While I was waiting a young boy about my age rode past on his bike, and as he passed me he slowed down and smiled. He was so handsome I couldn’t help but smile back, and I felt my heart skip several beats. He then slowly back peddled toward me and asked me my name.
“My name is Amelia,” I replied shyly.
He smiled at me and introduced himself as Damian. He was adorable and I liked him immediately. I had never much thought about boys before really, so this feeling was a surprise to me! I had noticed boys, of course, but had never paid much attention to them. This time was so different; I was just hoping he would ride away now before the blue-and-white van turned up to take me back to Westbrook Hall.
I was not granted such good luck and no sooner had the thought passed through my mind than the blue and white van turned up on cue as always. Why it could not have been just a few minutes later on this one occasion? Surprisingly, Damian seemed undeterred and waited until I had climbed into the van and disappeared off into the distance. I stared out of the back window until he was gone from my sight. On my return to Westbrook Hall I ran straight into the cottage and gushed about Damian to my friend, and she reminded me that I would probably never see him again.
The weekend had arrived and I was to go on my first visit to the Norwegian’s house. I was very excited and spent ages getting ready and doing my hair. I had recently started to apply full face makeup bought using my first weekly wages from Kiss Kiss. My bag was packed and I was all ready to spend the weekend with my new family. I was dropped off by a member of staff, who informed me that I would be picked up at 5:00 p.m. on Sunday evening. Mrs. Price was waiting for me at the end of the path and put her arms around me and gave me a very tight hug. I was not used to this at all, but it felt so warm and lovely.
She walked me into the house and everyone was there to greet me. Mrs. Price had baked a Norwegian cake especially for me as she remembered how much I loved them all those years ago. I was shown to my room, which had been decorated for my arrival the week before. It was lovely, with brand new floral bedding with matching curtains, sliding wardrobes for my clothes (not that I had many), and an old wooden dressing table with a mirror. It was perfect, the most beautiful room I had ever seen, and it was all mine.
The weekend was pretty perfect. I felt as though things were finally changing for the better. Mr. Price was very pleasant; he sat in front of the TV, mostly, drinking one or two beers to relax. On the Saturday morning, Mrs. Price took me into town to buy some new clothes for me. I told her I had no money and she smiled at me, and then went on to say that I did not need any money as she was treating me. I was so happy and didn’t want the weekend to end. On the Saturday night we all sat together watching Rocky.
The following morning Mr. Price headed off to his engineering company to do some paperwork while Mrs. Price prepared and cooked a sumptuous Sunday lunch. I helped peel all the vegetables, while her boys were at football training. So this was what having a proper family was like. Although I was very happy, I was also overcome with sadness at the life I never had. All the things I had missed—shopping with your parents, cooking with your mother, everyone gathering around the table at meal times discussing the events of their day. Such simple, normal, every day things, but to me they had been so far out of my reach all of my life, and now my childhood was gone I would never have it back.
Mr. Price returned at lunchtime all covered in oil, cursing about one of his workers. He went upstairs to clean up, and then the two boys came in through the back door, teasing each other as they ran up the stairs. Eventually we all sat down to dinner and Mrs. Price always said grace before anyone could eat. We all tucked into the delightful feast set out before us and no one spoke until we had all finished. Mrs. Price looked up and asked for everyone’s attention. “Amelia is now one of the family, and I want her to be treated as such,” she announced, and everyone clapped their hands, followed by hugs and kisses.
To say this was surreal to me would be an understatement; I was so overwhelmed by love and kindness I was not sure how to deal with it. I felt in very unfamiliar territory, nice as it was but it was too much too soon. I never imagined I would feel this way after so much genuine love was given to me; I simply was not used to it. I needed to be sure that my new family was here to stay, that they were for keeps before I could give over to my emotions, as I knew I could not handle any more rejection.
I was picked up and returned to Westbrook that very Sunday evening. I lay quietly in my room trying to imagine what my life would be like once I left Westbrook and the care system once and for all. My destiny would be in my hands for the first time in my life. I had so many plans buzzing around in my head. I wanted to go to night school and complete all of my O-Levels, and I wanted to go to Business College following receipt of my exam results. This all seemed like a pipe dream, but it was my dream nevertheless. I needed to take those exams so I could take myself forward in the right direction. I would not be a statistic; I would not slip under the radar. I wanted to be somebody to prove to everyone no matter how hard your life could be you could still be somebody. This was my dream, all I thought about most of the time: I will be somebody one day, when my destiny is in my own hands, that is when my life will really start.
My friend came into the bedroom to ask about my weekend with the Norwegians, and I didn’t stop talking for at least thirty minutes! Once I came up for air, she smiled and gave me a big hug before suddenly offering some advice; “Be careful, Amelia, don’t allow yourself to get hurt any more.” My friend’s words stayed with me; they were powerful words, and she was absolutely right . . . I would not allow myself to be hurt anymore.
