by Adam Grant
At the same time, it’s important to make sure that powerless communication doesn’t come at the expense of assertiveness when advocating for others’ interests and our own. GetRaised is a free resource that offers advice on negotiating salary increases. According to cofounder Matt Wallaert, the average pay increase is $6,726, provided that you’re underpaid. About half of male users succeed in getting a raise—compared with three quarters of female users (https://getraised.com).
7. Join a Community of Givers. To find other givers, join a Freecycle community to give away goods and see what other people need (www.freecycle.org). Another inspiring community of givers is ServiceSpace (www.servicespace.org), the home of a series of Giftivism initiatives started by Nipun Mehta. Headquartered in Berkeley, California, ServiceSpace has over 400,000 members and sends over fifty million e-mails a year. Yet they still operate by three rules: “no staff, no fundraising, and no strings attached.” Through ServiceSpace, Nipun has created a platform for people to increase their giver quotients, divided into three categories: gift economy projects, inspirational content, and volunteer and nonprofit support. One of the gift economy projects is Karma Kitchen, where the menu has no prices. When the bill arrives, it reads $0.00 and contains just two sentences: “Your meal was a gift from someone who came before you. To keep the chain of gifts alive, we invite you to pay it forward for those who dine after you.” Another gift economy project is HelpOthers.org, which collects stories of people playing giver tag: do something anonymously for someone else, and leave a smile card inviting them to pay it forward.
Nipun describes how one woman at a Fortune 500 company went to get a drink from the vending machine, and put extra change in with a note: “Your drink has been paid for by someone you don’t know. Spread the love.” Then, she brought in doughnuts and left another smile card behind. “A guy noticed this trend, and he decides to send an e-mail to the whole building,” Nipun says, laughing. “The guy writes, ‘I’ve been trying to track them down for a long time, and I think it’s between floors two and three.’ Now everybody’s on alert for kindness, and a bunch of people start doing it.” On the ServiceSpace website, you can order smile cards, help support nonprofit causes, subscribe to the weekly newsletter, or read a thought-provoking list of ways to give, such as paying the toll for the person behind you or thanking people for helping you by writing a complimentary note to their boss. “The more you give, the more you want to do it—as do others around you. It’s like going to the gym,” Nipun says. “If you’ve been working out your kindness muscles, you get stronger at it.”
Another impressive initiative is HopeMob, billed as the place “where generous strangers unite to bring immediate hope to people with pressing needs all over the world” (http://hopemob.org). For ideas about how to organize your own group of people to perform random acts of kindness, see the initiatives under way at Extreme Kindness in Canada (http://extremekindness.com) and The Kindness Offensive in the UK (http://thekindnessoffensive.com). The Kindness Offensive is a group of people who strive to be aggressively helpful, organizing some of the grandest random acts of kindness in human history. They’ve provided a toy for every child in a hospital in London, given away half a million pancakes, distributed tons of giveaways at festivals around Britain, provided free medical supplies and housing support to families in need and hosted tea parties for elderly people, obtained an electric guitar for a ten-year-old boy, and landed free front-row seats and behind-the-scenes training at the Moscow Circus for a father hoping to surprise his daughter. It may be no coincidence that the founder’s name is David Goodfellow.
You might also be intrigued by BNI (www.bni.com), Ivan Misner’s business networking organization with the motto of “Givers gain,” as well as the Go-Giver Community (www.thegogiver.com/community)—a group of people who read The Go-Giver fable by Bob Burg and John David Mann, and decided that giving would be a powerful way to live their professional lives.
8. Launch a Personal Generosity Experiment. If you’d rather give on your own, try the GOOD thirty-day challenge (www.good.is/post/the-good-30-day-challenge-become-a-good-citizen). Each day for a month, GOOD suggests a different way to give. For more examples of random acts of kindness, check out Sasha Dichter’s thirty-day generosity experiment (http://sashadichter.wordpress.com) and Ryan Garcia’s year of daily random acts of kindness (www.366randomacts.org). Dichter, the chief innovation officer at the Acumen Fund, embarked on a monthlong generosity experiment in which he said yes to every request for help that he received. Garcia, a sales executive at ZocDoc, is performing one random act of kindness every day for an entire year and keeping a blog about his experience, from stepping up as a mentor to thanking a customer service representative. As we saw in chapter 6, this generosity experiment is likely to be most psychologically rewarding if you spend somewhere between two and eleven hours a week on it, and if you distribute it into larger chunks—multiple acts once a week, instead of one act every day.
