by Anna Bloom
I’d changed too.
Inside me a powerful vortex swirled, a myriad of blue.
His naked light bulb flicked off. My mouth dried.
Leaning against the window, I watched for him to come out his house, the familiar tread of his feet on the sidewalk, the scrunch of gravel beneath his sneakers.
Instead a crash clattered through the air and my blood ran cold.
A muffled shout followed.
I couldn’t make all the words, but it sounded like, “something bastard.”
Oh God.
I hated this; the moment I dreaded. I had to sit and listen though, I couldn’t walk away, couldn’t leave Blue alone.
Tears burned hot down my cheeks as another crash smashed from the house next door.
Please don’t hurt him... was all I could think.
More shouts... “Worthless piece of shit.” That one I could hear.
I wanted to charge over there. Instead, my room caged me, my heart battering to escape from my chest.
Please don’t hurt him.
After another crash everything fell back to its usual silence. Too quiet.
Deathly quiet.
Walking away from the window, I fell down on the bed, wiping at my sticky cheeks, hot and clammy under my fingers.
Ugh.
It would be so much easier if we didn’t live here.
I forced the thought out of my head. Could I imagine living anywhere other than in the house with the blue fence?
Grams had lived here her whole life... Mom too... when she was there.
I jumped at a gentle rap against the window, the sound different to the scatter of small pebbles.
I gasped at Blue perched the other side of the glass. His face wore a red round mark, a small cut next to his eye trickled tears of red down his cheek.
“Blue,” I ran back to the window and pushed it back up. I didn’t even know why I’d closed it, it’s not like it made me not hear things I didn’t want to hear.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you jump.”
And he was apologizing to me? Was the guy for real?
I reached out my hand and guided him in. His dirty boots landed on the pale gray of my carpet. “I’ll go and get Luca.”
He winced as he straightened up off the window ledge. “No, it’s fine.”
“Jack.” His gaze flickered to mine as I used his real name. For nearly a year now he’d only been Blue. “You can barely move. Let me get Luca to help.”
He shook his head, offering me his most beautiful broken grin. “It’s fine. He just caught me unawares.”
“Maybe next time he’ll get caught by the police,” I snapped. I reached out for his face and tilted it in the soft glow illuminated by my lamp on my desk. Blue winced but didn’t say anything, his lips pressed into a firm line as I pushed delicate fingers against his cheek. “Is it broken, do you think?”
He opened his jaw slightly, flexing the muscles. “No, just a lucky punch.”
“Wait there.” I pointed to the edge of my bed and turned for the door to my room.
“Please don’t get Luca, Lyra. You know how mad he gets.”
“Oh, but it’s okay for me to be mad?”
He nodded, his lips curving despite the bruising flourishing to life across his skin.
“I’m not just a Florence Nightingale, you know?”
His gaze drifted across my legs encased in sleep shorts and he snorted, but then winced with the effort.
Sighing, I crossed my arms against my chest, suddenly aware of my pajamas. “I’m just going to get some hot water. I won’t be long.”
I crept along the hall to the small family bathroom and ran the faucet waiting for the hot water to warm. While I waited, I glanced up at the mirror, finding my eyes, bright and excited, staring back at me.
These late-night visits had started to drift into dangerous stupidity, but the thought of them stopping made my throat tighten, made the blood pulse around my head in a strange whooshing noise.
I double checked myself. My sleep tank stretched across my torso, but thankfully, the material had enough thickness I didn’t need to worry about it being see-through.
With a sigh that I watched bloom across the mirror, I filled the small plastic bowl I now kept in the bathroom on a permanent basis and then picked up the cheap plastic pot full of cotton wool. With a stealthy stride, I crept back out onto the landing, only to shriek and jump out of my skin.
“What are you doing?”
I screamed and clutched at my chest. “Luca, for fu—”
“Careful.” He crossed his arms across his chest and narrowed his gaze. I mean, for all that’s holy, I was fourteen, did he think I didn’t know the f bomb?
I glared with as much ferocity as my racing heart would allow me to summon. “What are you lurking for? Apart from giving me a goddamn heart attack,” I snapped.
“What are you doing? It’s way past your bedtime.”
I lifted my top lip in a sneer. “I’m not a baby, Luca, I can go to bed when the hell I want.”
He laughed and pushed away from the wall, ruffling my hair into a tangle of knots. “Get some sleep, you don’t want to be tired for school.”
I wish he’d stop parenting me like this. He didn’t need to; he took being a big brother just one overzealous step too far.
“What are you doing anyway?” I went to walk past him, but really needed him to move first.
Blue should not be caught in my room. Not if we both wanted to live. It wouldn’t matter how innocent it was, Luca wouldn’t see it that way.
“I thought I heard a noise.” He flicked his head to the front of the house, but I knew what he meant, he thought he heard a noise at Blue’s.
The words burned me on the way out. Luca just cared about his friend. “I didn’t hear anything, must be that cat hanging round.” I shrugged.
Luca paused, listening. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’m beat, Ly, gonna go crash.”
“Good thing too. You look like shit.” I grinned as he glared, but then another voice piped up and put us both in our places.
