by T. K. Chapin
Biting his lip, Christopher looked away for a second and then turned back to me. “Look, I know I’ve messed up with Elly. I’m not worthy to have the title of ‘Dad’.” His words trembled with his lips as he paused, then continued. “I’m here now. I’m here to earn that title.”
“And what? After she’s better, you leave again? You don’t have a relationship with your daughter. She hardly knows you outside of a few photographs and birthday cards.”
He looked at the tile of the hospital floor beneath his feet for a moment. Then he lifted his eyes to me. “I’m not leaving, Bethany. I can’t do this to our girl anymore. I realize that, now more than ever.”
I wanted so badly to believe him, for Elly to finally have a real relationship with her biological father, but I was scared. Only time would reveal the truth about Christopher.
Chapter 11-Mark
SITTING IN MY CHAIR INSIDE the manager’s office at Sportsman’s, I stared at my cellphone on the desk. I was waiting for Bethany to call me back after her ex-husband showed up at Deaconess Hospital. She and Elly hadn’t seen him in years. I had only met the jerk once. The fact that he flew up from L.A. to see Elly irritated me, but I knew, especially after the Bible reading I had done earlier, that God had prepared the way for me to deal with this new development in our life. My selfish uncomfortable feelings about his being around my daughter and wife weren’t relevant. What mattered was Elly’s real father was there now, something her heart desperately craved over the years. Christopher wasn’t someone I thought of often but instead kept in the back of my mind like a bad dream I often tried to forget. For the last year, I feared something like this happening, and now it was.
“Mark.” One of my assistants, Drew, broke into my train of thought from the doorway of my office.
“Yeah?” I asked over my shoulder without fully turning to him.
“Some guy up front is asking for you. His name is Joe Allen?”
I leapt from my seat to leave the office and go out to the sales floor to meet him. Joe Allen wasn’t just ‘some guy.’ He was the Director of Operations for the entire Northwest region of Sportsman’s. He was even above my boss, Ron Gillard, who was the District Manager for Spokane and surrounding areas. For Joe to grace our presence here in Spokane was a big deal. Either there was a tour going on with the higher-ups or there were big issues that needed to be dealt with. Either way was unsettling.
As I walked out to greet him, I searched for a sight of Ron somewhere in the store. Often, Ron would come into the stores without a phone call or heads-up and survey the operations to see where we could pick up some slack. With no sightings of Ron in the store, I became increasingly worried. All I could see were a few scattered customers.
“Hello, again, Joe.” I stuck out my hand as I approached him on the customer side of the counter. He was tall, about six foot nine, and lanky. We shook hands. His grip was firm. “What brings you in?”
“Ron has been relieved of his duties here at Sportsman’s and we’re looking to do a bit of restructuring. I’m stopping in for surprise visits and interviews with all the managers and staff members. I’ll be interviewing you, along with some of the others, also taking a look around over the next week or so.”
“Great.” I swallowed hard as I knew what the term restructuring really meant—cutbacks. I was suddenly faced with a new trial I didn’t anticipate. If I lost my job, I’d have no way to pay for my mortgage, we wouldn’t have health insurance, and that never-ending stack of bills piling up for Elly would only grow. A verse from my reading that morning surfaced to my mind.
Do not give the devil a foothold
Ephesians 4:27
I knew the devil was trying to invade my life through my work now that I was actively seeking God. I couldn’t give him a foothold in my mind, not even with work. I had to put my trust fully in God. My phone buzzed in my pocket, distracting me for a second from Joe, but not enough to answer it. Another attack in my mind bubbled up. If Joe found out how much I had been slacking at work, I’d end up just like Ron—in the unemployment line. With a racing heart, I lifted a silent prayer up for God to help me.
