by Hiro Arikawa
Satoru was in the kitchen, and he prepared my usual safe, high-quality chicken breast and brought it over to me on a clean plate, taking away the chicken that had had those unnecessary things done to it.
‘That sake-steamed meat, I’ll put it in my ozoni.’
Noriko let out a deep sigh.
‘Until Nana came here, I never would have imagined that a person would eat a cat’s leftovers.’
‘It happens sometimes when you have a cat. And these aren’t leftovers. He didn’t touch it, so it’s perfectly safe.’
Satoru put the meat in his bowl of ozoni soup as a topping.
‘What will people think if they hear I gave you something to eat that even a cat wouldn’t touch? Please don’t mention it to anyone.’
‘Anybody who has a cat will understand.’
Satoru and Noriko then said ‘Happy New Year’ to each other and started eating their ozoni.
‘Nana’s only been here three months, but in that time I’ve found that cats really are odd creatures.’
Ah, so that’s how you think of me, and we’re barely into the New Year? I’ll have you know, that’s the kind of rudeness I simply can’t overlook.
‘And that box …’
The cardboard box was still in the corner of the living room. Noriko had resentfully let it be known that she wanted to toss it out before the New Year.
‘A new one would be so much better …’
Sorry to tell you this, but you’re missing the point.
‘And why does he go into a box that’s clearly too small for him? It’s obvious it’s not big enough.’
Hit a sore spot, why don’t you?
‘The other day he thrust his front paw into a jewellery case.’
‘Yep, that’s the way cats are.’ Satoru nodded happily.
‘And once he tried putting his paw in a tiny box that had contained a watch.’
What can I say? It’s instinct, pure and simple. Cats are always looking for a nice cosy space that will fit just right.
So when I spy a nice square box that’s slightly open, instinct doesn’t allow me to let it go. Because maybe – just maybe – if I stick my paw inside, some device in there might make it expand? ’Course, up till now, I haven’t had any luck at all with that.
Though I do hear there’s a cat in some cold foreign country who keeps on opening doors, thinking that, eventually, one of them will lead to summer.
‘I’m sorry, but I can’t eat any more.’
Satoru laid his chopsticks down. For a moment, I saw a sad look cross Noriko’s face. She had only put one omochi in Satoru’s bowl. And he had barely touched the lavish spread of New Year’s delicacies she’d bought specially at a department store.
‘It was delicious. My mum always used to include taro root, snow peas and carrots in her ozoni. And the way you season it is like the way Mum did it, too.’
‘That’s because, for me, my sister’s cooking was the taste of home.’
‘I remember when I first came to live with you, how relieved I was to find that the food tasted like Mum’s cooking. I think that’s why I got used to living with you so quickly.’ Satoru smiled broadly. ‘I’m glad you’re the one who looked after me.’
Noriko gasped, as if surprised, and avoided his eyes. She looked down and murmured, ‘I … I wasn’t such a good guardian. If you had gone to live with someone else, maybe it would have been bet—’
‘I’m glad you’re the one who took me in,’ said Satoru, ignoring her words.
Noriko gulped again, her throat pulsing like a frog’s. Now who was it, when they first met me, who freaked out about my throat making a funny sound? Hm? That’s a pretty funny sound you’re making yourself, if you don’t mind me saying.
‘But that thing I said to you, when I first took you in.’
‘I was going to find out some day. You didn’t do anything wrong.’
‘But …’ Noriko sniffled as she continued to look down. Still gulping over and over like a frog, and in between gulps murmuring, ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry,’ over and over.
‘I shouldn’t have said that to you.’
Her voice had become husky.
WHEN NORIKO HEARD the news of her sister and brother-in-law’s deaths, she went to the funeral intent on taking Satoru in, even though she was single. Satoru was the one thing her sister would have been worried about and Noriko was determined to do whatever she could for him.
Relatives from her brother-in-law’s side of the family made a token appearance at the funeral and left without touching on the issue of what was to be done with Satoru at all.
And on her side of the family there was no one else willing to take the decision to have him. When Noriko said she would, some of them were worried, saying a woman on her own might not be able to manage. Most of them suggested putting the boy in foster care.
Satoru was her sister’s and brother-in-law’s child. If he had no relatives, that would be one thing, but since there was a relative who had the financial resources to take him in, she would be shirking her duty if she put him into foster care, so she insisted, in spite of the resistance.
The funeral ended, the estate was settled and, soon afterwards, Noriko adopted Satoru. She told him:
‘You’re going to find out eventually, so I’m going to go ahead and tell you now. Satoru, you are not related by blood to your father or your mother.’
Reality is reality. That was her way of thinking, but when she saw the look on Satoru’s face when she told him, she realized she’d made a big mistake.
Satoru grew pale, and his face contorted in shock.
It was the same blank look he had had after his parents’ deaths. As he approached the two coffins set up in the local community centre, he’d looked as if he had lost everything he had in the world.
Even a tactless person like her knew instantly that in a matter of seconds, because of her, Satoru had lost everything all over again.
