by Jamie Begley
It was the same yet different. Dustin thought he could hear voices, but every time he tried to listen, they drifted farther away.
Directionless, he floated, waiting to be returned to his bed. Why was it taking longer this time? Or was he just being anxious, wanting to get back to wake Jessie up and make love to her?
Thinking about her spurred him on as he had never been spurred before to see if he could escape the void.
He cautiously kicked his feet like he would if he was swimming. Nothing happened. He tried to use his hands the same way. Again, nothing happened. Both times he failed, his frustration heightened. Suddenly, he felt a flicker of fear that they had forgotten about him and he would be stuck in this darkness forever.
Maybe they hadn’t forgotten about him, and he was supposed to be here. Was this void death? Were there no pearly gates? No fires of damnation waiting to engulf him in their flames? He wasn’t eager to be torched, but this endless darkness was just as bad. At least he would be able to see, to escape the fires.
Each time he tried to escape the darkness, he tried harder, like a newborn trying to reach out to his mobile yet unable to quite reach it. The more he tried, the closer Dustin sensed he got.
He couldn’t explain why nothing around him changed, nothing felt different, but then he felt as if the veil had been parted a tiny silver. He finally passed through to come out on the side.
One second, he was floating in the dark void, and the next, he felt as if he took a running jump off a jet, hurdling toward the ground.
Screaming silently, his arms and legs flailing, he tried to catch anything to break his fall, blindly waiting for the agony of crashing to earth.
“I’m here, Dustin, I’m here.”
The sound of Jessie’s voice was a lifeline, reaching out to him to grasp.
Seeing the ground coming faster toward him, he flung his hands out, somehow knowing that if he didn’t reach out again, he wouldn’t be given another opportunity.
Reaching out, he tried one last time … and felt her hand catch his.
Gasping, Dustin opened his eyes.
“Oh … God. You’re awake.”
“Jessie,” he said hoarsely. “I thought I died. I had another dream.”
Jessie pressed his hand to her cheek. “It wasn’t a dream. You did die. Knox brought you back. You’re in the hospital. Dr. Price told us about the tumor.”
Dustin closed his eyes. It hadn’t been a dream. He had died. That her reaction had left her devastated had him feeling guilty that he hadn’t told her.
Opening his eyes, he stared up at her sorrowfully. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I started to tell you a dozen times, but I couldn’t.”
A ragged sob tore from her throat. “Because of Greer and Rachel.”
“Yes. I couldn’t take the chance that you would talk me into telling them. You’ve always been able to talk me into anything.”
“I understand, but I don’t agree with you. I promised Greer that I would repeat a couple of messages to you.”
Dustin winced, trying to sit up.
“Don’t move. I’ll raise you.”
Dustin felt the bed rising his upper body so he didn’t have to look up at her.
“You want some water?”
“I’m going to need something stronger if you’re going to repeat Greer’s messages.”
“Sorry, the nurse will throw me out if I sneak a beer inside.”
Jessie went around the side of his bed to the table. With her back turned around, he could see her back shaking as she tried to joke about bringing him a beer. As she turned back around to him, he could tell she was trying hard to get control of her emotions.
Dustin took a drink of water out of the plastic mug she held for him. When he tried to take it from her, it started to slip from his hand.
“What’s wrong with my hand?”
“The tumor.”
From her tears and the look in her eyes, Dustin knew he didn’t have long.
He tried to wipe her tears away, but his hand lay limply by his side.
“Don’t cry. Tell me what Greer said.”
Jessie came back to the other side of his bed, sitting down on the bed next to his hip. He couldn’t help but laugh when she repeated his message.
“He’s not joking. He means it.”
“I know he does. He swore on Ma’s headstone?”
“Yes. Let him and Rachel in, Dustin. They know they’re going to lose you. Don’t make it worse. You told them your goodbyes in a letter; give them the same opportunity to tell you theirs.”
