“That’s my intention.”
Clasping the cup with both hands, she stared down at its contents instead of his face. “I hope you don’t think—” She stopped and turned pleading eyes up at him. “I haven’t changed my mind about marrying you, Daniel.”
He studied her with a quiet gentleness that wrung a tear from her heart. “Because you’re afraid.”
She breathed deeply and nodded. “I’d drive you crazy with my fear, Daniel. I’d drive both of us crazy. And then you’d end up hating me. And I couldn’t stand that.” She looked at him with fresh hope. “Maybe we could—just keep things like this. Maybe just seeing each other occasionally would be better.”
His expression was stone smooth. “Would that be enough for you?”
Her mind was suddenly jammed with images of Daniel kissing her, touching her breasts and entering her body with a reverent hunger that took her breath away. No, if she spent every hour of every day with him it wouldn’t be enough.
“Not really,” she murmured with regret.
He reached up and pushed his long brown fingers into her hair. “It wouldn’t be enough for me, either. This morning when I woke and you were lying next to me, I looked at you and knew that this was how it had to always be.”
The love she heard in his words only squeezed her heart with pain. Blinking at her stinging eyes, she leaned over and placed the half-empty coffee cup on the nightstand.
“It can’t be like that, Daniel.”
His lips spread to a thin line. “Why? Because I’m Ute and you’re a Ketchum?” he asked bitterly.
Maggie gasped as she turned back to him. “That’s…a despicable thing to say to me! Especially with me sitting here naked in your bed!”
His expression softened. “Having sex with me isn’t the same as marrying me. Think about it, Maggie.”
So he believed she was just using him to satisfy her own physical needs? The idea floored her.
But that’s the way it looks to him. You were willing to spend the night making love to him, but you’re not willing to take his name.
The inner voice barking back at her made her stop and take a second breath.
“You being Ute has nothing to do with it. I’m terrified and you know it!”
She climbed out of bed and jerked her panties off the foot rail. As Daniel watched her step into them, he said, “What are you afraid of exactly? That I’ll be like Robert Redwing? That I’ll turn into a sot and leave you and Aaron behind?”
Maggie glared at him. “No. Nothing like that. I’m terrified of seeing you put six feet underground. Of knowing that I’d never see you, hear you, touch you ever again!”
Rising from the bed, he held up his hands in a helpless gesture. “Why would you worry about that? I’m very healthy and reasonably young. Are you preoccupied with death?”
Was she? It was hard not to be when every day she looked around her and saw what one fatal moment had done to her life. “I don’t know. It’s touched my life in a horrible way, Daniel. First my father and then Hugh. Tucker and Amelia are gone now, too. And even poor Noah’s life ended on the T Bar K. Sometimes…sometimes I’m afraid it’s not meant for me to…to have a family—any family.”
His expression was pained as he went to her. “I’m not Hugh, Maggie.”
“No. You’re young and vibrant. But accidents can happen and you’re a big target with that badge you wear on your chest.” Shaking her head, she rubbed a hand across her burning eyes. “Besides,” she muttered, “I’m too old for you.”
“That’s stupid.”
“Look at my breasts,” she ordered.
“I am. They’re beautiful.” He cupped his hand around one rounded globe.
She groaned. “Maybe in your eyes. But they’re not young and perky. I’m not even sure if I can get pregnant now. And you want children.”
His hand slid protectively to her lower belly. “You’re probably pregnant with our child right now. We haven’t used birth control,” he reminded her.
Maggie stifled a groan. Last night she’d been so eager to make love to him, she’d forgotten all about using any sort of protection. The man was changing her, and after these past several years of dull regularity the idea scared her.
“Maybe that’s for the best. Maybe you’ll see that I can’t get pregnant and you’ll forget about me.”
She fastened her bra and adjusted the straps on her shoulders. She could feel him watching her quietly and thoughtfully as she stepped into her short skirt and buttoned the matching blouse over it.
“That would not make me forget you. Nothing could. And if you are not fertile, we’ll adopt.”
Amazed at his generosity, she looked at him. “You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”
He stepped closer and pulled her into his arms. “Everything except how to make you say yes,” he whispered.
Maggie was certain her whole body was going to break apart with pain and she turned her back to him before he could see the tears in her eyes. “I have to be home to meet Aaron when Victoria drops him off.”
He released his hold on her upper arms, and she fled the bedroom and raced outside to her car. As she drove away, she expected to feel some measure of relief, some sense that once she got back home, her life would return to normal. But those were foolish expectations. Now that she’d fallen in love with Daniel Redwing nothing would ever be the same.
The San Juan County Sheriff’s Department was housed in a redbrick building just off Main Street in Aztec. Behind the offices was a section of jail cells and behind those a huge parking area where most all the county lawmen parked their personal vehicles.
Two mornings after Maggie had left Daniel’s house, he pulled into the parking area and killed the engine to his truck. The weather was cloudy and cool for early June, and he’d driven into work with the window down. He was about to roll it up and climb out of the vehicle when Jess Hastings, the undersheriff, approached him.
