by Anna King
It was because of his own guilt that Matthew had deliberately stayed away from Emily and stopped his tongue from spurting forth words of love. He had already deprived this man of his brother, he couldn’t, in all conscience, take away the mother of his child too. Swallowing hard, he managed to say, ‘It was the least I could do, Tommy. After all, it was because of me that you landed in this mess, and I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what it must be like to lose a brother, and in your case he was your twin as well, and you must have suffered dreadfully. I can’t help feeling responsible, but as for your thanks – well, I couldn’t have done it without the help of the newspapers. It is them you should be thanking.’
‘Rubbish!’ Tommy interrupted, a trace of his old self breaking through. ‘They were only after a story. Mind you, I thought they would have sent someone to meet me terday, but obviously I’m yesterday’s news, and that’s the difference, sir. You’re here now because yer care, an’ … and I’m grateful fer that. And yer mustn’t feel guilty about what happened, sir, ’cos we would have done the same fer anyone. Only not everyone would have stood by me, like you have. So, once again, sir, thank you. An’ don’t hold it against yerself any more, ’cos the way I see it, yer saved me life; so that makes us quits.’
Matthew blinked and hastily looked down at his highly polished shoes. Yet Tommy’s next words cut through him like a knife.
‘I’m gonna get married, sir… At least, I will if she’ll have me. I ain’t asked her yet. It’s a bit awkward ter explain, ’cos everything’s sort of jumbled up in me head at the moment, but I’ve got ter do the right thing by Emily, only that’ll mean hurting someone else. Life’s never simple, is it, sir?’ The thin shoulders rose in a gesture of bewilderment, and Matthew, looking into the haunted blue eyes, experienced an overwhelming feeling of sadness. It would be a long time before Tommy Carter laughed again.
Matthew had imagined that he had prepared himself for all emotions, yet when Tommy said, with a plea in his voice, ‘Wish me luck, sir, I’m gonna need it,’ Matthew’s head jerked back on his neck, the sudden movement causing a stab of pain across his chest. The bullet had lodged in his left lung, and although it had been successfully removed, the injury continued to cause him trouble, and he knew, despite the doctor’s kind words, that he would never be as strong as he’d once been. This was yet another reason to keep away from Emily. No woman would want to be saddled with an invalid for a husband; an invalid and a pauper. Well, near enough. And all because of that vixen, who had wormed her way into his Aunt Rose’s heart and somehow cajoled the elderly woman into making a new will, leaving the family home to her scheming cousin. But Cynthia Denton hadn’t been content with just the house; she had wanted more, and had set out to achieve her goal in any way she could.
When Matthew had been discharged from hospital, he had gone first to visit his aunt and, finding her in fragile health, had decided to stay with her for a while until she recovered her strength. And, barely a week after he had moved in, that blasted Denton woman had tried to get into his bed. The memory of it still caused him to shudder. He had said some dreadful things to Cynthia, and she hadn’t forgotten them.
The last thing she had said before leaving his room was, ‘You’ve made a bad mistake, Matthew, and a bad enemy. I’ll make you pay for this. It may take a while, but when the time comes, you’ll wish you’d never been born.’ And she had been as good as her word. She had begun to take his aunt on shopping sprees, buying anything that took her fancy and running up exorbitant bills. And when the money that his uncle left had been exhausted, Cynthia had persuaded Rose to use her nephew’s name to purchase further goods and borrow money. His poor aunt’s mind had long since become fuddled, and she had acquiesced to everything that Cynthia asked without a murmur. Matthew had paid the bills for his aunt’s sake, but he had warned Cynthia that if she continued to use his name, he would have no option but to take out a notice in the papers disclaiming any responsibility. It wasn’t until his aunt’s death in April, three months ago, that Matthew had learnt of the huge debts she had run up.
He had already paid out thousands of pounds while his aunt was alive, but on her death her creditors had clamoured for payment, insisting that they had allowed the elderly woman free rein on the strength of Matthew’s good name. He had been forced to sell his home in order to pay off the debts; it was either that or declare himself bankrupt, and he couldn’t bear the shame of that.
