by T. K. Chapin
My marriage was treading the depths of despair, and something revolutionary had to change soon if we were going to make it.
Chapter 3-Mark
INSIDE THE CHURCH, I FOUND the chilling quietness and dimly lit foyer of the sanctuary unsettling. I had never set foot inside the church outside of regularly scheduled times of service. Peering down a hallway, I saw a light shining out of the pastor’s office. Up until this point, I hadn’t been very nervous about our meeting, but that was quickly changing. Like a freight train out of control, my nerves rattled as I trekked down the rails to his office. Each step down the hallway, I felt myself closer to the end of the tracks.
I stopped short of his office and honestly debated within myself on turning around and booking it out of there.
Suddenly, a voice came from within the office.
“You going to stand there or come in?”
Forcing a smile, I turned the corner. He stood up and came around to me. I stuck out a hand to shake his, but to my surprise, he completely ignored it. He came in for a full-on hug. I wasn’t a fan of hugging anyone outside of my wife, but I obliged. And in some small way, I must’ve liked it because that freight train inside slowed down.
“Take a seat, brother.”
I sat in the chair in front of the desk.
He went back around his desk and sat down across from me. Folding his hands, he leaned across his desk and didn’t say a word, just looked at me.
After about a minute, I became increasingly uncomfortable with the silence. Seriously reconsidering my choice to come in and see him, I was about to get up and leave, but something inside me told me to keep myself seated. Finally, I said, “Now what?”
He shrugged and smiled. “I don’t know. Now what?”
“I don’t know. You tell me. You’re the pastor. Right?” I laughed as I assumed Charlie had gone stark raving mad. I knew running a church and pastoring the flock were a stressful endeavor, but I hadn’t suspected he was losing his mind.
“I’m just messing with you.” He smiled. “Tell me, Mark, do you read your Bible daily?”
“Yeah, for the most part.” What kind of Christian would I be if I didn’t read my Bible? I couldn’t tell him it had been an ongoing struggle in my life.
“Okay. But do you read it every day without fail?”
He knew. At this point, I was becoming suspicious that my pastor had in fact installed cameras inside my house and knew my Bible reading habits. After quickly dismissing that as a possibility, I said, “I try to, but some days, honestly, I don’t.”
“Okay, and how long do you read when you get a chance to?”
Glancing up at the ceiling as I tried to quantify the length in which I read when I did read the Scriptures, I came up blank. I didn’t have a set time. I worked it in when I could. “I’m not exactly sure. A chapter or something? It’s hard with Elly and the other kids. You know?”
His smile fell away. “I understand. Hey, how is she doing?”
“She’s . . .” Looking him in the eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to lie. He was my pastor and we were inside the Lord’s house. It didn’t seem right, like I risked being struck by lightning on my way out if I were to do such a thing. Letting out a sigh, I shook my pride off. “Honestly, she’s not doing well. A donor has to happen, and soon. The doctors haven’t seen her liver come back at all. No growth. It’s not healing by itself.”
He nodded. “I’m so sorry, Mark. Serenah and I have been praying for her and your family through this. You know, sometimes, it’s so hard to understand what God is doing behind the scenes. I know for me, I just sit around sometimes thinking what on earth are You doing, God? How is this going to work out?”
His words touched the pain that was buried deep inside my soul. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so much alone. “It’s true.”
He sat back in his chair and said, “We’re both men, and as men, we just need to know what to do. So I’ll give it to you straight. First, you need to start reading your Bible more. I don’t mean read a chapter and call it good. I mean really dig into the Word of God. This is a supernatural book, Mark. It’s powerful. I’d recommend at least an hour a day for right now. You don’t have to speed read, but stay in the Bible for an hour total. To log the time, set a timer on your phone or something.”
“An hour?” My voice was riddled with concern as I mentally combed over the day with a fine-tipped pick, trying to see where I could fit it in.
