by Dani Hoots
I wondered if the reason she chose me could have been because of my background, as if somehow she knew of all the secrets of my dark past. It seemed to be the case that no matter who I became close to, they would inevitably die in some tragic accident. That was why I originally joined the King’s Crusade during my mortal lifetime, because the job was already surrounded by death and I felt as if it was the best safeguard against dwelling on one’s past misfortunes.
Even though I had already been surrounded by death for most of my lifetime, my heart ached for every life I took. Now, I had no choice but to kill, it was my only means of survival. But back then, was killing all those men in the name of God really a choice? Or was it a strict order from on high? Over the years, I have begun to wonder whether it really was God’s will, because if it was, then why was I serving out punishment in hell right now?
Although I haven’t been the only servant of the devil in the history of mankind, I felt as if I have been living in solitude for a score of years. Many of the others gave into this temptation, to be immortal and powerful. They all tragically gave into her lies and her deceit, that creature they called Lilith, only to be betrayed by her in the end. Why she picked me, why she thought I would be an interesting subject to turn and serve her for the rest of eternity, I don’t really know. Well, maybe I do. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I, Robin Bennett, defiantly said “no,” made her want me so much to join her side in the end. That I had, in a sense, defeated her and she knew she needed to break me to seek some retribution. Has she broken me completely just yet? I would like to think not, but did I resist anything she had asked of me? That, I did not…
This woman of hell, my mistress, has been around since the beginning of time itself. Her name has been littered throughout history, taking up different unique names like Lilit, Lilith, Lamia, Onokentauros, the night creature, the night-owl, all of these names relating back to the ideal of her being the dreaded, feared creature of the night. She is a goddess, if you will, who controls all the darkness that surrounds the human heart and soul. I had always feared the devil throughout my life but it wasn’t until I met her when finally I understood what evil truly was.
It all began in the year 1191 of our Lord, if I can even say that anymore. We had been battling and conquering cities since 1189, but those bloody battles have nothing to do with this story, other than showing how much blood I had seen over the years. I had followed King Richard through it all, obeying his every command as we battled through the cities of Arsuf and Acre without a shred of remorse. At the point where my story begins, we were heading towards the heart of the Holy Land itself, the city of Jerusalem.
This was what we were essentially battling for; to take back the Holy Land from those whom we didn’t believe had the right to own it in the first place. I was ready to fight the fight, all for God Himself. My reward, I believed, would be awaiting me in Heaven. I didn’t want money or power on the Earth, all I wanted was a spot in Heaven where I could finally be at peace. I know now that my dream would never happen, not when I survived her transformation, not since she had taken away both my soul and spirit.
King Richard was a man of war, not rule. He had a spirit for adventure, for power, and for fighting those that represented the forces of evil to him. I had heard ramblings from men who didn’t serve under him refer to him as a bad king, a king who didn’t care about his own people. To these cynical men, his sole motive was focused entirely on making his own advances in military siege. While they were probably right to some degree, he did always seem to be off fighting more than he was ever in England itself. But they didn’t understand what the world was like out there. They didn’t understand the importance of power. They never saw him at his best.
Jerusalem was within our grasp and each of the men in his army knew it. It was November, and contrary to what one would think weather in this area would be like around this time, the night was still cold but not near freezing as it would have been back home in England. Although, I did feel a cool wind beginning to pick up, as if warning me of the evil that would be coming my way soon. We had a fire going and a group of men were on watch at every moment of the night to make sure no one threatened to attack us while we were sleeping. It was my turn to keep watch along with Matthew and Jonathan, my two best friends. We went way back, even before we left for this war. They felt like brothers to me, replacing my real brothers whom I had lost in that fire so many years prior. The other three watchers were men I didn’t know and they headed to the other side of the camp to stand watch.
Matthew, Jonathan, and I kept our backs against the fire and our eyes focused towards the darkness beyond our campsite. The sound of the fire crackling made me jump every once in a while, as it sounded very much like boots stepping on twigs. I had heard of some camps where men would come and slit the throats of our friends. They were quiet and stealthy, coming in the shadow of the night and taking them by surprise. It was a cowardly attack and I would not let that happen here.
“Tomorrow is the day,” Matthew tried to whisper, but his voice always carried far, amplifying every word he spoke. He had dark brown, shaggy hair and his face was starting to get scruffy as well, as he, and myself included, had not had a proper shave in quite a while. He was taller, at least six feet, and well-built as well. I definitely wouldn’t want to be on the other side of this war going up against him. I had never met someone so large, yet so light on his feet while fighting. “Tomorrow is the day we charge into Jerusalem and take the city back for our country.”
I nodded in agreement and glanced over at Jonathan. He was nodding his head as well in agreement. It was interesting, these two had been close even before I came along, but if you met them separately you would have never had guessed it. Jonathan was the complete opposite of Matthew, much younger and scrawnier than Matthew. He always seemed like he was sick and couldn’t keep much muscle on his bones, but he was actually as fit as the rest of us. Not only that, but he was very skilled with a sword and bow and arrow.
“Yes,” I said. “We will come out with victory in the end. It is God’s will.”
