by Millie Gray
*
The Black Prince set sail. Freda, now dressed in flared trousers and a matching top, headed up to the deck to enjoy the view. It had been two hours since she had alighted from the bus and boarded the tender that had shipped her and the other passengers out to the cruise ship. This had been a nerve-wracking experience for Freda. She had struggled to keep her dignity whilst boarding the tender in high-heeled shoes and a skirt that had been donned because it showed off her svelte figure. Unfortunately, the garment was so tight that it did not allow her to jump from space to space, and she was left blushing when she had to hitch it so high that her underwear was visible.
She closed her eyes and drank in the heat of the sun on her face. She was somewhat put out to soon have her peace disturbed by a female voice asking, ‘Are you on your own?’
Freda opened her eyes and was surprised to find that the voice belonged to the woman who had met up with Tommy. ‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘I am alone, but I am not lonely.’
The woman then proffered her hand to Freda. ‘I’m Alana Gowks and I hail from Glasgow’s Kelvinside.’
‘Pleased to meet you. I am Freda Dalgleish.’
‘Yes, I know that, and I also know that you reside in Edinburgh. If you are wondering how I know that . . . well, Tommy told me.’ Freda just shrugged, and Alana continued, ‘Now, be honest and tell me, are you hoping to bag yourself a rich widower husband on this cruise?’
Freda just gasped.
‘Now, if you are, don’t waste your time on Tommy Winters,’ Alana went on. ‘He hasn’t a penny; I paid for his trip on this cruise and, Freda, I should warn you that I like value for my money.’
By now, Freda had recovered from her surprise. Her hackles were up. ‘Alana, I am not here to find a wealthy husband. Why would I do that when I have a husband at home, who may not be stinking rich by your standards, but is very comfortably off? And even if I didn’t, I am no pauper myself.’
‘So, what do you do to be in such an agreeable position?’
‘I am sure you will have heard of A Cut Above, the hairdressing salon of some renown. Well, I have the pleasure of informing you that it is owned by my husband Robin and I.’
Alana looked perplexed. ‘But is Robin Dalgleish not the . . . err, let’s say “special friend” of Billy Stuart?’
This statement wrong-footed Freda, but she was determined to hold her own with this woman, so she sweetly replied, ‘Yes, he is a friend of Billy’s but, more importantly, he is married to me and our union has been blessed with two children.’
‘You do surprise me,’ Alana replied, making no attempt to hide her disbelief.
However, before Freda could continue, she noticed that Tommy was making his way towards them. Alana had her back to him and he signalled with his hands to Freda, mouthing that he would call on her later.
Not wishing to prolong the meeting with Alana, which had been uncomfortable, Freda smiled and said, ‘Ah, here comes Tommy now. However, you must excuse me. As they say, two’s company, three’s a crowd.’ She lifted her hand and waved a happy goodbye to both Alana and Tommy.
Arriving back in her cabin, she decided to have a shower and a rest before she went up for afternoon tea. She had a look at all the meal and snack times and groaned – if she indulged herself at all of them, she would be going home looking like Two Ton Tessie from Tennessee! A little giggle escaped her as she recalled how after the twins were born, it had taken her nearly a year of utter starvation and exercise to get her figure back. She had to look good, as she did today, because she and Robin were running a business that depended on women paying good money to look glamorous and their customers would hardly feel inspired to spend more if their locks were done by a scruffy, overweight has-been.
As the refreshing water cascaded down on her, Freda decided to linger in the shower for a while longer than she normally would. However, all good things must come to an end and when she eventually got out from under the massaging spray, she felt so relaxed that she literally purred. Leisurely, she got herself into her dressing gown, before swathing her wet hair in a towel. Then, to her dismay, a gentle tap sounded on her door. She reckoned that the cautious rapper would be gigolo Tommy. She knew Alana would have told him that Robin was gay, so she suspected that he was eager to find out if Freda was a better meal ticket than Alana. Now, how was she to deal with him? The best way, she reckoned, would be to not open the door. However, after three rat-a-tat-tats, she wrenched the door open in sheer exasperation. She was overcome by terror and panic when the caller forced her back into the cabin. Then, to stop her from screaming out for help, he placed his hand, albeit gently, over her mouth.