9. Help Fund a Project. Many people are seeking financial support for their projects. On Kickstarter (www.kickstarter.com), known as the world’s largest funding platform for creative projects, you can find people looking for help in designing and launching movies, books, video games, music, plays, paintings, and other products and services. On Kiva (www.kiva.org), you can identify opportunities to make microloans of $25 or more to entrepreneurs in the developing world. Both sites give you the chance to see and follow the progress of the people you help.
10. Seek Help More Often. If you want other people to be givers, one of the easiest steps is to ask. When you ask for help, you’re not always imposing a burden. Some people are givers, and by asking for help, you’re creating an opportunity for them to express their values and feel valued. By asking for a five-minute favor, you impose a relatively small burden—and if you ask a matcher, you can count on having an opportunity to reciprocate. Wayne and Cheryl Baker note that people can “Start the spark of reciprocity by making requests as well as helping others. Help generously and without thought of return; but also ask often for what you need.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The seeds for this book were planted by my grandparents, Florence and Paul Borock, who tirelessly invested their time and energy in others without expecting anything in return. Growing up, my curiosity about psychology and fascination with the quality of work life were sparked by my parents, Susan and Mark. My diving coach, Eric Best, showed me that psychology was a major force behind success, introduced me to the power of giving in developing others, and encouraged me to pursue a career that combined psychology and writing. I found that career thanks to Brian Little, whose wisdom and generosity changed the course of my life. Brian embodies the very best of the human condition, and it is due to his depth of knowledge, commitment to students, and ability to captivate an audience that I became a professor. As I began to study organizational psychology, I benefited tremendously from the mentoring of Jane Dutton, Sue Ashford, Richard Hackman, Ellen Langer, and Rick Price. In particular, Jane has challenged me to think more deeply and encouraged me to reach more broadly in striving to do research that makes a difference.
They say it takes an army to write a book, and mine was no exception: I felt very lucky to work with an army of givers whose fingerprints grace each page. Leading the charge was Richard Pine at InkWell, who exemplifies every quality that an author could possibly want in an agent. Richard has a true gift for seeing the potential in ideas and people, and is uniquely skilled and passionate in connecting them in powerful ways that use the written word to make the world a better place. From helping me find my voice in writing for a popular audience and championing the topic, to offering keen insights about the substance and identifying successful givers in our midst, Richard has had an indelible impact on this book and my life.
The other major creative force behind this book was editor extraordinaire Kevin Doughten. Among his many contributions, it is noteworthy that it was Kevin who put G
eorge Meyer on my radar and recognized that a unique feature of giver success lies in lifting others up. Kevin knows from personal experience, as this is the influence of his success on his authors. His perceptive, comprehensive feedback sharpened the structure, strengthened the arguments, and enriched the stories and studies—and motivated me to rewrite three chapters from scratch. Along with shaping every sentence in the book, Kevin’s guidance has fundamentally altered the way that I approach writing more generally.
At Viking, Rick Kot has gone far above and beyond the call of duty in offering his ingenuity, discerning eye, social capital, and stewardship. I feel fortunate to benefit from his support and the editorial, publicity, and marketing contributions of Catherine Boyd, Nick Bromley, Peter Chatzky, Risa Chubinsky, Carolyn Coleburn, Winnie De Moya, Andrew Duncan, Clare Ferraro, Alexis Hurley, Whitney Peeling, Lindsay Prevette, Britney Ross, Jeff Schell, Nancy Sheppard, Michael Sigle, Dennis Swaim, and Jeannette Williams, and the givers at Napa Group, LLC.
When I first contemplated the possibility of writing this book, many colleagues provided sage advice. I am especially grateful to Jennifer Aaker, Teresa Amabile, Dan Ariely, Susan Cain, Noah Goldstein, Barry Schwartz, Marty Seligman, Richard Shell, Bob Sutton, and Dan Pink—who not only shared invaluable insights, but also came up with the title. The idea for the book itself was inspired by a discussion with Jeff Zaslow and brought to life through dialogue with Justin Berg, whose vision and expertise immensely improved the form and function.
