Beth took a deep breath. “Remember when I asked you if you had a kid, would you tell them about the disease?”
He nodded. “Kind of a weird question, don’t you think? But yeah, I’d tell them.”
“You’re sure?”
“It would only be fair. He or she would deserve to know that they have to grab life by the horns. That they have to spend their healthy days to their fullest.”
She breathed in the fishy air. “Well, then, I guess I have something to tell you. Remember that night back in college...when you and Ivy had that big fight at your party and everyone left?”
“You’ll have to be more specific. Ivy and I had tons of fights.”
That was true. “That time I stayed to help you clean up and...” She couldn’t say it. They’d never talked about it. Were it not for her pregnancy, she might’ve convinced herself it’d only happened in her imagination. “We, you know.”
They stopped walking and his eyes studied her. “I always felt bad about that. Like I’d taken advantage of you.”
Even though it had been her first time, she’d been more than willing. Yet she blamed him, too. She shook her head. “There’s something I never told you...because two weeks later you and Ivy eloped.” On a stupid weekend trip to Vegas. “I didn’t want to be a burden.”
“A burden? Stop talking in code. What are you trying to say?”
“Okay...here goes...” She watched the sand blowing across the beach. “I got pregnant.”
He jerked back as if she’d burned him. “What the—? Is this some kind of joke?”
She shook her head. “No.”
“I would’ve noticed if you were pregnant. Unless—”
“I didn’t have an abortion if that’s what you’re thinking. I could never do that. I simply wore baggy clothes and no one even noticed the extra pounds.” If Parker had ever really looked at her, he would have noticed. But Beth pushed the thought away. No need to bring up old hurts.
“You’re telling me you had a baby. My baby?” He dropped his shoes into the sand.
She nodded.
He walked in a circle, clutching his head. He paused to face her. “Where is he? Or she?”
“It was a girl. I placed her for adoption.”
“How could you? You had no right!” He stabbed a finger at her. “I never signed anything. You couldn’t give my baby away without my permission.”
She took a step back. The saliva in her throat dried up. She’d never seen him this mad at anyone except Ivy. “You were married. You didn’t want to hear that I was pregnant.”
“You cheated me out of my only child!”
“I didn’t know that back then.” Her blood pressure spiked. “It wasn’t easy for me! I was all alone trying to figure out what to do.”
“So how did you keep me out of the loop?”
Father Unknown. She could see it typed on the birth certificate in her mind’s eye. “I didn’t name you as the father.” She’d always felt additional shame from those handling the adoption. It was as if she were labeled a slut, with so many sexual partners she didn’t know who the father was. When in reality she could never be one of those girls who had sex just for fun. She didn’t have the body or the mind for that. She took relationships seriously. Unfortunately, because of those dumb bonding hormones, she’d been even more in love with the unattainable Parker after she’d shared a bed with him.
He paced, clenching his fists. “I thought Ivy was self-centered and manipulative, but you’re a piece of work, too.” His voice echoed in the distance. “Go away. Get out! Get out of my sight!”
“Fine!” She took off running across the sand, tears welling in her eyes.
His response had been anger. Extreme anger. She’d banked on it and yet experiencing it was too much. She kept going without looking back.
# # #
Parker grabbed his Italian leather shoe and flung it into Lake Michigan, as if he were throwing to home plate to stop a run. When he threw his other one, he did so as if he were aiming at Beth. What a cold-hearted bitch! She had no right to keep his daughter from him. No right.
He could’ve been a dad. He could’ve taught his girl how to sail, how to fish, how to swim. He could’ve shown her the Eiffel Tower, the Alps, the pyramids. He had the resources to give her every advantage. Could her adopted parents do that? Strangers. His child grew up with strangers!
Spotting a piece of driftwood, he lunged for it and hurled it into the gray water. His shoulders remained tight. Nothing he did made him feel better. He could throw every pebble on this beach into the water and yet rage would continue to boil inside him.