The Daimler was the last object of value that he owned, and he had hung on to that like a drowning man, in order to pick Tommy Carter up from prison and take him home in style. But tomorrow! Well, tomorrow would take care of itself.
Forcing a smile to his lips, Matthew shook Tommy’s hand warmly.
‘Indeed I do wish you luck, Tommy. You deserve it more than any man I know.’ There followed an awkward silence, and both men were relieved when Joseph began to cry for his mother, for in an instant Emily had joined them, taking the wailing boy from his father’s arms.
‘There now, there now,’ Emily cooed. ‘Whatever’s the matter with you? It’s only your dad, silly.’ Lifting a smiling face to the two men, Emily said gaily, ‘He’s probably hungry.’ Then, rooting in her bag, she produced half a rusk biscuit and handed it to the child. Instantly his tears stopped, and with a lop-sided grin of triumph he shoved the treat into his mouth.
‘Well, we’d better be off, sir, an’ thanks again, for everything.’ Tommy had taken the child back, ignoring the soggy biscuit that was being pressed against his suit. Matthew was rendered dumb for a moment as he looked at the trio. They seemed to belong to each other, and even when Doris came to join them, it was Emily, Tommy and the child who stood out in his mind. It was only when they began making noises about getting the bus back that Matthew sprang into life.
‘Oh, goodness, don’t be silly. I have the car here. There’s plenty of room for all of us.’
Emily looked at Doris doubtfully, all differences forgotten for the moment. She knew that Doris had hoped to talk to Tommy alone on the bus journey home, but she couldn’t turn down Matthew’s offer of a lift. It wouldn’t be fair to Tommy, who looked as though he could do with a bit of comfort; at least, that was the reason she gave herself.
Doris saw Emily’s raised eyebrows, as if asking her a question, gave a half-hearted smile and shrugged. She would have another chance later on. And if Tommy said no… Well, at least she would know where she stood. But there was still Emily to consider, and Doris knew that she would never truly be happy if her friend wasn’t. So, before getting into the car, she nudged Emily in the ribs and made several nods of her head towards Matthew, which made Emily’s face burn even redder.
Piling into the car, the two women and the child sat in the back seats, while Tommy joined Matthew up front. And when the car finally came to a stop outside number fifteen Fenton Street, Matthew refused the offer to come in for a drink, stating that he had prior plans for the afternoon. Doris, seizing her chance, took hold of Joseph and steered Tommy into the house, leaving Emily alone with Matthew.
On the journey from the prison they had all talked freely, each one damping down their individual emotions for the time being. Now that she was on her own with Matthew, Emily suddenly felt awkward. Then Matthew, resting his arm along the back of the leather seat, turned to where Emily was still sitting in the back and said, ‘I know I’ve said this before, but I’m very sorry about Lenny. He was a brave man. How has your mother been coping?’
Emily’s body jerked slightly with nervousness as she replied, ‘Oh, she has good days and bad. It’s the not knowing exactly how he died, or where he’s buried, that’s tearing her apart. But I don’t suppose we’ll ever know exactly what happened. I only pray that his death was quick and without pain.’ Matthew noticed that Emily hadn’t made any mention of her father. But having heard about the dead man’s character, that was understandable.
When another silence descended on them, Emily cleared her throat and said, ‘I
was very upset that Mrs Denton didn’t tell me Miss Rose had died. I… I would have liked to have attended the funeral; I was very fond of your aunt, you know, in spite of what happened. Do… do you see much of her now – I mean, Mrs Denton?’
Matthew’s eyes hardened at the mention of the hated name, but he wasn’t going to whine to Emily about his problems. He still had good friends, who would help him out until he got back on his feet again. But it was going to be a long, hard haul. At least the law firm he had worked for before the war was eager to have him back. He had intended to take early retirement, especially in view of his present medical condition, but now…!
‘You said you had sold your house the last time we met. Have you found somewhere else?’
