by Imani King
“Stay,” he says.
My heart stops beating; my stomach drops out like I’ve just gone over the hill on a roller coaster. I laugh. His eyes widen. He can’t be serious. Can he? No, this is just more of the ploy. It has to be.
“Sure.” I laugh, like it’s a joke.
“I’m serious,” he says. “I don’t want you to go.”
I don’t know what to say. I wish I could believe him. I want to, but there are too many doubts. I can’t trust him.
“I have responsibilities,” I say.
“Screw them. Stay.”
I close my eyes. I’m standing at a crossroads. This is everything I wanted, but it’s also the wrong thing. I know it’s wrong. It can’t be. I can’t let it be. I smile and shake my head.
“You’re sweet,” I say, grabbing my bag.
He walks over and takes it from me. We walk through the house in silence. The limousine is waiting in the garage. Aidan and Eva are leaning against it talking quietly when we walk in. Eva looks over and smiles while Aidan looks guarded as usual. Butterflies dance in my stomach. I didn’t think this would be so hard.
Kian cuts off the driver and opens the door himself. He holds my hand as I go to step in. One foot in, he squeezes my hand and leans in close.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
I smile. The butterflies go nuts. My skin tingles with goosebumps. I want to say no. So badly I want to say no, but I’m the good girl. I’ve been on my fling, and now it’s time to return to my real life. Serious work, getting my degree, my normal real life.
“I have to be,” I say, a massive lump in my throat making my voice barely a whisper.
He nods then leans in and kisses me. My body melts and my resolve threatens to do the same. My heart is pounding so hard in my chest I think it might explode. My head spins, my muscles quiver, and I want to give in. As he breaks the kiss, I’m left panting.
“I’ll see you soon,” he says then walks back into the house without another word.
I hang onto the car door to keep myself from falling down, my knees are so weak. As he retreats I almost cry out to him but I stop myself. I can’t. My phone buzzes in my purse, but I ignore it as I climb into the car. Eva climbs in with me then we’re heading to the airport. We ride in uneasy silence as I wrestle internally with my warring desires. I know the right thing to do but damn it shouldn’t be so hard.
The trip to the airport should be a relief. I should want to go home—I always do after a long vacation. But I don’t. Not this time.
“Well that was fun,” Eva says as we settle into our seats on the plane.
“Yeah,” I reply, staring out the window.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, just a bit hungover I think.”
“Ugh, don’t remind me. My head still hurts.”
“Mine too.”
“Well, back to the real world,” she says, fastening her seat belt.
“Indeed.”
Roger is coming, and I don’t know how I feel about it. Pulling my phone out, I scroll through his texts. All I know for sure is that Roger has never made me feel the way that Kian has. Where that leaves me, I don’t know.
CHAPTER TWELVE
“Are you moping or severely hung over?” Aidan asks.
I look up from my plate which I had been studying with great intent. The sunglasses I’m wearing help, but the sun is still trying to destroy my eyes.
“What?” I ask, feeling empty and numb.
“You heard me.”
“You know what? I hate it when you do that shit. I mean I really, really hate it. Could you, just for this morning, try to not be a dick?”
He shrugs and looks at me again. “You are moping!”
Shaking my head, I pick up the sandwich on my plate and eat it, doing my best to ignore him. “When are we going home?” I ask around a mouthful of roast beef.
“Father wants us home by the weekend,” he says. “I’m to meet my bride to be.”
His voice drops. I pull my sunglasses down my nose and look at him over the top. He’s pushing the food on his plate around with his fork but not picking any of it up.
“You’re kidding,” I say.
“No. It’s my duty. You remember that? Duty? We have to marry royalty, and they’ve managed to arrange a marriage for me.”
“That sucks for you,” I say. “But I technically don’t have to. Who is it?”
He looks up from his plate and shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter; it’s my duty.”
“You’re serious?” I ask, pushing my sunglasses back up my nose.
