by Anna Bloom
I got up from the chair and drained my coffee before throwing the cup in the trashcan. “Which dorm are you?”
Her mouth flapped, trying to make words.
“Hamilton? Brunel? Livingstone…” I snapped, clicking my fingers like a prime slab of douche.
“Ha- Hamilton.”
I nodded just once and then walked to the door, opening it and holding it for her. I held my breath as she passed. I couldn’t risk getting her scent in my head again.
We walked down the single flight of stairs in silence, one painful step at a time, until we were out in the sunshine.
“Jack?” My name on her lips could crush a weaker man’s resolve.
I set my mouth into a firm press.
“Jack!” Lyra caught my elbow and turned me toward her. “Jack. What are you doing here?”
“What, Lyra? You think you’re the only one who could escape?” Those blue eyes swam with moisture. I leaned closer, taking a dangerous breath of Lyra-scented air. “You aren’t.”
“Where’ve you been? I thought you were dead.” She half-gasped, a hitch to her voice, and her hands pushed against my chest. “So did Luca. He missed you, we both did.”
I narrowed a stare at her. “Sure you did. Or were you hoping I was dead, then you wouldn’t need to remember what we did?”
Her cheeks stained a deep pink, but I walked on. If I had to walk her back, then I’d be getting it done as quickly as possible. I’d got a new life now; one I didn’t intend to mess up. One I probably couldn’t afford to mess up.
I’d seen her now. That was enough.
I tested the walls I’d built around my heart. A battlement that couldn’t be scaled.
Survival was key. Survival meant doing anything it took.
“Blue.” She stalled, my feet reacted and slowed even though my head determined against it. “Your mom…”
“I don’t want to know, Lyra.”
Her face fell, but undeterred, she pulled on my arm. “I don’t understand.”
I glanced down to where the palm of her hand lay on my bare skin, schooling my reactions, forcing my fast heartbeat back down. “Students aren’t supposed to touch staff, Lyra. It’s considered inappropriate.”
The irony. Everything I’d ever felt for this girl hinged on inappropriate.
“Come on. I haven’t got all day.”
She dropped her gaze, focusing on her shoes. All my questions I thought I’d forgotten bubbled to the surface. What’s it like at home? How has she been…? How’s the house next to hers…? I didn’t say a word, bottling them in.
A girl with black hair and tiny shorts ran down the steps as we walked up. Our walk across campus had stretched a hundred years in silence.
Every minute of those hundred years aged me beyond measure.
“Lyra?” The girl skipped down the last few steps, her gaze flitting between us. She grabbed Lyra’s arm. “What’s happened?”
I turned to see Lyra’s chalky skin, her lips pressed into a pale, thin line.
“Who are you?” The girl’s darting gaze evaluated me, scanning a little slower over my arms and chest. So predictable.
“Jack. I’m Greene’s teaching aide.” I smiled at Lyra. “I don’t think she’s feeling very well. Looks like she’s seen a ghost.”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Lyra mumbled as her skin shone with a sheen sweat. A desperately broken part of me wanted to wipe it away.
“See you tomorrow for lectures, Lyra.” I turned on my heel and walked away, refusing to turn until I stalked out of her line of sight. Then I stopped. She bent low, her hands on her knees. She might actually have been vomiting on the path.
I was a bastard, I knew that.
Lyra wasn’t really the problem, and I shouldn’t take it out on her. My issue was with her brother. I’d lost everything because of him, including Lyra herself.
I watched as her new friend rubbed her back, and despite my anger and asshole tendencies, satisfaction that she’d already found a friend settled over me.
Once I would have given anything to be the one to touch her. Turns out I did give everything.
Seeing her again made me learn one startling fact. The last four years had been a tragic waste of time.
She still lived there, under my skin. Her tight grasp on my willpower still capable of bringing me to my knees.
I wouldn’t fall for her now though.
Neither of us could afford for me to fall.
