Between the rain and her tears, the road in front of her melted to a greyish blur. She didn’t aim for home – she just drove. Fast.
Every moment she’s shared with Rafael replayed in her mind, cast in the new light of betrayal.
Bria took her hand off the wheel to brush the tears away. A thick streak of black eye makeup came off and she almost laughed. She grabbed a handful of napkins from the glove box and scrubbed at her eyes.
The hair, the makeup, the boots. They were supposed to protect her, to keep everyone at a distance so no one and nothing could hurt her. Instead, she’d let two boys crush her before Thanksgiving.
She eased off the gas and downshifted. Then hit a patch of water.
The Corvair lifted, sliding sideways across the street. Time slowed and stretched into impossible shapes, freezing each raindrop and staling her heart. She gripped the wheel, eyes fixed to the road ahead of her. At the headlights of another car. Not blinking, not breathing.
The crash was coming. She could already hear the squealing breaks and shattering glass, feel the fire of the seatbelt slicing through her body. Hear the screams.
She let her foot off the gas, giving in to the weightless wonder just before the terror consumed her.
And then the tires caught again.
She squeezed on the breaks and the Corvair straightened, coming to a halt inches from the solid front of a jeep.
Ben stared at Bria from across their windshields, eyes as wide as hers.
Chapter Thirty-two
Her hands shook as she tried to free the keys from the steering column. She wanted to throw up, to roll into a ball and let the tremors take over. Past and present collided in her head, both filled with all the scents and sounds of death. Brake dust, burnt rubber, and blood.
“Bria.” Ben pounded on the window. “Bri, unlock the door.”
She scrambled across the seat, away from him, and opened the passenger door, tumbling onto the street. Her legs shook and she slipped, but the heavy treads of her boots found traction.
“Bria.” He pulled her away from the road, pressing her down to sit on the curb.
“Stop it.” She got to her feet and stumbled. “Leave me alone.”
“Sit.” His hands gripped her shoulders, guiding her down again. “You’re in shock.”
“I’m fine.” She couldn’t stop staring. She’d almost hit Ben. Almost killed him.
“Does anything hurt?” he said.
Everything. Everything hurt. “No. I’m fine. Stop being so nice.”
He shrugged off his hoodie and wrapped it around her shoulders, tucking her into his chest at the same moment.
Just like he’d done in the hospital years before. Like he’d done at the funeral with too many chairs and too many people and so much black. It was too much. Too much, too much, too much.
She stood and shoved him away. “Stop. Just stop. Leave me alone.”
“You need to sit. You need to remember to breathe.”
She spun around. “I don’t need to do anything, especially for you.” She couldn’t take his nearness. The way she needed him. The way she kept replaying everything in her head.
“You’re in the middle of the street in the rain and you’re going to ruin my hoodie. Sit down.”
“You’re ruining my life! I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted until I kissed you!”
“Give me your keys.” He stood there, with his wet shirt plastered to his chest and his hand outstretched.
“What?”
“Give me your keys. I’m taking you home.”
“But – ”
He was suddenly beside her, wrapping his arms around her body and propelling her back toward the car. “You just fishtailed across four lanes of traffic. Now is not the time.”
With that, her adrenaline level crashed and her legs buckled. “Oh, my God.”
“I know.” He tucked her into the passenger side of the Corvair, still facing the wrong direction in front of his perfectly parked jeep. “I just need your keys.”
She tightened her grip on them, and then slowly released them without looking away from him.
“Thank you,” he said.
She pulled her feet onto the seat and hugged her wet boots, waiting for him to round the car.
“My house or yours?” he asked, buckling his seatbelt and then checking hers.
“I don’t care.”
The engine turned over, rumbling when he pressed on the gas, and she squeezed her eyes shut, hot tears curling down her cheeks. “I almost hit you.”
“I know. It’s okay.”
“No. No it’s not. I could have…” She choked.
“We’re both okay. We didn’t even touch.” He kept his hands at ten and two, eyes on the road. He was probably driving five under the speed limit
She glared at him. “How can you be so effing calm about this?”
“Because you need me to be.” His thumb tapped against the wheel. “And if you ever scare me like that again, I will lose it.”
“Scare you? You weren’t even there the first time!”
He pulled into a driveway and turned off the engine. “No, but I saw you. I saw you bruised and bloody and the fear in your eyes and maybe she wasn’t my mom, but I lost something too.”
She stared. In all the years since the accident, she’d never once considered how he felt. The pain belonged to her, and her alone. Something she had never even shared with her father. Something she kept for those moments when she lost control in the safety of her room, where no one would see her cry, where no one would know she was weak.
Her eyes welled up again, itching with unshed tears. All those years she’d hidden her pain, while Ben had silently shared it.
“I can still drive you back to your house if you’d rather just go home,” he said.
She shivered. She didn’t want to go home. She wanted what she’d always had with Ben – a safe place and warm arms to hold her together.
“Bria?” That scared look was back in his eyes.
A smile caught the corner of her lips and she dashed her tears away. “It’s too late, isn’t it?”