For discerning feedback on drafts, I thank Andy Bernstein, Ann Dang, Katherine Dean, Gabe Farkas, Alex Fishman, Alyssa Gelkopf, Kelsey Hilbrich, Katie Imielska, Mansi Jain, Valentino Kim, Phil Levine, Patrice Lin, Nick LoBuglio, Michelle Lu, Sara Luchian, Lindsay Miller, Starry Peng, Andrew Roberts, Danielle Rode, Suruchi Srikanth, Joe Tennant, Ryan Villanueva, Guy Viner, Becky Wald, Teresa Wang, Catherine Wei, and Tommy Yin. For leads on stories and connections to interviewees, I sincerely appreciate the help of Cameron Anderson, Dane Barnes, Renee Bell, Tal Ben-Shahar, Jesse Beyroutey, Grace Chen, Chris Colosi, Angela Duckworth, Bill Fisse, Juliet Geldi, Tom Gerrity, Leah Haimson, Dave Heckman, Dara Kritzer, Adam Lashinsky, Laurence Lemaire, Matt Maroone, Cade Massey, Dave Mazza, Chris Myers, Meredith Myers, Jean Oelwang, Bob Post, Jon Rifkind, Gavin Riggall, Claire Robertson-Kraft, Scott Rosner, Bobbi Silten, Matt Stevens, Brandon Stuut, Jeff Thompson, Mike Useem, Jerry Wind, Amy Wrzesniewski, George Zeng, and the extraordinary anonymous givers at Riley Productions (www.rileyprods.com).
For sharing their wisdom, knowledge, and experiences in interviews, along with the people quoted in the book, I thank Antoine Andrews, Peter Avis, Bernie Banks, Colleen Barrett, Margaux Bergen, Bob Brooks, Rano Burkhanova, Jim Canales, Virginia Canino, Bob Capers, Brian Chu, Bob Coghlan, Matt Conti, Mario DiTrapani, Atul Dubey, Nicole DuPre, Marc Elliott, Scilla Elworthy, Mark Fallon, Mike Feinberg, Christy Flanagan, Mike Fossaceca, Anna Gauthier, Jeremy Gilley, Kathy Gubanich, Michelle Gyles-McDonnough, Kristen Holden, Beak Howell, Tom Jeary, Diane and Paul Jones, Rick Jones, Melanie Katzman, Colin Kelton, Richard Lack, Larry Lavery, Eric Lipton, Theresa Loth, Nic Lumpp, Dan Lyons, Sergio Magistri, Susan Mathews, Tim McConnell, David McMullen, Debby McWhinney, Rick Miller, Roy Neff, Randi Nielsen, Scott O’Neil, Jenna Osborne, Charles Pensig, Bob Post, Larry Powell, Kate Richey, Manfred Rietsch, Jon Rifkind, Larry Roberts, Clare Sanderson, Rebecca Schreuder, Bill Sherman, Scott Sherman, John Simon, Ron Skotarczak, Marijn Spillebeen, David Stewart, Craig Stock, Suzanne Sutter, Pat Sweeney, Vivek Tiwary, Vickie Tolliver, Ashley Valentine, Tony Wells, Matthew Wilkins, Yair Yoram, Jochen Zeitz, and Fatima Zorzato.
Rachel Carpenter and Erica Connelly provided a wealth of innovative ideas for spreading the word about this book, and organized a productive ideation session in which Alison Bloom-Feshbach, Zoe Epstein, Sean Griffin, Adria Hou, Katherine Howell, Ian Martinez, Scott McNulty, Annie Meyer, and Becky Wald were kind enough to participate and contribute. For spending a week keeping giver journals, I appreciate the help of Josh Berman, Charles Birnbaum, Adam Compain, Keenan Cottone, Ben Francois, Jean Lee, Josh Lipman, Charlie Mercer, Phil Neff, Mary Pettit, Matt Pohlson, Kiley Robbins, Chris Sergeant, Kara Shamy, Charlene Su, and Nina Varghese.
Many other friends, colleagues, students, and family members helped to brainstorm about the framing and content of the book, including Sam Abzug, David Adelman, Bob Adler, Sebastian Aguilar, Tanner Almond, Michael Althoff, Dan Baker, Rangel Barbosa, Dominique Basile, Deepa Bhat, Bill Boroughf, Andrew Brodsky, Anita Butani, Lewis Chung, Constantinos Coutifaris, Cody Dashiell-Earp, Kathryn Dekas, Alex Edmans, Mehdi El Hajoui, Mark Elliott, Jerrod Engelberg, Dafna Eylon, Jackie Fleishman, Michelle Gaster, Christina Gilyutin, Guiherme Giserman, Ross Glasser, Matt Goracy, Brett Lavery Gregorka, Dan Gruber, Sheynna Hakim, Howard Heevner, Greg Hennessy, Dave Hofmann, Victoria Holekamp, Rick Horgan, John Hsu, David Jaffe, Amanda Jefferson, Nechemya Kagedan, Melissa Kamin, Jonathan Karmel, Ely Key, Jeff Kiderman, Anu Kohli, Ben Krutzinna, Amin Lakhani, Chester Lee, Amanda Liberatore, Nicole Lim, Lindsey Mathews Padrino, Amy Matsuno, Lauren Miller, Zach Miller, Josephine Mogelof, Lauren Moloney-Egnatios, David Moltz, Brian Nemiroff, Celeste Ng, Dan Oppedisano, Matt Pohlson, Georges Potworowski, Derrick Preston, Vyas Ramanan, David Rider, David Roberts, Jeremy Rosner, Juan Pablo Saldarriaga, Frances Schendle, Christine Schmidt, Margot Lee Schmorak, Ari Shwayder, Kurt Smith, Scott Sonenshein, Mike Taormina, Palmer Truelson, Jonathan Tugman, Eric Tulla, Mike Van Pelt, Jamie Wallis, Michael Wolf, Rani Yadav, Lauren Yaffe, Andrew Yahkind, and Ashley Yuki.
