by BS Murthy
'You should've opted to be co-wives then,' he said sharing her mood. 'Jokes apart, I admire your love.'
'To tell you the truth,' said Sandhya smiling, 'by the time we realized that, we both got married.'
'By the quirk of fate,' he said as if to put ideas into her head, 'it seems, someone had missed so much in life.'
'Let me not miss you now,' she said eagerly.
'Wonder how,' he said taking her into her arms, 'Roopa excites you as well as depresses you.'
'That is true,' she said before he sealed her lips.
Over their weeklong stay there, having gauged Sandhya's ability to take things objectively. Raja Rao thought it fit to lead her on the realistic path of life.
'Sandhya,' she heard him croon, as she lay exhausted in his arms that night, their last night of the honeymoon at Kothalanka.
'Hahn.'
'I must confess to you that I fancied some women and enjoyed a few of them even,' he said, 'I even imagined that a wife couid be just another woman in my iife. However, you've made me reaiize that wife is man's very own woman, different from aii other women.'
'Are you upset,' he enquired, as she didn't respond, 'that you didn't get a virgin man.'
'No, not at aii' said Sandhya. 'I was just thinking about something eise.'
'Normaiiy it is better that woman keeps her past from her man,' he said setting the standard for their reiationship. 'As I appreciate the proclivities of youth, you can be open with me without any hesitation.'
Then she readily narrated her experience in the city bus, and said, 'All that would seem so funny now.'
'Well,' he said, making light of it, 'he stirred the nest and the bird flew into my hold.'
'Now I'm relieved,' she said, 'Oh, how it has been bothering me ever since.'
'Treat that as one of those small pleasures in life, and no more,' he said smiling. 'But they have a place of their own in one's life.'
'M aybe, it's my love for you,' she said reaching for him, 'which induced that guilt in me.'
'While nature has conceived man-woman attraction for the furtherance of procreation,' he said to let her understand the import of it all, 'it's man that invented the institution of marriage for orderly living. However, nature didn't oblige us by altering the catalysis of man-woman chemistry to suit the structured need of marital fidelity. Thus, the human proclivity to get attracted to the opposite sex comes into conflict with the concept of adultery. That's why it's not fair to judge the sexual ethics of others.'
'You're an intellectual,' she said in all admiration to him. 'I am proud of you really.'
'You are my angel indeed,' he said, as he became eager all again. 'I adore you.'
When the time came for the Raja Raos to leave, the old man hoped there would be similar summers to come.
'But they should come with the newborn next time,' said Narasamma, making Sandhya blush to the roots.
After being in the seventh heaven for over a week, the honeymooners left Konaseema for their new sojourn.
Chapter 16
Tidings of Ljove
Roopa was languid in her bed that morning when she received Sandhya's telegram ARRIVING TWENTIETH GODAVARI RECEIVE US STATION.
Overwhelmed, she threw her hands up in excitement. However, she picked up 'The Hindu' lying in the door latch as though to confirm the date. Thrilled at the prospect of meeting Raja Rao, she looked at the clock, and was shocked at what she saw.
'There's hardly any time left. Oh, the train would arrive in half an hour, the time that takes me to reach the station. Can't the department show some consideration for such messages,' she thought in irritation. 'Why did Sandhya have to wait until the eleventh hour to wire?'
While cursing her friend impulsively, she reached for the mirror instinctively.
Tve to appear before Raja unkempt or keep them waiting to freshen up,' she thought, apprising herseif of her appearance. 'Oh, how I've been craving to see him for the past eieven days! When the ionged-for moment is on hand, why am I bothering about my iooks? If I don't show up in time, they may try to make it on their own. Won't that further deiay hisdarshan? Moreover, a mix-up wouid ieave them stranded at the doorsteps. And that wouid sureiy present me in a poor iight. Oh, no, I wiii change the sari and tend to my hair on the way.'
As soon as she got into an auto-rickshaw, she began goading the driver to go in top gear, aii the whiie biaming herseif for her predicament, 'Oh, how stupid! Wasn't it my idea to receive them at the station that has ianded me in this mess? Didn't they say they wouid make it on their own even then? But, I insisted on receiving them, didn't I? Oh, how couid I've anticipated aii this? Was it my fauit wanting to see him as he got down from the train? For aii my ionging, don't I deserve to see him as he aiights? But as iuck wouid have it, I might as weii miss the bus.'
