by Anna Bloom
Easy, see I’d forgotten about it already.
Stickers decorated door fifty-three. A rainbow and a unicorn. Luca stopped and stared at them, hooking his lips into a smirk. “Oh, you are going to so fit in here.”
“Don’t be rude.” I narrowed my gaze and balanced my suitcase against my leg. Here we go.
I knocked on the door of room fifty-four. It was my room and all, but I didn’t want to go barreling in there with my big brother in tow. That’s probably not a good way to make friends on the first day.
I swallowed hard and tried to smooth my face into one that wasn’t a horrible mask of sheer fright as footsteps padded from the other side. The door opened an inch and a girl with pale blonde hair in a high ponytail fell through the gap. “Hi?”
“Hi.” I forced a smile. “I’m Lyra, I’m allocated this room.” The Tin Man always made a welcome appearance during introductions. I could almost hear my hinges squeak.
The door opened wider and revealed the petite shape of the person behind. “Come in, come in. You don’t have to knock. I’m Eva.” The folded piece of paper had said Eva, but she pronounced it Ever... I couldn’t wait to explain that to Grams.
No, Grams, it’s Ever.
Ever, ever?
I held my hand out to shake hers, but then cringed when I went to shake and I noticed how sweaty my palm was.
“Sorry.” I wiped my hand down the leg of my jeans.
“I didn’t know which bed you’d want, so I waited,” she said, gesturing at boxes and a suitcase piled in the middle of the room. Larger than I expected, it was airy and bright, a big window overlooking the green space in the middle of campus. Twin beds were pushed up against opposite sides of the room and to one side there was a door that must lead to the small en suite. The furniture, closet and bed were all wooden and white. Very old Colonial in styling, and not a hint of teak wood paneling or fly screens in sight.
I smiled as I took it all in. My lungs stretching a little wider.
Until Luca pushed past me. “Ooh look, Lyra, she’s got boxes of books too. It’s a match made in geek-girl heaven.”
I glared at him as Eva stared wide eyed.
He shot her his easiest of smiles, the same one he’d always used with devastating effect on the opposite sex; all sparkle and white teeth. “I’m Luca.”
Eva’s mouth flapped open, confirming that the smile had had the desired effect.
“Ignore him please,” I said, but I already knew the damage had been done and I’d soon be on a recovery mission to find survivors.
“I’d need to know who I’m ignoring first.”
“Luca, brother, pain in the ass.” I pointed to him, giving him a ‘you can fuck off now’ stare.
Wishful thinking.
“Luca, brother who has driven you twenty odd hours across the country.” He threw my boxes down alongside Eva’s hoard. “Shall I go and get the rest?”
“Sure.” I slid my hands into the pockets of my cut-offs, not entirely sure what to do with myself. “Have you looked around campus yet?” I asked Eva once he’d gone.
She threw a glance at the window. “No.” Her giggle pinged tightly. “Honestly, I’ve been waiting for backup.”
“Phew.” I actually breathed out a sigh of relief. If Eva was as nervous as me then I might just be able to muddle through this. “We can venture out together if you want?”
“Sounds great, but first I really need you to tell me all about your brother and how often he’s going to visit, because he’s fucking gorgeous.”
I gave a little groan and considered pitching myself out the window. This was standard, and all too familiar.
“He’s a douche, don’t talk to him.” I didn’t smile and she stared at me blankly, her mouth hanging with an open ‘O’ shape. “Okay, he’s only half a douche, but still don’t talk to him.”
She nodded, too slowly for my liking. “I get it. Don’t talk to the brother.”
I flashed her a wide smile. “See, we’re going to be golden. Right, shall we toss for the bed nearest the window?”
Only a short while later and Luca leaned against the hood of his car, his hand up shielding his eyes from the sun. “I don’t know, Ly.”
I knocked him on the shoulder. “Don’t know what?”
