by Reagan Shaw
“I understand you stalked me.”
“I didn’t fucking stalk you,” I grunted. “I did what I had to do to make sure you were safe. None of what happened was driven out of anything other than wanting what was best for you.”
“Are you her dad?” Luna asked, quirking a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me. “Quit acting like her dad.”
I brushed aside the comment by turning my back to her. “Erika, you have no idea what you’re doing. I can’t let you give up on St. Katherine’s just because of what I did. If you want me to leave the hospital, I will. I’ll find something else.”
“And how will that look to the board?” Erika asked. “And your brother?” That last sentence came out too sweetly. “Noah, there’s no use crying over spilt milk. I’m going to leave St. Katherine’s, and likely New York, and you’ll be able to get back to what you do best. Manipulating people. Pretending to feel things you don’t.” She shrugged. “That’s all there is to it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to enjoy my Christmas Eve dinner with my friend in peace.” Erika lifted her champagne glass and drained it, then set it down again.
A waiter nearby twitched forward to collect it, but I stunned him with a glare, then turned it on her. “You mistake me for giving a shit about your dinner.”
“You mistake me for mistaking you. I know you don’t give a shit about anyone but yourself, Noah.”
Fuck, of course she thought that. “Must be why I put my neck on the line to ensure the hospital hired you and no one else for the opening.”
“Oh, I’m so flattered.” She batted her eyelashes at me. “Thank you, master.”
“Fuck, Erika, you’re starting to piss me off.”
“Starting? Good, because you’ve already ruined my night. No, my Christmas.”
Our voices were already raised, and they would only get louder if I didn’t get her out of this restaurant and somewhere private to talk this out. No matter how much I wanted to believe I didn’t need her around, that I was fucking A-OK without her, I couldn’t make it true. Christ, I’d spent this whole afternoon thinking of nothing but her.
That had literally never happened to me before with anyone.
“I’m not leaving this table until you get up and talk to me about this. We need to discuss this. You need to understand that I wasn’t doing any of this to upset you or hurt you, but to help you. I just wanted—”
“How am I supposed to believe that, Noah?” she asked. “How am I supposed to believe that you wanted to do right by me when all the evidence I have points to the exact opposite? How stupid do you think I am?”
“Not stupid at all,” I replied. “Just stubborn. But you are kind, and you do give second chances, Erika. So give me one now. I’ve never asked to explain myself in the history of my fucking existence, but I’m asking you now.”
“Second chances?” she whispered. “I’ve given you more than two chances, Noah, and you know it. You fucking know—” she shifted her gaze past me, and cut off, eyes widening. All the color drained from her face, and I turned to find the source of whatever had upset her.
Two figures approached: a man, a tall, handsome blond, with his arm around the waist of a woman who was heavily pregnant and bedecked in enough jewelry to make the Queen jealous.
“Oh no,” Luna whispered.
I looked over at her. “Oh no, what?”
“That’s Jason,” she replied.
Erika
Jason. Jason, my ex, Jason.
What the hell was he doing here? Why wasn’t he in Chicago, assholing it up in the practice he’d fired me from? Why was he here? And why tonight?
Was the universe actively trying to shit on my head? Goddamn, if it wasn’t working.
Thankfully, one of the waiters had managed to refill my champagne glass in the interim, and I gripped it, tossed some of the sparkling alcohol back, and allowed the burn down the back of my throat to take the focus for just a moment. One tiny moment of bliss before the shit started.
Jason and his new woman—wife, judging by the rock on her finger—halted beside the table. Luna’s jaw was dropped. Noah stood as stiff as a board, his lips drawn into a thin line.
“Jason,” I managed, and, thankfully, my voice didn’t wobble. “How are you?”
My ex leveled me with the same too-bright smile I’d first fallen for, and guided his wife forward, like she was modeling the jewelry for sale, rather than his partner in life. She was heavily pregnant, around eight months if my guess was any good, and Jason and I had broken up four months ago. The math spoke for itself.
“I’m fantastic, as you can see,” Jason replied, nodding to his wife. “I don’t believe you’ve met Matilda.”