Walking back across campus, I pulled my keys out and listened to the click of the keyless entry unlock the Audi parked in the staff space. Slipping into the leather interior, I inhaled the scent to push Lyra’s floral and sunshine perfume away. Closing my eyes, I squeezed the bridge of my nose.
This was harder than I expected. Much harder.
I glanced in the rearview mirror as I started the engine, ready to reverse out of the parking space. Lyra still stood there, her friend throwing her arms around her and pointing in the direction of the student welfare office.
For a moment I wondered if Lyra had sold me out already. Told people who I really was, and what I was wanted for. But then I remembered that the nurse was in the office and that might be what they were talking about. Intrigued, I watched for another long moment until a tall blond guy jogged up, his hand reaching for Lyra, tilting her face up with a delicate touch.
Fucking Alex Collins.
My blood burned in my veins.
The first day and already a Collins was ruining all my plans.
Chapter Nine
Lyra
I stumbled blindly behind Eva, confused really how she even came to be here. Nothing made any sense.
My brain pulsed empty apart from static and one word: Blue.
Blue.
Not dead.
Alive.
Different.
“Shit, get her some water.” Eva’s voice came in and out of focus like the buzzing of an insect trapped on its back on a windowsill.
I clutched my head.
Blue was here.
And he looked at me like that… like he hated me… like the night he left meant nothing to him.
I gasped air, dragging it down into my tight lungs.
His words came back, haunting me, a ghost of pain. “I don’t want to hurt you, Lyra Bird.” I could remember the sound of my own cried response. “I don’t care, I want your hurt.”
“Lyra?” Alex lowered down into my vision, crouching in a squat so he could look at my face. “You okay there?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I think I might be hungry. I came over a bit faint.”
“You didn’t eat your breakfast?” It took a moment, but then I remembered seeing him as I came out the canteen first thing, what felt like a decade ago.
“No. It’s in my bag.”
He gave a gentle sigh as he took my backpack from where I still gripped it in in my fingers and pulled out the crumpled croissant I’d shoved in there earlier.
Eva thrust a plastic cup of water under my nose. “Wow, Lyra. That was a bit dramatic.”
“Sorry.” I shook my head and took the cup, drinking down some of the cool water.
I wanted to run out the door and search for Blue, just in case it was a dream… what if it was my nightmare and I hadn’t woken up yet?
No… wait… he was never in my dream, only ever the idea of him.
Oh God. He was really here.
I should tell Luca.
No, I shouldn’t. Luca wouldn’t talk about Blue; hadn’t since the night he left.
The room span again, too many thoughts whirling through my brain.
Blue.
I closed my eyes remembering the taste of blood and salt.
Inhaling a deep breath, I snapped them open again. “Sorry, guys.” I tore a piece off the croissant and popped it into my mouth. “I promise to not always be this dramatic.”
Alex chuckled and rubbed my knee through my black jeans. I flinched but then realized it made me look even more idiotic t
han I’d managed so far.
“Okay, I’m feeling better.” I went to stand, waving both of them away when they went to grab my elbows. “Seriously, guys, I’m fine.” And I totally was, if you ignored the wrenching hole in my chest.
“Well thank God for that.” Eva pouted. I might only have known her about thirty odd hours, but I knew she liked to be in the spotlight. Totally fine by me. I’d happily step right aside. “Can we get ready to hit the city now?”
“Sure. What time is everyone leaving?”
“In an hour,” Alex said. “You going to be well enough?”
“Sure.” I just need five minutes alone time to stitch my heart back together. “Where are we going exactly?”
Eva stared at me, probably hoping to hell I wasn’t some geeky law abider.
“All the best places.” Alex winked, and I desperately waited for my body to react, but nothing happened. I mean it’s not like I couldn’t see he was cute.
“Excellent. Let’s go get ready.”
Eva and I headed up the stairs to our room. We didn’t speak. And the further we climbed, the more I wished I could break the silence.