“You have about sixteen hours in the day. One hour for God is doable. He has to be a top priority. Start there. Okay?”
“All right.”
Charlie began to get up as if we were done. Becoming concerned, I blurted out, “What about my marriage? I feel like it’s going to end. I’m scared, Pastor.”
“We will meet again in three days and you can let me know how things are going since you started the prescribed regimen.”
I stood up as I thought to myself, three days? How is that enough time? It might’ve worked for the Savior of the world, but this marriage won’t resurrect in three days. “Okay. I don’t see how reading my Bible a little more can help.” Realizing I had said the last thought out loud, I stuck out a hand and said, “Sorry. That was supposed to be in my head. No offense.”
He shook his head, chuckling a little, and led me to the door. “None taken. You’re in retail and sales down at Sportsman’s. Let me tell you this way. I believe in the product. I believe that God is the only one who can change the heart, and we have to start there always. This includes, but is not limited to, your marriage.”
“What book of the Bible should I start with?”
He shrugged and paused for a moment. “How about Galatians?”
“Okay. Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
As I walked the hall, I heard Charlie call my name.
I stopped and turned.
“Remember. Come back Friday at the same time and we’ll chat.”
I waved a hand to confirm. Continuing down the hall, I pulled out my cellphone and saw a text from my mother-in-law. She needed me to pick up purple thread for Ester’s ballet outfit she was making for her big recital coming up in a week. Closing out of the message, I put my phone back into my pocket.
Coming outside, I crossed the parking lot as I squinted to keep the sun out of my eyes and did an inventory of my inner feelings about the meeting with Charlie. I believed in God, I believed in Jesus as my Lord and Savior, but I was skeptical of this small step working for my marriage.
Chapter 4-Mark
I STOOD OUTSIDE ELLY’S HOSPITAL room for about five minutes, pacing back and forth. I couldn’t pull myself to step inside and see her hooked up to those machines. I wanted to fly into that room, rip all the machines off her, and whisk her out of the hospital window. The only problem was that I wasn’t Superman or Jesus. I was just a dad with a sick kid.
Dropping eye drops into each eye once more to clear the scratchiness that came with the tears, I wiped my face and took a deep breath. Turning the corner of the doorway, I went in. My heart immediately dipped into my stomach. In the moments of honesty with myself, I knew being home and away from the hospital was easier than being up here. Seeing my little girl like this was like a set of daggers ripping through my chest. The worst part of it all was the reality that there was not a single thing I could do about it.
Slowly, I approached her bedside. My gaze took in her delicate face, her hair, and her closed eyes. A flicker of pain radiated through my chest as I glanced at the IV jammed into her hand. Gazing at the breathing tube shoved into her mouth, I swallowed. She didn’t deserve this, none of it. She was a good child. Setting the vase of roses down on the table beside her bed, I leaned over and kissed her forehead.
“I love you.” Roses always reminded me of her, and it came from when she was only three years old. Shortly after her mother and I married we were living on Wall Street in Spokane. We had a neighbor lady who had a rose bush in her front yard within reaching distance of
the sidewalk. Bethany and I would go for walks in the evenings in the summer with Elly, and every time we did, she had to stop and touch every rose within sight. Elly loved the colors of the roses, the smells too. Her fondness for them always reminded me of the overused cliché about stopping and smelling the roses in life. Even though it was a cliché, Elly taught me to do just that, to appreciate the smaller things in life and not to take a moment for granted. It was a truth I had carried with me all of these years.
Moving the plastic chair away from the bed, I pulled the recliner over and sat down. After a few minutes or so, my gaze fell over to the window and more specifically to the stack of books Bethany had piled up below the window. She was always ordering new ones on Amazon and having them shipped to the room. I got up and went over to them. Thumbing through to see if there was anything new, I came to a Bible. Thinking about what Charlie had recommended, I figured I’d better get started. So I pulled it out and flipped to the book of Proverbs as I walked back over to the recliner. Proverbs was a beloved personal favorite of mine. Snuggled into my seat, I began to read the Word of God.
