“Schooner was my college boyfriend freshman year. He was my first love.”
“Go on,” she clearly was not going to get away with the abridged version with Seth.
“Do you remember I told you about being raped in college?” Seth nodded. “Well, Schooner was the one who found me that night and took me to the hospital. And then he didn’t leave my side the rest of the semester. The last night of school he went back to his dorm to study for his last final and his ex, this bitch CJ — who I think he probably married, showed up and said a bunch of stuff that lead me to believe he told her what had happened to me and I freaked. I thought he betrayed me and I cut out early the next morning and got an earlier flight home. I just left and never said goodbye or spoke to him ever again, until, well, you just heard it.”
“Oh my God.” Seth’s hand flew to his mouth. “What did he say?”
“He asked, why did you leave me?” A small sob escaped, accompanied by a fresh gush of tears, “and I told him that he betrayed my confidence with her. He was adamant that he never told her and that she was probably bluffing and that she had played me and that I fell for it.”
“Holy shit, Mia. Do you believe him?”
She nodded. “I do. He was clearly very angry. That fucking bitch played me.”
“And so he never knew why you left him. Until now. Oh God, this is so tragic. You loved him?”
Mia nodded, “I loved him so much, Seth. No one has ever come close, not even remotely.”
“Mia, he came and found you.” More tears.
Seth flipped open his iPad case, “What’s his last name.”
“Moore”
He began typing. “Schooner James Moore of Newport Beach, California. Is that him?” Mia nodded. “Ok, there’s a Wiki here on him. Schooner James Moore, American Entrepreneur, age 43, his birthday was just two days ago, wow, it was Saturday. Holy crap, Mia he owns Level 9. Totally famous health clubs in LA. The Real Housewives work out there. Oh yeah, he married her, Colleen Janice (CJ) Moore, two kids, Holly, 19 and Zac, 17. Let’s Google Image him.” He looked up at Mia, mouth hanging wide open. “YOU are the Queen BBC!” He yelled. “The Queen. The Ultimate!” His mouth hung open and he was pointing a finger at her.
BBC was their acronym for “Bitch Be Crazy” — women who acted crazy or did wacko things or were just plain loopy were known as BBC’s.
“Why?” laughed Mia.
“You walked out on this man? Bitch, you ARE crazy,” he looked up from his iPad, “I love him.”
“Let me see.” Mia grabbed at Seth’s iPad.
He pulled it out of her reach, “No. No. No. You are not taking Schooner away from me, Bitch.”
Mia laughed and got up and walked around to the other side of the desk. She looked over Seth’s shoulder. “It’s so weird to see him as an adult. He was so gorgeous when he was young.”
Seth shot her a BBC look, “He’s still gorgeous. Robert Redford wished he looked like this in his best days. Mia, this is your Schooner?” He flipped through the pictures.
She nodded and more tears sprung from her eyes, “That’s my Schooner.”
CHAPTER 3
Mia paced around her apartment. Her cell phone had not rung and it was 12:10 A.M. I’m waiting for his call like a teenager, she sighed. Maybe he’d reconsidered after their brief talk today. He now had the answer to his question and after all, CJ was his wife. They had kids together. They had built a family. They were a family. Mia looked around her beautiful apartment, a place that usually provided her solace, but tonight she felt both alone and lonely. No kids, no family, no current significant other. Thanks, Schooner, she thought, you really needed to find me so that I can dwell on being forty and alone.
Finally, at 12:30, Mia crawled into bed and turned off the lights. Today has been so emotionally draining, she thought. Lost and found. Today was lost and found. And she realized that now she was scared it would be lost, found and lost again. How crazy is that, she thought.
She was in that quasi-sleep state having odd dreams of Schooner, when her cell phone rang. She reached for it and it displayed that 949 area code. It also said it was 2:47 A.M.
“Hi,” she tried not to sound sleepy.