“Of course I am. One of us has to do what we’re supposed to do, and it’s pretty obvious it’s not going to be you.”
“Whatever. I’m not marrying some chick I never banged before, much less never met.”
“I know of her,” he says defensively. “And we’ve communicated by email. A few times. She seems… lovely.”
“Then who is it?”
“Imogen Sutherland,” he says, staring at his plate.
I snort and choke on my sandwich. Grabbing my water, I drain the glass trying to clear my throat.
“You’re shitting me,” I say at last.
“No.”
“But she’s…” I stop, staring at him.
I can be mean to my brother, but there’s only so far I’ll take it. I never want to hurt him, and I can see he’s conflicted between doing what is expected of him and what we’ve all heard about Imogen. Boring, arrogant, money-grubbing. The list goes on.
“Well maybe the rumors are wrong,” I say.
Aidan smiles, but it’s strained, and I can see it clearly. “Perhaps,” he says. “Perhaps Father will arrange a marriage for you soon.”
“I’m not getting married,” I snap.
“Heh,” he snorts. “You got married last night, big mouth.”
“Sure, it’s not like that was real.”
“Are you sure about that?” he asks.
“Of course I am! Who the hell would give a real wedding away for free at a drunken dance contest?”
Aidan shrugs. “You should check it out. It looked pretty real from where I was.”
“Oh bullshit,” I say standing up. “I’ve got that fake piece of paper somewhere around here.”
It takes me a little bit to find it crumpled in the pockets of the pants I was wearing last night. I bring it back to the dining room, lay it on the table, then do my best to smooth it out. Aidan walks over beside me to inspect it too.
“Looks legit,” he observes.
“Well it can’t be,” I say, but the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach grows.
“Let’s check it out,” Aidan suggests.
“Yeah,” I say, picking it up with numb fingers. “Why not.”
“I’m driving,” he says as we walk out into the garage.
“Your driving sucks.”
“We get there alive,” he says, grabbing keys from the rack.
We drive around a bit until we finally figure out where the office is for Exquisite Vacations is. Aidan parks and we go in.
“Welcome to Exquisite Vacations,” a young red-headed girl greets as we walk in.
“Hi,” I say, leaning on the counter and pulling my sunglasses down.
“How can I help you?” she asks smiling from ear to ear and standing up to come over to the counter.
“I need to know, is this real?” I ask holding out the certificate.
She takes it from me and looks at it then smiles at me.
“Yes sir, our wedding packages are one hundred percent legal. Recognized across Europe and even in the United States,” she says, handing the certificate back to me.
Aidan laughs and punches me in the arm. I hold the certificate between two fingers like it’s going to burn me.
“You’re kidding me,” I say.
“No sir, we take great pride in our products, and that’s one of our bestsellers,” she smiles, but it falters as she looks at my face.
&nb
sp; “Who had such a stupid, hare-brained idea as to give a free wedding to a bunch of drunk people?”
Her smile is gone now and tears well in the corners of her eyes. “Sir, if there’s a problem I can get my boss to come out here.”
“There’s no problem. My brother does stupid things when he’s drunk. Thank you for your help,” Aidan says, grabbing me by my arm and all but dragging me back to our car.
Sitting in the seat, I stare at the piece of paper. I can’t believe this. What the hell have I done? Shit, this is real.
“Well,” Aidan says, closing the door on the driver's side.
“Well, what?” I ask. Well, I’m married. How should I know what to do?
“What now?” Aidan asks me.
I throw my hands up. “How the hell do I know?”
I can feel Aidan rolling his eyes. “Well, there’s only one answer. You have to go to Scotland and get a divorce.”
“Why? Why would I get a divorce?”
“Why?” he looks at me in utter disbelief. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah I’m serious, why?”
“One, you can’t marry an American,” he says, holding his hand up and counting with his fingers. “Two, you don’t know her. Three, our parents will kill you. Four, our entire country might kick you out.”