“For what?”
She shook her head and pushed open the car door. “Never mind.”
He trudged after her across the rain-soaked yard, his movements measured and watchful. The front door unlocked with a thunk and he waved her into the darkened entry.
“You can borrow a hoodie from my room,” he said. “I’ll be up in a minute.”
“Ben, wait.”
He stopped and looked over his shoulder.
“My car,” she said.
“Your car is fine.” He offered a weak smile. “We’re both fine.”
“No. I know.” Her brain couldn’t quite fit the words together. “You drove.”
“Oh.” He dug into his pocket. “Here are your keys.”
“No. It’s…” She stepped closer but still didn’t take the keys. “I never let anyone drive my car. Ever. I even learned to fix it so no one else would touch it.”
He met her gaze. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Do you want to know how I really feel about you?” She took the keys, still warm from where he’d held them. “I let you drive my car.”
The weight of that settled on his shoulders. “I think you’re still in shock, Bri. You should change into something dry.”
She nodded and started up the stairs, heart breaking with each step. Inside his room, she took off Ben’s wet hoodie. She slumped down beside his bed and tried to brush her tears away but that only made her nose run.
Stupid boy.
Stupid boys.
Stupid tears and stupid rain.
Stupid cars, and accidents, and life.
“Do you need anything?” Ben asked, settling beside her.
“Stop.” She sniffed. “I can’t take you being nice when I’m ugly crying.”
“It takes a lot more than crying to make you ugly.” He wiped the pad of his thumb across her ch
eek.
“Guess I should have skipped the eyeliner today,” she said, half-laughing. “This whole day just sucks.”
He handed her a box of tissues. “What can I do?”
After wadding the black stained tissues into a ball, she turned sideways, resting her head against his bed. “It’s nothing. Just Raf.”
“What did he do?”
“Don’t go all homicidal.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s not that big a deal. He was just with me to get to my dad. Guys in bands usually have ulterior motives for getting close to me.”
“You have way too much faith in people.”
“I know. Lesson learned.” She sniffed again. “I didn’t even like him that much. I actually went over there to break up with him. I can’t believe I’m crying like this.”
“You did just almost wreck your car.”
She smiled, but it faded almost as soon as it came. “I’m sorry, Ben.” She hugged her knees to her chest. “I thought I could get over you if I was with him. I just got so tired of wanting you and he was there…and that is the worst reason ever to be with someone.”
“Did it work?” He bent his head down, studying his hands.
“Not even a little.” Talking about it brought a fresh surge of tears.
“I’m sorry.” He slid his thumb up and down her cheek and she closed her eyes, the gentle touch soothing her tender heart. He shifted and leaned in, setting her heart on overdrive.
Her lips remembered the shape of his, molding to fit into the memories burning bright in her mind. Sweet relief flooded her body and muted her racing thoughts. She let go, giving in to the bone-deep need for him. Always more of him.
He parted her lips and that familiar taste of Skittles filled her mouth. She shifted, matching his urgency with her own.
All the heartache and fear and doubt succumbed to the pure joy spreading through her body. Pressed together, his heat worked through her damp clothes, warming her body and soul. She took the hem of his wet shirt, stripping it from his body, and ran her hands over the planes of his chest before drawing him in again.
“I missed you,” he said, pressed so close she couldn’t clearly see his face. “We can make this work. Tell me we can make this work.”
Her skin tingled with his touch and her breath hitched. “Yes.”
“Yes?” He grinned, eyes drinking her in. “You’re sure?”
Bria nodded and tugged him closer. “Sure, sure.”
His lips found hers again, the raw hunger replaced by something softer and sweeter. He slid his hands down her back to catch the edge of her long sleeved shirt and she leaned away just enough to let him pull it over her head, leaving just her camisole between them. He pressed his lips to the scar across her collarbone, like he could kiss it away.
Something creaked down below and he eased away, his forehead resting against hers. “That’s Abs.”
Bria giggled, letting him disentangle first. “I guess we should tell her something? Unless you think I can sneak out?”
He felt around, and tossed a dry hoodie to her. “She probably shouldn’t see us like this.”
She buried her face in her hands. “She’s going to hate me.”
“Not as much as she’ll hate me.”
She pulled on the oversized hoodie. “She’ll get over it. Right?”
“Sure. Probably. Maybe.” He brushed his thumb across her cheek. “Maybe you can sneak into the bathroom before she thinks I made you cry.”
She giggled again. “How bad is it?”
“Ummm…”
She swatted his arm and slowly opened the door, poised to dart across the hall.
“Bria?” Abby stood at the foot of the stairs, staring up at her, eyes moving from her disheveled hair to her tear streaked face, before landing on Ben’s hoodie.
Chapter Thirty-three
The sheer panic in Abby’s eyes made Bria want to run. Her muscles twitched and she tapped her fingers against the banister, counting, multiplying, dividing.
“What’s going on?” Abby said. She dropped her bag on the floor, but didn’t come closer. “Are you okay?”
“It’s not what it looks like.”