‘What? Oh, not yet,’ he managed to sound casual. ‘I’m staying with some friends for a while, until I find something more permanent.’ That at least was true. But he couldn’t sponge off his one-time school friend for ever, not now that the man’s wife was expecting their first child. ‘And as for Mrs Denton, I’ve seen her only twice since my aunt’s funeral, and I have no plans to renew our acquaintance.’
Looking at his watch, Matthew gave an exclamation of surprise and said, ‘Lord, I didn’t realise it was so late. I have to go, Emily. Take care of yourself, my dear.’ The dismissal was evident and Emily, her face stiff with hurt, nodded curtly.
‘Yes, I will. Goodbye, Captain Winter.’
Then she was gone. And Matthew, his face set, drove off feeling very old and alone.
* * *
The tea Nellie had prepared had turned into a welcome- home party, for Tommy had always been a favourite with the women in the street, and now more than ever they wanted to show the young man how highly he was thought of. Dot had baked a cake, though how she had come by the ingredients with this new ration business, no-one knew, or bothered to ask. And the tin of salmon that Nellie had bought for sandwiches had stretched a long way. As she said to Dot afterwards, ‘Talk about the loaf and five fishes.’ but all the women had brought some contribution to the party, and in true East End style it had turned into a knees-up. And when Tommy, looking painfully thin and haggard, had laughed out loud for the first time during the hokey-cokey, there wasn’t a women in the house who didn’t feel a tear come to her eye.
But now it was morning, and Tommy and Doris were leaving for good. The three of them had talked far into the night, after Nellie had gone to bed, and it had all been decided. As Doris had packed her belongings, she had looked up at Emily and asked if Matthew had said anything to her before he left, and Emily, trying to smile, had answered, ‘No. Well, nothing about us, that is. Our parting was very civilised.’
To which Doris had exclaimed loudly, ‘Civilised be blowed. Yer can be too much of a lady, Em. If it had been me, I’d’ve given him a right mouthful.’
Now Emily was facing Tommy as he stumbled over the words he couldn’t say last night in front of Doris. His body was trembling slightly, as were his hands.
‘I meant what I said before I went away, Em. D’yer remember, I said I’d stand by yer if anything… Well, yer know what I mean.’ His head drooped for a moment, then he went on, ‘I was gonna ask yer ter marry me, only I didn’t get the chance, not with yer mum an’ Doris with us all evening. An’ then when we was talking last night, it seemed as if… Well, you and Doris sort of took over, an’ I let meself go along with the plan ter move out with Doris, but…’
‘It’s all right, Tommy, I understand. And it’s very good of you to ask, but… I don’t feel that way about you; not the way Doris does.’ Taking hold of the almost skeletal fingers, Emily said softly, ‘She loves you very much, Tommy, and I know it’s really none of my business, but I have to ask. Do you feel the same way about her? And, more importantly, are you going to marry her? Oh, I know she says that she doesn’t care what people think of her, but Doris is a lot more sensitive than she makes out.’
Tommy’s body sagged with relief, a glimmer of a smile lighting up his face.
‘I’m… I’m not really sure of anything at the moment, Em. I’ll need time before making any decisions, so let’s leave it fer now, eh, Em? What I do know is that I feel comfortable with Doris, an’ I won’t have ter worry about using the wrong knife an’ fork, or being picked up on me grammar… Oh, Gawd, Em, I didn’t mean…’
Despite the fact that she didn’t want to marry Tommy, it still came as a blow to discover that he was relieved he wasn’t going to be pressurised into marrying her.
‘Oh, Tommy, I’m not that bad, am I?’
‘No, no of course not, Em.’
The denial came quickly, a little too quickly, and Emily turned her head to the open door saying, ‘Doris is waiting for you, Tommy, but don’t forget your promise to visit. I want Joseph to know his father.’
Now it was Tommy’s turn to look hurt. ‘Aw, Em, I’d never turn me back on me own son. I know what it’s like, remember?’
Then they were hugging fiercely.
‘I’ll be back next Saturday ter take Joe out fer the day. I thought maybe I’d take him over the park to feed the ducks, if that’s okay.’