Chapter 5-Bethany
“ESTER OLIVA THOMPSON. YOU STOP jumping in that puddle right now!” Turning my attention to the front door, I finally found the house key and shoved it into the keyhole. Flinging open the door, Easton promptly blazed ahead inside and then Ester made her way up the pathway.
In the foyer, I grabbed Easton and peeled off his shoes as Ester arrived inside. As I saw the mud trail on the tile of the foyer, I felt my insides twisting with annoyance. I don’t have time or energy for this, I thought to myself. I needed to get back to Elly and I was stuck at home while Mark seemed to have forgotten about time and was running late. I had grilled him pretty hard on the phone just ten minutes prior while I was driving after finding out that Easton had a virus and that antibiotics wouldn’t do a lick of good for what he had. It was about 3:30pm now, and I had been gone from the hospital most of the afternoon.
Setting my purse and keys down, I called for Ester. “Ester! Grab some paper towels and get in here to clean up this mess.”
“But, Mom . . . Bubble Guppies is on.”
Leaning into the doorway of the living room, I raised my eyebrows. “Excuse me?”
She jumped up and hurried into the kitchen to obey. Mark had been letting the TV do the kid watching since he had taken over the house, and the kids were beyond addicted, in my opinion. I worried what the long-term impact would be on their little minds. But I knew that once Elly was better and back home, everything would go back to the way it was before. I’d make sure of it.
With Ester cleaning up her mess, I left the foyer and went through the kitchen and into the laundry room. Flipping on the light, I saw a giant pile of laundry climbing itself up the wall where hampers used to be. I shook my head, then started to separate the colors from the whites for a load.
The doorbell rang.
Leaving the laundry room, I headed to go answer it, but the door opened as I entered through the foyer.
It was my parents.
Startled, I stopped and stared without a word as my kids jumped to greet them. Why were they here? And where is Mark? He should be here by now.
“Grandma! Grandpa!” Ester and Easton hollered. Grandma immediately started to hand them each a few M&Ms from her purse.
“What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” my mom asked, her hands opening outward as a confused expression came across her face. “It’s 3:30pm. We’re supposed to watch the kids while Mark goes to a meeting.”
My cheeks went flush with embarrassment. I hadn’t known about the meeting. I pretended to be aware of it to save myself embarrassment.
“Oh, yeah, of course. His meeting.”
My dad smiled and came in close, giving me a hug. Releasing, he asked, “How’s Elly?”
I shrugged, shielding him from my hopelessness. “She’s doing as well as expected at this point.”
“Any closer on a liver?”
I shrugged as I watched my mother and the kids going into the living room. My eyes turned back to my father. “I don’t know, Dad. I just don’t know.”
Coming closer, he hugged me once more. He didn’t say anything but just held me and let me cry into his shoulder. Having my dad’s big arms around me and holding me made everything seem bearable.
We released and walked into the living room to join Mom and the kids. As we entered, Ester was twirling in circles as she held her hands above her head. My mother clapped wildly as little Ester finished and took a bow. Then Mom said, “You’re going to do amazing at next week’s recital.”
A chip of my heart splintered upon hearing another thing I had known nothing about. I had no idea she was doing a performance next week. Hearing a car pull into the driveway, I knew it was Mark and I was ready to fight now.
“Excuse me.”
Leaving the living room upset, I went out the front door to confront him.
Chapter 6-Mark
TURNING OFF THE CAR, I no sooner had removed the key from the ignition than I spotted Bethany storming down the steps of our home. Heading right toward me with a look of fury in her eyes, I knew she wanted to battle. A part of me honestly wanted to put the key right back into the ignition and back out of the driveway. I didn’t have the desire to tussle, to fight. Then something I had read in the Bible at the hospital surfaced to my mind.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
Opening the car door, I got out and looked my wife in the eyes as she made the few remaining steps up to me.
