by T. K. Chapin
“Yes. That’s the one. He’s up in Elly’s hospital room. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”
“Okay.”
We continued to walk toward the doors and into the hospital. Feeling a hunger gnawing at my stomach, I decided to take Ester down the hallway past the bank of elevators and to the cafeteria for some food. Upon entering, I was startled to see Maria had been replaced by some scrawny kid.
“Where’s Maria?” I asked, concerned. I knew she worked in the cafeteria for a long shift every Friday, and with today being Friday, something had to be wrong.
“She went back to Mexico with her family.”
“Oh.”
Saddened, I continued over to the food selection with Ester’s hand in mine. I lifted up a silent prayer for God to watch over her.
“Why do you look so sad, Mommy?” Ester asked.
“Don’t worry about it, honey. Everything is fine.” My phone began to ring in my purse. Retrieving it, I saw it was Mark.
“Hey. What are you doing?” His voice was edged, annoyed without reason.
“Um, just getting a bite to eat.”
“Hmph.”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Nothing.”
Irritated at how annoyed he was, I said, “You must’ve given up whatever act you have been putting on for the last few days.”
“It wasn’t an act, Bethany. I just have a little clearer thinking going on right now. Like the fact that you’re up there with your ex-husband. I’m not dumb.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around his statement. “How dare you.”
“You think I’m a fool? I know that you’ve been spending all this time with him and—”
“Love you too. Bye.”
Powering off my phone, it took absolutely every ounce of energy I had to keep my cool as I put my phone back into my purse.
“Was that Daddy?” Ester asked beside me.
I patted her head. “Yes. Let’s get us a couple of chocolate glazed donuts. Mommy needs something sweet.”
Chapter 22-Mark
LOSING CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS didn’t happen often, but when I did, it was never pretty. Pulling into the driveway back at the in-laws’, I tried to breathe in deeply and out slowly. It wasn’t helping. Seeing Ed walking out of his barn as I inched up the driveway, I felt horrible for how upset I was. He had just done the nicest thing he’s ever done for me and now I was going to come across as bent out of shape.
Parking alongside the barn and the oak tree, I took one last breath and bowed my head.
“Please help me, Lord. That woman that you gave me is insufferable. Please fix her.”
Suddenly, a slap sounded on the hood, followed by Ed coming to the window.
I lifted my eyes.
“How’d she do?” he asked through the open driver side window.
I smiled. “Great, Ed.”
His countenance fell as he read my face like an open book.
“What’s wrong?”
“You want to know what’s wrong? You never did tell me what was wrong with you.”
He stood there silently.
Getting out of the car, I shut the door and handed him the keys. “Sorry. I tried to not let it affect me, but it just barely happened. I fought with Bethany on the phone a few minutes ago and she hung up. I don’t mean to come across ungrateful for what you did today. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m trying everything.”
Agreeing with a nod, he placed a hand on my shoulder. “I understand.”
“You do?”
He laughed. “Of course. I’m married. Walk and talk.”
We journey into the barn and over to his work bench where that same small engine sat. He began to tinker as he talked. “That why you were at the church today?”
Furrowing my eyebrows, I said, “Charlie told you?”
“No. Joe did. He said he saw my Chevelle there.”
“Oh.”
He turned back to his work bench and the engine. “Son, the thing you have to understand about marriages is the ‘okay’ ones don’t have much fighting. But great marriages?” He looked over at me with a grin. “Great marriages fight like they need oxygen to breathe. It comes naturally. Not all the time, but it happens. Don’t let the world convince you that an argument with your spouse is the worst thing in the world. Every marriage that plans to have any success comes with a fundamental understanding that there are two real people who are sinners. Marriage and life are a mess. Paul even warned about it in the Bible. He said, ‘If you marry, you will have trouble.’ ”
His words soothed my raging soul. “That is true, but it’s just so hard sometimes.”
He set the engine down and turned around. Crossing his arms, he nodded. “Yeah?”
“Yeah! When your wife won’t come home and is sleeping up at the hospital with her ex-husband . . . you don’t get it.”
His eyes lowered as he fixed on his house up the driveway. “Melanie and I have a great marriage. I love her. But we went through phases of heavy fighting. You know why? We’re a couple of sinners trying to live together. Anyone who doesn’t fight much with their spouse isn’t voicing their truths. Just voice your truth, Mark. Tell her how you feel. Women love that.”
“I tried and she hung up on me!”
Raising an eyebrow, he shrugged. “It’s all about how you say it.”
His eyes closed and he looked pained as he moved his hands to hold himself up with the work bench.
Suddenly, I was jolted out of our conversation and I made a mad dash over to him and grabbed him to hold him up.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He took a breath and recomposed himself.
“Be real with me, Ed. I just spilled my guts out to you.”
Letting out a heavy sigh, he nodded.
“Mark, I’m not going to be around for much longer.”
“What? You just had a checkup and you were fine.”
He shook his head. “It didn’t go well.”
My problems with Bethany shrank to the size of a pea. None of it mattered within an instance. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m at peace with God. Listen, I want you to have Zeda until he gets better.”