Dustin searched her eyes. “You found it, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?”
He wanted to hold her and tell her everything was going to be all right, like he did when Logan was hurt and frightened, but his useless arms weren’t cooperating.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I felt terrible when I threw those beads down. I’ll never forget your face. The next day, I tried to sneak to your house to tell you I was sorry, and your pa caught me. He threatened me … and you. I was afraid that if he caught us talking again, he would hurt you. I wasn’t going to take the chance.”
“Pa’s been dead for a few years,” she reminded him.
He tried to lift his failing arms again. Seeing what he was trying to do, she lay down next to him on the bed.
“Tell me,” she said, winding her arms around him being careful not to set his monitors off. “Am I hurting you?”
“No, Peanut, you’re not hurting me.” His explanation was a long time coming, but it didn’t make it easier. “Holt was there when your pa threatened me. It was only when you were kidnapped that I realized how much your brothers cared about you. And truth be told, I believed Asher was the one who was with Diane when Logan got lured away from the house. It’s hard to go courtin’ someone’s sister when you were still thinking about killing him.”
“We’re just as close as your family is. Or we were. I’m not going to make excuses for Asher. There aren’t any. As for Holt, he’s got to explain it to me.” Jessie’s shoulders slumped. “I can understand why you didn’t ask me out after the way my family treated you. I’m sorry.”
“Truth be told …” Dustin hesitated at his final admission. Then, knowing he didn’t have long left and not wanting any doubt remaining after he died about how he felt about her, he admitted, “My pride might have been a little bruised. I was sure you would go to your hidey hole and find the box.”
Jessie started crying, her tears wetting the shoulder of his hospital gown. “That’s why you told me I broke your heart.”
“Yes, I’m afraid I was the one who got the second helping in the ego department. I kept thinking you would find the box, and then Sam got pregnant. Then … time got away from me.”
“It does that when you’re a jackass.” Jessie lifted her head. “Just so you know, I’m not going to let a little thing like you dying give you an out in marrying me.”
“Jessie ….”
“Dustin, I love you. You’re as muleheaded as Greer. You just hide it better.” Jessie pressed her breasts against his side as she stroked her fingertips over the sensitive skin behind his ears. “But I really, really want to marry you. Dustin Dwayne Porter, will you pretty please with a cherry on top marry me?” she wheedled.
Dustin narrowed his eyes at her. “Are you trying to seduce a dying man?”
“Is it working?”
“Every damn time. Do you know how many times I wanted to ask you to marry me?”
“No, I don’t. What I do know is, I don’t care about all those other times. What does count is the here and now. Do you have any idea just how thankful I am that I have you here now? That’s more than I had when Knox couldn’t find a pulse. I promised God if he just brought you back for one minute so I could tell you how much I love you that I wouldn’t ask for anything else. I’ve broken that promise a thousand times since you’ve opened your eyes.”
“I can�
�t even get down on my knees to propose to you.”
Jessie slowly got off the bed to go to her knees. Taking his hand, she pressed it tightly to her cheek. “Dustin Porter, will you marry me? I promise I will make you a good wife, that I will love you to my dying day, and I swear I’ll make you fried chicken anytime you want me to.”
Tenderly, he looked down at her. “You just had to throw that fried chicken in there, didn’t you? How am I supposed to refuse you?”
“Please … Dustin. Marry me?”
“Peanut, you had me at the fried chicken.”
Laughing, she rose to kiss him. She was about to climb back on the bed with him when he felt himself getting drowsy again. Forcing his eyelids open, he saw the nurse motion for Jessie to leave.
“Give her one more minute, please,” he said to the nurse, then turned back to Jessie. “How are they managing to keep Greer out?”
“Knox and Shade are taking turns.”
“That can’t be good.”
“It’s not. See him, Dustin. Please.”
“Which one is out there now?”
“Knox.”
“Can you ask Knox to come in? I’ll talk to him.”