Chapter 12-Bethany
HANGING UP MY PHONE AS it connected to Mark’s voice mail, I turned and went back inside to Elly’s room. Seeing Christopher leaned over her and kissing her forehead filled me with a mixture of emotions. On one hand, it infuriated me that he had finally taken an interest in her now, after so many years. On the other hand, I knew Elly would appreciate seeing him when she finally woke up. She always asked about him over the years. Her heart had a biological bond there that wouldn’t be broken over his poor choices alone.
Keeping my distance from the two of them as I entered, I made my way over to the window. Staring outside the thirteenth floor of the hospital, I wondered how much longer it’d be for Elly to get her new liver. Once it arrived, Christopher could really show himself. He’d stay, like he now claims, or he’d leave back to the reality he really loved. The world that wasn’t with Elly.
Christopher soon joined me at the window. “The world out there just keeps going on like our little girl isn’t up here fighting for her life.”
Every time he seemed to open his mouth, I became angrier. He was trying to be something he never was, and I had enough stress and pain without him around, propping himself up. It most likely wasn’t right to say, but it came from a place of truth in my heart. “Stop saying our little girl, please. Yes, we made her, but you aren’t a part of her life at all.”
“I deserve that, Beth.” He glanced over at me, then back out the window as he let out a sigh. “I know you don’t believe I’m staying, but I already told my manager I was moving out here. He told me there wasn’t any chance for success as a solo artist in Spokane, but I didn’t care, Beth. My house is already on the market and I’m here for good.”
Lowering my voice in case Elly could somehow hear, I said, “If that is true, that’s great. But it’s a little sad that it took her almost dying to get your attention enough to be a father in her life. I guess now you’re going to demand I share custody with her and let her be with you half the time? That’s so typical of you to just show up and start making demands.”
Shaking his head, he crossed his arms and turned toward me. “No, not at all. I don’t deserve to make demands. I won’t change anything. I’ll go with whatever you want. Whatever you and Mark are comfortable with.”
“Oh.” I was surprised by his response. It didn’t remind me of the old immature Christopher I had married years ago. He was more understanding, sympathetic of the truth that was my life and my family. Maybe this could work out for all parties involved. Turning toward Elly, I said, “You’d better not hurt her again. I’ll kill you and Mark will help me hide your body.”
He laughed. “Don’t worry. I can’t do that to her again. Do you think they have another recliner I could use?”
My phone rang.
“It’s Mark.”
Answering, I went out into the hallway for some privacy.
“Sorry I didn’t answer. Something came up here at work. So Christopher? He’s here in town now? For how long?”
“I guess for good, from what he’s saying.”
“Hmm. That doesn’t sound like him.”
Peeking back into the room, I saw him flipping through the Bible as he still stood near the window. Then he stopped and started to read something in it.
Letting out a sigh, I turned back to the hallway and leaned my head against the wall. “You’re right that it doesn’t sound like him, but I think he might’ve changed. I hope to God he has.”
“We’ll see. Hey. Could you come home more often then since he’s up there now?”
Already off-balance by the events of the morning, I became irrationally irritated by his assumptions. “No, Mark. Just because he’s up here doesn’t mean I don’t need to be here now. Jeez. Can you please stop? I thought the Bible reading was doing something for you? Obviously not, still selfish.”
“Okay. Sorry.” He wanted to say more, I could feel it, sense it even, but he held back.
“What? What were you going to say, Mark?”
“Nothing. Hey, I gotta go.”
“Sure.”
As we hung up the phone, I felt the familiar sting that was there prior to our conversation in the driveway. He hadn’t changed. Why do men in my life keep telling me they’ve changed and they really haven’t? I shook the bad taste of the phone call off the best I could, then I ventured over to Judy at the nurse’s station.
“Hey, Judy. Could you get us another recliner? Those plastic chairs aren’t very comfortable and it looks like Elly’s father will be here for a while.”
“Sure. I’ll figure something out.”
“Thanks.”
Walking back into Elly’s room, I approached Christopher, who now sat in the recliner with the Bible in his hands.
“You found God in L.A. or something?”