The following morning over breakfast we were all gathered together in the main house, all the girls and boys sat around in a circle. We were informed that Westbrook Hall was going to have a football match with Telford United Football Club reserves, for the sixteen years and under. It would be a fun day, and there would also be lots of other activities for the girls to get involved with. The football team had kindly volunteered their time following a request from Westbrook Hall.
We were all very excited about this and could not wait for the following Saturday. All the girls talked about was what they would wear on the big day, and all the boys talked about for a week was how they were going to kick ass on the football field in Westbrook Hall, where the match would take place. Before the football match arrived, I had a visit from my Social Worker. She wanted to update me on my visit with the Norwegians.
She went on to say that she had had a meeting with Mr. and Mrs. Price and the weekend was a success. They had totally fallen in love with me, and Mrs. Price had gone as far as to say I was like the daughter she’d never had. Even her sons were happy about me becoming a new addition to the family.
I was so happy, I felt reborn. I felt like this was all a dream, that I would wake up any minute and it would not be real, but it was real and this was happening to me. I felt unworthy of all this happiness that had been bestowed upon me. Remembering my friend’s honest words, I was also very weary and all too aware of how good things could be torn away from you in an instant. I was also informed that by the summer of that year I would be officially released from the state care system and handed over to the caring hands of Mr. and Mrs. Price. This all seemed too good to be true, and I would not allow myself to believe it until it finally happened. I was asked again if I was happy with the decision to go and live with the Prices in the summer, and I advised my Social Worker that I was extremely happy about it and could not wait for the summer to arrive.
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Westbrook Hall (football event)
The day of the big football match had arrived. All of us girls had made a big effort with ourselves, searching through our clothes to find the best outfit we could and ensuring our makeup was applied to perfection. I, of course, decided to wear the new white cotton dress I had been given by Kiss Kiss fashion house. I looked at myself in the mirror once I was ready an
d took a deep breath; this was actually the first time I really saw myself as a young woman, very slim with long, dark hair and flawless skin. I liked what I saw and felt very grown up.
The grounds in Westbrook Hall had been transformed into a fete-like affair. There were banners and balloons everywhere, an ice cream van was situated on the drive, and there were long benches laid out side by side for everyone to sit on and observe the game. It looked quite amazing, and a lot of people had been very busy earlier that morning to transform the grounds. We all looked out of the window as the coach arrived carrying all the footballers. I actually felt nervous but had no reason to. The coach parked and all the boys climbed out. They were a very handsome bunch indeed, and as the last person stepped out I instantly recognized him; it was Damian, as handsome as I had remembered him, looking all athletic and strong in his football uniform.
I could feel the butterflies circling inside me. I joined everyone else and started walking to the benches. We all sat down in a line and watched all the footballers while they were doing the pre-match warm-ups. Damian glanced over at me and winked at me. He then smiled, not taking his eyes off me for what felt like ages. Even as the match started he kept glancing my way, and throughout the match we caught each other’s eyes frequently. It felt like he was playing the game for me personally, and I could not take my eyes off him. I knew right there and then that he was the one for me. I had never felt like this before and I liked the way I was feeling a lot!
Once the match had finished (Westbrook Hall had lost), everyone was free to mingle for a short while. Damian made his way straight over to me and smiled, displaying his perfect white teeth. He said he thought I was beautiful and could he see me again. I agreed of course, and we arranged to meet during my lunch break at Kiss Kiss, which was the only time we could meet. My insides felt like they were on a treadmill!
I could not wait for Monday morning to arrive; I made an extra special effort to look nice for work, ready for my lunch date with Damian. The hours passed by slowly at work that morning and I was willing the clock to speed up. I had never felt so anxious in my life; I kept popping into the ladies to check my face and give myself the once over. Then it was lunchtime, and I practically ran out of the door! I stood outside of the building staring up the road waiting for Damian to arrive. As promised he was on time and raced down the road on his push bike. He had that great big smile on his face again, and he climbed off his bike, and for a while we were both a bit awkward. I could not believe he was giving me the time of day, especially as I was in a children’s home. What on earth did he see in me? I thought surely he could have any girl he wanted.
He asked me how long I had been in Westbrook. I gave him a brief overview of my past, and all the time I was talking he just looked deep into my eyes. I had fallen hook, line, and sinker; he was still interested even knowing I came from nothing, knowing I was still tied to the state care system. In fact, he was totally undeterred by it all, and this just made me want him even more.
He told me he was a semi-professional footballer and his dreams were to make it big one day so everyone knew his name. He came from a good solid family and had several brothers and a sister. He told me he had to go as he was football training and asked if we could meet at the same time the next day. He never tried to kiss me or assume he could; he just smiled that great, big, beautiful smile and pedaled off down the road. My stomach was doing summersaults, and I almost felt dizzy with excitement. I could not stop thinking about this beautiful boy who had noticed me and wanted to get to know me. I was in seventh heaven.
I met Damien most lunch times. We got closer and closer as we talked about our lives and hopes and dreams; strangely enough our dreams were not too different. He was obsessed with his dream of becoming a premier league football player and was already making it happen. He told me that he had been scouted already and I was so proud of him. I was adamant I was going to be somebody one day! Our relationship was a very innocent one to start with. He was such a gentleman and I was falling in love with him.
