by Anna King
Doris and Andy had waited with them at Nellie’s bedside until gone one o’clock, when Emily, suddenly remembering Mr Mitchell, had immediately pleaded with Doris to go home to her father. Tommy remembered Doris looking at him, almost as if… Aw, bloody hell, what was he thinking of? Doris was a mate. Still, it was no wonder his thoughts were jumbled, with all that had happened during the last eight hours. Andy had gone with Doris to see her safely home, and of course to see mum. Tommy’s mouth twisted into a wry smile. She must have been hovering at the window for hours, waiting for Andy to get home. Not him… Oh, no, not him, just her darling Andy. As far as she was concerned, she had only one son, and Tommy was just an irritant that she would soon be rid of. As he felt the tears well up behind his eyes, he hurriedly wiped them away with the back of his hand. He must be more tired than he thought. He’d known his mother had no affection for him, even at an early age, and it hadn’t bothered him then, so why should it worry him now? Liar, his mind shouted at him. You care, you’ve always cared.
‘Thanks, Tommy, you’ve been a tower of strength tonight, but you’d better get off home. Your mum will be worried about you.’
Jerked out of his maudlin thoughts Tommy smiled wryly. ‘Give over, Em. Yer know how me mum feels about me, or if yer don’t, yer must be the only one in the whole bloody street. I wish now I’d joined up the minute I turned eighteen, but she created such a fuss, even threatening to kill herself if we joined up – that is, if Andy joined up. She wasn’t worried about what I might do. Me and Andy were relieved when conscription came in. It gave us the perfect excuse to enlist. Not that we wouldn’t have anyway, but… Well, you know Andy, he doesn’t like to upset anyone, and it didn’t seem right, me going off without him. We’ve always done everything together, an’ that’s always got right up her nose as well,’ he said, following Emily into the house, again praying that someone had thought to tidy up the mess before Emily’s return. At once his fears were unfounded.
Dropping his cap onto the now upright table, he glanced round the room, relieved to discover that someone had indeed set the place to rights. There was even a welcoming fire blazing in the grate.
‘Oh, look, Tommy, there’s a note from Doris.’ Emily was standing close to the fire, a small slip of paper in her hand.
‘Dear Emily,’ she began to read aloud. ‘Me and Mrs Button have tidied up a bit. Get some sleep after you’ve read this, and I’ll be round later on. If you don’t want to stay on your own, come round to my house and let yourself in. You know where the key is. Don’t worry about waking me up, just climb in beside me, as long as you don’t put your cold feet on my back. See you later. Love Doris.’
‘Oh, that was good of her, and Mrs Button, it must have taken ages to get the place tidied up, it…’ Her voice faltered, and she knew she was near breaking-point.
Seeing her distress, Tommy moved towards her. ‘Come on, Em,’ he urged gently. ‘Yer mum’s gonna be all right. What yer need is a good night’s sleep, but Doris is right, yer shouldn’t stay here by yerself, just in case yer dad decides ter come home. I don’t suppose he will, not after what he’s done, but… Well, I’d feel a lot happier if yer weren’t here on yer own. Speaking of which… Where’s Lenny?’ He looked round the room as if expecting the young man to be hiding somewhere.
Sinking her weary body into the armchair, Emily shook her head tiredly.
‘He’ll be all right. It’s not the first time he’s gone missing. Though you’d know more about his habits than me, wouldn’t you, seeing as I’m hardly ever at home.’ Resting her head against the back of the high-backed chair she said softly, ‘He was with me when I arrived home this afternoon, and… Well, you saw my mum’s eye when you came to pick me up earlier. Anyway, Lenny got upset and bolted for it. I expect he’s gone to the Mission house and scrounged a bed for the night. Though as things turned out, I’m glad he wasn’t here, he couldn’t have coped. I dare say he’ll be back for breakfast.’
Seeing Tommy standing awkwardly in the middle of the room she added, ‘For goodness sake, if you’re stopping for a while, at least sit down. You don’t have to stand on ceremony here, not after all these years.’