Wait a minute. What about Ivy? Had she known about the pregnancy? After all, she and Beth had been roommates. He ran back to the house so he could confront her.
He jerked open the sliding glass door to an empty room. The music had stopped playing. Hearing the soft thump of Ivy’s jewelry box closing, he marched into their master bedroom where his wife wore a silver sequins dress. The black walls made the room appear especially dark. The decorator called the room with its shiny surfaces and chandelier “Hollywood Glamor”—perfect for Ivy, but he wasn’t a big fan. “Did you know about this?”
She finished putting in a dangling earring and faced him. “What?”
“Did you know about Bethany’s little secret?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I invited her here because I’m worried about you. I thought seeing an old friend might be good for you.”
His heart pounded inside his chest. It looked like Ivy had a gig to go to. “Singing tonight?”
Nodding, she glanced back at her mirrored dresser to appraise her ensemble. “I’d hoped Beth might come and watch, but she took off like a bat out of hell. What did you two talk about anyway?”
He hated how his body pulsed with anger as he paced back and forth. Even his ears rang. This was so unlike him. “I still can’t believe it.” He forced himself to sit on the bench at the end of the bed. Ivy had insisted they needed a place to sit in there, yet he couldn’t remember the last time anyone had used it. He put his face in his hands.
Ivy, teetering in her high heels, came near and placed her palm on his shoulder. “What’s going on? Tell me.”
He sighed. “Beth said she got pregnant in college.” He heard Ivy gasp and he continued since this wasn’t the truly unbelievable part. “She said she put the baby up for adoption. And she claims the baby was mine.”
Ivy pulled her hand away from his shoulder. She crossed her arms and looked pissed. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Why would she say something like that? Is she crazy?”
He stared at the floor, blinking. Thinking. He knew he shouldn’t have fooled around with Beth, but she was so different than Ivy. Beth was sweet and looked at him with pure adoration. That night he’d needed that. And now…
Was Ivy going to blame him for something he did before they were married? He wouldn’t put it past her. That’s how she was. Over the top, emotional. Her cruel words always cut him, and she never meant any of her apologies. She’d take some time, calm down and seduce him as her way of clearing the air. At twenty, he’d allowed his libido to override his brain. At thirty, it was getting harder and harder to do.
“She couldn’t have your baby because you never slept with her.” Ivy shifted her weight. “Right?”
Parker raked his hand through his hair. He was dying. He had a child that he’d never known. And now his marriage could be in jeopardy. What the hell? “I did. Once.”
Shock flashed across her delicate features. Her dark eyes glared at him. “You slept with my best friend?”
There she went with the dramatics. “Beth was your roommate.”
“You want to argue about who my best friend was? You slept with Beth!” She slapped his shoulder. “How could you?” Another slap. “When? When we were married?”
“No, no. Before we got married. You and I were broken up.”
“I know that�
�s not true. You and I were together non-stop. We had disagreements, but we never broke up.”
“You’d said you never wanted to see my face again.” He looked up at her thin body towering over him as he sat.
“I was just mad. You knew that. So when exactly was this love child conceived?”
He thought back to the night he’d been so insecure, he’d taken advantage of Beth. Why had he slept with her? The only conquest he couldn’t brag about to the guys. How could that have made him feel better? But somehow it did. That’s because in the dark, Beth wasn’t a fat girl with a crush on him. Beth was gentle and kind and made him want to love her.
He pushed those thoughts away. “Apparently she found out she was pregnant about the time you and I went to Vegas.” Ivy had surprised him with the plane tickets. He’d thought it was her way of apologizing for their latest fight, the one where she said he was a loser and that she understood why his dad hated him. Because he was selfish. The irony was that Ivy had been pressuring him to quit the Leadership Club and spend all of his spare time with her.