“You look like hell this morning, Redwing. What’s the matter?”
Daniel glared at his boss and good friend. “Thanks for the nice greeting. That’s just what I needed to start the day.”
Jess chuckled as Daniel slid to the ground and slammed the vehicle door shut.
“Do you want me to lie to you?”
The two men turned and started toward the building. As they walked Daniel glanced over at him. “I want you to keep your observations to yourself.”
Jess saluted from the brim of his cream-colored Stetson. “Yes, sir. Gotcha.”
Daniel rolled his eyes, and Jess slapped him affectionately on the shoulder. “What is the matter with you, Daniel? Didn’t get any sleep?”
“A little. I’m just tired, that’s all. That damn pawnshop robbery has caused me several stacks of paperwork. I have a feeling some of the items old Lucias reported missing might be fictitious.”
The two men reached the back entrance of the building, and Jess pushed a glass door open, motioning for Daniel to precede him into a narrow hallway.
“Come on down to my office and drink some coffee,” Jess suggested. “Quito isn’t going to be here for another thirty minutes.”
At first Daniel started to decline the invitation. He didn’t want Jess questioning him about Maggie, who just happened to be his sister-in-law. But other than Quito, Jess was his very best friend and had been for many years. He couldn’t shun him just because he felt like a dead man.
“What’s the matter with Quito? He’s usually here at the crack of dawn,” Daniel said. “I don’t know of anyone more dedicated to his job.”
Jess looked over at the small table holding the coffeepot. The glass carafe was full and there was a small box of pastries sitting next to it. The secretaries made sure the two sheriffs and the chief deputy were well taken care of.
“Oh, good,” Jess commented. “Rita has already made coffee. Let’s eat.”
Daniel dragged up a metal chair and plopped his lanky body into it while Jess poured the
coffee.
“I don’t want anything. I’ve already had breakfast.” Which had only been more coffee, but Daniel wasn’t going to tell Jess that. The other man would be trying his best to stuff him with bear claws. And the way Daniel felt this morning the pastries would probably claw their way up again.
“So have I, but that doesn’t mean I can’t eat again,” Jess remarked.
Daniel shook his head and accepted the cup of black coffee his friend held out to him.
“What are you up to today?” Daniel asked him.
Jess lowered himself into the seat behind a wooden desk. It was scattered with papers, cups, pencils and pens, manuals and reports. Daniel had never seen the man’s desk cleaned and everything put in order. But he always got the job done. Always.
“I think I’m going to have to go with Quito to Farmington. They’ve got someone in jail who we have under warrant, but they don’t want to give him up. I think Quito wants to do a little arguing with the judge.” He sipped his coffee, then settled his gaze on Daniel’s tired face. “What about yourself? How is it going with the pawnshop robbery?”
“I’m going to have a little talk with the prime suspect this morning.”
“Who?”
“James Renaldo. You know. He has that tire shop across from Lucias’s building.”
Jess nodded grimly. “Yeah, he’s a shady character. I’ve always believed he runs a chop shop in there at night, but we’ve never been able to catch him. You better be careful, Daniel. If the guy thinks you’re on to him, he might just hole up in there with a gun.”
“I’ll be careful,” Daniel promised.
“Hmm, well, the way you look, you’re too tired to dodge a bullet.”
Daniel didn’t say anything to that, and Jess ate half a jelly doughnut before he said, “Aaron stayed the night with us the other night. Katrina had a blast. I think she wore the poor boy out. She likes to wrestle and she’s not above pulling hair.”
Daniel simply nodded and Jess went on, “Aaron told us all about your camping trip. It was obvious he had a great time. You should feel proud of yourself, Daniel. Aaron, well, he’s missed out on so much without having his father around. And we can tell he thinks the world of you.”
Daniel stared into his cup. “And I think the world of him.”
“What about his mother?”
Daniel hadn’t been expecting such a frank question, and his head jerked straight up. “You really expect me to answer that?”
Jess polished off the doughnut, then went back over to the coffee table and fished another one from the box. “Daniel, do you remember back when Noah Rider’s remains were first found on the T Bar K? I had a murder investigation on my mind and all you could do was urge me to make things right with Victoria. I’m getting the feeling that it’s your turn for a little personal badgering.”
Daniel remembered the time well. The whole county had been in an uproar thinking a murderer was on the loose. So much had happened since then. Victoria and Jess marrying and having a son. Ross and Bella getting married. And then Seth and Corrina. Seemed everyone that he cared anything about had gotten a family of their own. Except him.
Releasing a long breath, Daniel said, “There’s no sense in me trying to deny anything to you, Jess. I’m in love with Maggie. I asked her to marry me. But she refused, and now—well, I called her last night and she says she thinks it would be better if we didn’t see each other at all! Damn it, Jess, why is the woman so stubborn?”
Wry sympathy colored Jess’s faint smile. “You just said the word, Daniel. Woman. That explains everything. You never know how they’re going to react about things. But don’t worry about it. Maggie’s been through hell—just give her a little time. She’ll come around to loving you.”