“Sure. It’s not like it’s the worst thing I’ve done. They ought to be used to it by now.”
“No, I’m pretty sure this is the worst thing you’ve done.”
“Why? What if I don’t want to get a divorce?”
“Don’t be dense. She’s a commoner!”
“So? What if I love her? What if I want to stay married to her?”
“You can’t!” he yells, dropping the car into gear and squalling the tires as he stomps on the gas.
“I can do whatever I want,” I yell back at him. “I’m not the heir. I don’t have to marry the Ice Queen.”
“Don’t call her that,” he growls.
“Whatever. You know the same stories I do.” I want to say something vicious, but I can’t bring myself to. “She’s probably no fun at all. That’s what you’re getting into. A joyless, passionless, boring life.”
“You’re an idiot, Kian. That’s what I have to do.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” I shrug and look out at the window, watching the world pass by.
The anger between us is gone. It’s always been like that. Fast and furious but passing quick. What have I done? What am I going to do? Those are the things I need to figure out.
“I’m sorry Kian, but there aren’t really any choices here,” Aidan says.
“I like her,” I admit. “Abby. I really like her.”
“I know,” he says. “But you need to handle this, quickly, preferably before Mother and Father even find out about it.”
I listen to him, but I don’t answer. I’m married to her. I always thought marriage would feel like a weight. Some kind of pressure that I didn’t want. It doesn’t, at least not with her. I’m married to Abby. She’s my wife.
I like it. I like it a lot. Smiling I pull my phone out of my pocket and pull up a travel site.
“What are you doing?” Aidan asks.
“Booking a ticket.”
“Good, best to get this handled fast.”
“Sure,” I agree.
Best get this handled. Best tell my wife that we belong to each other, now and for the rest of our lives.
I don’t tell him the rest of my thoughts. I’m not sure what I’m doing yet, but I’m not going to have him trying to talk me out of it.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
While walking through airport security, it hits me.
Maybe I’m no better than Roger is. As soon as it was over between us, I went to some random country and started hooking up with some guy I barely know.
What the hell was I thinking?
The ache and sick feeling turns to numbness as we take a cab home. When we get to our apartment, I drop my luggage in my room then collapse on the bed. Guilt fills me until tears are streaming down my face. I fall asleep still in my clothes.
Days pass by quickly. Falling back into the routine of school and homework keeps my mind off of other things for the most part. Every night as I climb into my cold, empty bed I think of Kian. Each time, I feel a twinge of guilt. I never thought about Roger this way.
It’s been a week since I last saw Kian. And the hurt of leaving him is just as raw as it was in the airport when I walked onto the plane.
“Friday, girl!” Eva says, collapsing onto the couch in our living room.
“Yup.”
“Big plans?”
“Homework.”
My phone buzzes so I look at it glad for the distraction. I don’t want to think about my first weekend home.
Can I see you? I’m here. Please… I’m sorry.
Roger. Great, just what I don’t need. Okay, this is happening. He’s here. I have to do the right thing. I should at least give him a chance. That’s the right thing to do. We’re living thousands of miles apart, maybe it was a one-time thing. People make mistakes, so maybe I can give him a chance.
I’ll meet you.
I text back. No commitments beyond a meeting. Simple. I’ll see where it goes from there. He texts back immediately with the address of a restaurant. I take several deep breaths before I decide to push myself through. I dress quickly then head to the place. It’s a nice, small, and uncomfortably intimate. Small tables, not a lot of clientele. As soon as I walk in I see Roger. He stands up and waves excitedly.
There was a time my heart would have leapt to see him. Today I don’t feel anything. No excitement, but no anger or upset either. I’m not sure what to make of that. He walks up to me and kisses me on the cheek then returns to his seat. I take the seat opposite. Kian would have held the chair for me. I close my eyes and push away those thoughts.
“I’m so glad to see you!” Roger says.