'What's wrong with you?' she berated the driver in annoyance. 'Where have you parked your driving skiiis?'
'M adam,' the driver said in apparent heipiessness, 'what can be done when the roads are as bad and the tyres so dear.'
'Oh, the roads, they are as wretched as my iife,' she feit dejectediy whiie her thoughts turned to Sathyam instinctiveiy, 'Why had he to go today, of aii days, on that god-damn tour? Had he not woken me up at four, I wouidn't have had a disturbed sieep iater, and so shouid've got up as usuai. It's as though ill-luck would shadow me in his shape.'
Having reached the Secunderabad Railway Station with such wayward thoughts, Roopa all but fumbled at the Enquiry Counter. However, on learning that the Godavari was expected shortly, such was her relief that she didn't bother to check up whether she was early in coming or the train was late in arriving.
Pregnant with expectations all again, she rushed to the designated platform and awaited their arrival with all her heart. 'Post-nuptials, how would Raja look?' as she thought, she tried to envision him with a peculiar sense of thrill. Instinctively she recalled the glow on Sathyam's face in the wake of their first night, and felt, 'Raja must be looking at his handsomest best given his unique looks.' As she recalled his enamored demeanor and the longing touch, she craved even more for him.
'It feels as though we met only the other day,' she thought in fondness. 'How two weeks have passed since! Oh, when weeks could roll by in his thoughts, then years could be but fleeting moments in his company. Why does he never leave my thoughts? It's as if I'm incapable of holding any picture other than his persona now! It's as though he has become an immutable essence of my consciousness.'
'Would he have given me a damn all these days?' it crossed her mind to her consternation. 'Were it possible that he wouldn't have thought about me at all? But then, didn't the love bug bite us in the same vein? But still, wasn't it just a brief encounter? Is it possible that it was just an agreeable distraction for him? Moreover, hasn't he been with his beautiful bride all the while? Oh, how stupid of me to expect that he would long for me!'
Though startled by the thought, she nevertheless conjectured in hope, 'He loves Sandhya for sure, and don't I rejoice at her fortune for that. Still can't he feel some fondness for me as well? In spite of his preoccupation with Sandhya, shouldn't he be thinking about me in blissful anticipation? Of course, the same way I think of him while in Sathyam's arms.'
'What if the glow of my attraction had paled by Sandhya's effervescence in his eyes?' she thought in fright, as her doubts resurfaced. 'Sandhya's ardency should've nipped his passion for me in the bud. Oh, don't I know how ardent she is. Besides, her ethereal beauty should've bewitched him, blinding his eyes to my charms forever. The softness of her manner should've seeped into the soft centre he could have nursed for me in his heart. Her love by now could have satiated his lust, obliterating the traces of his infatuation forme.'
As she turned gloomy thus, she thought melancholically, 'I should've known that it wouldn't lead me anywhere. Yet, how did I fail to rein in my enamored heart! Why this fruitless feeling for my friend's man? Oh, won't this fatal attraction for him engulf my life in passionate miser
y? Well, the dead weight of my hopes used to be a drag on my life but hasn't this throbbing pain of love activated my heart. When it is so pleasurable pining for him, what a feeling it would be to posses him. All said and done, does it not amount to consciously coveting Sandhya's man?'
Shocked by the thought, she questioned herself in disbelief, 'Why didn't my conscience caution me while my infatuation coveted her man? Is it because it's love that's at the root of my passion? After all. I'm not out to snatch him from her, am I? Of course, I wish to bestow my affection on the man whom she seems to adore. Given our lesbianism, what's wrong if I want to augment her man's happiness with my body and soul as well? How thrilling it could be for the three of us in a grand liaison!'
Having rationalized her proclivity thus, visualizing the ecstasies of their passionate orgies, she got excited.