A relieved grin spread across Tommy’s face. He didn’t want to leave Emily on her own. With a bit of luck she might fall asleep in the chair, then he would be able to stay and watch over her. As he went to take off his coat he remembered the bottle of brandy in the deep pocket. Taking it out, he asked hopefully, ‘D’yer mind if I have a drink, Em? I feel like me insides are frozen solid.’
Emily nodded.
‘Don’t be daft, you don’t need my permission. In fact, you can pour one out for me,’ she said recklessly.
Tommy’s surprise at the unexpected request soon turned to one of gladness. A couple of glasses of brandy would quickly send her to sleep. Taking two chipped glasses from the wall dresser, he poured out two good measures of brandy and handed one to Emily, then eased himself down into the armchair opposite. They sat in companionable silence in front of the fire, both immersed in their own private thoughts. Now that the immediate drama was over, Tommy’s thoughts turned to the coming Monday, when he and Andy, together with hundreds of others, would be crammed aboard trains carrying them to Dover, and from there to France. He was no coward, he never had been, but he couldn’t control the fear that was gnawing away at his innards. He found himself pouring out another brandy, and when Emily wordlessly held out her glass, he silently filled it.
The bottle was almost empty when Emily tried to pull herself out of the sagging armchair, but the unaccustomed brandy had turned her arms and legs to jelly. Realising how silly she must look, she began to giggle, then her merriment turned to tears as the effects of the past few hours finally caught up with her.
When she felt Tommy’s arms around her waist she fell against his body, grateful for and comforted by his embrace.
Then she was holding him close and felt his arms tighten around her waist. As they gently slumped to the floor, her mind sent out frantic signals for her to struggle free, to tell Tommy to let her go. But she was feeling so safe, so secure in his arms, and the combination of the warmth from the fire and the effect of the brandy had taken hold of her senses, banishing all reasonable thoughts. She felt hands removing her clothes and feebly tried to stop what was happening, but there was no power in either her limbs or her voice.
At the last moment, she made a final, weak effort to push Tommy away.
The wandering hands stopped, and Tommy’s face loomed over hers, his eyes filled with such pain and longing that she stopped struggling. And when he whispered, ‘Please, Em… please,’ she gave up trying to fight him and lay back, her eyes tightly closed, but not tight enough to stop the single tear trickling down her cheek.
Chapter Eight
A loud, persistent knocking at the front door broke through Emily’s heavy sleep. When she tried to open her eyes they felt as if the lids were weighed down by an invisible force. Her head too ached abominably, and her tongue felt as if it were glued to the roof of her mouth. When she tried to move from the confines of the armchair, she found herself as weak as a kitten.
When the knocking became more frantic, she summoned all her strength and, with her hands gripping the sides of the chair for support, rose unsteadily to her feet. As she stood, a heavy overcoat slipped from her body to the floor and, as she stared down at the dark grey garment, recollections of the previous night came flooding back. So it hadn’t been a dream after all. Oh, dear God, how could she have allowed such a thing to happen?
Still in a daze, she walked slowly to the door and opened it, wincing and screwing up her eyes against the glare of the sudden daylight.
‘Bleeding hell, Em, yer had me worried. I was just about ter get some help ter break down the door. I’ve been knocking fer ages.’ Doris swept past the bemused Emily and into the house. ‘I thought fer a minute yer old man had come back home and…’ She stopped in mid-sentence, her eyes going to the empty brandy bottle and the
two glasses lying in the hearth. But it was the overcoat that claimed her attention, an overcoat just like the one Tommy had been wearing last night, and which was now lying in a heap on Emily’s parlour floor. The implication caused her heart to race and brought a tightness to her throat.
Steady on, girl, she warned herself silently. There’s probably a simple explanation, don’t go jumping to the wrong conclusions. Striving to keep her voice normal, she bent down, picked up the brandy bottle and gave a shaky laugh.
‘Been having a party, Em? Yer might have invited me. After all, I am yer best mate.’
Still standing by the door, Emily opened her mouth to speak, but no words were forthcoming. She couldn’t tell Doris what had happened, she just couldn’t. If Doris hadn’t confided how she felt about Tommy, then Emily would have been glad to share the burden of guilt and shame that she was now experiencing. But not now. How would it look to Doris, if she found out that only hours after telling her life-long friend about her true feelings for Tommy Carter, that same friend had slept with the man she loved? Suddenly Emily’s head cleared. Doris must never know what had happened between her and Tommy. It hadn’t been planned. If that driver hadn’t given Tommy the bottle of brandy, they would have been content with a cup of tea before Tommy left. As it was, they had both needed comforting, – she because of her worry about her mother, and Tommy because of his fear of what lay in store for him in France.