He laughed, closing it. “I don’t think God ever goes to L.A. Actually, I found Him when I was on the road. I met a cool lady who told me about Jesus.”
Raising an eyebrow, I said, “Wow. I spent how many years trying to get you to see the light?”
“I wasn’t ready then.”
I nodded. “So you’ve really changed this time, you think? People usually don’t change.”
“You’re right, people don’t change. But with God, they can.”
Chapter 13-Mark
PRAYING ALL THE WAY HOME and for a few minutes in the driveway, I tried to clear my mind of the stress at Sportsman’s and the recent appearance of Elly’s biological father. Staring up through the windshield past the in-laws’ car, I could see the blue and white plaid curtains hanging in the living room window. My family needed me to keep this job, to keep my head level and my emotions in check. But keeping it all together was becoming more difficult by the day.
Catching Ed’s gaze as he peered out the window, I waved to him, then got out of the car.
Heading inside, I set my keys on the table and went into the living room. Ed and Easton were at the coffee table in the depths of a game of Old Maid.
“How was work?” Ed asked with a raised brow.
“It was work. The kids do okay?”
He smiled, looking at me as if he could see right through me, but he didn’t say a word about it. “Yeah, the kids were fine. Hey, I finished the Chevelle.”
The Chevelle was a classic car he had been restoring for over a year now. There was a long break after his heart surgery, but he had started back on it a few months ago.
“Oh, nice. Bet she’s a beaut. Have you taken it out on the road yet?”
“For a test run, yeah.” Turning to his game of cards with Easton, he pulled a card from Easton’s hand of cards. “Ah, shucks. Old Maid!” He laughed and Easton giggled.
“How’d she do?”
“Great. You should come over sometime and I’ll let you take her for a spin.”
Surprised, I raised an eyebrow. Ed wasn’t one to let people drive his cars. He’d test them out and then promptly sell them the first chance he got. I felt privileged. “I’m not sure when that can happen. I’m either working or watching kids lately.”
“Oh, Melanie and I can watch the kids. You know that. Take the car out for a spin. Go clear your head and give yourself a break from all the stress.”
I smiled at the thought. For a second, I dared to imagine driving the Chevelle with the window down, the tunes up, and no kids screaming in the backseat. “Okay. You sold me. Tell you what. I have a thing in a couple of days I have to do. I’ll come out and drop the kids off and take the car for a spin. How’s that?”
He nodded, but I could tell he had more to say. Standing up from his game of cards, he came up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder, narrowing his look at me. “Listen, you might only be family by marriage, but I view you as my son, Mark. If you want to take the car to that thing, that’s fine. But I also want you to take some time for yourself. Just relax. You need a break. Please honor the request of an old man?”
Smiling, I said, “Okay. I’ll take some extra time for myself.”
“Good!” He patted my back. “Get a cheeseburger and sit somewhere in silence if you have to.” He leaned in with a quieter voice. “I did that all the time when all my kids were young. Sometimes, you just need a minute.”
“Thank you, Ed.”
Chapter 14-Bethany
THE MAJORITY OF THE TIME in Elly’s room with Christopher was spent in silence. We both slept in our recliners in different parts of the room, then the next morning and into the early afternoon, I spent my time with my nose in a book while Christopher was on his laptop searching for a job. At a quarter past two o’clock that afternoon, he suddenly shut his laptop and put it away. As he set his laptop case down beside the chair, he caught my gaze and smiled.
“You always did that.”
“What?”
“That thing with your nose when you read. It scrunches up.”
My eyes fell back to the page I was on and I ignored his attempt to dig in the past. My lack of a response seemed to make him uncomfortable. He stood up and looked over Elly.
“If my being here is going to be an issue, I’ll leave.”
Annoyed, I bookmarked my spot and stood up, setting the book down in my seat. I came over to him. “You’ve always been good at that. Listen to me, Christopher. If you want to be a dad to her, be a dad. Don’t let me be a factor. And Christopher? I can be civil, but I’m not going to relive the past and play along with your attempts to have me think about what there was between us eons ago. I don’t want to talk about the past. Okay?”