“Hi,” his voice sounded like silk and she curled up deeper into her blanket, “I’m sorry it’s so late. No, go ahead and put those bags over there,” he said to someone else. “Sorry, I’m just getting settled,” he sighed, “I moved out tonight. I’m at the Ritz in Laguna Niguel.”
“Oh my God. I’m so sorry, Schooner.”
“This was a long time coming. I just didn’t know how long until today. What she did to you. What she did to us. There’s just no coming back from that,” he sounded absolute.
“Are you ok?” Her voice was sweet and soft. She wanted to comfort him.
“There’s a yes and no to that, Mia. Today has been a lot to process.” Mia was nodding her head on her side of the call, as if he could see her.
“If I could change things, Schooner,” she let out a long sigh, “I should’ve come to you. I’m so sorry.”
“I know. I wish you had. Everything would have been different,” he sighed, “Mia, I went to pieces when you left. I was so blindsided. I really thought we were going to spend our whole lives together.”
She was silent and he asked, “You still there?”
“Yeah, I’m just lost in thought and I’m listening to your voice. I never thought I’d hear your voice again.”
“Well, talk to me so that I can hear your voice, too.” She could hear him settling in on the other end of the phone.
“After I left California, I just sort of crawled inside myself for a long, long time. I don’t think I’ve ever been really great at relationships.”
“I don’t agree with that,” he whispered and she smiled. “I didn’t even ask, are you married?”
“No, never married, no kids. I own a small boutique advertising agency here in Manhattan. Been involved in a couple of semi-long term relationships, but never got married.”
“Well I guess that you figured out that I married CJ,” there was a silence.
“Why Schooner? Did you always love her?” Mia tried to keep the hurt out of her voice, but she could hear it creeping in. She realized that she was nervously twisting her blanket in her hands.
“Oh Mia. No, I didn’t love her. This is just so fucked up. I loved you, but I didn’t want to ever again hurt the way I did when I lost you. Best way to avoid hurt, don’t put yourself in a situation that can hurt you. That’s what I thought I was doing. I was in a situation I could control. What we had was out of control. I knew I would never be emotionally over my head like that with her.”
How sad, Mia thought. She was sad for him. The thought of him hurting was gut wrenching, but on some level she was so happy to hear him say he was with CJ because he didn’t love her deeply. There was something very satisfying in that knowledge, especially after today’s revelations.
“Are your kids wonderful?” She asked, needing to change the subject and get away from all the hurt they’d inflicted upon one another.
She could hear the smile in his voice when he spoke of them and she listened intently, hearing the pride and love in his words and tone.
“Schooner, things played out the way they were supposed to so that you would have your kids.”
“Maybe so. I definitely don’t have any regrets there. Did you ever want children?”
“I kind of tried not to go there,” she began, “the relationships I’ve been involved in weren’t right to bring a child into, so it just never really worked out.”
“But did you want them?” He persisted.
His personality was so much more forceful and no nonsense as an adult. He’s really tenacious, Mia thought, “If the situation had been different, I might’ve let myself go there, but it wasn’t, so I put it out of my reality.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Don’t be,” she sighed, smushing deeper into her cover
s, “it is what it is.”
They were silent for a few minutes and he asked, “Did you miss me?”
She was silent, trying to pull her thoughts and composure together so that she wouldn’t cry.
“I guess that’s my answer,” he sadly assumed. She could hear the fresh hurt in his voice.
“No. That is not your answer. I was just trying to make sure that I didn’t start crying again,” she took a deep breath, “Schooner, it felt like part of me died when I left. It was years before I was even semi-ok again. I just hid inside myself. I was angry and hurt and immature and losing the guy I loved felt like I’d had my heart cut out.”
“You never lost me.”
“I was a freaking emotional mess,” she went on. The floodgates were now open. “So yes, the answer to your question was yes, I missed you. I was just empty. Broken. How do you even start with someone else after us? Nothing felt like that and it was my only point of reference — the way that we were together. It took me a long time to figure out that every relationship was different and that no two were alike. I wanted to feel again what I felt with us.”
