by Robin Hobb
I woke up with no clear idea of what had been dream and what had been real, if anything. My entire recall of the evening's events had the same distance as events that had happened years ago. This was compounded by the open staircase with its beckoning yellow light and the draft from it chilling my room. I scrabbled out of bed, swayed for a moment as a wave of dizziness overtook me, and then slowly mounted the stairs, one hand always touching the cold stone wall to reassure myself that it was real. About midway up the steps, Chade came down to meet me. "Here, take my arm," he commanded, and I did.
He put his free arm around me and we went up the stairs together. "I've missed you," I told him. With my next breath, I told him, "King Shrewd is in danger."
"I know. King Shrewd is always in danger."
We gained the top of the stairwell. There was a fire in his hearth, and a meal set out next to it on a tray. He guided me toward both.
"I think I might have been poisoned today." A sudden shivering ran up me and I shuddered all over. When it passed, I felt more alert. "I seem to be waking up in stages. I keep thinking I'm awake, and then suddenly everything is clearer."
Chade nodded gravely. "I suspect it was the ash residue. You weren't thinking when you tidied King Shrewd's room for him. Many times the burned residue of an herb concentrates the potency of the herb. You got it all over your hands and then sat there eating pastries. There was little I could do. I thought you would sleep it off. What possessed you to go downstairs?"
"I don't know." Then: "How do you always know so much?" I asked peevishly as he pushed me down into his old chair. He took my usual perch on the hearthstones. Even in my fuddled state, I noticed how fluidly he moved, as if he had somewhere abandoned the cramps and aches of an old man's body. There was windburned color to his face and arms as well, the tan fading the pocks' stigma. I had once noticed his resemblance to Shrewd. Now I saw Verity in his face as well.
"I have my little ways of finding things out." He grinned at me wolfishly. "How much do you remember of Winterfest tonight?"
I winced as I considered it. "Enough to know that tomorrow is going to be a difficult day." The little servant girl suddenly popped up in my memory. Leaning on my shoulder, her hand on my thigh. Molly. I had to get to Molly tonight and somehow explain things to her. If she came to my room tonight, and I wasn't there to answer her knock… I started up in my chair, but then another shiver ran up over me. It felt almost like a skin being peeled off me.
"Here. Eat something. Puking your guts out wasn't the best thing for you, but I'm sure Patience meant well. And under other circumstances, it could have been a lifesaver. No, you idiot, wash your hands first. Haven't you heard a word I've said?"
I noticed then the vinegar water set out beside the food. I washed my hands carefully to remove every trace of whatever had clung to them, and then my face, amazed at how much more alert I suddenly felt. "It's been like an extended dream, all day… is this what Shrewd has been feeling?"
"I've no idea. Perhaps not all those burning herbs down there are what I think they are. It was one of the things I wanted to discuss with you tonight. How has Shrewd been? Has this come on him suddenly? How long has Wallace been calling himself a healer?"
"I don't know." I hung my head in shame. I forced myself to report to Chade just how lax I had been in his absence. And how stupid. When I was finished, he did not disagree with me.
"Well," he said heavily. "We can't undo, we can only salvage. Too much is happening here to sort at one sitting." He looked at me consideringly. "Much of what you tell me does not surprise me. Forged ones converging still on Buckkeep, the King's illness lingering. But King Shrewd's health has declined much more swiftly than I can account for, and the squalor in his rooms makes no sense to me. Unless…" He did not finish the thought. "Perhaps they believe that Lady Thyme was his only defender. Perhaps they think we no longer care; perhaps they believe him an isolated old man, an obstacle to be removed. Your carelessness has drawn them out, at least. And having drawn them out, perhaps we can cut them off." He sighed. "I thought I could use Wallace as a tool, lead him subtly through the advice of others. He has little knowledge of herbs of his own; the man is a dabbler. But the tool I left carelessly lying about, perhaps another employs now. We shall have to see. Still. There are ways to stop this."