“James?”
“Yeah. I’m afraid rehab won’t work long-term for the kid. But I know some day, he’ll come around.”
Shaking my head as my heart dipped into my stomach, I came closer to him. “Okay. But why are you going to die?”
“They want to open me up again to repair another valve.”
“Then do it.”
He shook his head, then his eyes glossed over and he walked out of the barn. I followed behind him at a short distance as he rounded the corner. Resting his hands on the back of the Chevelle, he breathed another sigh. This time, it was heavy with exhaustion. “I’m tired, Mark. I can’t do another surgery.”
“So you’re just going to give up? What about your kids? Your grandkids?”
He turned around to face me. Now I saw him in a way I hadn’t ever seen him until this point. A mere mortal. A man who was facing death.
“I’ve raised my family and I have loved the Lord. It’s time for me to go home.”
“When you telling the kids?”
He shook his head. “I’m not. There’s no reason to do that to them. Grace is busy fixing up that lake house with Owen so they can get married next year. Bethany is deep in pain with Elly being in a coma, and my son is fighting his own battle. They don’t need the stress. I don’t want anybody to stop their life or adjust what they’re doing right now on account of me. Would you tell your kids?”
Taking a moment, I shook my head. “I wouldn’t.”
Placing a hand on my shoulder, he said, “Make sure James gets the Chevelle.”
Chapter 23-Bethany
MY PHONE RANG ABOUT TWENTY minutes after I turned the ringer on back in the hospital room. It was Mark again. Leaving Ester behind in the roo
m with Christopher and Elly, I took the call out into the hallway. I was ready to fight this time, no innocent bystanders at my side. Before I had a chance to say a word, he spoke and took me by surprise.
“I’m sorry.” His words were full of a sadness that didn’t remotely match our last conversation’s tone.
“I can’t deal with this back and forth, up and down behavior from you, Mark.”
He was quiet.
“This is Elly’s father up here. You had no right to accuse me.”
“I’m sorry.” This time when he said it, I could almost hear a cry along with his words. My heart stopped.
My anger cooled at the sound of my husband’s brokenness. “What is going on with you?”
“I can’t talk about it.”
My heart raced. “What? I’m your wife. You sure can talk about it with me.”
Again, he was quiet. Then he said, “I found out some pretty hard news today.”
“Care to elaborate?”
He was silent for a moment, then cleared his throat. “I have to let Drew and Robin go.”
His rash behavior started to make sense. Drew and Robin were two of Mark’s most valued employees. I knew he was close with them. “Why’s Ron making you do something like that?”
“Ron’s already been canned.”
I swallowed hard, letting my back press against the wall. The walls of my life suddenly were closing in on me. Looking up at the ceiling, I silently began to cry. Then, after a moment, I asked, “Are you being fired, Mark?”
He let out a big sigh of relief. “For now, my job is safe.”
Thank you, Jesus, I prayed. Wiping my eyes, I shook my head as I looked down the hall of the hospital wing I was standing in. “Why didn’t you tell me? Your behavior makes so much more sense now.”
Silence again filled the air.
“I didn’t want to worry you, and it’s not all to blame on Sportsman’s. Life is hard right now . . . for our whole family.”
“It is.” I let out a sigh. “I’m sorry too for the way I’ve been. You were right about the kids needing me.”
“It’s okay. I heard you picked Ester up for a day out with Mommy?”
“I did. And I’m going to work on spending more time at home. I promise. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”
“It’s okay.”
“Mommy?” Ester said, coming out into the hallway from the hospital room.
I turned to her.
“Watch me pirouette.”
She began to pirouette across the tile outside Elly’s hospital room, and I clapped as tears formed in my eyes knowing all that she had been through without a mom at home over the last month. She was braver and stronger than me.
“You’re going to do amazing at your recital. How many more days, Ester?”
“Only three!”
Chapter 24-Mark
THREE DAYS LATER, I WATCHED as Melanie finished up Ester’s French braid. After Grandma was done, she came up to me as I sat on the couch. The glitter on her cheeks shimmered and shined along with her eyes as she beamed with a smile. She had been practicing for tonight’s recital for weeks. This meant so much to her. Checking the time on my phone, a thought crept in. How could Bethany be running late? She and I had been doing well the last few days after she had made an effort to be home for at least a couple of hours a day.
Ed was standing near me as I checked the phone. He placed a hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention up toward him.
“Patience will get you far. She’ll be here. You can head off to your work thing if you need to leave now.” I had to make a quick stop at Sportsman’s before the recital. Joe had requested another meeting. This time, it was a call back after I had already left for the day, which worried me.
I stood up and pulled him away from Ester to talk. “I can wait for Bethany. I know you and Melanie need to get back to your house so you can take your evening medication. Just go.”
“You sure?”
I nodded.
Ed agreed and he and Melanie left. As I watched them pull out of the driveway through the window in the living room, I saw Bethany fly into the driveway in the van and park quickly beside the car. Flinging her purse over her shoulder, she hurried up toward the door and stopped short on the path as her eyes connected with mine.