When his friends came for the wake, he cried for the first time. Afterwards, the expression on his face slowly returned to normal.
The realization that she had done something unspeakable upset her terribly.
‘Then who are my real father and mother?’ Satoru asked.
‘Your real mother and father are indeed my sister and her husband. The others are just your birth parents.’
Obviously, Satoru had done nothing wrong, but still she spoke like this, as if scolding him. She was so confused, she couldn’t control herself.
‘Your real parents are my sister and her husband; your birth parents merely gave birth to you. They were utterly irresponsible and they were going to let you die when you were a baby.’
This had been Noriko’s first big case as a judge. The couple had been quite young. It was more than a criminal case of child abandonment; it was so extreme that the birth parents had been charged with attempted murder. They’d stopped feeding the baby until he was no longer able even to cry, then had wrapped him in a black plastic bag and thrown him out on the day the rubbish was due to be collected. A neighbour had grown suspicious when he spotted the plastic bag moving and ripped it open. The couple had been walking away when the neighbour reported them.
The trial ended, and Satoru’s birth parents were given the prison terms they deserved, but there was nowhere to place Satoru. The only option left was an orphanage.
The whole case had almost been too much for Noriko. Imposing a punishment that befitted the crime – that she could do, but it did nothing to secure a future for the innocent baby.
Her sister had been the one who helped her cope with this ordeal. It was a major case, and her sister had been following it since the start.
‘People should really go through a vetting process in order to get married,’ Noriko had grumbled at the time. ‘If couples with kids were all like you and your husband, sis, then this type of crime would never happen.’
Just as she said this, she felt a cold trickle of sweat run down her back. After her
sister had got married, she’d found out she wasn’t able to have children. The criticism from her husband’s family had been hurtful, and her husband had distanced himself from them, yet even so her sister remained anxious.
It was soon after this that Noriko’s sister told her that she wanted to adopt Satoru. Just before he was due to be sent to an orphanage.
‘It’s because you told me we would be good parents,’ she had said, smiling.
Satoru had been devastated by the news.
‘Your birth parents just gave birth to you, that’s all,’ Noriko had reassured him. ‘Your real parents were my sister and brother-in-law. So it was my duty to take you in.’
Noriko had said this to put Satoru’s mind at ease, but she had instantly regretted using the word ‘duty’. It sounded so stiff and formal.
‘Satoru, you don’t need to worry about a thing,’ she had added, in an attempt to make up for it.
The criticism her male relatives had of Noriko – that she needed to be more careful about what she said – was spot on. From the very beginning, she’d got it all wrong with Satoru, telling him things she never should have.
‘That’s why she can’t find a husband,’ they had said. And, she thought now, they were probably quite right. At the time, she’d had a boyfriend, but soon after she adopted Satoru they split up. Her boyfriend seemed upset that she hadn’t consulted him before making the decision.
‘Why didn’t you talk to me about this?’ he had reproached her, and she had explained that, since Satoru was her nephew, she hadn’t thought she needed to.
At that moment, the barriers had gone up, and she knew it. It seemed that, once again, she’d been incredibly insensitive.
Learning to have some insight into other people’s sensitivities was, she concluded, more difficult than mastering the law.
The cat that Satoru had owned ended up being taken in by a distant relative.
This relative – such a distant relation that Noriko didn’t feel at all close to him – had tousled Satoru’s hair and said, ‘Don’t worry. Everyone in our family loves cats, so we’ll take good care of him.’
Satoru had given him a cheerful look and nodded. Not once since the day his parents died had Satoru looked at her in that way.
Occasionally, this relative would send them a photo of the cat. But before long, these letters became few and far between, though the annual New Year’s card from them always had a photo of Hachi printed on it and a short message: Hachi’s doing well!
The family were considerate enough to let them know when Hachi died, and when Satoru went to visit the grave they welcomed him warmly.
Maybe Satoru would have been happier if they had taken him in, too – even now, the thought occurred to her sometimes. When all the other relatives had hesitated to take in this child to whom they had no blood ties, this family had said, ‘If only we had the means, we’d have liked to help out.’ They had other children already, quite a lot in those days. ‘It’s a question of money, you know,’ they’d said, smiling awkwardly.
But couldn’t they have taken Satoru, if Noriko had helped them out financially? Was taking him in herself just egotistical, all about her not wanting to give up the one thing her sister had left behind?
She had thought about all these things for the longest time.
Noriko had started to weep.
‘I think you would have been much happier if your relative in Kokura had adopted you.’
‘Why?’ Satoru blinked in surprise. ‘He’s a nice man and everything, but I’m glad you took me in, Aunt Noriko.’
Now it was her turn to ask why.
‘Well, you’re my mother’s younger sister. You’re the one who can tell me the most about my parents.’
‘But right after they died, I went and told you that awful thing—’
Satoru cut her off. ‘I was pretty shocked when I heard that, I grant you. But because you told me that, I was able to appreciate just how happy I’d been with them.’
Noriko looked dubious. Satoru laughed.
