by BS Murthy
Soon in her daydreams. Raja Rao sank into a deep sleep.
By the time Sandhya went up to her, Roopa was in luscious wait in her makeshift bed. Dropping her lingerie readily, Sandhya ardently merged with Roopa's nudity. As she felt ecstatic fondling Roopa's body after having been devoured by her man, Sandhya could discern the duality of her passion on a differing plane. She felt that while lesbianism ennobled her sublime femininity, union with her man gave her the measure of her womanliness. Thus, enjoying the emollient variation of her weakness, she began to savor Roopa's body, having comprehended its true value to her life. Having been satiated by Raja's masculine passion, in her state of equity, Sandhya set out to satisfy Roopa with her feminine ardor even as Roopa turned delirious on Sandhya's frame with an urge to satiate herself where her lover felt fulfilled
The very thought that her lover copulated with her mate sharpened Roopa's sensuality, and that made her imagine she smelled him through his wife's medium. Even as she caressed Sandhya's frame, Roopa could feel Raja's masculinity in their feminine embrace and in Sandhya's deep kissing, Roopa felt as if she tasted her lover's saliva in her mate's mouth. Visualizing Raja's manhood in motion, while Roopa went oral at the source of its lubrication in her mate's frame, Sandhya went into raptures craving for her man's presence, even as her mate, as though to taste him, savored her where he mounted.
With the mutual solace their lovemaking afforded them, as they lay languid in their arms, said Roopa, 'Now kiss and tell what's it like with him.'
After whispering her reminiscences of her honeymoon for Roopa's ears, Sandhya said, 'Well, even the vigor of his virility can't subdue my urge for our union. Oh, how I wish you could come along with us.'
'I think my luck and love are poles apart,' said Roopa melancholically. 'If only I were single, I would have begged you to take me along with you as your co-wife. But what's worse for me, you would be so far away, increasing my misery even more.'
'Now I too feel,' said Sandhya moved herself, 'we would have been better off living together as co-wives.'
'I could divorce Sathyam for the Act-1,' said Roopa in half jest. 'But for the Act-2, having a wife like you, would your husband suffer me?'
'Shall I'll ask him then,' Sandhya got up, in mock seriousness.
'When needed,' said Roopa, as she pulled Sandhya back into her arms, 'I'll ask him myself.'
'Have you told him about us?' Roopa asked, fondling Sandhya.
'Not yet, though I was thinking about it all the while,' said Sandhya dreamily. 'In a way, our love doesn't take anything away from him as our amour is not hampering my ardor for him. Yet, I find the associated emotions so different. I see no conflict and I don't feel any contradiction either. After all, my love to you and him are nursed on different planes. But how come you never talked about it to Sathyam?'
'As I don't feel for him much,' said Roopa dryly, 'there's no emotional hitch as such.'
'But now,' said Sandhya, 'it looks like you're okay with him.'
'Well, don't I've a duty to perform as wife?' said Roopa looking vacantly. 'I thought I've no right to make him feel wanting due to my disillusionment. Somehow, I feel it could be risky to reveal it to your husband even, as he might not like it. It would be the death of me if he weans you away from my embrace.'
'I love you for the way you feel,' said Sandhya, kissing Roopa. 'Even if I tell Raja, I know he'll understand. Nevertheless, I would wait. Imagine, I told him about my escapade in the city bus.'
'What was his reaction?' Roopa sat up, as if to watch her Raja's feelings in Sandhya's face.
'He made light of it,' said Sandhya, 'as no more than a small pleasure.'
'I'm happy,' Roopa kissed Sandhya as if the gesture was meant for him, 'that you've got a confident man.'
'Good night,' Sandhya whispered kissing Roopa. 'Let me see if he got up, you've made me need him all again.'
'Good night,' said Roopa winking at Sandhya, 'Wish you the best of both.'