As I said that, I swore I heard the mocking laughter of a woman nearby. It was gentle, yet seductive, as if it could get anything it wanted by just the slightest gesture. It made the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and I could feel my stomach tightening. I glanced around but saw nothing that could have made that noise, not even a mouse had moved in the night. Neither Jonathan nor Matthew seemed to have heard it as they didn’t budge. If they had, they would have been as worried as I was. It must have been my imagination. Although there were women around helping with the fight, I was sure that they were on the other side of the camp and fast asleep at the moment. None of them had a watch shift tonight.
“Do you really think all this will be over after this battle, assuming this all ends well??” Jonathan asked, his short blonde hair was dusted with the dirt that surrounded us. He looked even younger than he really was, I figured he must have been in his teens when we first met, but was actually over twenty.
“I think if we have faith, this war will be over before you know it. Only the devil himself can stop us,” I replied. That was when I heard the laughter once again. It was sweet and gentle, almost sexual in nature. That element bewildered me, as nothing around us could have been making that sort of perverse noise. Had someone made it into our camp? I anxiously glanced at Matthew and Jonathan, but still neither of them seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. How was it that only I could be hearing it? Was it just my mind playing tricks on me? Or was I just too tired to deal with everything going on around me? I rubbed my forehead in frustration, and tried to stave off the fear worming its way into my mind.
“What’s wrong?” Matthew asked. He had noticed my worry and already had his hand on his sword just in case.
I shook my head. “It’s nothing. Just thought I had heard something.”
Both of them listened for a moment and shook their heads.
“I d
on’t hear anything,” Matthew answered.
“It was probably nothing, just the wind playing tricks on me,” I began to stand up. “I’m going to go scout out the edge of the camp, though, just in case. I will be back shortly.”
I left them there as I went to check the edge of the camp for myself. It probably wasn’t necessary and the noise I was hearing wasn’t anything but my imagination. But I had this feeling that there was something out here, that there was something I was missing. I felt like it may even be the Devil himself, here to distract me from my holy rites. But I wouldn’t let him, not when we had God on our side.
The camp was eerily quiet, as almost everyone was resting before the big battle. Normally, I would be able to hear one or two men awake, doing only God knows what. I never asked because, frankly, I didn’t want to know. But tonight, all was starkly quiet and the only sound I could hear were Jonathan and Matthew’s (mainly Matthew’s) whispers as they talked about something, maybe me as I had left them there after asking them about a strange voice only I seemed to be hearing.
As I walked, I watched the ground carefully. There were many critters that came out in the night, all ones that could kill a man easily if it wanted to. Snakes, rodents, bugs, and the like. But tonight there was nothing, only dirt and dust that seemed to find itself in every nook and cranny of our belongings; the tents, clothes, food, equipment. It was quite frustrating, really, as the dirt here was coarse and scratched.
The wind started to pick up some more, blowing even more dust around. I covered my mouth with a piece of cloth, not wanting to breathe it in. Some men who had breathed too much of the stuff in, usually ended up sick, hardly being able to breathe. I wouldn’t let that happen to myself, not when I was this close to the final battle.
I could hardly see as the dust clouded the area surrounding the camp. If the enemy wanted to attack know, they would definitely have had the advantage. Not only was there a lot of dust in the air, but it was also very dark on the edge of camp, the only light coming from the distant fire and the stars themselves, if it could even make it through all this dust. I looked out into the abyss, trying to spot any sort of movement, other than the wind. I didn’t see anything. All the dust brought all the memories back into my mind of the past, they were like ghosts skirting across the open wasteland in the night. I could still hear the screams echo in my mind. The sand wet with dark blood pouring out of my slain enemies. And then there were the blank faces of my deceased friends haunting me, probably for all of eternity. Death was the price we all would pay for our sins in the end. That was what we were told. I tended to disagree. Living was far more painful than I could imagine death would ever be.
Trying to take my mind off all the destruction and death of my past, I looked out on the wilderness, wondering what vile creatures could be waiting for me out there. Creatures that only the devil himself could love. It was sickening to think about, at least to me it was, that such things could exist.
“Is that really what you think of the dark? That we are such horrible creatures?” a voice piped up in front me.
In a quick sweep, I pulled out my sword. “Who are you? Show yourself!”
She laughed again. It was definitely the sound I heard from before. It was her. “In due time. I just had to know if that truly is how you felt about me.”
“What are you talking about? Who are you? What do you want from me?” I projected my voice out in the darkness, but felt as if it was swallowed up by the wind.
“Hmm, I’m not quite sure yet. So much darkness has been following you, hasn’t it? Yet you keep such faith in your Creator, you are definitely one of his servants. I wish I could have a servant so loyal, so maybe I will. Just wait, Robin Bennett. Your life is about to change.”
I kept searching around for where the voice was coming from, but with no such luck. I didn’t see her anywhere. “Who are you? Show yourself or be considered an enemy!”
“Now now, be patient my dear Robin. We don’t want to spoil our fun together.”
My heart was beating fast and I could not tell where this creature’s voice was coming from. She couldn’t have been a human or else I would have seen her. There wasn’t anywhere she could have hidden. I didn’t recognize her voice either, nor did I understand how she knew my name. It had to be some kind of witchcraft or sorcery.