‘Of course it is. Now go, before Doris comes and drags you out.’
A few minutes later it was Doris’s turn to say her goodbyes, and although both women had silently vowed not to break down, the moment they hugged each other goodbye the tears began to fall.
‘Oh, Gawd, look at us. Silly pair of cows, we’ll be seeing each other next week. I mean, it’s not like me an’ Tommy are moving ter the moon, is it?’
But Emily couldn’t answer. She was too full of emotion to speak, because, in spite of Doris’s assurances, she knew that things would never again be the same between them.
When the door finally closed, Emily stood by the window watching the two figures walking away. And when a pair of arms came round her shoulders, she buried her head on Nellie’s shoulder and sobbed, ‘Oh, Mum… Mum.’
And Nellie, gently stroking the auburn hair, could find nothing to say except, ‘I know, love. I know.’
Chapter Twenty-Two
‘Do you want anything up Mare Street, Mum?’ Emily was putting Joseph into his pram, and the young boy was bouncing up and down in delighted anticipation of going out. ‘Sit still, you little devil.’ The gentle admonishment brought a gurgle of unintelligible words from the dark-haired child. ‘Yes, and the same to you, you little monkey.’
‘I can’t think of anything I need, love.’ Nellie came into the room, wiping her wet hands down the front of her apron.
Straightening up from the pram, Emily looked sternly at her mother.
‘Now, don’t go tiring yourself out, Mum. It’s your day off, so put your feet up and rest.’
Nellie came over to the pram and tickled her grandson under the chin, a broad smile lighting up her face as the child giggled happily.
‘Now have you ever known me to sit around doing nothing during the day? Besides, it’s the only chance I get for a good clean.’
Yet when Emily and the child had left, Nellie didn’t return immediately to her chores, but sat down on one of the hard-backed chairs and took a small photo from her apron pocket. It had been taken on Lenny’s fifteenth birthday and, as she stared down into that smiling face, she felt the familiar lump forming in her throat. Sometimes she might go for a whole day without thinking of her son, but not often. If only he’d had a decent burial, at least then she could have grieved properly. As for Alfie – well! She wasn’t going to be a hypocrite. He had made her life hell, and she wasn’t sorry he was gone.
Sniffing loudly, she put the photo back in her pocket and was about to rise when there was a knock on the front door. Thinking it to be Dot, she opened the door with a smile, then gave a small exclamation of surprise at the sight of a woman surrounded by five children looking at her nervously.
‘Excuse me, Missus, but is yer name Mrs Ford?’
‘Yes, I’m Mrs Ford. How may I help you?’
‘I’m not sure if I’ve got the
right address,’ the woman continued apologetically, and her next words almost brought Nellie’s feet from the floor. ‘Did yer ’ave a son called Lenny?’
Clutching at her throat, Nellie threw out her arm and said weakly, ‘Please, come in. Oh, please… come in.’
* * *
Pushing the pram past Woolworths, Emily stopped outside a small café and hesitated. She’d been out for a good few hours, and the September sun was extremely hot today. Quickly making up her mind, she lifted the small boy out of his pram and, after being served, managed to carry a cup of tea to a nearby table without spilling any.
‘There now, you stop here, while I go back for the cakes, Joseph… On second thoughts, I’d better take you with me,’ she said, eyeing the steaming cup.
She was breaking off a piece of currant bun for the boy when a woman stopped by her table and said hesitantly, ‘Excuse me, Miss, but didn’t yer use ter work fer Rose Winter?’
Startled, Emily looked up into a face she had seen before but couldn’t remember where.
‘Yes, I did, but that was over two years ago.’
The woman uttered an exclamation of triumph.
‘I knew it. I knew it was you, the minute yer walked through the door.’ When Emily continued to look at her in puzzlement, the woman cried, ‘Oh, we only met the once, but I never ferget a face… You was moving out, just as I was moving in, remember? In Gore Road, I sort of took over your job, an’ that was the worst mistake I ever made.’