On the turn of the stairs for the fourth floor I couldn’t stand it any longer. “You okay?”
“Sure.”
“It’s just you seem a bit...”
“A bit what?”
“Like I’m experiencing your resting bitch face.”
She cracked a smile, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
“So you and Alex? Already?”
“Oh.” I waved my hand like a flag of surrender. “No way. Jesu—I broke off from taking Christ’s name in vain; Grams would be able to hear me all the way from New Orleans—“Just no.”
“Are you mad? He’s fucking hot as hell.”
“Meh.” I shrugged.
“Meh? You’re describing Alex Collins as meh?”
Guessing the Collins thing was out of the bag, or maybe I misinterpreted him trying to cut me off at the social the night before.
Not the first time I’d misinterpreted signs.
“I wonder why he’s here and they’ve still taken on a full scholarship beneficiary,” I mused.
My lungs screamed in protest against walking and talking up the last few stairs to our floor.
“Because they are insanely rich and can afford to put two kids through college at once.”
I shrugged again. “I mean, I wonder if he actually tried for the scholarship? It’s not just tuition is it.” My cheeks heated.
Eva laughed though. “You mean the fact that you’ll get snapped up by any pick of orchestra in the whole world... that they’ll be begging you to sit in their first chair?”
“Well let’s not embellish the facts. I might not graduate.”
And I might not graduate because my teaching aide is a man I was once dangerously, foolishly, and hopelessly in love with... oh and I can’t play the violin anymore.
Oh God.
What was I doing here?
I hid in the toilet, while Eva changed into an outfit she assured me meant she wouldn’t get carded if we hit up some bars in the city.
Sitting on the closed toilet seat I stared at my phone.
Jack Cross is here. I thought it and my stomach rolled.
Jack Cross is here.
I stared at Luca’s number, wondering whether to call. I’d got as far as scrolling to his name in my limited contacts.
I should.
But then maybe I shouldn’t.
Shit.
A rap knocked against the door which gave me a well needed out from decision making.
“You alive in there?” Eva called.
“Ugh, yeah sorry.”
I had zero excuses for sitting on the toilet that long. This room sharing was awkward as hell.
I splashed some water on my face and grabbed my towel off the hook. Opening the door, I dabbed my skin with the towel. “Decided to start my makeup again,” I offered in way of explanation.
Eva’s eyes lit up. “Can I do it for you? I love doing makeup on people. I always do my best friends.”
“Sure.” For fuck’s sake. I didn’t even wear the stuff.
She gave a little excited bounce and then dragged me over to my bed by the window. “Have you got your own foundation? I don’t think my shade will work.”
I stopped myself from snorting a laugh. Instead crimping my lips into a flat line. “What are you saying?”
Eva’s mouth popped open. “Oh, uh, nothing. I was saying nothing.”
“No, you were.”
She flapped about, pink staining her cheeks. I couldn’t keep it going, it was almost too cruel.
Laughing and punching her lightly on the arm, I said, “I’m kidding. I can’t wear your foundation. It would make me look like Casper.”
“Oh my god, you bitch.” She clutched at her chest. “Fucking hell, I thought you were going to report me for being a racist.”
“Are you?” I arched an eyebrow, curving a smile.
“God, no.” She trailed off, her gaze darting over my shoulder.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bring on a heart attack.” I relaxed my shoulders and squeezed my hands under my legs, so I didn’t cringe when she started her work. “I promise to be good now. But I don’t have foundation, so you’ll have to do without.”
“You don’t have foundation? How do you even live?” She peered at me closer and I shifted under her scrutiny. She loomed so far into my personal space, the smell of her morning coffee tanged the air. “Your skin is amazing, but you need a primer, just anything to act as a protective base.”
My eyes glazed over, my mind drifted... standard MO for girl talk.
“So, if I ask about your crazy coloring are you going to pack a bag and move out?”