“Lyra and Luca, don’t make me come out there and smack you round the back of the head.”
We met one another’s gaze and smiled. “Night, Grams.”
She didn’t answer and Luca slipped into his room, kicking the door shut after him.
Once my heart had calmed, I crept back into my room, softly shutting the door behind me.
Blue’s face hid in the shadows of a frown. “He’ll murder me if he catches me here.”
I shook my head and stepped forward, putting the bowl of water and jar of cotton wool next to where he perched against my desk.
I avoided his gaze while I bent down into the cabinet under my desk and pulled out the bag of salt I kept there. I eyeballed a couple of teaspoons into the bowl of water and then swirled it with my finger.
“You’re only here for help, right?” My words caught slightly on the way out. I dropped a ball of white cotton into the water and watched it expand. Anything other than look at him.
His fingers tilted my chin, lifting my face, his touch like a blast of electricity against my skin.
My lips parted and we watched one another, silence weaving around us.
“My own Florence Nightingale.”
“Exactly.”
His thumb brushed across my cheek, dancing around the line of my jaw. My heartbeat rushed as fast as the ocean over sand.
“Blue.”
“What?” His gaze swirled with dark and forbidden depths.
I leaned forward slightly, the ball floating in saltwater forgotten.
With a shake of his head he went to drop his hand, but I grasped it tight and pushed it against my cheek. “Don’t move.”
’Lyra.” My name whimpered a strangled moan from his lips.
“Shh. Please.” I wasn’t above begging.
Slowly, he dropped his forehead until it rested against mine. Our breath mingled fast and uneven
. His nose slid against my cheekbone, tracing an arc that scorched me down deep. A warm burn ached in the pit of my stomach, my legs weighing heavy.
I’d have done anything for a kiss. Anything.
Paid my soul to the ferryman for one slide of his mouth against mine.
That’s how we stood, neither of us moving, the air ragged and harsh pushed and pulled between our lungs.
Eventually, his face crumpled with a frown. “Do you know how wrong this makes me? How sick?”
“What does?” I knew it, could feel it, but I wanted him to say it out loud. Needed him to speak the truth so I’d finally know I wasn’t going crazy.
“You’re a child.”
“Now,” I countered, but he gave a shake of his head and I could feel the magic between us slipping away too soon.
“When I’m older these few years won’t seem that much between us.” I clutched at straws, desperate to see him admit it was true.
Sure, right now our age was an issue, but in five years, ten years, no one would even notice.
Then he said the one thing that could break any dream I had. “Luca will never allow it. You know that. You’ll always be his little sister, and I’ll always be...” he trailed off, pushing his hand through his hair and then wincing with the movement.
I’d lost the battle tonight anyway; the moment had gone. That deep heat in the pit of my stomach simmered, an angry and dissatisfied beast I didn’t know how to control.
“Sit down, let me help your face.” I motioned toward the edge of my bed, but then froze as his hesitation scored across his face.
“Your virtue is safe with me.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry.”
I wished mine wasn’t, but I knew if I even so much as breathed that reckless thought near him he’d be gone.
He was already a man torn between as it stood.
“It’s not my virtue I’m worried about.” He shook his head, his lips playing a smile at the edges.
“Don’t worry on my account.” My mouth dried. He’d never come so close to admitting he shared my feelings before.
“I shouldn’t have come.” His green eyes grew stormy and dark.
“But you did, because I’m your friend. You wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t need me.”
I went to softly push him back onto the bed, just as his hands reached for my waist.
My breath caught.
Slowly, he lowered his face to the sweep of my shoulder where it met my throat. My heart beat so hard he must have heard its wild song.
He paused there, his nose skimming my skin, inhaling deeply.
“You smell of every dream I’ve ever had,” he whispered.
“What do I smell like?” I could barely force my words into a sentence.
“Like freedom.”
Reaching my fingers for his face, I swept his dark hair back from his bloody brow. “We can both escape here. I know it.”
He smiled, but it shadowed with darkness. “Just you, Lyra Bird.” He pressed a kiss against the bare flesh of my shoulder. “You know I have to stay.”
“You don’t.” I spoke too loud. My eyes widened as footsteps fell on the landing.
“Lyra?” I tried to hold in my snort at Mom. I couldn’t remember the last time she even pretended to give a shit about Luca and me.
Blue’s fingers wrapped around mine.
“Sorry, Mom.” I scrunched my features with my apology. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
Her steps grew closer to the door. “What are you doing in there?”
“Just Beth on the phone. She’s having a crisis.”
“Okay. Keep it down, I need my beauty sleep.” And with that she ended her parenting stint for the week.
Blue’s gaze shadowed. “Think she knows you don’t have a friend called Beth?”
“How do you know?” I leaned into him playfully
But he froze like it doused him in ice. His hand dropped mine. “You’d better clean me up. I’ve got to get up for work in the morning.”
I almost told him to go to hell, but it was Blue. Of course I didn’t.
I cleaned him up, turning the water in the bowl to rust and then watched him silently drop down from the window.
He didn’t say thank you and I didn’t say goodbye.