“Okay,” I say, picking up the menu and looking at it.
“Look, first let me say how sorry I am. I screwed up; I know it. I feel so terrible about it too. I won’t let it happen again,” he says. His deep brown eyes are earnest, and I remind myself of Roger’s good qualities. He could be kind and sincere. Was any of that real?
I look at him over the top of the menu. His eyes beg me for forgiveness, but his words don’t sound sincere.
“Really?” I ask.
“Of course!” he says too quickly. “I want to marry you, Abby. As soon as we graduate, we’ll buy a house; we’ll settle down together. Start a family. It will be perfect, just like we’ve always talked about.”
“Roger, you cheated on me. How can I trust you?”
“It was a mistake. What can I say? I was lonely and vulnerable and well, to be honest, she took advantage of me. You were so far away…” He bites his lower lip like he’s some kind of victim. And it sort of seems like he’s blaming his cheating escapades on me.
“I see.”
“Abby I’m serious. We’ll get married, and it will be perfect. I can be better. I promise you.” He adjusts himself in the chair, and I notice he’s wearing a slightly wrinkled button-down shirt. It makes me think of how Kian’s shirts were always neatly ironed, always showing a hint of skin.
Stop, Abby. That’s all over.
A few weeks ago this was all I wanted. Before Gibraltar, before Kian. Now I’m not excited. More than that, I’m not interested. The waiter comes over and takes our orders. Roger tries to order for me, but I cut him off and order the fish.
“You don’t like fish,” he says as the waiter walks away.
“Things change.”
He stares for a long, silent moment then smiles. “Well I guess they do,” he says, reaching across the table and placing his hand on mine. “Abby, please forgive me.”
Staring into his eyes, I know I’m supposed to forgive him, like he says. That’s what a good girl does, and it’s what I’m supposed to do. The thing is, I don’t want to. Roger has never
created desire in me like Kian does. Even now, begging and wanting me back, he doesn’t look at me like Kian did. Kian’s smoldering eyes made me feel beautiful every time he looks in my direction. Like I was the only girl in the entire world that mattered.
Roger doesn’t make me feel like that. He doesn’t make me feel anything.
He’s safe. I’ll give him that. He’s a known quantity. He also cheated on me. I don’t know if I can forgive that. What am I thinking, though? Kian hasn’t contacted me since I’ve been home. Am I thinking of leaving Roger for Kian? A guy who the only connection I really have to is his saying he’d see me again?
Kian is a bad boy. He’s already with another. Probably had two or three women since I’ve left. Girls like me don’t get boys like him. It’s just not the way the cards play out no matter how much I might wish differently. I should at least give Roger a chance to redeem himself.
“Maybe in time,” I say at last.
Roger breathes a sigh of relief.
“I promise you, you’ll see. I can be better. I will be, for you.”
“Good,” I say, turning my attention to my meal.
“So we’ve got one more year right?” he says between bites.
“I’ll be a year and a half. Most of that is focused on writing my thesis, so I can be… almost anywhere.” After I say it, I regret it. That might give the Roger the idea that I could go with him.
“Okay, that’s good. I’ve got some possible jobs lined up. What city do you want to live in?”
What city? I hadn’t thought about it. How about Gibraltar? Where we can stare across the ocean at Morocco all night long. We can swim in our luxury heated pool and spend our nights in the biggest, softest bed I’ve ever seen. Looking up from my plate it’s Roger there, though. If it was Kian, I might be able to dream of such things, but this is Roger.
“I haven’t thought about it,” I say.
“Well we can live anywhere you like,” he says. “It’s going to be great.”
I smile, but inside I’m nervous. I don’t know if I want this. Everything feels different now. Empty with no real future to be had. Roger doesn’t do anything for me anymore. I don’t think he ever did. He’s the first boy I kissed—what did I know of love? What did I know of how a boy could make a girl feel when my entire experience had been him? Do I really believe he won’t cheat on me again?