I cranked an eye open. “Why would I do that?”
“Well... I don’t know what the right thing to say is anymore.”
“No?” I looked up at her with renewed interest, maybe she wasn’t your standard girly girl, only interested in makeup and boys. Maybe she had an interest in politics, and sociology; maybe she wanted our world to change the way that I did?
Or maybe not.
“Like if you ask if I’m mixed race I’m going to be mortally offended?”
She sighed and smiled small. “You know what I mean.”
I nodded, my throat tightening a little bit.
“You and Luca look very different.” She shrugged, trailing off.
“Definitely brother and sister. We think we are both genetic throwbacks. My grams is African American, lived in New Orleans all her life. Pops was German, I think.” My turn to shrug. “Mom’s skin is darker than mine.” I bit my lower lip. “But honestly, I don’t know my dad. Whether Mom even knew who he was I don’t know. No one talks about it. Luca and I...” I shake my head. “Anyway, let’s just say the Lennox family is a tight nut of unspoken secrets.
She analyzed me, her head tilted to the side. “Well either way, you’re gorgeous, and as for your brother...”
“Hey! Don’t make me pack my bags.”
“Close your eyes.” She grinned and waited for me to comply. “This shouldn’t take long. You’re stunning even without any help.”
I wished I could believe her kind words, but they just rang empty in my ears.
The outside didn’t matter, it’s what was inside that counted. And I was a bad girl. Once I craved things that weren’t mine to have, and the devil had had a hold on me ever since.
And no amount of preaching at Gram’s church was going to make me feel better.
An hour later we were outside Hamilton. Brittany and George waited with us; a massive shame because I’d actually forgotten they existed. I’d forgotten everything in the eclipse that was Blue. He was the moon that blotted the sun.
And he was here.
An unsettled gnaw chewed at my insides. I should have called Luca. He would have driven straight back, I knew it.
“So where exactly are we going?�
� I forced a smile, pulling my leather jacket around my middle against the bite in the air.
A hand landed on my shoulder and I jumped out of my skin, relaxing when Alex’s blond hair drifted into view. The sandy strands were all bedhead messy, and his dark-blue button-down made his freckles stand out. “Exploring, and then drinking.”
Yay. Two of my favorite pastimes… not. I kept my expression carefully neutral.
Alex motioned to three guys standing slightly behind him. “Simon,” he pointed to a long and lanky kid whose baggy jeans hung way below his hips. “Jesse, and you guys met Reyn.” Everyone murmured hellos and I wished to God that I’d stayed in the room.
I should have been practicing for the humiliation that would be tomorrow.
“So where are we going?” Eva almost vibrated as she rocked on her feet.
“I’ll show you the best bits of Back Bay.” Alex had clearly placed himself in charge, like he’d lived here all his life, or owned the place. I didn’t know. Maybe he did?
“And then?” Simon cranked a smile, revealing a perfect dimple on his left cheek. I bet his mama pinched that little dumpling.
“Then I’ll show you the only place to hang out.”
Eva’s nose wrinkled. “I don’t have any I.D.”
“No worries. They let anyone in.”
Eva and I met each other’s gaze. Sounded great.
Alex pulled his phone out and tapped the screen and Brittany moved in, squeezing herself into the space between him and I. That was totally fine by me. “What are you doing?” she asked.
He grinned, serving it up with a hint of danger. “Uber.” He pocketed his phone. “I have good feelings about this year, folks.” he said, and I wished I hadn’t noticed, but I had seen the way his eyes lingered on me.
Back Bay was beautiful. More spacious than I expected. But then after the cramp and dust of New Orleans I guessed anything was going to feel airier. We’d seen the harbor, walked past all the shops that I’d never be able to afford to shop in; all of them closing their doors at the end of the day’s business. I snapped some pictures to send to Luca to show Grams, although I knew he would have to mainly describe them to her, so she wouldn’t have to admit how little she actually could see of them.