“Don’t know about leaving you.” His face for once was deadly serious, his lips turned down. He’d only ever looked like this once or twice before. Clouds pushing away the sunshine my brother consisted of.
“You have to leave me. You have your own life now, and this is going to be mine.”
“But it’s always just been the two of us.” His gaze met mine. Neither of us acknowledged the lie. Once there was a third wheel and things hadn’t been the same since he left. Luca had changed. I’d changed. But then we didn’t know what any of us would have been if that change hadn’t taken place.
Where would he be now?
All too often, as happened when my thoughts drifted to Blue and where he might be, I got an empty, gnawing sensation in my gut. I always thought of it as a bone and I was the animal that just couldn’t leave it alone. No matter how much the sharp and jagged edges might hurt.
“I’ll be fine, I promise.”
“You watch that Eva. She looks like a wild one.”
I snorted and batted him on the stomach. “She looks as scared as a mouse.”
Luca laughed and ruffled my hair. I’d let him off one last time. “It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch.” He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, wagging them up and down and then grasped me in a tight bear hug that squished the air out of my lungs in an audible huff.
“Love you, Lyra.”
My throat tightened until it constricted. I couldn’t force a swallow. “You too.” And that’s about as close as I got to a goodbye.
Without another word he pulled on the door to the car and slid in.
“Get some rest stops. And don’t go to that seedy motel again. The woman behind the check-in desk looked like she wanted to eat you.” I grimaced as I remembered the place we’d stopped overnight.
“I know.” He winked. “I’m heading right back there now.”
“Dirt bag.”
I hadn’t been exaggerating to Eva.
Once I’d waved him off, and suddenly aware of the fact I stood alone in a huge campus and knew exactly one person—and that had been for the sum total of five minutes—I turned back for the white building.
My heart thumped, pushing hard in my chest.
It’s the quiet ones you’ve got to watch. I grinned and shook my head, pushing through the door.
Luca, you really had no idea.
The clatter against my window made me sit bolt upright on the bed. I hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but I’d dozed to Vivaldi while reading my history text for the following day’s lesson.
I wouldn’t have thought about the window if the noise hadn’t splattered against the glass again. Dark outside, I walked closer and peered through. Blue grinned from his window. In his hand sat a jar full of small pebbles.
“What are you doing?” I hissed, rubbing at my eyes in case this might be a dream. If it was, I was happy in dreamland because Blue wore a white T-shirt that clung to his chest in ways that should be banned.
His smile stretched wide; not the crooked broken smile I’d grown used to seeing from my window.
“Taking you to a party.”
If I hadn’t been holding onto the window casing I would have fallen down. “Don’t be stupid. Luca will never let me out now.”
Blue winced, his dark eyebrows scrunching. “I know. That’s why we aren’t telling him.”
My breath caught. This was an entirely new development; Blue and me keeping secrets, together. It dangled a dark promise in front of me. “Jack.” It sounded weird saying his name out loud.
“Get changed. Try to look normal.”
I raised my eyebrow. “Well that could be offensive.”
He just grinned and rolled his hand te
lling me to hurry.
This was insane. Utterly insane.
And dangerous.
And would definitely get me grounded.
But Blue… he’d always keep me safe; I knew that… more than I knew that the sun would come up tomorrow.
“What shall I wear?” I hissed across the gangway.
He gave a slow shake of his head, and I loved the light easiness about his expression. It had become sparse of late. I wanted to see it more, to absorb it deep into myself. “That’s your call.”
I closed my drapes and turned back for my room and glanced at most of my clothes that hung on the floor in a state of disarray. I had nothing for a party because I’d never been to one. Not a real party. Gatherings where people played their musical instruments didn’t really count.