‘Well! Cat got yer tongue, Em?’ Doris was staring at her, her grey eyes mirroring her uncertainty.
Emily, sensing her friend’s pain, pulled herself together, saying hoarsely, ‘Be a pal, Doris, and put the kettle on. I’m dying for a cup of tea. You wait until I see that Tommy Carter. He said the brandy was for medicinal purposes, but he failed to mention the after-effects.’ As she talked Emily came slowly over to where Doris was standing and held her hands over the dying embers in the grate. ‘We managed to get a lift home from a man on his way to Spitalfields, and you know what it’s like these days, people only have to see a man in uniform and he’s immediately a hero in their eyes. When he dropped us off, he gave Tommy that brandy. Lord, if I’d have known I’d feel this bad, I would never have touched the stuff. But, well, Tommy was feeling a bit low, the same as me, but for different reasons, and I didn’t like to chuck him out, not after he’d stayed with me at the hospital. I don’t remember much after the second glass, until you woke me up by knocking seven bells out of the front door. Still, at least he had the decency to cover me up with his coat before he left, otherwise I’d probably have had a stinking cold as well as a hangover.’
With each word Emily uttered, a dull pain pulled at the very heart of her. She didn’t like lying, for any reason, and she had never lied to Doris before. But what good would it do to tell the truth? What had happened here last night would never happen again, so why cause Doris unnecessary pain, when there was nothing to be gained by it?
Standing close to Emily, Doris felt her body slump with relief.
There yer are, yer silly cow, she silently berated herself. Fancy thinking a thing like that about Emily. Oh, there was more than a few names she could mention who would have been only too pleased to offer their services to a man like Tommy, but not her Em. Why, she’d probably never even kissed a man, let alone…! Feeling guilty about her earlier uncharitable thoughts, Doris immediately became all bustling solicitation.
‘Here, don’t stand around like a fart in a trance. Sit yerself back down while I make that tea.’
Emily let herself be guided into the armchair, making no protest when Tommy’s coat was laid back over her shivering body. While Doris was busy in the scullery, Emily let her mind drift back to the early hours of the morning:
After it was over, they had both held each other and cried. Of the two of them, Tommy had been the most upset, blaming himself and calling himself names that Emily had never heard before, asking her over and over again to forgive him. When they had both calmed down, they had dressed silently and shyly, avoiding each other’s gaze as they performed that simple, private act. Before he’d left Tommy had settled her in the armchair by the fire and covered her up with his overcoat, kissed her softly on the forehead and let himself silently out of the house. She didn’t know how long she had sat there, unable to move, or even to think straight, before falling into a troubled sleep until Doris had arrived.
‘Here yer are, girl, get that down yer.’ Doris had appeared by her side, a steaming mug of tea held out to Emily. Gratefully taking the hot beverage, she sipped at it, careful not to burn her mouth. ‘Shall I get the fire going again, Em?’ Doris was hovering over her, anxious to be of help.
Emily shook her head, then winced as a shaft of pain shot across her forehead.
‘Ooh, my head hurts something dreadful,’ she groaned.
‘I’ll never, ever get drunk again… And no, don’t bother with the fire. I’ll be going up to see my mum as soon as I’ve washed and changed my clothes. What time is it anyway?’ Craning her neck gingerly, she looked at the mantel clock and gasped. ‘Ten o’clock, goodness, I can’t have slept that long.’
Doris laughed. ‘Well, yer have, so you’d best get yer arse up out of that chair and get a move on. Yer mum will be wondering what’s happened ter yer.’
Twenty minutes later, her head still throbbing painfully, Emily left the house with Doris by her side.
‘Maybe they’ll give yer something at the hospital fer yer head,’ Doris said gaily. Then, looking across the street she added, ‘Look, there’s Tommy. He’s probably come looking fer his coat.’