“Did you ever find it?” She could hear the concern for her in his voice.
“I think at times I tried to convince myself that I did. But eventually I’d figure out that I was lying to myself. So, the answer to that question would be no.”
They were silent for a while, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. She could feel the intense emotion and energy across the telephone line. This was so much for each of them to process. Years of preconceived notions, dispelled. Truths that they had convinced themselves of, crumbled, turning out to be a House of Cards, a House of Lies.
“I’m really glad I found you again, Baby Girl.”
She smiled. “You know what?”
“What?” She could hear his smile.
“I’m really glad you found me, too.”
CHAPTER 4
It was 4:45 A.M. when Mia texted Seth.
Mia: Are you awake?
Seth: I am now.
Mia: He moved out tonight. He’s staying at The Ritz.
Seth: Holy shit, he didn’t!
Mia: Holy shit, he did!
Seth: I love him.
Mia: LOL
Seth: So when’s he coming to NYC?
Mia: Not soon enough!!!
Seth: There’s hope for you yet, BBC. There’s hope for you yet.
CHAPTER 5
It was Thursday morning at 5:45 A.M. and Mia’s cell phone was ringing. It no longer displayed the 949 number. It now said “Schooner — mobile”.
“Hey,” she answered, she’d already been up for about half an hour, too wired to sleep. She had woken up and looked at the time on her phone’s clock every hour throughout the night.
“We’re on the tarmac,” she could hear the PA announcements in the background.
“Welcome to New York!” Mia was beaming, ear-to-ear.
Oh my God, he is here. She had so much nervous energy that she felt like she was vibrating on another frequency. Holy smokes — in less than an hour he’ll be at my apartment, she realized. He had flown in on the Wednesday night red-eye. What a crazy few days.
She had arranged for her favorite limo service to be there to meet him.
“I’ll see you in a few,” she could hear the smile in his voice.
“Oh my God, Schooner.” Mia was already shaking with nerves.
“I know, Baby Girl. I’ll see you soon.”
Mia texted Seth.
Mia: He’s landed and he’s on his way!!!!
Seth: OMG
Mia: I’m a freaking wreck!
Seth: What are you wearing?
Mia: Since it’s only 6 A.M., I don’t want to overdo it. Jeans, black v-neck cashmere sweater.
Seth: V-neck is good. Show him that great boobage. Cashmere is touchable. Shoes?
Mia: Right now barefoot.
Seth: Stay that way. I know you just had a pedicure. Make-up?
Mia: Just a little blush.
Seth: Do a little brown liner at the outer corner of your eyes. Hair?
Mia: It’s down and I’m having a good hair day.
Seth: Bangs in your eyes?
Mia: Yes.
Seth: Sexy. Love it. I am so nervous 4 u!
Mia: Ditto. I feel sick. Too bad it is 2 early in the morn to eat a Xanax!! Ok, will call you later. Wish me luck!
Seth: All will be great. He found out about u on Sat. night and Thurs morning he is here. I love this. So romantic. Don’t fuck it up BBC!
Mia: LOL. Pray 4 me!
Mia tried staying busy to keep her nerves in check. She made a pot of coffee. Sliced bagels. Unloaded her dishwasher. Turned on the TV. Tried to watch CNN. Brushed her teeth for a second time. Dabbed her lips with just the slightest bit of gloss. Tried to do deep breathing exercises to stop from shaking. But she just could not stop trembling, no matter what she did.
The call came from the doorman in the lobby and she had them send him up. He was in her building. Getting into her elevator. It was all so surreal. In just moments, she would be face to face with Schooner again. She remembered the last time she saw him as he walked down the steps from her dorm, not letting go of her hand until their fingertips no longer touched.
And there it was, the knock on the door. She whispered, “Showtime” as she went to open the door (not knowing that he whispered the very same word to himself on the other side of the door).