The summer appeared very quickly. I had spent the last few months totally consumed by Damian; I lived for the next time I would see him again, spending endless hours after work lying on my bed thinking about him. I had just one week left in Westbrook Hall; it felt so surreal that my release date was finally here. I had spent years and years dreaming of this moment, and it always seemed so far away, so far out of my reach, but here I was preparing to leave once and for all.
When the day finally arrived, my Social Worker came to pick me up and sign me out of Westbrook Children’s Home for the very last time. My small bag was packed and I hugged and kissed the girls goodbye. The head of Westbrook Hall sat me down to impart some pearls of wisdom before I departed. He told me to be careful, that I was a very pretty, young woman and there are people out there that will try to take advantage of me. “You will be very vulnerable out there in the big world, so please, take care, Amelia.”
I listened and nodded, but to be honest I could not wait to go through the gates for the last time. I hopped into my Social Worker’s car ready for the short drive to Mr. and Mrs. Price’s house to start the beginning of my new life. I felt like I was dreaming—it was one of those “pinch myself to be sure it was all real” moments. I had informed Damian of my release date and we had agreed to meet the following weekend in the town center, my first date as a completely free woman. Amelia now owned Amelia and not the state, not Bryn Tyn, not Westbrook Hall, not Colton Hall, and not Breeton House. Amelia owned Amelia. I said it over and over again in my head to make myself believe it.
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Broken Trust
As we approached Mr. and Mrs. Price standing at the end of their road, waiting eagerly for my arrival, I took a deep breath and now believed it was all real: this was actually happening to me. I climbed out of the car and was greeted by the biggest hug I had ever received from Mrs. Price. She held me so tight I thought I might break!
Mr. Price greeted me with a big smile and said, “Welcome home.” We all went into the house where the two boys, Trond and Segour, were waiting and they welcomed me with open arms and referred to me as sister. Everything was just perfect, almost too perfect, really.
After my Social Worker said goodbye for the very last time I knew I had entered the world finally without the restrictions placed up on me under the care system. This felt great—no, more than great—it felt amazing; it was a surreal moment in my life. I was asked to go upstairs and look in my room as a house gift had been placed there for me from the whole family. I entered my bedroom and closed the door. I looked at my bed and there was a lovely large box with a pink ribbon in the center set out in a bow. I pulled the ribbon loose and opened the box. I gasped in amazement at my new beautiful red coat. It was the most beautiful coat in the whole world; there was also a pair of jeans, a red sweater, and some socks and knickers. There was also a smaller box and when I opened it, I almost stopped breathing for a split second. In a beautiful black velvet box sat a silver Saint Christopher pendant, the Patron Saint of Travelers, a good luck charm to guide you on your travels through your life. I sat down on my bed and finally was overcome with emotion. I broke down in tears, and once I started I could not stop.
Mrs. Price, who I was to call Torwen, opened the door and came to sit down beside me. She held my hands so tight with tears in her eyes and told me I had nothing to fear anymore, that she would always be there for me. I loved her already; she was like the mother I never really had and always wanted. She wiped my eyes and informed me we were all going out to dinner to celebrate my arrival.
Over the next week I settled in very well. Torwen worked nights for a local company down the road, which was within walking distance. I still worked at Kiss Kiss Fashion House, but my apprenticeship was coming to an end, sadly. They informed me I had been a great apprentice and learned very quickly; however, there was not a permanent position available as they were already overstaffed. I was informed if one c
ame up in the future I would be the first on the list. Torwen and Jason were very sympathetic and told me not to worry. I was fretting over not being able to pay Torwen the £20.00 a week housekeeping I had agreed to. She advised me it was one of those things and something else would come along.
I enrolled myself into night school as it was so important to me to complete my exams. I wanted my O-Level certificates to take me forward and to prove to myself I could do them. I applied for a job in a local office as a junior and was to start the following Monday. This had been a stroke of luck which I was very grateful for.
I was not to see Torwen very often from there on as she worked nights and I worked days. Jason was always home in the evenings; he would sit down after a hard day running his engineering company with a couple of beers and the remote control.
One particular night I was sitting on the sofa watching a history documentary on the Holocaust. I had not noticed Jason saddling up on the sofa until he placed his hand on my knee. He startled me and I jumped nervously. He was tipsy, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was breathing all over me. He kept saying he just wanted a cuddle. I felt sick to my stomach and ran out of the room straight upstairs.
I stayed in my room until morning and could not wait to get out of the house. Why me? Why Jason, a man I respected and looked up to? This just could not be happening. I would not allow myself to believe it. At dinnertime, this was the only time we were all together, I slowly made my way to the kitchen. Jason pulled me into the living room and warned me not to say a word to Torwen. He had made a mistake and did not know what he was doing, and finally, his last words reverberated right through me, “Torwen would never believe you anyway . . . a girl who spent her whole life in care against her husband, no, she would not believe you, Amelia, so I am warning you, if you like it here and want to stay then just pretend like it never happened.”
Amelia's story Page 14