“No,” I said and got up. I extended a hand—trying to be the mature person and all that—and Matilda looked at me like I’d offered her a dog turd wrapped in a wet blanket. I dropped my hand. “Pleased to meet you. I’m Erika.”
“I know who you are,” she said, and sniffed. “Honey, can we go now? I’m kind of tired, and none of this food is any good. Such horrible service too. I don’t know why we thought New York at Christmas would be anything other than a disappointment.”
Luna glared at her—as a born-and-raised New Yorker, she looked ready to rip out eyeballs, pregnant lady or not.
“In a minute, sweet cheeks,” Jason said and patted her on her butt. The woman had squeezed herself into a tight black dress that stretched across her stomach, but, regrettably, she didn’t look bad. In fact, she was radiant, gorgeous, with dark curls, and a youthful face. She had to be in her early twenties, at least.
“Don’t let me stop you,” I said. “Have a fantastic evening, folks.” I sat back down and turned back to Luna, as if to resume my conversation.
“I see you’ve been taking the change hard, Erika.” Jason’s voice rose in the restaurant, and I swallowed, looked up at him.
“I’m not sure what you mean.”
“You look like you haven’t slept in days.” Jason was practically exploding with pride at that little revelation. “Looks like moving from Chicago wasn’t a good idea at all. You been having trouble sleeping?”
I opened my mouth to respond.
“Yeah, she has,” Noah said, before I could get there. “I’ve been keeping her up all night.”
Jason jerked as if he’d been struck and glared at Noah as if he’d only just noticed the bigger man’s presence. “Who the hell are you?”
“I’m your worst fucking nightmare, that’s who the hell I am,” Noah said, stepping forward and pressing a finger into Jason’s chest.
Jason paled slightly, and he took a single step back before steeling himself. “You can’t talk to me like that.”
“I’ll talk to you however the fuck I want, you good for nothing waste of breath. What do you think you’re doing here, huh? What are you doing here showing off a pregnant wife when you know—”
“Noah!” I yelped. God, could he not reveal my deepest medical secret to the entire restaurant?
“When you know what it means to her,” Noah finished.
Jason sniffed. “You get your hands off me.”
“It’s just my finger, fuckface, but you can bet I’ll put my fists all over your face if you don’t get the hell out of this restaurant right now.”
Around us, the managing staff of the Chestnut had already mobilized toward the commotion. Gut-wrenching embarrassment bubbled up inside me, and I choked on bile. I shoved my seat back, grabbed my purse, and walked away from it.
Away from the table and the crap that was this Christmas Eve. I made it to the exit before a hand brushed across my shoulder.
“No!” I said.
“Ma’am, please.” A voice that didn’t belong to Noah or Jason and his horrible wife stopped me in my track. “Your coat.”
I blinked and accepted my coat from one of the waiters or managers, whoever it was, avoided their attempts to help me get it on, and shoved my arms down the sleeves. Finally, I hurried out and down the st
airs, toward the main exit of the building, and out into the New York snow.
It was icy cold, and my shoes crunched over the ice. I put up my hand to hail a cab and my left foot slid out from under me. The icy path swung up to meet me, but I stopped in mid-air, caught by a strong arm around my waist.
“Easy,” Noah said in my ear, and set me on my feet. “You’ve gotta be careful of the—”
“Stop!” I snapped, and pushed him away, almost tripping over myself again. The shove hadn’t affected him in the slightest. “Stop trying to help me. Stop trying to protect me. I don’t need your help. I don’t need—”
“I can’t stop.”
“Why? Why not? Why can’t you just leave me alone?” A taxi pulled up beside me, and I grappled with the door handle. Clunked it open, bundled myself inside. Noah followed me in before I could stop him.
“Because I can’t, Erika. I just can’t.”
“Get out,” I growled.
“No.”
“Noah, if you don’t get out of this car, I’ll—I’ll—”
“What?” he asked. “What will you do? Push me away again? Tell me I’m nothing? Tell me I’m a user, a stalker, a creep? I’ve heard it all before, and I know the fucking truth. You need me near you. You need me, Erika, you just hate to admit that you do. You hate having to rely on anyone but yourself.”