Soon, the train halted on platform number two to unload its load of weary passengers. At length, when she saw him alight from a first class coach, she stopped in her tracks. 'Didn't I guess it right? Oh, he looks so divine,' she thought endearingly, espying him alluringly. 'It's worth pining for him even though it's paining. Isn't pain better than the lack of any feeling?' In time when she spotted Sandhya, Roopa's look acquired a new found love. As she rushed towards them, she recalled that incident on the train, and felt, 'If that weird episode could romanticize my gloom, wouldn't his vivacity have overwhelmed her in a romantic whirlwind?'
When Roopa was at arm's length, Sandhya leapt towards her, losing her balance in the bargain. As Raja Rao instinctively tried to prevent Sandhya from tumbling, his hands clasped Roopa's arms calling the same bidding. Holding Sandhya in between them, as they looked at each other, his gaze portrayed longing and her look acquired the feeling of belonging. Later, as he was arranging for a coolie, the friends were boggled with tears of joy.
'How's Sathyam?' enquired Sandhya at length.
'He's okay but away,' replied Roopa. 'He went to Warangal before your telegram arrived.'
'How disappointing it is?' said Sandhya. 'Will he be back before we leave tomorrow?'
'I thought,' said Roopa in disappointment, 'you would be staying a little longer.'
'Honestly,' said Raja Rao, who joined them by then, 'we're hard pressed for time, but wanted to see you two nevertheless.'
'He's again at it with that 'too',' Roopa thought amusedly, but said softly. 'Can't you imagine what your coming means to me?'
'Why imagine,' he said seductively, 'when it's all so apparent. Thanks for the hearty welcome.'
'He's impossible,' Roopa felt thrilled by his audacity. 'He's not even worried that Sandhya might guess.'
Securing the rest of their luggage in the cloakroom, they exited with a suitcase that Raja Rao carried. Walking along with them, Roopa thought, 'Surely, he heard about Sathyam's absence but failed to voice the customary disappointment. Why, won't he know it's a godsend for him to make advances at me? It's clear that he knows that I have fallen head over heels for him, with all my heart and soul as well. The fact that he kept mum shows he's not a hypocrite, and how I abhor hypocrisy, though I was guilty of it with Chandrika then. Anyway, won't Sathyam's absence suit me as well, for the same reason? Well, it could be providential, couldn't it be? Besides, Sathyam's presence could have devalued me in Raja's esteem.'
Gladdened by Roopa's warm welcome. Raja Rao was saddened that he would have to bid her adieu the very next day. Though he toyed with the idea of extending their stay, he gave it up in the end, afraid it might give him away. However, he made up his mind to probe her heart while expressing his feelings to her.
Chapter 17
Tentative M oves
By the time Roopa came out of the Railway Station with Raja Rao and Sandhya, the auto-stand wore a deserted look. Moving away from them to locate an auto, Roopa hailed at a passing one. The auto driver as though to show her, her place in the love triangle, drove in to form a wedge between her and the wedded couple. As Roopa got in from the right. Raja Rao stepped in from the left to place the luggage in the space behind. As he was about to step out to let Sandhya get in, he found himself pushed in by her, unmindful of the protocol. As Sandhya nudged him for more space for herself, he was pushed closer to Roopa that filled her heart and thrilled his senses.
Pressed between his wife and the woman he enamored. Raja Rao realized that his sex life would be dull without bedding the latter as well. The jerks of the journey thereon that jostled their man closer to them sharpened Sandhya's sensuality and deepened Roopa's desire.
'If a mere thirty minute ride with him could be so exciting, how exhilarating a lifelong journey would be then?' Roopa thought, reluctantly getting down when the auto reached her place.
Once they got in. Raja Rao went into the bathroom to shower himself, while the friends were engaged with the marriage albums.
'One might think,' said Roopa finding herself in every other picture, 'I'm photo-crazy.'
'On the other hand,' said Sandhya affectionately, 'we thought you're a value addition.'
'Who else?' said Roopa.
'Can't you guess?' said Sandhya pointing to her husband with her eyes as he came.
'Madam, I feel you've kept watch to catch me at mischief,' he said, making Roopa blush to the roots.
'I was only trying to measure,' said Roopa, composing herself readily, 'my friend's fortune in the making.'