The Vegas trip turned out to be a ruse to get him to marry her. She’d confessed she was pregnant and that her family would be mortified if she had an illegitimate child. Ivy had cried, her mascara running down her cheeks, as she sat on the satin comforter in that Vegas hotel room. Parker, well, what could he do? He’d been the one to convince Ivy to go on the pill so he could stop wearing protection. Marrying her was the right thing to do. Plus her impulsive personality would keep him on his toes, he told himself. Life with her would never be dull.
Ivy shook her head. “I would’ve known if she had a baby. We all would’ve, don’t you think?”
He shrugged. “Apparently not. I believe her. She doesn’t have any reason to lie now.” Beth was always as honest as honey is sweet. Or so he thought. Now she stung like a bee.
“Well, I don’t have time for this.” She walked over to her mirror and checked herself out one more time. After she fluffed her short, curly hair, she tweaked her necklace. “I’ve gotta go.” She exited the room without even a wave goodbye.
Parker hadn’t been to one of Ivy’s shows in years. He knew she liked to flirt with the audience and with her fedora-wearing piano player, getting the attention she fed off of like a vampire did blood. The last thing he wanted to do was watch. Ivy definitely couldn’t be counted on when Parker’s health declined. His marriage functioned with the spark long gone, just like his parents’ relationship. He shook his head. If he weren’t dying, he’d have to admit, that he and Ivy weren’t going to make it to their golden anniversary. He’d take a stand and tell her to move in with her piano player, whom he suspected was also Ivy’s lover. Parker wasn’t sure, of course, but Ivy always stayed out late after her shows and she came home tipsy, smelling of cigarettes and cologne. He’d confronted her once, but she’d laughed it off, saying his jealous side was kind of sexy.
Oh, how he’d like to have a healthy relationship with someone who was more of an equal and not a selfish child. But there wasn’t time.
In fact, time was running out on everything. He picked up his phone and dialed the one person he could trust.
CHAPTER NINE
Speeding away from Parker’s house, Beth struggled to keep control of the wheel. Her whole body shook with adrenaline. Parker had yelled at her. Hatred had flared in his eyes. Somehow the actual event went worse than she’d imagined. What if Drew reacted just as badly? She couldn’t stand it if she lost the only man who had loved her back.
It scared her to see the anger twisting Parker’s face. It hurt because she’d loved him once. But to be honest, it hadn’t been mutual. And it had been a long time ago.
As she drove down the winding road, her mind looped backwards.
After Parker broke her heart, she’d moved on with her life, eventually finding Drew. Finally discovering what true love felt like.
She had always believed in love. That was the frustrating part of being overweight because no one ever asked her out. In high school and college, her thin friends fell in and out of love while she stayed home watching Bridget Jones’ Diary and eating pints of Ben & Jerry’s. She knew that movie was supposed to be about the chunky girl finding Mr. Right, but truth be told, Renee Zellweger was a toothpick compared to Beth. In real life, guys wanted the toothpicks.
Early on Beth discovered she had a knack for matchmaking. To her it was so clear who would fit together and pop with chemistry. Guys wanted a good personality only after they’d fantasized about the girl giving them a striptease. If he didn’t want to see her naked, he didn’t want to date her. Girls, however, could be swayed by other factors such as earning potential and interest in becoming a family man. Good looks still mattered, but she’d heard once that a short man was just as attractive as a taller one if he earned an extra $40,000 a year. That was according to some on-line dating service. Which, in Beth’s opinion, didn’t have a clue about matchmaking.
Four marriages had resulted from her keen sense of what made a couple compatible. She’d helped Sarah and her husband meet back in college. Plus a girl in her dorm and the treasurer for the Leadership Club had been her idea for a match up. Then at work, she’d found two of her male customer service representatives female counterparts. She could sense a yin and yang connection in her bones. She took pride in her ability and lived vicariously through her friends. By the time she was thirty, she’d practically given up. She focused on her job and told herself that would have to be enough.