In the end I pulled on some skinny black jeans, a white tank, and sneakers. Feeling significantly underdressed, I rooted through the back of my closet for some awful glitzy belt that Mom had given me once. I’d sworn I’d never wear it because the woman didn’t know anything about me, but it seemed to work in the now. I hung it on my hips, and it accentuated the curve of my waist. Turning my head upside down, I clawed my fingers through the dreaded curls and put them in a band, twisting them around the elastic into a messy bun. Some fell out as soon as I stood the right way up, but I let them be. Short on makeup, I pinched my cheeks like I’d seen someone do in a movie I watched with Grams once.
Dressed, I went back to the window and looked over to Blue’s. He wasn’t there and my stomach dropped with a responding splat down to my feet. He’d changed his mind.
It took a moment for the adrenaline to stop thumping in my veins.
Until a low whistle caught my attention and it kicked back up, but faster, painfully so. Heart attack fast.
Blue stood in the shadows between our houses. He motioned for me to come down.
This was officially insane. Stupid insane.
“I’ll catch you if you fall,” he murmured, just loud enough I could hear him in the night air.
I wouldn’t be able to walk through the house, although I didn’t know if Luca was home. Grams would hear me though with her bat-like hearing.
Shaking my head and trying to still the wobbly feeling in my arms and legs, I opened the window as wide as it would go and clambered out. The ledge was wide enough I could balance and then edge my way to the drainpipe.
This was ridiculous. This was like being stuck in the worse gym class ever with Blue my only audience.
Normal gym was bad enough.
Gripping hard, not easy with shaking fingers, I lowered down one step and then another. When the ground looked close enough I closed my eyes and went for the jump, completely misjudging how far the ground actually stood below.
Strong arms caught me, whooshing the air from my chest. “Shit, Lyra. I didn’t say jump from ten foot.”
I shook hard, my legs wobbling. “Sorry. I panicked.”
He still held me; his face serious. Gently, he lowered me toward the ground. “Okay?”
“Yeah.” Not okay though. This was significant rule breaking, partnered in crime with my obsessive crush. Okay no longer fitted within the realms of my vocabulary.
His hooded gaze swept over me and his lips curved slightly. “You look nice.”
“Normal enough?” I put a hand on my hip, his gaze following the motion.
“As normal as you’ll get.” He said it with softness though, and it became impossible to be offended.
“What are we doing?”
“Going to Raven Smoake’s party.”
My mouth flapped open. “Don’t be silly. I wasn’t even invited.”
“No.” He cocked his head to one side. “But I was.”
“But Luca will know. He’ll know I snuck out and tell Grams because he’s an asshole.”
“Don’t worry. Luca is busy tonight.”
I narrowed my gaze. That didn’t sound great. Busy? What did that even mean?
“Come on. Live, little Lyra Bird.”
I swallowed hard. “Why do you call me that?”
“The Lyrebird, it can mimic any sound in the world, create any sound or music.”
“Oh?” My heart raced a little faster.
“Like you.”
I had nothing to say to that.
“Are we going to this party then?”
I shrugged, trying to bury the rapid pace of my pulse someplace deep inside me where he wouldn’t know I was crapping myself with nerves. “I’m not used to this.”
“I’ll keep you safe. Scouts honor.”
“You’ve never been a scout, so don’t even.”
Blue saluted and I giggled. “A promise is a promise. I don’t need to be a scout to make one.”
I glanced down the alleyway. “Raven Smoake’s party?” I asked, just to make sure.
“You shouldn’t be left in the house like a bird in a gilt cage.” He leaned in a little closer. “Birds are meant to fly.”
Little did he know that inside I did fly, higher and higher on a dangerous journey that I might never return from.
Expectation weaved through me.
A crash came from inside his house and he automatically twisted his head in the direction of the overgrown back yard.
“Let’s go.” He held his hand out for mine, whether he meant to or not.
Another crash.
I reached for his hand and pushed my palm against his. “Don’t leave my side,” he said. “Don’t drink anything anyone else gives you.”
I nodded.
“And don’t kiss any boys.”