“One of y’all has to get out,” the cabbie said. “My meter is on, and I ain’t turnin’ it off until we arrive at one of y’all’s destinations.”
“Fuck,” I snapped. “The Radisson.”
The cab took off down the street, and I held my breath, facing the window instead of looking at Noah.
“You have to talk to me sometime, Erika,” he said. “You can’t ignore me forever. I’ll camp out on your fucking doorstep if I have to. We need to discuss this.”
“There’s nothing more to discuss,” I said, but it didn’t make him disappear. His smoky cologne overpowered the scent of the cab itself, and I peered up at the buildings passing by, my reflection caught in the window. I ignored it, and I ignored him, but it didn’t help.
He was still there in the back of my mind, an ever-present need haunting me, even though I’d done my best to push him away. Tonight was the worst possible night. It was everything I didn’t want.
“I’m not going to leave you,” Noah said, and I closed my eyes, memories overtaking me.
Erika
Erika – Aged 17
* * *
It was prom night.
I sat in the living room, a bowl of popcorn in my lap, and the remote in hand, ready for my Walker Texas Ranger episode. I’d looked forward to this all week, while dreading the night itself.
Of course, Marc and Noah would prepare for prom here, instead of at Noah’s place. Noah was always at our house, rather than his fancy mansion home, and it frustrated the living crap outta me. But what could I do?
Mom and Dad said it was fine. Never mind the fact that they weren’t even here tonight, but out at some function at the local golf club.
I shoved a handful of popcorn into my mouth and crunched noisily, watching an infomercial for the Wonder Mop while I waited for my scheduled viewing to begin.
“That’s an attractive look on you. Sweats, a face full of butter, and hair a mess.”
I looked up at Noah, standing in the doorway, dapper in his tux, with a carnation in his top pocket.
“You should wear that all the time.”
I rolled my eyes at him and kept chomping down, crunching as loud as I could to annoy him. I looked over and caught him grinning at me like a demented Cheshire cat.
“You can’t stand me, can you?” he asked. “You can’t even bear to have me in the same room as you.”
“Glad you noticed,” I said, between chews. “Care to leave?”
“Nah, I’m good right here.”
“Where’s Marc?” I asked.
“Showering or whatever.” Noah shrugged. “Shouldn’t you be reading a book or something? Studying? That’s what you do best, right?”
“Ever heard of the word multifaceted? No? Didn’t think so.” I turned the bitch mode on and kept chewing, narrowing my eyes at him. “It’s a wonder you can find your way to school in the mornings.”
“I got a fourteen-hundred on my SATs.”
I blinked at him, then shrugged. “Then you’re just dumb in person, rather than on paper.” I faced the TV again, praying for Walker Texas Ranger to save me from my misery. “Just leave, Noah. You hate me, and I hate you, why rub it in?”
“I like annoying you, what can I say? It’s just a talent I have, and it’s fun to work that talent for an unwilling audience.” He laughed. “Come on, Erika, I’m not an idiot. I know how you really feel.” He swaggered toward me and actually sat down next to me on the sofa.
The scent of his cologne, and his clean skin, washed over me. I didn’t look at him, but his stare burned into the side of my face.
“I know you think about me after the lights go out,” Noah said, softly. “I know you wish that I didn’t find you so annoying. I know all about it. I hear the rumors, Erika. I’m sorry you’re so disappointed that I don’t want you in that way.”
I looked at him then, burning up with anger now. “I don’t know what you heard, but whatever it was, you were misled. I have no interest in you, Noah. You’re nothing but my older brother’s annoying, boring, shitty friend. Shitty because you’re such an asshole to me for literally no reason. I’ve never done a thing to you. I’ve avoided you since we first moved to this damn street, and you’ve always been a dick to me. So, I have no friggin’ idea how you equate that with me thinking about you, but you’re sadly mistaken.” I lifted the remote and turned up the sound on the TV as Walker Texas Ranger started. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a night of viewing ahead.”