Dustin warily eyed the hospital door as Knox and Shade came in to stand by his bed. Cash and Rider came in next. Then Viper and Drake formed a line in front of his bed.
“Are you sure you can hold him back?” Dustin eyed them doubtfully.
Knox glanced over his shoulder at him. “You better be joking.”
“When Greer gets riled up, he’s unpredictable.”
“And you think I don’t know that? I’ve known him long enough to know he’s a moron when he gets fired up. We won’t let him get past. I’m not promising I won’t have to Taser him or put him in handcuffs, but he won’t get close enough to get within touching distance.”
“You sure you don’t want to put him in a straightjacket?” Dustin joked, then regretted it when Knox appeared to be considering.
“No. As much as that would make my fucking year, I think we’ve got it.”
“Jesus Christ, I’m going to need one if you all don’t shut the hell up so I can talk to my brother.”
Dustin saw Greer’s head pop up as he stood on his toes, trying to look over Knox’s and Shade’s shoulders.
Greer was furious at him. Dustin was used to his moods, but the resolve in his brother’s eyes let him know that Greer wouldn’t give up hope on healing him until he was six feet under.
“Drake, shut the door so I can talk to my brother in private,” Greer ordered.
“Close it yourself,” Drake drawled.
“Cousin, don’t come visiting at Thanksgiving,” Greer said, closing the door himself.
“Rachel already invited me.”
“Consider it rescinded.”
Drake shrugged. “Cash won’t let her.”
“Fuck you.”
“Fuck you back.”
Dustin rested his head back on the pillow, starting to close his sleepy eyes. “Am I in Hell?”
“Don’t fucking joke about dying!” Greer snarled. “You’re fucking lucky I swore on Ma’s headstone, or I’d be kicking your ass for this stunt.”
“It’s not a stunt, Greer.”
“What is it, then? Because, baby brother, I’m not going to fucking let you die on me.”
“Neither of us have a choice. Do you think I want to die? Until last month, I thought you would have had enough strength to heal me. Look in the mirror in the bathroom over there and swear on Ma’s headstone that you’re strong enough to heal me without killing yourself.”
“I ain’t swearing on Ma’s headstone twice.”
“Because you know it wouldn’t be the truth.”
Greer’s expression tore him apart.
“It’s not your fault. Greer, if you and Rachel didn’t have your gifts, we wouldn’t even be having this discussion. You and the family would have to accept that I’m dying, like everyone else. We’re not immortal. Surely, you had to know that sooner or later, you couldn’t prevent one of us from dying.”
“I can accept that. I can’t keep all of you alive. But not being given the chance is what I can’t stomach. If you would just listen to me … I can go slow. Just a little of my strength to give you more time so the chemo will work and I’ll regain my strength.”
“You’re not going to be able to regain your full strength if you’re trying to keep me alive. Eventually, it’s going to make you weaker and weaker. What if something happens to Rosie, Logan, or Ema? It’s going to take more time than I have for you to regain your full strength, and we both know it.”
“I’m not going to let you die.”
“I’ve accepted it. You’ll have to, too.”
“I’m not going to accept shit!” Greer’s head bobbed again. “When has accepting shit ever gotten you a damn thing? You accepted that Jessie wouldn’t want anything to do with you, and you blew years away instead of fighting for her. You accepted that Sam had a miscarriage and damn near didn’t find out you had a son because of that evil bitch. The only time you got in a fight in your whole life was when you were protecting one of us. I don’t fucking need you protecting me!”
Shade moved slightly aside so that Greer could get a better look at Dustin without hopping up and down. Dustin wished he hadn’t. The sight of Greer crying was more than he could bear.
“You’re my baby brother. I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you, not the other way around. If you’re waiting for me to accept that you’re dying, then Knox must have fried your fucking brains when he shocked your heart back to life. I ain’t accepting shit!”