Emily felt a moment of panic. Please, please, God, don’t let him say anything about last night, she prayed silently. Her stomach churning nervously, she turned and smiled weakly at the approaching figure.
‘Good morning, Tommy,’ she managed to say calmly. ‘Have you come for your coat? I was going to bring it over after I’d been to the hospital.’
Tommy looked from Emily to the smiling Doris, and back to Emily once more. Although she was smiling, her eyes were clearly pleading with him not to mention what had happened between them. As if he would, in front of Doris… or anyone else for that matter. He felt bad enough about his actions as it was.
‘Here, give me the key and I’ll fetch it fer yer.’ Doris held out her hand to Emily for the key.
When she’d gone, both Tommy and Emily looked awkwardly at each other, neither knowing what to say. Emily could feel her face burning with embarrassment at the memory of them together. Here now, in the cold light of day, what had happened seemed sordid, even dirty, and nothing like the warm, comforting feeling that had led to them finding solace in each other’s arms in the rosy glow of the blazing fire.
Shuffling his boots uneasily, Tommy said awkwardly, ‘Look, Em, about last night, I…’
‘No, Tommy, don’t… don’t say anything, please. We were both drunk, and I was just as much to blame as you.’ Behind her she heard her front door being pulled shut and said quickly, ‘It never happened, Tommy. Do you understand? Last night never happened. I don’t ever want any reference to it again.’
‘Here yer are, Tommy,’ Doris said cheerfully, holding out the overcoat to the bewildered young man. Giving him a none too gentle nudge, she added slyly, ‘And the next time yer feel like getting a woman drunk, come and knock on my door. I’ll be more than willing ter drink yer under the table.’
‘Look, I don’t want to appear rude, Tommy, but I’m anxious to get to the hospital.’
‘Oh, oh, all right, Em.’ Tommy was busily donning his coat, glad of something to do to hide his tortured emotions as the two women walked away.
‘Here, yer was a bit short with Tommy,’ Doris said, a hint of suspicion once again rearing its ugly head.
Quick to realise her mistake, Emily shrugged. ‘Was I? I didn’t mean to be. To tell the truth, Doris, I’ve still not recovered from last night and, like I said, I’m anxious to see my mum. I’ll see Tommy later and apologise for being so abrupt.’
&nbs
p; Doris was only too happy to take Emily at her word and when, some twenty minutes later, they entered the ward, they were chatting easily together.
Nellie was waiting for them, propped up on what seemed a mountain of pillows. She managed a crooked smile at the two young women as they made their way down the aisle of the ward. Seated in a chair by the bedside was Dot Button, her normally cheerful face subdued, and sporting a livid bruise beneath her left eye.
Sighting Emily and Doris, the stout woman rose awkwardly to her feet.
‘Well, I’ll be off then, Nellie,’ she said quietly, averting her eyes from Emily’s gaze.
‘Oh, all right, Dot, it was good of you to come and see me. I should be home in a few days, God willing.’
Dot buttoned up her coat and tied a plaid scarf over her head, tying it in a knot under her chin. God willing! That was a good one. Where had Nellie’s God been last night, when that swine of a man had nearly beaten the life out of her?
‘Oh, don’t go on our account, Mrs Button,’ Emily said hastily.
Dot, all bustling motion, picked up her shabby handbag from the bed and nervously fidgeted with the brass clasp.
‘No, it’s all right, Emily, I was about ter go anyway.’ Giving up her chair to Doris, Dot came round the side of the bed and stood in front of Emily, her eyes filled with guilt. Keeping her voice low so that Nellie couldn’t hear what was said, she muttered, ‘I was only gone a few minutes, love, I swear it. Yer know I wouldn’t leave yer mum on her own, not after yer’d told me what’d happened. But yer mum said she’d like a cup of cocoa, only she didn’t ’ave any, so I popped next door to get some of mine. Then I stopped ter visit the lav, an’ when I got back, ’e was already laying into yer mum. He must ’ave been watching the ‘ouse an’ seen me leave. I tried ter stop ’im, love, ‘onest, an’ I gave ’im a good clout round the ’ead with the coal shovel, but the bastard just kept…’ A sob caught in Dot’s throat, and the sight of the robust, indomitable woman in such distress cut Emily to the quick.