I bit my tongue before I could utter Regal's name. "How?" I asked instead.
Chade smiled. "How were you rendered ineffective as an assassin in the Mountain Kingdom?"
I winced at the memory. "Regal revealed my purpose to Kettricken. "
"Exactly. We shall shine a bit of daylight on what goes on in the King's chambers. Eat while I talk."
And so I did, listening to him as he outlined my assignments for the next day, but also noting what he chose to feed me. The flavor of garlic predominated, and I knew his confidence in its purifying abilities. I wondered just what I had ingested, and also how much it colored my recollection of my conversation with the Fool. I flinched as I recalled my brusque dismissal of him. He would be another I would have to seek out tomorrow. Chade noticed my preoccupation. "Sometimes," he observed obliquely, "you have to trust people to understand you are not perfect."
I nodded, then suddenly yawned immensely. "Beg pardon," I muttered. My eyelids were suddenly so heavy I could barely keep my head up. "You were saying?"
"No, no. Go to bed. Rest. It's the real healer."
"But I haven't even asked you where you've been. Or what you've been doing. You move and act as if you'd lost ten years of age."
Chade puckered his mouth. `Is that a compliment? Never mind. Such questions would be useless anyway, so you may save them for another time, and be frustrated then when I refuse to answer them. As to my condition… well, the more one forces one's body to do, the more it can do. It was not an easy journey. Yet I believe it was worth the hardship." He held up a halting hand as I opened my mouth. "And that is all I am going to say. To bed, now, Fitz. To bed."
I yawned again as I rose, and stretched until my joints popped. "You've grown again," Chade complained admiringly. "At this rate, you'll even top your father's height."
"I've missed you," I mumbled as I headed toward the stair.
"And I you. But we shall have tomorrow night for catching up. For now, bed for you."
I went down his stairs with the sincere intention of following his suggestion. As it always did, the staircase sealed itself moments after I exited it, by a mechanism I had never been able to discover. I threw three more logs on my dying fire and then crossed to my bed. I sat down on it to pull my shirt off. I was exhausted. But not so tired that I could not catch a faint trace of Molly's scent on my own skin as I pulled my shirt off. I sat a moment longer, holding my shirt in my hands. Then I put it back on and rose. I went to my door and slipped out into the hallway.
It was late, by any other night's standard. Yet this was the first night of Winterfest. There were many below who would not think of their beds until dawn was on the horizon. Others who would not find their own beds at all this night. I smiled suddenly as I realized I intended to be part of the latter group.
There were others in the halls that night and on the staircases. Most were too inebriated, or too engrossed in themselves to notice me. As for the others, I resolved to let Winterfest be my excuse for any questions asked of me the next day. Still, I was discreet enough to be sure the corridor was clear before I tapped on her door. I heard no reply. But as I lifted my hand to tap again, the door swung silently open into darkness.
It terrified me. In an instant I was sure harm had come to her, that someone had been here and hurt her and left her there in the darkness. I sprang into the room, crying out her name. The door swung shut behind me and "Hush!" she commanded.
I turned to find her, but it took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. The light from the hearth fire was the only illumination in the room, and it was to my back. When my eyes did penetrate the darkness, I felt as if I could not breathe.
"Were you expecting me?" I asked at last.
In a little cat voice, she replied, "Only for hours."
"I thought you would be at the merrymaking in the Great Hall." Slowly it dawned on me that I had not seen her there.
"I knew I would not be missed there. Except by one. And I thought perhaps that one might come seeking me here."
I stood motionless and looked at her. She wore a wreath of holly atop the tumble of her hair. That was all. And she stood against the door, wanting me to look at her. How can I explain the line that had been crossed? Before we had ventured into, this together, exploring and inquisitive. But this was different. This was a woman's frank invitation. Can there be anything so compelling as the knowledge that a woman desires you? It overwhelmed me and blessed me and somehow redeemed me from every stupid thing I had ever done.