‘I never, ever thought they weren’t my real parents. That’s how much they treated me like their own child. Though my birth parents didn’t want me, another man and woman loved me that much – I mean, you don’t find such incredible love very often.’
That’s why I’m so happy. Satoru had said this to me, his face beaming, many times.
I GET IT. Having had Satoru take me in as his cat, I think I felt as lucky as he did.
Strays, by definition, have been abandoned or left behind, but Satoru rescued me when I broke my leg.
He made me the happiest cat on earth.
I’ll always remember those five years we had together. And I’ll forever go by the name Nana, the name that – let’s face it – is pretty unusual for a male cat.
The town where Satoru grew up, too, I would remember that.
And the green seedlings swaying in the fields.
The sea, with its frighteningly loud roar.
Mount Fuji, looming over us.
How cosy it felt on top of that boxy TV.
That wonderful lady cat, Momo.
That nervy but earnest hound, Toramaru.
That huge white ferry, which swallowed up cars into its stomach.
The dogs in the pet holding area, wagging their tails at Satoru.
That foul-mouthed chinchilla telling me Guddo rakku!
The land in Hokkaido stretching out for ever.
Those vibrant purple and yellow flowers by the side of the road.
The field of pampas grass like an ocean.
The horses chomping on grass.
The bright-red berries on the mountain-ash trees.
The shades of red on the mountain ash that Satoru taught me.
The stands of slender white birch.
The graveyard, with its wide-open vista.
The bouquet of flowers in rainbow colours.
The white heart-shaped bottom of the deer.
That huge, huge, huge double rainbow growing out of the ground.
I would remember these for the rest of my life.
And Kosuke, and Yoshimine, and Sugi and Chikako. And above all, the one who brought up Satoru and made it possible for us to meet – Noriko.
Could anyone be happier than this?
‘It must have made you sad that we had to move all the time because of my work. Every time you made friends, I had to tear you away.’
‘But I made new friends wherever we went. I was sad to say goodbye to Kosuke, but in junior high I met Yoshimine, and in high school I met Sugi and Chikako. Our omiai meetings didn’t go so well with any of them, but they all said they’d take Nana for me. I’ve been so lucky to have this many people willing to take care of my darling cat.’
Satoru reached out his thin hand and covered Noriko’s fingers.
‘None of the people who offered to take Nana were right for him, and in the end you took him in for me, Aunt Noriko.’
Noriko was still looking down at her lap when her shoulders began to shake.
‘And even more than that, you found my parents for me, before adopting me yourself. So how could I not be happy?’
So – you shouldn’t be crying there, Noriko.
Instead of sobbing like that, it would be better to keep a smile on your face till the end. And then I’m sure you’ll be happier.
SATORU BEGAN TO stay overnight at the hospital more often.
‘I’ll be back in a few days.’
He’d say this, tickle me on the head, and leave the house, bag in hand. Gradually, the amount of time he stayed away grew longer. He’d say he’d be gone three or four days, but then would not come back for a week. Or he would say a week and return ten days later.
The clothes he had brought from Tokyo no longer fitted him. His trousers became so loose you could fit a couple of fists inside the waist.
He started wearing a wool cap at home. I don’t know why, but his hair was getting thinner than ever, along with his body
, and then one day he was completely bald. I thought maybe they’d shaved his hair off at the hospital, but he’d gone to the barber’s himself and got them to do it.
One day, as Satoru was preparing for another stay in the hospital, he put a photograph into his suitcase. A photo of the two of us, taken on one of our trips, which he’d always kept beside his bed back in Tokyo.
And then it struck me.
I stood up on my hind legs and scratched at my basket in the corner of the living room and meowed. Come on, don’t you need to bring this with you?
Satoru closed the clasp on his suitcase and smiled at me with a forlorn look.
‘I guess you’d like to come with me, wouldn’t you, Nana?’
Well, of course. Satoru opened the basket door, and I hurried inside. Then he turned the basket so the door was against the wall.
Just a second now! How am I supposed to get out? Enough with the silly jokes.
‘You’re very well behaved, so I know you’ll be a good boy from now on.’
Hold on there! I clawed hard at the inside of the basket. What’re you talking about, Satoru?
Satoru stood up with his suitcase. He opened the front door without taking my basket with him.
Wait, wait! I scratched even harder at the basket, my fur on end, and yowled.
‘I know you’ll be a good boy.’
Shut up – a good boy? What a load of hogwash! I’ll never, ever let you leave me behind.
‘You be a good boy now.’
What? Come back here! Come back right this minute!
Take me with you!
‘It’s not like I want to leave you. I love you, you silly cat!’
I love you too, you dummy!
As if shaking off my yells, Satoru slowly left the room and closed the door firmly behind him.
Come back! Come back! Come back! COME BACK!
I’m your cat till the bitter end!
I screamed as loud as I could, but the door didn’t open. I cried and cried and cried and cried, until my voice was completely hoarse.
After I’m not sure how long, when the room had turned dark, the door quietly clicked open.
It was Noriko. She moved my basket away from the wall and opened the door.
I stayed in the corner of the basket, sulking, and a small hand reached gingerly in.