'Why is life hard on some while being soft on others?' Roopa contemplated after Sandhya had left. 'The sastras would have us believe that it's all owing to karma, while the philosophers stress that life is conditioned by a combination of circumstances. It could be true either way, but how does that help me anyway. For all that, does life play favorites? But that's unlikely, for after all, why should life be partial to some when all bear its own patent. Yet, some like me get condemned, all the time, don't they? But why is that so?'
'It's as though life has an obligation for itself as a whole and not to the beings that make up that whole,' she tried to probe into the proclivities of life as though to solve the puzzle of her state. 'It would appear as if life feels a monotonous regimen would bore people to death, bringing the creation to an unintended end. Therefore, for the larger good of itself, life could have found it expedient to take recourse to individual inequities to keep the general interest in it alive for all. Wonder how life prepares the black list for the fate to act upon! As all are dear to it, were it possible that blindfolded, it would go in for random selection with a sinking heart! Once fate takes over the earmarked, won't weddings come in handy for it to impart misery in many wrong permutations and provide bliss in a few right combinations! Then is there nothing left for me to do than to regret my fate, all my life?'
As though her pain infected nature itself, it opened the skies to shed its tears, and closing the windows to avoid the spatter, she felt melancholic, 'So that's how I've got the rough end of the married stick then. But why not grab the silken glove of liaison that is dangling before me now? Won't that meet life's need for variety as well? As it had imposed a husband of its choice on me, now let me choose the lover after my heart.'
When it stopped raining as though on cue, opening the windows, Roopa feit nature too desired herturbuience to end in Raja Rao'sarms.
'Wouid it be fair to Sathyam?' she tried to anaiyze as she was consumed by selfdoubts all over again. 'But then, what could be done when fidelity forces a loveless life on me? What's this infidelity all about? Isn't it man's idea to negate woman's amour. While male-female attraction is the cornerstone of creation, man seeks to blindfold woman with marital fidelity. Leaving that aside, what does a wife ought to give her man? Of course, she should keep an amiable home for him to recreate and procreate. As for love, woman needs it as much as man, doesn't she? Is love something of a recipe that a woman could prepare at her husband's bidding?
'How can I help when he doesn't inspire love in my heart,' she wailed at her plight. 'After all, was it not said that love is but a part of man's life while it is a woman's whole existence? Oh, it's every bit true! Sathyam is merry in marriage, enjoying all that goes with it, while I'm miserable, despairing for love. I can't be happy without Raja, that's clear by now, isn't it? After all, I owe something to my life, don't I? What's the contradiction, if while leading my love life with Raja, I look after Sathyam's marital needs as well? It seems to be the only sensible way to go about life than feel deprived all my life.'
Having resolved to have Raja Rao for her lover, she was at peace with herself, 'Of course, it would be unfair for woman to let the paramour father her child. Why, perhaps it's the only thing unethical about adultery, isn't it? A woman ought to take care that things don't be mixed up at that end. I would need Raja for my fulfillment and Sathyam can have his child if he could.' Having resolved on a liaison with her lover, Roopa slumbered in expectation.
Chapter 19
Curtain of Courtesy
At the break of the dawn, Roopa awoke to the sound of the buzzer, and was surprised to see Sathyam at the door. Seeing the makeshift bed in the hall, he was surprised in turn, but before he could enquire from Roopa, he got the reply from Sandhya, 'I'm happy you've come.' While Roopa took the briefcase from Sathyam's hand. Raja Rao who had joined them by then, observed her demeanor to discern her emotions, and having noticed a perceptible disappointment in her, he felt vindicated.
'Glad I've come back,' said a visibly delighted Sathya
m, 'I didn't want to waste my time there, as they weren't ready with their paperwork. Had I known that you were coming, I wouldn't have gone there at all.' Somehow Sathyam always felt Sandhya's genuine warmth elevated his self-worth whereas Roopa's condescending love tended to undermine his self-esteem.
'We came as you left,' said Raja Rao in greeting, extending his hand to Sathyam, 'and we would be leaving by the evening.'
'Wish you stayed fora couple of days more,' said Sathyam in disappointment.
'We've planned to spend some time with my parents before we pack off to Delhi,' said Raja Rao.