Daniel got up from his chair and walked over to the dusty window looking out over the parking area. As he stared absently at the vehicles, he said, “She already says she loves me.”
Jess frowned. “Then what the hell is holding her back?”
Daniel pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d never felt so drained or defeated in his life. He knew he had to snap out of it or his work would suffer. It would be unforgivable if he let someone in the department down just because he wasn’t thinking straight.
“Fear. Plain and simple.”
“Oh. Well—”
Before Jess could finish his remark, footsteps were suddenly pounding down the hallway and another deputy stuck his head in Jess’s office and shouted, “The sheriff has been shot! Two miles south of town on 544!”
Neither Jess nor Daniel bothered to question the deputy. They both raced out the back entrance of the building and jumped into the closest squad car they could find.
As Jess stomped on the gas, Daniel got on the radio to see what he could find out from the dispatcher. Two shots fired. Sheriff is down. Ambulance is on the way. Suspect got away.
“What the hell has happened?” Daniel threw the question at Jess as the other man flipped on the siren and sped through the first red traffic light.
“We’ll find out in a minute. Let’s just pray Quito’s hit wasn’t bad.”
Daniel nodded in grim agreement.
Maggie really didn’t know why she was bothering to volunteer at the hospital today. Her mind was consumed with Daniel, and every few minutes tears would build in her eyes and roll down her cheeks. Sick patients didn’t need to be depressed even more by the sight of her glum face.
But she’d hoped that going to work—just as she always did on a Friday—would help her to feel more normal. Boy, was that a joke, she thought grimly. She was beginning to think her life would never be normal again. Not with this horrible ache in her heart.
Last night, when Daniel had called her, the mere sound of his voice had made her want to cave in, made her want to tell him she’d marry him tomorrow or the next day or anytime he wished. She’d come so close to doing just that, and she’d suddenly realized she couldn’t keep their relationship just as occasional lovers. It was too deep for that. So she’d told him they shouldn’t see each other anymore, that it would just be too painful for both of them.
Dear Lord, had she been right? she wondered. And what about all the pain she was feeling right now? Would it ever go away?
She was trying to blink away another set of tears when she caught the sight of flashing lights on the highway up ahead.
Slowing her car, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and peered at the vehicles that were blocking the road. It must be a car accident, she silently mused. There was an ambulance and several police cars parked at all angles on the highway.
When she came closer, a young officer held up his hand for her to stop and pull to the side of the road. She did as he requested, then rolled down her window as he approached the car.
“What’s happened, Officer? Did someone have an accident?”
He shook his head, then glanced toward the commotion behind his shoulder as though he wasn’t certain he should speak at all.
“There’s been—you’re going to have to wait, ma’am, maybe several minutes, before the road is cleared.”
“Is someone hurt?” she asked, hoping it wasn’t family or friends.
“Yes, ma’am,” the officer said reluctantly. “There’s been a shooting—”
He stopped in midsentence and hurried back to two more vehicles that had just driven up behind hers. Maggie used the opportunity to fling open the car door and jump quickly to the ground.
She could hear the officer desperately calling to her as she ran and stumbled toward the group of patrol cars. Shooting. Ambulance. Lawmen. Daniel!
Oh, God, please don’t let it be him, she prayed as she wedged her way between two fenders and finally to the fringe of lawmen gathered around someone lying on a gurney.
The injured man was mostly hidden from Maggie’s view, making it impossible to guess his identity. But from the massive gathering of lawmen, she instinctively knew it was one of their own. As her eyes darted to each
face in the crowd, her heart pounded painfully at her temples and in her ears until the telltale buzzing of an imminent fainting spell caused her to sway on her feet.
“Maggie! What the hell? What are you doing here?”
The sound of Daniel’s voice jerked her back from the dark vortex she’d been about to fall into, and she looked dazedly around to see him striding up behind her.
Relief poured through her in such a swift, overwhelming way that her knees threatened to buckle. Thankfully, he grabbed her by the arm and steadied her.
“Daniel,” she said in a hoarse whisper. “You’re all right!”
“Of course I’m all right,” he reassured her. “But why are you here?”
“I was going to work at the hospital. The road was blocked and one of the officers told me there’d been a shooting.” She stared at him with eyes that were still dark with fear. “I thought—oh, God, I thought it was you!”
Unbearable horror washed over her and she yanked her arm away from him and hurried blindly toward her car. Daniel trotted after her.
“Maggie, stop! Wait!”
He grabbed her hand as she reached for door handle, but she shrugged his hand away and quickly slid into the driver’s seat.
“No. I—can’t handle this, Daniel. I can’t handle us. Just leave me alone!”
Someone in the crowd yelled his name, and he looked impatiently from her to the group of lawmen.
“I gotta go,” he said firmly. “But we’re going to talk about this later, Maggie.”
“No!” She pushed the button to raise the window, and she looked away from him as the glass separated their faces.
Finally he decided he couldn’t spend any more time arguing with her and strode back to where they were loading the injured man in the ambulance.
Maggie started her car and maneuvered it back onto the highway. As she headed for home, her hands began to shake, and tears blinded her eyes.
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