Winterfest.
The heart of night's secret.
Yes.
She shook me awake before dawn, and put me out of her rooms. The farewell kiss that she gave me before shooing me out the door was such that I stood in the hall trying to persuade myself that dawn was not all that close. After a few moments I recalled that discretion was called for, and wiped the foolish smile off my face. I straightened my rumpled shirt and headed for the stairs.
Once inside my room, an almost dizzying weariness overtook me. How long had it been since I had had a full night's sleep? I sat down on my bed and dragged my shirt off. I dropped it to the floor. I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes.
A soft tap at my door jerked me upright. I crossed the room swiftly, smiling to myself. I was still smiling as I swung the door wide.
"Good, you're up! And almost dressed. I was afraid from the way you looked last night that I'd be dragging you out of your bed by the scruff of your neck."
It was Burrich, freshly washed and brushed. The lines across his forehead were the only visible signs of the last night's revelry. From my years of sharing quarters with him, I knew that no matter how fierce a hangover he might have, he would still rise to face his duties. I sighed. No good asking quarter, for none would be given. Instead I went to my clothes chest and found a clean shirt. I put it on as I followed him to Verity's tower.
There is an odd threshold, physical as well as mental. There have been but a few times in my life that I have been pushed over it, but each time an extraordinary thing happened. That morning was one of those times. After an hour or so had passed, I stood in Verity's tower room, shirtless and sweating. The tower windows were open to the winter wind, but I felt no chill. The padded ax Burrich had given me was but a little lighter than the world itself, and the weight of Verity's presence in my mind felt as if it were forcing my brain out my eyes. I could no longer keep my ax up to guard myself. Burrich came at me again, and I made no more than a token defense. He batted it aside with ease, then came in swiftly, one, two blows, not hard, but not softly either. "And you're dead," he told me, and stood back. He let the head of his ax sag to the floor and stood leaning on it and breathing. I let my own ax thud headfirst to the floor. Useless.
Within my mind, Verity was very still. I glanced over to where he sat staring out the window across the sea to the horizon. The morning light was harsh on the lines in his face and the gray in his hair. His shoulders were slumped forward. His posture mirrored what I felt. I closed my eyes a moment, too weary to do anything anymore. And suddenly we meshed. I saw to the horizons of our fixture. We were a country besieged by a ravenous enemy who came to us only to kill and maim. That was their sole goal. They had no fields to plant, no children to defend, no stock to tend to distract them from their raiding. But we strove to live our day-to-day lives at the same time we tried to protect ourselves from their destruction. For the Red-Ship Raiders, their ravages were their day-to-day lives. That singleness of purpose was all they needed to destroy us. We were not warriors; had not been warriors for generations. We did not think like warriors. Even those of us who were soldiers were soldiers who had trained to fight against a rational enemy. How could we stand against an onslaught of madmen? What weapons did we have? I looked around. Me. Myself as Verity.
One man. One man, making himself old as he strove to walk the line between defending his people and being swept away in the addictive ecstasy of the Skill. One man, trying to rouse us, trying to ignite us to defend ourselves. One man, with his eyes afar, as we squabbled and plotted and bickered in the rooms below him. It was useless. We were doomed to fail.
The tide of despair swept over me and threatened to pull me down. It swirled around me, but suddenly, in the middle of it, I found a place to stand. A place where the very uselessness of it was funny. Horribly funny. Four little warships, not quite finished, with untrained crews. Watchtowers and fire signals to call the inept defenders forth to the slaughter. Burrich with his ax, and me standing in the cold. Verity staring out the window, while below, Regal fed his own father drugs. In the hopes of stealing his mind, and inheriting the whole mess, I didn't doubt. It was all so totally useless. And so unthinkable to give it up. A laughter welled up from inside me, and I could not contain it. I stood leaning on my ax, and laughed as if the world were the funniest thing I'd ever seen, while Burrich and Verity both stared at me. A very faint answering smile crooked the corners of Verity's mouth; a light in his eyes shared my madness.