“First, I need to know things, Mark! I need to know when my child has a dance recital. I also need to know if my parents are coming over. That you have a meeting! Second, why are the kids so obsessed with TV? Do you just let the TV babysit while you sit on the computer and play your little video games?”
“I’m sorry.” My words were soft, gentle, and yielding. She was wrong in her thinking that I sat on the computer, but I didn’t fight about it. Instead, I focused on her pain, how she must be feeling. She was frustrated.
“Yeah, you’d better be sorry. Wait, sorry for what?” She looked skeptical of my apology.
“For everything. I should’ve told you about the recital and your parents coming over and even the fact that I have a meeting.”
“Okay.” She nodded, but the anger was still there. “What about the TV? Sorry about that?”
“Yes, I am. They shouldn’t be staring at a TV all the time, and I’m letting them watch too much of it.”
She glared for a moment at me, skepticism still in her eyes. “You’re just saying that because that’s what I want to hear.”
“Not at all. I’m truly sorry.”
Crossing her arms, she tilted her head. “Okay. Well . . . If you really mean it, then thank you.”
I started to walk toward the house and she joined my side, walking with me. I was dumbfounded but pleasantly surprised by the result. As we made it to the front door, she grabbed my arm gently and turned me to her.
Calm now, she said, “I’m sorry for coming at you like that.”
“It’s okay. I understand the frustration you must be experiencing.”
“Did you go back to your doctor on the way home and get that Xanax or something?”
I laughed. “No.”
My eyes turned to the slab of cement beneath our feet as I pondered about my time with Elly. The time I spent soaking up the Word of God like I hadn’t in a while. I had an odd but comforting peace settle over me at the hospital. It was no coincidence. God had whispered into my heart that everything would be okay. He ministered to my soul through His Word.
“You’ve got to be honest with me, Mark. I can tell something is up. First you left earlier without a fight, and now this. I know you, and this isn’t you.”
Guilt stole the peace over me. I had been untruthful with her and I was filled with a sense of sharing the reality tha
t was happening. “Okay. I will be honest. I do have something to tell you.”
“What?” Her tone reeked of annoyance mingled with exhaustion. I wasn’t sure how she would receive the news of my going to meet with our pastor about our marriage, but I knew the right thing to do was to tell her, so I did.
“I met with Charlie before I went up to the hospital.” Seeing her questioning gaze, I continued. “I went to talk about our marriage.”
What happened next was a surprise to me.
Chapter 7-Bethany
“YOU DID?” MY HEART WARMED at hearing Mark take an interest in our marriage. I was a little upset that he didn’t go right up to the hospital, but it was eclipsed by his care and love for ‘us.’ I had assumed he was unaware of the brokenness I felt between us, but he must’ve felt it too. Tears started down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you.” He reached out and touched my arm. “Everything that is going on with Elly and at home is too much for me to handle alone, and I needed help. That’s why I reached out.”
Wiping my eyes, I nodded. “No. I’m not upset. I’m happy you went.” Wiping my tears, I asked, “What’d he say?”
“Not a lot. I wasn’t there long, but he told me to start reading the Bible more.”
“I see. You know, you could’ve told me.”
“I had no idea. I assumed you were going to be upset since you know them so well.”
I shook my head. “It’s not a big deal. Pastor Charlie isn’t going to go around and air our problems out to my dad or anybody at the church. Plus . . . I think my parents already suspect something is up with us.” My eyes turned back toward the shut front door behind us. “Last week, my mother called me out of the blue and asked if I wanted her to stay with Elly and for my dad to stay with the kids so you and I could go out on a date.”
“Ahh. That’s probably why Ed always asks me how you are.” He breathed a relieved sigh and shook his head. “That’s a bummer about your parents, but I’m glad you’re not upset.”