She looked guilty.
Releasing the curtain, I turned to Ester. “Stay here a minute. I need to talk to your mother.”
Meeting her in the foyer, I lowered my voice but kept an uncontrollable irritated level. “What is wrong with you? She has to be to the concert hall in ten minutes!”
“Um . . . like I said on the phone, it was an accident. Christopher was in the gift shop and I was waiting for him to get back to the room before I left.”
Raising a hand, I clenched my jaw. “Whatever. I got to go. I’ll see you at the recital.”
Turning around, I went over to the doorway into the living room and said to Ester, “I’ll see you at the recital, honey. I love you!”
Grabbing my keys off the table in the foyer, I left past Bethany without a word. Slamming the door behind me, I went down the cement steps and out to my car. She made my blood boil as I felt all the changes over the last three days were just a facade she was putting on to appease me. She couldn’t be here on time for the most important event in our daughter’s life.
I got in my car and peeled out of the driveway, headed for Sportsman’s. I wasn’t sure what the meeting pertained to, but I had a good feeling it had to do with the fact that I hadn’t let go of either Drew or Robin since our talk last week. I had put it off until the end of the week. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to doing. Trying to calm down, I prayed on my way to meet Joe.
Chapter 25-Bethany
EYES WATERING, HEART BROKEN, I attempted to keep it together as I went into the living room to greet my daughter and son. Ester looked amazing, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to appreciate the moment. I was too overwhelmed with the sense of loss I was feeling. I had worked so hard the last few days to be home more often and care about my family. All that work was shattered in Mark’s mind by my showing up late.
“Are we leaving, Mommy?” Ester asked, concern scattered across her face.
“Just a second. I have to grab something I want to give you for your special night.” Leaving her and Easton in the living room, I journeyed down the hall to my and Mark’s bedroom and over to the dresser. Opening the top drawer, I pulled out the gold pendant in the shape of a heart. There was a single diamond in the middle and it sparkled in the light. Smoothing my thumb over it, I wiped my tears and looked up at the ceiling in the bedroom.
“God . . . I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know I can’t do it on my own. I can’t seem to do things right, and it’s only You who can fix the brokenness between Mark and me. Please help me.”
Shutting the dresser drawer, I returned to the living room. “Come here, Ester,” I said as I lowered to a knee.
Walking over to me, she beamed with joy, unaware of the turmoil that was mounting in her mom’s heart. That was okay. She didn’t need to know about it.
Pinning the pendant on the upper part of her ballet outfit, I gently touched each one of her arms as I looked her in the eyes. “That was your great-grandmother’s pendant, and she gave it to me when I was a kid. I’m so sorry I was late.”
“It’s okay.” Her eyes locked on the pendant. “It’s pretty, Mommy. Just like you.”
Smiling, her kindness warmed my aching heart. “And just like you, my darling.”
Easton got down off the couch and ran over to me. Tackling me with a hug, he peered into my eyes. “Mom! I found my race car.”
“That’s lovely.”
Standing up, I ushered them out the door and out to the car. There was a zero percent chance of making it on time, but at least she’d make it. After getting the kids into their seats, I got in the driver seat and backed out of the driveway. Phoning Mark, I hoped to reach him before he got
to his meeting. I wanted to apologize again.
“Hello?” His voice was still edged, full of irritation, and I knew it was all my fault.
“I called to apologize for being late. I’m sorry, Mark.”
“Sorry doesn’t change anything, Bethany. You knew I had to go into work and you knew the recital was at six o’clock but they wanted them there early.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. Why do you have to be so mean to me?”
“I’m not being mean. I’m being honest.”
“It’s still mean.”
“I thought you called to apologize? Now you’re complaining.”
My heart crumbled and I hung up. I couldn’t stomach another second of conversation. I didn’t close my eyes, but I did pray and ask for God to intervene. To make the pain inside go away. To end Elly’s pain and wake her up. To end Mark’s and my pain and the struggle between us. In my heart, I knew things would get better if Elly were to finally get her transplant. Everything could go back to normal if she just got the transplant.
Chapter 26-Mark
MY EYE TWITCHED AS I used all of my self-control I could muster not to text something rude or call her back so I could come unhinged. She had no idea how much stress I had been going through on the inside. The stress of work, the stress with Elly and Christopher, and the fact that she didn’t know her father would soon be passing onto glory. It made me sick not telling her about her dad, but I couldn’t. It wasn’t my place.
Glancing over at Joe’s car as I parked, a baby blue 1974 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, I was filled to the brim with annoyance. His salary was far more bloated than my two veterans’. Capturing the thought, I took it captive and brought it under the power of Christ. I took a moment and closed my eyes to pray.
“God, I give You everything I have right now. Help me not to hate Joe. Lord, I hand my will over to You. Help me get through this meeting and help me get through this struggle with Bethany. Help Ed. Help my Elly.” My eyes started to water as I felt the knot in my chest tighten. There was a lot wrong in my world, a lot of things shifting around and moving, but I knew in my heart that God never changed. He was the Rock I could rely on, no matter the chaos going on around me.