"Boy? Are you all right?" Burrich asked me.
"I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine," I told them both when my waves of laughter had subsided.
I pulled myself up to stand straight. I shook my head, and I swear I almost felt my brain settle. "Verity," I said, and embraced his consciousness to mine. It was easy; it had always been easy, but before, I had believed there was something to lose by doing it. We did not meld into one person, but instead fit together like bowls stacked in a cupboard. He rode me comfortably, like a well-loaded pack. I took a breath and lifted my ax. "Again," I said to Burrich.
As he came at me I no longer allowed him to be Burrich. He was a man with an ax, come to kill Verity, and before I could stop my momentum, I had laid him out on the floor. He rose, shaking his head, and I saw a touch of anger in his face. Again we came together, and again I made a telling touch. "Third time," he told me, and his battle smile lit up his weathered face. We came together again with a jolt in the joy of struggle, and I overmatched him cleanly.
Twice more we clashed before Burrich suddenly stepped back from one of my blows. He lowered his ax to the floor and stood, hunkered slightly forward until his breath came easy again. Then he straightened and looked at Verity. "He's got it," he said huskily. "He's caught the knack of it now. Not that he's fully honed yet. Drill will make him sharper, but you've made a wise choice for him. The ax is his weapon."
Verity nodded slowly. "And he is mine."
CHAPTER SIXTEEN. Verity's Ships
IN THE THIRD summer of the Red-Ship War, the Six Duchies warships were blooded. Although they numbered only four, they represented an important change in tactics to defending our realm. Our encounters that spring with the Red-Ships swiftly taught us that we had forgotten much of being warriors. The Raiders were right; we had become a race of farmers. But we were farmers who had determined to take a stand and fight. We quickly found the Raiders to be resourceful and savage fighters. This was true to the extent that none of them ever surrendered or were taken alive. That, perhaps, should have been our first clue as to the nature of Forging and what we actually battled, but at the time it was too subtle a hint, and we were too busy surviving to wonder at it.
The rest of that winter passed as swiftly as the first half had dragged. The separate parts of my life became like beads and I the string that ran through them all. I believe if I had ever paused to consider the intricacy of all I did to keep those parts separate, I would have found it impossible. But I was young then, much younger than I suspected, and somehow I found the energy and time to do and be it all.
My day began before dawn, with a session with Verity. At least twice a week Burrich and his axes w
ere included. But most often it was Verity and I alone. He worked on my Skill sense, but not as Galen had. He had specific tasks in mind for me, and these were what he trained me in. I learned to see through his eyes, and to give him the use of mine. I practiced being aware of the subtle way he would steer my attention, and in keeping up a constant mental commentary that kept him informed of all that was going on around us. This involved me leaving the tower, and carrying his presence about with me like a hawk on my wrist as I went about my other daily tasks. At first a few hours were as long as I could sustain the Skill bond, but as time went on I managed to share my mind with him for days at a time. The bond did weaken with the passing of time, however. It was not a true Skilling from me to Verity, but a touch-imposed bond that had to be renewed. It still gave me a sense of accomplishment to be able to do at least this much.
I put in a fair share of time in the Queen's Garden, moving and then shifting again benches and statuary and pots, until Kettricken was finally satisfied with the arrangements there. For those hours I always made sure Verity was with me. I hoped it would do him good to see his queen as others saw her, especially when she was caught up in the enthusiasm of her snowy garden spot. Glowing pink-cheeked and gold-haired, wind kissed and lively: this was how I showed her to him. He heard her speak freely of the pleasure she hoped this garden would bring him. Was this a betrayal of Kettricken's confidences to me? I pushed such uneasiness firmly away. I took him with me when I paid my duties to Patience and Lacey.