'What a compliment!' he said, thrilled at that. 'Though it's said that beauty and brains won't coexist in feminine frames, both of you seem to have appropriated most of both.'
Thank you,' said Sandhya thrilled by the romance of the moment. 'But you better stop this madam business. Don't you know she has a beautiful name?'
'Won't she feel,' he said, looking at Roopa, 'that it strikes a familiar note?'
'Roopa,' said Roopa, matching his gaze.
'Roopa,' he repeated, thrilling her senses.
'I'll go for a bath,' said Sandhya, and left.
'Roopa,' he addressed her as she buried herself in an album. As the ardency in his tone signaled a note of urgency, she shifted her loving gaze from the groom in the pictures onto him in her presence.
'Roopa,' he repeated
'Hahn.'
'We'll be leaving tomorrow,' he said with a feeling of disappointment, which she noticed in the tenor of his tone.
'I know,' she said, as her hapless mind filtered the true feelings of her heart that read, 'I know, but how I wish you would take me too.'
He kept quiet, staring at her in disappointment.
'You could have stayed for a day or more,' he felt she could have said without compromising herself. 'Then I would have seized the chance to open my heart to her. And couldn't she have poured out her heart in reciprocity? It's apparent that she's attracted to me, there is no mistaking that. Doesn't her heavy manner belie the burden of her love even?' The thought that she loved him pleased him even more for her presence.
Finding him truant, she realized that she goofed up her chance, and thought, 'Any commonplace comment could have kept the dialogue alive, and who knows, what it would have unraveled. Why can't he realize that it's but a mere slip of the tongue, symbolizing the gulf between my feelings and expression?'
As though blaming him didn't appeal to her, Roopa tried to rationalize the lack of forthrightness on his part, 'After all, in his position, he can't but be tentative, for the fear of offending my sensitivity.' However, even as their lips were sealed in apprehension, their eyes continued their conversation without any inhibition.
Meanwhile Sandhya felt refreshed while freshening herself in her bath. 'Roopa likes my man,' she thought excitedly. 'But then, won't women find him fascinating if they happen to get acquainted with him? That way, he too turned fond of her. Why, can any man ever ignore her either? Won't it be nice if only we three could form a friendly triangle? Oh, how lucky I am to have a friend like her and a man like him!'
However, as Sandhya came out in excitement, she found them both immersed in their own thoughts.
> 'Being sworn friends,' Sandhya said in jest, 'why are you sitting like strangers?'
'Being a gentleman,' said Roopa smiling, as she left for her bath, 'your hubby seems to believe in ladies being first.'
While Sandhya laughed at the remark. Raja Rao was pleased with her innuendo.
As she entered the bathroom, the very thought that he had his bath there earlier thrilled Roopa's sensuality. As she undressed herself, she recalled his searching looks, which made her imagine herself in his presence, and his thought in her nudity induced pulsations in her frame, increasing her craving for his possession. Even as she showered
herself leisurely, she sighed for him longingly, and while reaching for her soap, seeing theirs, she was drawn to it impulsively. Well, in her bath of fantasy that she had had, their soap became a fetish that freshened as well as excited her in equal measure.
As they gossiped after breakfast, the topic of children cropped up in time. 'What's your prediction about her children?' said Sandhya thrusting Roopa's hand at him.
'It would be a pleasure,' he said, grabbing what was on offer, 'speculating the prospect.'
'But don't turn it into a farce,' cautioned Sandhya, as he began fondly feeling Roopa's outstretched hand.
'What a lovely hand!' he thought, enjoying the feeling of her touch. 'Why, it's a classic psychic hand with those shapely fingers in their full length. How I failed to notice the beauty of her hands all this while!' While, he found himself fondling her hand, more to communicate his love than to envision her future, seemingly in a trance he thought, 'Obviously enamored of the character of her main attributes, I became oblivious to the charms of her remaining features.'
Then divined by desire to espy her features, he mapped her feet with his caressing looks. 'Oh, what an attractive woman she is! Won't she have a curvy frame from head to foot to make her deadly in bed? Oh, what a dame she is! Is there a better lass to possess?' as he thought, so he gripped her hand ardently goading her passion.
'What are the indications?' Sandhya was impatient.