“Are you sure?” Abby crossed her arms, glaring like a deranged pixie at a spot over Bria’s shoulder.
Ben stood in the doorway to his room. “We were going to tell you…”
“What? That you’re hooking up behind my back?”
Bria glanced at Ben.
“It’s not like that,” he said.
Laughter reached them from the porch and half the drama club, led by Sebastian Vega, clamored into the entryway.
“Whoa,” Bas said, stopping short to avoid colliding with Abby. A few other jaws dropped.
Bria shifted to face Ben, still shirtless and perfect, with her lipstick staining his mouth. A smile twitched at the corner of her lips. “I guess we’re even?”
“Even?” Abby said. “So those rumors going around the football team are true? God, how could you do this to me?”
“Chill, Abs,” Ben said. “Why are you freaking out?”
“Because the two of you are going to screw each other up and I’m going to be left with the fallout, just like I always am.”
The whispers from the drama kids reached an audible level and Bas clapped his hands to draw their attention. “Okay. Everyone into the family room.”
They stumbled after him, getting noisier while Ben and Abby faced off.
The urge to run crept up again. “Maybe I should go,” Bria said.
“No way.” Abby turned on her. “You swore to me that you didn’t like him.”
“I never meant to.”
Abby paced across the entryway. “Do you know half my crew threatened to walk out today? Because I’m that tense right now. We should be rehearsing, but no. I told them we’d come back here and relax, and instead we get this? You both suck.” She threw open the door and marched out into the rain.
“Abby wait.” Bria ran after her, leaving Ben on the stairs. “Abby, come on.”
Abby stopped on the edge of the porch and wrapped her arms around herself. “You’re wearing his clothes.”
“I know.”
“He’s mostly naked.”
“I know.”
Laughter carried from the family room and Abby turned, eyes burning. “How long have you been together?”
“The first time we kissed was at the bon fire.”
“You’ve been together since the summer?”
“No.” Bria caught her arm and squeezed. “No. We’ve been together for like five minutes. We didn’t mean for this to happen, but then we kissed and then we were working on the mural and you ended up in the hospital. And I’m sorry.”
Abby clench and unclenched her jaw. “You honest-to-God fell for my brother?”
“Yeah. Kind of.”
“What if you had to pick?” She locked her ice-blue eyes on Bria. “Me or Ben. Who do you choose?”
Bria reeled. “Abby. I can’t. You can’t make me pick. You’re my best friend. I can’t even imagine life without you. But I’ve tried to keep Ben out of my life and I know I can’t live without him either.”
“So you want me to be okay with this? With you and him. Together.”
“I need you both.”
A slow, sly smile twitched at the corner of Abby’s mouth. “Good answer.”
“What?”
The smile morphed into a full-on grin. “I know you, Bria. I know when you’re all in and when you’re holding back. You held back with Mik. You definitely held back with Raf. You’re all in with Ben. You’re freaking in love with my brother!”
“You don’t look mad any more.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “I’m furious. I’m going to strangle you both for putting me through all of this. You’ve both been miserable all year. I mean, how hard is it to just tell each other how you feel?”
“What?”
With an over dramatic sigh, Abby wrapped her arms around Bria’s waist. “S
weetie. I’m in theater. I had to make sure you weren’t going to get bored and break his heart.”
“So this whole angry thing was a test?”
Abby shrugged. “Basically. But don’t tell Ben. I kind of want him sucking up to me. Now come on. I have a party to throw.”
Bria stared at her for a minute, completely speechless.
“Don’t worry. I’ll send your boyfriend out. I don’t need you two messing with my crew. You’ve got some crazy juju happening right now.” She waltzed back into the house with a skip in her step. “And you!” She jabbed her finger into Ben’s chest. “What do you have to say for yourself?”
He met her glare with smirk. “Me? Bria is smart and sexy and interesting. You should be surprised this didn’t happen sooner.”
“Whatever. Go make out with your girlfriend. See if I care.” Abby flounced all the way to the back of the house, stopping to wink at Bria while Ben’s back was turned.
“So,” he said, leaning against the doorframe, long legs crossed at the ankle and the rain-muted light playing with planes of his face and chest. “Girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend,” she said.
“Do you have a problem with that?”
“Not even a little.” She hooked a finger into one of his belt loops and pulled him in for a kiss.
Epilogue
“I can’t do this.” Abby paced back and forth in the wings. Her headset hung around her neck and her hands fluttered like moths near a flame.
“You’ll be fine.” Bria shoved the prompt book into Abby’s chest and nodded toward the assembled cast and crew. “Everyone is ready to go. They just need their fearless leader.”
“It’s opening night. I am anything but fearless.”
“Drama queen.”
A knock on the stage door jolted Abby and she flung it open. “What?”
“Hi to you too,” Ben said, holding out a thick, white envelope. “Just wanted to wish you luck and give you this.”
Bria moved to his side, slipping her hand into his and pecking his cheek.
Abby rolled her eyes and tore the envelope open without looking at it. “It couldn’t wait?”
“Not really.”
The Art of Falling Page 19