I climbed into bed with a desperate ache inside of me, and a dark shadow of truth settling on my heart that this couldn’t carry on the way it was.
One way or another something had to give.
I ignored the burn in my stomach still foolishly hanging onto the dream that when I did give in to exploring myself that way it would be Blue who guided me...
And for that thought alone I knew I should probably burn in hell.
Chapter Six
Lyra
“Lyra, where are you going?” I span at the call of my name, staring for an abstract moment at a face I didn’t know. I’d run into a small room off the main hall—chasing past ghosts in halls like a fool.
My pulse thrummed, making nausea roll in my stomach.
Stupid Lyra.
When would I stop looking for him?
He left. Get over it.
“Alex, right?” Slowly my brain focused. The guy with the freckles and toothpaste smile offered me a low bow. We seemed to be in a quiet study room, low foam-backed chairs and tables broke up the small space.
“I feel honored you remember... Collins kid.”
I groaned and his lips curved into the beginnings of a cheeky grin. “Let me guess? Everyone in there knows I’m the Collins recipient?” I said with a deep sigh.
Fucking Grams and her bright ideas. ‘Do this, Lyra... it’s only a one shot, you’ll win it...’
Alex’s gaze swept over my face, and I flinched under the direct scrutiny. Okay, Mister. Stop looking at me now.
“I think so. You’re kind of big news.” He winced like he delivered the death penalty, but his lips still held the smirky grin. “Can’t you hear them all whispering from here?” He laughed, holding his hand to his ear. “Although, I have to say, I think you’re the least vocal Collins undergrad in the history of the award. Normally they like to wear a badge that tells everyone how important they are.”
I straightened up. “And you’d know because?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “Let me guess, this isn’t your first rodeo?” I performed a quick top to toe scan. He looked roughly my age, but then I knew my assessment on such things was marginally skewed. “I figured you’re a freshman too, or are you just repeating the first year over and over again?”
The smirk grew and I pondered whether it was a cute smirk or a punchable one.
Punchable definitely.
He stepped up and I flinched, which made him pause, a frown flickering across his face. He offered his hand, stretching it out to shake mine.
Wait a minute. Hadn’t we done this?
“I’m Alex...”
“Do you have amnesia? Do I need to find the local hospital? We did the hellos already earlier today.” I grinned and pretended to reach for his forehead to check for his temperature.
“…Collins.”
“Wha-at?” My lips pressed together tight.
The cocky smirk grew into a tasty grin. “Alex Collins at your service, madame.”
My brain worked way too slow, made me wonder why I’d even thought college was a good idea. I should have stayed where I was and got a blue-collar job and looked after Grams.
Fuck Jack Cross and the promise he made me make to escape Florida Heights.
A shadow flitted across the open doorway and my spine tingled, a sensation I’d become all too familiar with the last four years. I knew it wasn’t real though. It was simply Hope having a love child with Desperation.
Jack Cross didn’t exist anymore, and if he did, he sure as hell wouldn’t be here.
“Alex Collins?” My forehead scrunched into a headache causing frown. “Coincidence, right?” Surely… right?
“That you’re the Collins kid and I’m a Collins?” T
hat smile of his I’m pretty sure was lethal on girls who weren’t quite as fucked-up as me.
“You’re a Collins?” I just needed to double check. I guess my skepticism painted itself all over my face because he laughed and clutched his hands to his chest.
“Wow. You’re harsh.”
“It’s just…” Just what, Lyra? “If you’re here, why aren’t you the Collins recipient?”
He blew out a breath, making his blond hair lift a little. “Maybe I’m just not good enough.”
I narrowed my gaze and his lips curved again.
“Or maybe my family are a bunch of self-riotous assholes and I don’t want anything to do with them.”
His face didn’t give away anything. “Which one is it?” I asked.
He leaned closer, peppermint drifting across my face. “Maybe you’ll have to find out.”
I stepped back. An automatic reaction, usually because Luca would be lurking around and ready to punch any guy who spoke to me.
Luca isn’t here, Lyra.
I still held back though, and it had nothing to do with Luca, and more to do with my poor damaged and pathetic heart.
“Maybe I should.” My voice lilted an out of tune pitch and he laughed.
“Come, shall we get back and find some alcohol?”
I shrugged. “Sure.” He took my elbow, his fingers cupping my bare skin and he led me back to the main common room. Everyone looked at us as we came in. Eva’s eyes went wide.
Great. Yay for me.
Collins kid, aaannnd the girl to sneak out with a guy moments into the first social event. I wouldn’t need to worry about my rusty violin playing bringing me notoriety. I’d manage that all by myself.
I slipped out of Alex’s grip and headed back to Eva. “Where the hell did you go?” she hissed. “Major codebreaking, ditching me as soon as we were through the door.”
I shifted and glanced back at the door again. “I thought I knew someone.”
“And did you?” She shook her head. I reckoned she was already deciding I didn’t fit in the ‘good friend material’ category. She wasn’t wrong.
“No.”
“And Mr. Sexy Star Quarterback just happened to find you?”
“Jeez, well I didn’t ask him to. Can we just get a drink now?”
