m glad I put on basketball shorts. I press my body into hers and I swear I can hear her giggle. I place the boxes on the shelf and shut the cabinet, brushing her hair off her neck and kissing her collarbone.
“Oliver, I have to put the rest of these away—you’re distracting me.” She giggles louder. She turns her body to face me, letting me press my lips to hers. Her mouth tastes like peppermint and it reminds me of Christmas; that’s something I haven’t thought about in a long time.
I hate Christmas.
Christmas was never kind to me. If my father was home from his business trips, he would dress up as Santa Claus. If it was just my mother and me—which it usually was—there would be nothing other than a normal drugged-out day. Maybe if she passed out with a needle sticking out of her arm underneath the mistletoe it would count as festive.
So, I learned to hate Christmas.
As I lose myself in her taste, I swipe my arm across the kitchen counter. Everything falls off onto the floor and I pick her up, placing her on the now-clear surface. I’m done with trying to control myself around her.
I belong to her.
I am completely hers.
I will do anything and everything she ever asks me to.
“Are you okay?” She breathes rapidly, her heart pounding through her chest. “Are you nervous about looking at that house?”
I forgot about the house. I look at the clock on the microwave and help her down; I smooth out my clothes and kiss her forehead. “No, but we’re late—can you finish this later?” I motion around the kitchen. “Or we both could finish what we started later?” I gently pat her ass and wink down at her.
She giggles. “Deal.” I grab my shoes and put them on as we leave the apartment; my arm is around her waist the whole trip downstairs and it just feels so damn…
Amazing.
I tuck her into the Jeep and she doesn’t even buckle herself in. Instead, she slides over to my side and sits dangerously close to me. She nestles herself between my side and my arm. I don’t even bother moving it; I can drive with one arm. I can tell that she’s looking forward to seeing this house too.
Suddenly, all of the lies and the drama melts away and it’s just us.
Oliver and Julie.
Broken rules and mended hearts.
It feels like we’ve been together forever, like we’ve been best friends since the beginning of time. I hardly know anything about the girl; I trust her with everything I have and everything I ever will have. I mean, I’ve been dreaming about her. The girl’s face may have changed in my dream but the concept was always her.
My Julie.
Someone my grandfather would hate.
Someone my father would love.
The house is ten minutes into the suburbs of Rockford, a little closer to Randy’s house than I originally wanted. But maybe that will bring her comfort and she’ll be more willing to say yes and move in with me. Am I crazy to have this girl move in with me, though? I mean, people have fallen in love and gotten married in less time than we’ve known each other.
Married.
I sweat a little when I think of the word.
I could see Julie as my wife, cooking me breakfast on Sunday mornings in her cute pajamas as I drink coffee and take in how beautiful she looks even when she’s just woken up.
We pull into the driveway of the mini brick mansion. I can see the sparkle in her eyes as she looks at the endless windows and layout of the property. It’s in a gated community—a little posh for her liking, I’m sure. She launches herself from the Jeep to start exploring anyways.
“Oliver, this is…too much,” she says slowly as her eyes scan the house from top to bottom. “This is a lot of house for one person.”
“Two people,” I correct her and look down into her eyes. “Two.”
She nods. “Okay, even so…” My heart dances around the manicured green lawn right then. “This is amazing. Huge, but amazing.”
I smile. “Wait until you see the inside. There’s a private library and a baker’s kitchen.”
Her eyes gloss over and she can hardly wait for me to open the door. I let her inside to check out the features. With each room we pass, I can see her face light up even more and she looks like a kid in a candy store. She runs her fingertips along the marble countertop in the kitchen like a piano. I imagine her in an apron—only an apron—making breakfast after a long night in bed.
“Did you already buy this house?” There’s hope in her voice.
I nod. “The realtor will be here soon with the papers. It’s all ours.”
My Julie.
She clicks her tongue as she steps through the glass doors leading to the bright green grass of the endless backyard. “It looks like the cabin, only brighter.” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Maybe we can put a rock pool at the end of this property.” She winks at me and it makes me blush. “Only if you want to.”
I grab her sides and pull her closer. “Oh, I want to.” She lets me kiss her in the backyard. The sunlight beams down on us, inviting us to have a happily ever after.
Someone clears their throat behind us: the realtor, a plump older woman named Pearl. Her curly white hair and the dimples that form in her cheeks when she fake smiles remind me of Mrs. Atchley.