For their encouragement over the years, I thank Traci; Florie; my grandparents Marion and Jay Grant; my in-laws, Adrienne and Neal Sweet; and the Impact Lab. Most of all, I could not have written this book without the support of my wife, Allison. She has devoted countless hours to brainstorming, reading, discussing, and searching, and words cannot describe how much her love means to me. Every time I sat down to write, I drew on the example she sets. When it comes to giving in the family domain, she is the ultimate role model. Our children, Joanna, Elena, and Henry, are the greatest sources of joy and meaning in my life. I am incredibly proud of them, and I hope this book will offer their generation a new perspective on what it means to succeed.
REFERENCES
Chapter 1: Good Returns
Opening quote: Samuel L. Clemens (aka Mark Twain), “At the Dinner to Joseph H. Choate, November 16, 1901,” in Speeches at the Lotos Club, ed. J. Elderkin, C. S. Lord, and H. N. Fraser (New York: Lotos Club, 1911), 38.
Story of David Hornik and Danny Shader: Personal interviews with David Hornik (January 30 and March 12, 2012) and Danny Shader (February 13, 2012).
preferences for reciprocity: Edward W. Miles, John D. Hatfield, and Richard C. Huseman, “The Equity Sensitivity Construct: Potential Implications for Worker Performance,” Journal of Management 15 (1989): 581–588.
most people act like givers in close relationships: Margaret S. Clark and Judson Mills, “The Difference between Communal and Exchange Relationships: What It Is and Is Not,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin 19 (1993): 684–691.
people engage in a mix of giving, taking, and matching: Alan P. Fiske, Structures of Social Life: The Four Elementary Forms of Human Relations (New York: Free Press, 1991).
world of engineering: Francis J. Flynn, “How Much Should I Give and How Often? The Effects of Generosity and Frequency of Favor Exchange on Social Status and Productivity,” Academy of Management Journal 46 (2003): 539–553.
medical students in Belgium: Filip Lievens, Deniz S. Ones, and Stephan Dilchert, “Personality Scale Validities Increase Throughout Medical School,” Journal of Applied Psychology 94 (2009): 1514–1535.
salespeople in North Carolina: Adam M. Grant and Dane Barnes, “Predicting Sales Revenue” (working paper, 2011).
givers earn 14 percent less money: Timothy A. Judge, Beth A. Livingston, and Charlice Hurst, “Do Nice Guys—and Gals—Really Finish Last? The Joint Effects of Sex and Agreeablenes
s on Income,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 102 (2012): 390–407.
twice the risk of becoming victims of crimes: Robert J. Homant, “Risky Altruism as a Predictor of Criminal Victimization,” Criminal Justice and Behavior 37 (2010): 1195–1216.
judged as 22 percent less powerful and dominant: Nir Halevy, Eileen Y. Chou, Taya R. Cohen, and Robert W. Livingston, “Status Conferral in Intergroup Social Dilemmas: Behavioral Antecedents and Consequences of Prestige and Dominance,” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 102 (2012): 351–366.
envy successful takers: Eugene Kim and Theresa M. Glomb, “Get Smarty Pants: Cognitive Ability, Personality, and Victimization,” Journal of Applied Psychology 95 (2010): 889–901.
“It’s easier to win”: Personal interview with Randy Komisar (March 30, 2012).
“Politics”: Bill Clinton, Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World (New York: Random House, 2007), ix.
My account of Abraham Lincoln’s rise is based primarily on the riveting book by Doris Kearns Goodwin, Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln (New York: Simon & Schuster, 2006).
more popular than any other politician: Max J. Skidmore, Presidential Performance: A Comprehensive Review (Jefferson, NC: McFarland & Co., 2004).