I grinned and laughed, turning to see the crooked grin I loved the most. But he didn’t wear it. His face held no humor at all.
Chapter Four
Lyra ~ Present Day
I shook my head as I walked back up the four flights of stairs. When was this going to end? When would I stop letting Blue live on in my head, renting a space that I should no longer allow him?
It was tiring, belittling, and if I were being totally honest with myself, downright pathetic.
Pathetic Lyra Lennox. Still obsessed with her brother’s best friend. Four years after he left without a goodbye.
Self-respect, zero. Dangerous pathetic obsession, one.
Jack Cross had left. Walked away without so much as a wave. No forwarding address, no number to call.
I couldn’t think of that night anymore. Still didn’t really understand it, despite many hours of pulling it all apart in my head minute by minute.
The fight had been bad.
Worse than ever.
Blue lights, screamed cries, and Luca telling me to stay in my room and not look out the window. I’d sat on the floor like a good little girl and obeyed his request, not realizing then that it would be the last time I’d ever see Blue. If I’d known, I might have looked. Or not.
So, I’d been left with ghosts and regrets that... well...
I paced further up the stairs, blocking my thoughts of the past.
Maybe if I could think of him as anything other than Blue it would make it easier. Jack Cross didn’t make my insides spark like a fire-lighter, only Blue did.
Jack Cross had a bad attitude and caused trouble.
Standing outside the white door to my new life, I placed my hand against the door. This was it. Everything I’d worked for, every blister on my fingers, every minute I’d spent practicing and playing had led me to right here.
Was I going to ruin it all because of a man who left and never looked back? And he was a man, I could see that now.
Could see how wrong I was to think that what we did was okay.
That’s it. Done. Over.
Come on, Lyra.
I turned the handle and pushed into the room, forgoing the polite knock. Eva sat on the bed away from the window, cross-legged, a magazine on her lap.
Okay, so this was awkward. Two strangers in a room.
“Have you thought about what closet space you want?” I asked,
making her look up and brush her pale hair out of her eyes. We both had a nightstand pushed up next to our beds, but a large free-standing closet stood against the other wall.
“I don’t have many clothes,” she said with a shrug.
“Me neither.”
She patted her bed, beckoning me over and I perched right on the end. “Where are you from?” she asked.
“Florida—”
“Oooh wow. You know I’ve never even been. I’ve always begged my parents to take me, but they say theme park attractions are a waste of time.”
“I’ve never been either.” I scrunched my shoulders up near my ears as her lips pursed together. “Because I’m from Florida, New Orleans.”
“Oh, right.” She nodded slowly. “Good jazz though.”
I laughed and the tightness in my chest eased a smidge. “Yeah, good jazz.” Shame about the rest of the place, but good jazz.
“So how old is Luca?” she asked, sitting up a little straighter and pushing her glossy magazine off her lap.
“Twenty-four with the mental age of twelve.”
“He’s pretty hot, Lyra.”
I scrunched my face and shoved my fingers in my ears. “Please don’t.”
Eva grinned and a tight knot in my muscles unwound an inch. “Okay, I won’t. But be prepared for when he comes back.”
I made a mental note to never let Luca come visit me again, not that he probably would. Things had been strained between us the last few years. Since I grew up and he decided he didn’t like it.
Nothing he could do to stop me now though.
It hit me, a rushing cool breeze of freedom that I could almost taste.
“You’ve just realized you’ve arrived at college, haven’t you?” Eva’s blue gaze swept my face.
“How do you know?” My lungs squeezed with emptiness, like I plummeted on a carnival ride. Possibility span around me like dust motes in lazy afternoon sun.
“Because you are pulling the exact same face I did an hour ago.” She pushed herself to the end of the bed. “Shall we go and explore?”
“Yeah, I saw lots of stalls up in the main quad.”
“All the clubs for extracurriculars will be setup looking for members.”
I pulled a face. “Not sure I want to join any groups.”