Furrowing his eyebrows, he glared at me. “I just commented on your nose. Jeez, Beth. Calm down.”
I took a step closer. “Don’t tell me to calm down! I’ve been up here day in and day out for over a month! I was the one who raised our child! You didn’t!” Like a dam breaking free, my eyes watered, tears streaming down my cheeks as my voice cracked. “I don’t need you up here telling me one second that you’re here and the next threatening to leave! I don’t need the stress!”
He came in closer and suddenly hugged me. Before I had a second to react, a knock on the doorframe of the room sounded and I pushed him off. Turning, I saw my dad standing there with his mouth gaping open.
“Dad.” The air in my lungs whooshed out at the sight of him. He turned and left the doorway and walked down the hall. Turning back to Christopher, I shoved him backward, causing him to stumble, then hurried out the door to catch my dad.
My heart raced as I saw him rounding the corner on his way to the elevators. “Dad! Wait!”
He turned, vanishing. Quickly, I made my way around the corner and found him standing there with his hands on his hips and a look I hadn’t seen in quite some time—disappointment.
“What are you doing, Bethany?” He looked fearful, another look I didn’t see often. Then he pointed toward Elly’s room. “What is that piece of garbage doing around my granddaughter and daughter? Why was he hugging you? Why are you crying with him?”
I peered into my father’s eyes as I shook my head. “He just showed up, and I promise nothing was going on. I just got upset.”
Rubbing a hand over his face, he sighed. “Okay.” He shook his head. “No. You know, it’s not okay. I watched Christopher destroy you! He tore all of our hearts out when he dropped you and Elly and moved away. He has no right to be here. Mark is that girl’s father more than he ever was or ever could be!”
“Dad. Quiet down.” I touched his arm, trying to help calm him and stop drawing the attention of every nurse. “He is her father and he has the right to see her. I can’t stop that.”
“How’d he even know?”
My heart dipped into my stomach. “I called him.”
“You what? Elly doesn’t need this stress. Neither do you and Mark right now.”
�
�What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shook his head and raised his hands. “Forget it. I only came up to tell you I think Ester needs her momma really bad. She cried all morning about wanting you to come home again. I saw the surprise about the recital in your eyes the other day, daughter. You didn’t have a clue about it. You’re not fooling anybody. You’re disengaged from your other kids and your husband.”
Hearing the truth from his lips shattered my heart into a million pieces. My eyes watered. Coming closer, he put his arms around me, giving me a dad-sized bear hug.
“I know you’re afraid you’re losing Elly, but don’t lose the rest of your family in that process.”
With that, he turned and headed over to the bank of elevators. Though I hadn’t done anything wrong with Christopher, I felt convicted. I also felt guilty over how Ester was doing without me. These problems at home were real. On my way back down the hall, I began to question what I could do to help things between Ester and me. But what?
As I entered the doorway, Christopher approached me immediately.
“I’m so sorry. I was trying to be helpful. Does he think something is going on between us?”
I shook my head. “You have to be careful what you do and how you do it around me. It can send the wrong messages. Please don’t touch me like that again. Okay?”
“Aye, Aye, Captain.”
Chapter 15-Mark
FIDGETING WITH A PIECE OF thread in my pocket, I waited nervously in my office for Joe to start speaking. He had called me in to have a ‘chat’ on Friday, my day off. It had been three days and I had a meeting with the pastor later that afternoon. While the Bible reading was working wonders, it didn’t stop the nervousness I felt every time I had to speak with Joe. He was seated in my chair behind the desk as he pored over the latest sales figures from the last few months. I couldn’t help but wonder why he couldn’t do this from headquarters or in his own time without my standing here in awkward silence. Why bring me in? Maybe it was an intimidation tactic, or maybe just the way he did things. I didn’t know for sure, but regardless, it was anything but comfortable.