Just as I said it, the doorbell rang. Noah shrugged and rose from the sofa, sauntered off toward our entrance hall, trailing that ego as per usual. I ignored the influx of high heels, the girlish giggles and squeals, until they encroached on my space.
“Oh my god,” a girl screeched. “Is that Erika?”
I looked up and met the ecstatic glare from Nancy Tyler, slutbag extraordinaire. As per prediction, she’d chosen to wear a barely-there dress, clearly flouting the dress code for the evening. It was gold and stuck to her skin like glitter glue. She wouldn’t have been out of place in a strip club, honestly.
“It is. It’s Erika!” Nancy gave another squeal of laughter, and Noah tucked his hands into his pockets behind her, a frown starting up on his brow. “Oh my god, Walker Texas Ranger. Erika, you poor loser. No date for prom, even though your brother is best friends with the quarterback. I could just cry custard for you.” She laughed and laughed, and I stared at her like she’d lost her mind.
I wasn’t the only one either. Noah and Marc’s date, my bestie, Jessie, stared at her like her head had popped clean off her shoulders too.
“Oh my god,” Nancy said, and swiped a finger under either eye. “I can’t breathe.” She tottered into the living room, maintaining eye contact with me, but wiggling her butt for Noah’s sake. Noah didn’t so much as look at it. He said something under his breath to Jessie, who nodded and rolled her eyes. She mouthed something like “told you so” at Noah, who shrugged in turn.
“You’re so cute.” Nancy seated herself on the arm of the sofa, and actually touched the top of my head. “Look at you, aw, I almost feel bad for you, Erika. You’re so sweet and innocent. Life is going to be a real surprise for you when it finally catches up to you.”
“Have you been drinking?” I asked, tilting my head to one side.
Jessie covered a laugh with her hand. Noah kept his face impassive.
“You think you’re so special,” Nancy continued, this time draping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into a half-hug. “You think you’re just part of the fucking rainbow, don’t you? High-school nerd, so good at all the book stuff. But you’re nothing really.
You have no real value. Nobody even likes you because you’re such a bitch. Oh god, and you know what’s even funnier?” She lowered her voice and leaned closer, breathing the words into my ear. “I win. I win. I win! I got Noah, and you’ve got nothing. You’ve got popcorn and TV. So, you know what, nerdy girl? You can pretend like you’re better than me all you want, but you’re a loser. A fucking loser. Please, don’t ever forget that.”
“I’ll try to remember it when you’re serving me fries at McDonald’s ten years from now.”
“Ha, there you go again, being a bitch,” Nancy replied, then hiccupped and covered her mouth. “Whoops, haha. Look, hon, the fact is, you didn’t get what you wanted tonight, and I’ll bet my last condom that you won’t get what you want out of life, either. You’re going to be a failure.”
“What’s going on?” Marc asked and stepped into view.
“Nothing,” Nancy sang, and leaped to her gold heels. “I was just wishing your sister a good evening.”
“Putting on a show, actually,” I said, turning back to the TV. The lump in my throat remained, but I was determined—I’d never cry in front of Noah. And certainly not in front of Nancy.
Nancy walked off, giggling all the way, then looped an arm through Jess’s, who looked as if she’d just been assaulted. The girls staggered off—well, Nancy did—out of the front door and out of view.
“I didn’t even get a chance to give Jessie the corsage,” Marc muttered. “What the hell is going on?”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Noah said, and I hated him even more. Nancy was a perfect asshole, but even she couldn’t hold a candle to Noah. Noah who made me feel things I shouldn’t then teased me for them. “Better catch up to her.”
“Right,” Marc said, and gave me a wave. “See ya, sis.”
“Have a good night,” I called back but kept my gaze on the TV.
The door slammed a couple seconds later, and I sagged, allowing a few of the tears to spill over. “Stupid,” I muttered, and grabbed for a tissue. I wiped them away, then crumpled it up in my hand and focused on the TV, though I had no idea what was actually going on on the screen.