She held her breath as she opened the door and just prayed that she didn’t do something embarrassing like hyperventilate and pass out.
There he was. She looked up into his handsome face and was sure her smile was as wide as his. She didn’t think about it, her arms just went around his waist immediately and she felt his arms tighten around her, crushing her to him. She felt his lips in her hair and heard an “mmm” come out of her.
She looked up at him and his beautiful smile eased away a good portion of her nerves (not all).
“Come on in,” she finally said.
“I was so nervous on the ride here,” he admitted.
She held out a hand to show him how she was shaking and they both laughed. “I want another hug,” she whispered and he complied, wrapping his arms around her again. She buried her face in his chest, deeply breathing in his clean scent, feeling the hardness of his stomach muscles and nuzzling her face into them. She looked up at him again and he gave her a small soft kiss on her forehead. She knew she could not wipe the silly smile off of her face.
She led him over to the breakfast bar in her open kitchen. “Coffee?” She offered. “You hungry? Can I make you some breakfast?”
He sat on the bar stool, his long legs stretched out, just smiling at her.
“What?” She asked, smiling back at him. No one should look that good in faded jeans, she thought. Faded jeans and a blue Henley sweatshirt — the man was a living Brooks Brothers ad. And there he was in her kitchen. Smiling at her. Schooner Moore was sitting at her breakfast bar, in her apartment, in Manhattan. Surreal didn’t even begin to describe the situation.
He just shook his head. “Saturday night I was at my own birthday party in Newport Beach and I was miserable. Truly miserable. I was out on a deck alone, away from everyone at my party. Away from my party. And Beau Gordon shows up out on the deck with a joint — I haven’t gotten high in like 10 years — and we smoke this joint and start talking about that time we got high at the freshman retreat and he asks me who was the girl that was with us. I tell him it was you and he tells me that he had a fight with you on Facebook. That was Saturday night. It’s 7 A.M. on Thursday morning. And I’m here with you. In your apartment. In New York.”
Mia could not wipe the smile off of her face. “Pretty fucking surreal, huh?”
He laughed, “Very fucking surreal.”
Mia poured two glasses of orange juice and handed one to Schooner. She held hers up in a toast, “To Beau Gordon, you AK-47 toting son of a bitch. Thank you!”
“Here! Here
!” Schooner clinked glasses with her and they laughed. It’s still easy, Mia thought. It’s still so easy with him.
She grabbed the bagels that she’d cut apart earlier to help calm her nerves. “Hungry?”
He shook his head, yes. “Do you have whole wheat?”
Mia gave him a what are you crazy look. “Whole wheat? Did you just ask me for a whole wheat bagel? What’s next, are you going to want to spread avocado on this?”
He laughed, “Bite me.”
“So tempted,” she volleyed back. “Ok, your choices are onion, everything and pumpernickel.” God, he was gorgeous and he was sitting at her breakfast bar. This man, whom she had loved more deeply than any other man in her life. This total stranger. “Please tell me you know what pumpernickel is,” she teased.
“Well by process of elimination, it’s that one,” he pointed to the pumpernickel bagel. She knew she’d been smiling ear to ear since he’d gotten there.
“Did you sleep on the plane?”
“I can’t sleep on planes,” he shook his head.
“Oh no, not good. Well, after this Adrenaline rush wears off, you’re going to crash.” Mia began, “I need to do a conference call, which I’ll take from here, at 9 A.M. It should last about an hour and a half. You should nap. Go crash out in the bedroom.”
“Can I crash on the couch, so I can hang out with you. If that doesn’t bother you.”
“Whatever is comfortable for you.” Mia offered.
“I’m a guy, just put me on a couch”.
Mia laughed, “Ok, I’ll stick the remote in your hand, that should put you right to sleep.” Schooner reached out and took Mia’s hand in his and gave it a squeeze.
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