That’s why it had been so hard for her to believe what happened last year when she’d set up a woman from her apartment building with the nice computer guy from work. Aracelli was a pretty, twenty-nine year old Ph.D. candidate who claimed she had terrible taste in men. She always went for the flashy, brusque guy who could get her into the best restaurants then talk on his cell phone throughout dinner. If a guy needed “fixing”, she felt drawn to him. In other words, she needed help recognizing a good catch and Beth knew just the guy.
When Aracelli knocked on her door complaining that the date hadn’t gone well, Beth had been surprised.
She considered the man. He was successful, smart and good-looking in a nerdy kind of way. “You have to realize that your instincts are all wrong about men. Drew’s a good guy. Trust me.”
“It doesn’t matter if I like him or not. He’s not into me,” her friend said, pulling her shiny black hair out of its twist.
Beth surveyed the woman dressed in a pencil skirt and silk blouse. She had high cheek bones, beautiful Spanish eyes and could chat about politics or movie stars with equal enthusiasm. Why hadn’t Drew been interested? “How do you know he’s not into you? Maybe he had a headache or a big project on his mind.”
“I know because all he wanted to talk about was you: How do you know Bethany? Does she have a boyfriend? What does she do on the weekends?”
At these questions, Beth’s heart soared. Drew actually liked her? But he was tall and thin. He didn’t have to settle for a short chubby girl. How could he possibly be interested in her?
Seeing the expression on Beth’s face, the woman in her apartment smiled back. “All night I was mad at you, but now I see you’re totally surprised. Obviously, you didn’t have a clue. And you told me, you had a sixth sense about these things. Hmm. Some matchmaker you are.” She pulled off her heels and padded barefooted out of Beth’s apartment. “Good luck with Drew. I think I’ll go back to picking my own dates from now on.”
Beth could hardly sleep that night, anxious to go to work and see the computer guy’s cute face.
A squirrel scampered across the road in front of her and she slammed on her brakes, bringing her mind back to the present. Waiting for the animal to pass, she realized her shudders had diminished and her breathing had almost returned to normal.
She smiled a little, remembering how she’d had to make the first move with Drew. Sometimes she forgot that guys—even handsome ones—could be shy. She stopped by his office after all the tech sup
port people had left for the day and stared at the back of his rust-colored hair, working up her nerve. Finally, she cleared her throat to get his attention. When he turned around, she struggled to find her voice. “Um, I hate to bother you but my computer keeps freezing up. Can you help me?”
“I don’t usually handle those things. I’m a software engineer.”
“Oh.” She shoved her hands in the front pockets of her slacks. “I just figured since you work with computers, you might be able to fix it.”
“I’m on a deadline with this program I’m working on. I’ll leave a note for tech support, though.” The Star Trek Enterprise slowly sailed across his computer screen.
If it weren’t for Aracelli’s inside information, Beth would’ve given up. Drew was smart, cute and single. That was a rare trifecta once a woman passed her twenties. “Who’s your favorite captain?”
“Huh?”
She pointed at his screen saver.
He turned around and glanced at the outer space scene. “Captain Kirk, of course. He set the standard.”
“Shatner overacted.” Making a fist, she quoted a famous line from the series. “We need more power, Scottie.”
He cocked his head at her. “Are you a Trekkie?”
“Growing up, my dad and I watched reruns together.” When he had a few minutes in between saving souls. “I always felt bad for the guys in the red shirts when they beamed down to a strange planet.”
He smiled, his green eyes twinkling. “Because you knew they were going to die.” He tugged on his ear, which for some reason she found endearing. “So, original, Next Generation, or Voyager?”
“If the original truly represented the future, it seems likely to me that more of the officers would’ve been female. I mean, the only woman on deck with Kirk was Uhura and she was basically a telephone operator.”
Drew laughed, flashing his beautifully white teeth. “But she was a lieutenant. Did you know the actress who played Uhura planned to quit until Martin Luther King, Jr. told her it was one of the few shows he let his kids watch? He said she was doing something important, portraying not a ‘black role’ but ‘an equal role.’”
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