'When will you come to Delhi?' said Sandhya to Sathyam, leaning on Roopa's shoulder, 'at least in reciprocation.'
'Let Roopa fix the muhurtham,' said Sathyam as he went to freshen himself.
'I'll wait for the call,' said Roopa dreamily.
'Do you really need one?' said Raja Rao. 'Don't you know you're always welcome?'
'Oh, now I see,' said Roopa joyously, 'that It's a two-way highway.'
After a while, having gone through 'The Hindu' In the meantime, Sathyam and Raja Rao began to chit-chat. In the kitchen however, Sandhya was assisting Roopa In the preparation of dosasand sambar for breakfast.
'With all that clout,' said Raja Rao, 'It must be a heady feeling working In the department.'
'True, It's glamorous at the top,' grumbled Sathyam, 'but It's drudgery all the way down, more so for honest folks like us. The conscientious carry the burden, and the unscrupulous walk away with the spoils.'
'1 always felt,' commented Raja Rao, 'there's a striking similarity between a middleclass home and a government office. One earns for half-a-dozen that sit at home, and at the office, one works and a score gossip.'
'If anything,' lamented Sathyam, 'the reservations ruined the work culture further. Seeing the way the scheduled casts and scheduled tribes s are promoted out of turn. In double-quick time, others have come to doubt the virtue of hard work. The net result Is that hardly anyone works In the departments these days.'
'It's the way he cribs to whoever listens,' said Roopa to Sandhya In consternation. 'Either he makes you mad by narrating how he's being Ignored In spite of his merit, or bores you to death by enlightening how the reservations are ruining the nation.'
'That only shows his frustration,' said Sandhya.
'That's okay, but there must be a limit to one's lament,' said Roopa, and added as though on a second thought, 'more so In matters like these.'
'1 can understand your feelings,' they heard Raja Rao tell Sathyam. 'But, 1 for one think that It's a subject that needs to be viewed with a broader perspective.'
'I'm sorry If I've given you the Impression that I'm unsympathetic to them,' Sathyam said In clarification. 'No, that's not the case. What 1 feel Is, and let me tell you. It's the general perception, that the government could support them by extending all help to pursue their education. But let the job market be truly open for competition.'
'I don't think that's how we should approach this Issue,' said Raja Rao. 'Let me explain by way of an example. Would any father leave his plain daughter remain a spinster because none comes forward to marry her? You know that he would search the earth to find her a match. If It comes to that, he would cough up the extra buck for dowry. If her better endowed sisters were to grouse for that concern, won't he say that he owed It to her to see her married as well?'
Raja Rao then paused to see how Sathyam reacted, and finding no bad blood, he said,
'In case a son doesn't shine as well as his siblings, would the father bask In the glory of his glorious sons, leaving the sluggard to his fate? Won't he support him all through while bequeathing a little more In the end. If his other sons were to cry foul, the father's soul might as well wonder In the heaven, 'Why do these guys, enjoying the fortunes of a bright birth, envy the props 1 provided for their poor brother?'
'It's a peculiar feature of human nature that we love to see those close to us climb up the staircase of success, but, behind us,' continued Raja Rao even as Roopa brought some coffee for him and milk for Sathyam. 'If they happen to catch up with us, needing to share the space with them, we feel choked, and were they to overtake us, we feel
morose, though they might remain friendiy. It is because, used as we were to condescend to descend in our affections, we iose countenance, not counting our jeaiousy, that they too might seem patronizing from the aitered stations.'
'Is it unfair,' questioned Sathyam spiritediy, 'to expect the quaiified from the scheduied casts to fend forthemseives?'
'Shouid the government wash off its hands,' continued Raja Rao, 'after doiing out some sops here and providing a few props there, won't that amount to a haif measure? It has to support them at every stage until their faculties are developed, needing no more crutches. If others feel aggrieved about that, it only amounts to grieving over the recompense to the unfortunates while themselves enjoying the benefits of a more fortunate birth. Not that I can't understand the individual inequities these reservations bring about, but for the greater social good, we've got to put up with these aberrations. After all, it's these reserved positions that enable them to hold their head high in the social milieu which had spurned them all along.'