Like a raging bull, Greer threw himself through the small space between Knox and Shade. Dustin felt Greer graze his leg before Knox and Shade caught him and hauled him out while he fought and struggled against their hold.
Dustin was finally able to give in to his own tears when Greer could no longer see him.
Greer’s voice grew fainter as they carried him away, yet Dustin could make out every word.
“You hear me, Dustin? I’m not going to accept it! Motherfucker, let me go! Dustin! I’m not going to let you die! I ain’t accepting it! You hear me, Dus—”
36
Rachel was the first to reach the door of the bridal salon. “Are you ready?” she asked as she held the door open for the group of women to enter.
“Rachel, I don’t need a dress. Holly offered me hers.”
“There isn’t enough time to get alterations done, and unless you want to get married to Dustin with a box of Kleenex in your bra cup, it’ll be easier to buy you a new dress. All of us are kicking in. We have three thousand dollars—”
Jessie shook her at the sum of money. “I’m not spending three thousand dollars for a dress I’m only going to wear for ten minutes.”
“We’ll see,” Rachel said, unperturbed at Jessie’s reluctance to spend the money that Holly, Sutton, and Rachel had pitched in for her wedding dress, despite Jessie telling them she had several dresses she could wear.
Jessie let Sutton go into the salon first, already regretting letting them talk her into going to Jamestown to go to the salon.
“You all don’t take too long,” Greer groused, holding Rosie on his hip.
“Aren’t you coming in?” Holly asked him.
“Hell no. Rosie and I are going to Subway. Text me when you’re ready to go.”
“There’s isn’t anything Rosie can eat there.”
“She already ate. I haven’t.”
Jessie and Holly watched them walk toward the shop. The salon was located in a mini-mall, a jewelry store was next to it, and then the Subway. From the sight of the expensive jewelry store, those who shopped there would be lucky to afford a bag of chips.
“Every time I think of killing Greer, I see him with Rosie and change my mind,” Jessie said more to herself than to Holly.
Holly laughed as they went inside the salon. “Welcome to my world. When he’s around, she neve
r wants me. She wants him.”
Joining Sutton and Rachel, they walked farther into the salon.
A tall brunette came from behind a desk to greet them. Jessie regretted not going home to change as she looked at the woman. Jessie wasn’t short, but she wasn’t five-nine either. This woman was attractive and looked elegant in a black dress that showed every curve of her body.
Beginning to feel insecure about her looks, Jessie noticed the other women were standing up straighter and fiddling with their appearances. Sutton was smoothing down her maternity top, Rachel was using her fingers to fluff her hair, and Holly was practically standing on her toes to make herself appear taller.
The polite smile the woman gave them didn’t help them feel any better about themselves.
“Hello, I’m Britt. How may I help you?”
“Jesus, how did I know she was a Brittany?” Holly muttered out of the corner of her mouth.
Jessie was thinking the same herself.
“Hello, I’m Rachel. I called earlier to ask if you have any dresses that my brother’s fiancée could purchase and take home today?”
“Hi, Rachel. Yes, I’m the one who took your call. I pulled the ones that I think would work. Who’s the lucky woman?”
Holly pushed Jessie forward.
“I am.”
“Rachel wasn’t sure about your size. She thought an eight?”
Jessie gave Rachel a killing glance. She had told her when they ganged up on her.
“I’m a twelve.”
“Oh … okay.” Britt pointed a manicured finger toward a row of chairs in front of a dais. “You ladies have a seat. Jessie, you come with me, and I’ll pull some other dresses.”
Jessie regretted driving with Rachel instead of bringing her own car. She would have left three minutes ago.
After finding out that Dustin was awake, the women had each taken turns seeing him, and then they had come back, ecstatic that Dustin had told them they were getting married. Rachel was especially buoyed by the announcement, because Dustin had relented and let her see him.
It was she who had come up with the idea to go wedding dress shopping to pass the time while the men took their turns to see Dustin between bouts of resting.