Deciding to search a bit more around, just in case I could find whomever it was, I kept my sword out and searched. I found nothing. She didn’t tell me what she was, and that frightened me the most. Only the devil tries to trick people like that, speaking in ways that one cannot understand so that they don’t know what is going on. She must have been some kind of witch, if not the devil. But she was a woman, and everyone knew the devil was a man, an angel by the name of Lucifer. So what exactly could she have been?
I searched for a while longer, making sure I couldn’t find any trace of her, but knew that Jonathan and Matthew would probably start worrying about me if I took any longer. I started back for the fire, contemplating whether or not I should tell them what had happened. I had heard a woman’s voice somewhere out there, someone I didn’t quite recognize. They would probably think I was imagining such things, having been away from home for so long. I hadn’t been back to England in over two years, having left everything I had behind. It wasn’t much, honestly, as I was living with some close friends and working on their farm and getting paid very little, barely enough to survive. But they had taken pity on me, as I had lost both my parents, my brothers, my step-parents, and even the woman I had once loved. The military had become my home as I had no other choice but to join it in the end. I didn’t want to cause anyone any more problems, and death came with the job. Maybe, in the end, that was all I had wanted; death.
I decided it was best not to tell them what had happened tonight. I didn’t need to be the talk of the camp, thinking that I was weak and vulnerable and beginning to hearing things. They didn’t understand that this being, this creature, had to be some kind of demonic force. She had known my name, how was that even possible. I had to admit, I began to fear her more than the battle that was set to occur in the morning.
Finding Jonathan and Matthew just where I had left them, they waved me over. They were both still close to the fire, as if they thought it was way too cold to leave it. They would be freezing if they were in England, I knew. We had grown too accustomed to the milder weather of the desert, I presumed.
“Find anything interesting?” Jonathan asked as I sat down next to him. His blue eyes looked worried, wide and desperate. Had he really been so afraid for my safety? I supposed I shouldn’t have left them there and gone off by myself. Matthew didn’t look too worried, though, he was used to me going off on my own. He knew all the things I had been through in my past.
“No,” I lied. “Nothing at all. Just a bunch of dust and trees.”
“Figures,” Matthew chimed in. “They wouldn’t try to attack tonight, it would be stupid of them. They need to prepare for the battle tomorrow.”
I nodded in agreement. They probably were readying their regiment, instead of trying to sneak attack us before the projected battle. It would just be bad planning on their part to do something like that.
“The wind has picked up, though, and there is a chill in the air,” I explained. “Feels like a storm is coming.”
Matthew waved it off as if it was no big deal, not even a storm could bother him, which was probably true. “It’s probably nothing. We will be fine. What could a little storm do but help our attack?”
He seemed very confident about our approaching fight, but after what had happened on the edge of camp, I was starting to have my doubts. I knew I shouldn’t, not when we had God on our side, but even so, I was starting to become frightened. What if that creature, that woman, was with the enemy? What if she would come back and destroy us all? I couldn’t even see her, even though I knew she had to be close enough to talk to me. She also knew my name, how was that even possible? Had she been spying on
us? Or was there more to it, such as the source of her profound abilities being some form of witchcraft?
“I just hope you are right and we will bring an end to this war and bring back the control of the Holy Land, just as it should be,” I said.
Jonathan raised up his scrawny fist. “We shall win and show them who the greatest warriors in history are! It wasn’t the Huns, it wasn’t the Spartans, it was the Crusaders! Those who fight for the Lord!”
Matthew and I laughed at his sudden enthusiasm. He looked at us, confused, as he lowered his hand. Matthew slapped his back, making Jonathan wince. “Yes, Jonathan, we are the greatest. But you should probably bring down your voice as everyone around us is sleeping. Leave it for tomorrow.”
Jonathan nodded, rubbing the spot where Matthew had slapped him. Matthew didn’t really know his own strength. I let out a quiet chuckle as we became silent and focused in on any of the noises coming from the darkness once more.
The fire crackled behind my back and I didn’t notice how truly cold it had been on the edge of the camp until I came back closer to where the fire resided. As the flame flickered shadows around us, I thought back to the woman whose voice I had heard before. Who, or what, was she? Wishing she could have a servant like me? What was her plan with me and was there going to be any way I could stop it? It made me shiver more than the cool wind could ever make me feel. All I wanted was for all of this to be over, this fear and nightmare to go away.
I threw those thoughts to the back of my mind and tried to focus on what was at stake tomorrow. I could die, I knew, in battle and this could be my last night on Earth. It didn’t matter, I wanted to be done with living and be at peace in Heaven. My fear was definitely not dying in and of itself, but living and seeing everyone around me die. I had grown close to Matthew and Jonathan and hoped they didn’t follow the same tragic fate as most of those who had been close to me experienced. First, my parents had fallen ill with a disease that no doctors or amount of prayer could heal, and then there were my brothers who died in the fire that had taken our home just after our parents’ death. Their screams still haunted me to this very day and I could sometimes hear them in the middle of a stormy night.