'But for how long,' said Sathyam, 'and that too when they tend to misuse the opportunities?'
'Perhaps, you've answered that yourself,' said Raja Rao. 'Hasn't the society ostracized them physically and suppressed them morally for centuries, thereby sinking their collective consciousness into a morass. Knowing well what it takes to regain one's selfconfidence after a reverse or two, would it be difficult to envisage what it takes for the so-called SCs and STs to start believing in themselves? Do you honestly believe that the climate today is conducive to their emotional integration with the social mainstream? It's surprising why we fail to put ourselves in their sectarian shoes, knowing that birth is a chancy proposition, after all.'
'But where's the need for the second-generation reservations?' questioned Sathyam.
'For that, let's consider the affects of the withdrawal syndrome,' explained Raja Rao. 'As can be expected, some won't make the grade and go back to square one. That would only dent the community confidence besides demoralizing the affected individuals. The key to their ennoblement lies in the caste confidence brought about by individual enrichment. It should be realized that those mandatory ministerial berths and the quota of secretaries would only help buttress their communal self-worth. Maybe, to better their lot, their general welfare is to be addressed while their community should be helped to build its economic base through tiny enterprise.'
'In spite of being the most favored,' Sathyam was critical, 'won't they still desert our religion?'
'That's the irony of the Hindu society,' said Raja Rao sadly. 'So long as they're in our fold, we have nothing to do with them, but when they change their faith in frustration, we blame it upon them! What's the use of gloating over our great religion, when we fail to make them feel at home even in our Gods' abodes? Why we never give them cause to believe that Hinduism is their religion, do we?'
'Maybe,' said Sathyam resignedly, 'that's the way to look at these issues.'
'It seems sensitivity is all about the ability to see from the side of the deprived,' said Sandhya who came to serve them breakfast.
The rest of the day turned out to be uneventful for Roopa and Raja Rao though it enabled Sathyam and Sandhya get closer to each other. In the end, reaching the Secunderabad Railway Station in the evening, they retrieved the luggage from the cloakroom. As Sathyam volunteered to keep pace with the coolie. Raja Rao stopped at Higginbotham's. At that, Roopa slowed down, pretending to mend her chappal, even as
Sandhya proceeded to keep company with Sathyam. Sensing Roopa's gesture, Raja Rao joined her hurriediy, picking up the current 'Sunday'.
'I hope,' he said, as he reached towards her, 'you remember.'
'Can I forget,' she said, without raising her head.
'I shaii aiways cherish you,' he said iov
ingiy.
As she was about to say something, he reaiized that they were in the earshot of Sathyam, and so he hailed him as though to forewarn her.
'While his presence has set the narrative of my life in poetic prose, won't his absence make it prosaic all again?' Roopa thought, and looked at Raja Rao longingly as they went up to Sathyam and Sandhya.
At length, when the guard whistled, Roopa felt as though Raja Rao's eyes whispered, 'I love you.'
Waving to them as the M inar Express chugged out, Roopa wondered, 'Would I ever be able to make my life poetic in his passion? Am I really destined for that?'
Chapter 20
Blueprint in the Offing
Unmindful of the sentimental ways of its passengers, while the M inar Express kept its westward course, reclining in the first class coupe. Raja Rao reminisced over that incomplete encounter with Roopa.
'What would she have said had I not drawn her attention to Sathyam's presence?' he began to contemplate, 'Could she have disclosed her love for me? Unlikely, but surely she would have said something to break the ice. How momentous it should've been if we were slower by a step or two. Isn't it clear to both of us that we're in love with each other? Haven't we conveyed our love in so many words and in such subtle ways? What remained was affixing the 'I Love You' stamp to the envelope of our mutual fascination. Of course, to post it to the address of our affair, isn't it? Well, in spite of having Sandhya, life may not be worth living without possessing Roopa.'