Taking his hand away from her mouth, but still holding her firmly to him, he gently murmured, ‘There, there, stop gasping and take deep breaths. Believe me, you have nothing to fear. It’s only me, and you know I would never hurt so much as a hair on your head.’
Freda tried to calm down but the walls of the small cabin seemed to be closing in on her. The height of the man and way he was standing with his back to the door, barring her escape, was so intimidating. Swallowing hard, she decided that she would have to look at the gatecrasher. When her eyes met Ewan’s, her legs buckled. Still firmly holding on to her, he guided her over to the two-seater couch. Once they were both seated, he took her clammy hand in his.
‘Come on now, love,’ he pleaded. ‘I’m sorry to scare you and push my way in, but I knew you wouldn’t let me in otherwise. Try and pull yourself together and at least say you are pleased to see me.’
Slowly but surely, Freda felt her old fighting spirit begin to surge within her. Her vital inner strength flowed back. As soon as she felt capable of retaliating, she grabbed her hand from his grip. ‘Love,’ she hissed, ‘you break in here, clamp your hand over my mouth and nearly suffocate me, then have the audacity to demand that I say I am pleased to see you? Well, I am blooming well not pleased to see you!’ Tears were now brimming, and she sniffed long and hard in an effort to keep them from spilling over. ‘For a start,’ she continued, as her voice cracked with emotion, ‘what on earth are you doing here? And please don’t insult my intelligence by saying that you were only passing by and thought you would look me up!’
‘No, I won’t say that because it would not be true.’ Ewan tried to take Freda’s hand in his again, but she responded by tucking both of her hands under her legs. ‘Freda, I came because . . . I have to ask you to forgive me. Look, I know I got it all so wrong when I came to the shop and asked you if there was any way that we could have a relationship.’ He put up his hands to show surrender. ‘Now, don’t worry, because I have accepted that you will never allow that. I am just a crazy fool chasing rainbows, but when I heard that you were alone on this cruise, I just thought . . . Freda, wouldn’t it be wonderful for us to spend ten days together? Ten days out of a whole lifetime, just you and I . . . Is that too much to ask? While you are thinking about that, might I suggest that you lay your hands in your lap? They will be more comfortable there.’ Her reaction to this statement was to sit up straight and push her hands further under her legs. Ewan shrugged. ‘Have it your way. I am here to tell you that I love you and I wish to have you all to myself, just for ten days. After all, what harm would that do anyone, especially Robin?’
Jumping to her feet, Freda began to thump him on the shoulder. ‘And what exactly do you mean by that?’ she shrieked. ‘Surely you cannot think that Robin, your friend, who was willing to hold out a hand and assist me when I was in deep trouble, is some sort of lesser human being and deserves to be . . . Don’t you understand? Without Robin’s self-sacrificing help, I might not be here! Suicide seemed like my only alternative.’
Ewan nodded.
Tears were cascading down Freda’s face, and she stood back from Ewan before continuing, ‘Know something, you are supposed to be a doctor – someone who helps and heals his fellow mortals – yet you have dared to come here with a crass and stupid assessment of my relationship. For goodness sake, Ew
an, get a grip, and stop taking lessons from your mother!’
Bowing his head, Ewan accepted that he had been an insensitive ass, but he had come here with a purpose: he had to try and salvage the situation between himself and Freda. Raising his head, he whispered, ‘I’m sorry. I know that I, too, should be grateful to Robin for all that he has done for you—’
‘And my children, who have never been cold or hungry and have never doubted that Robin and I love them and work hard to provide the best we can for them.’
Ewan nodded again. ‘Right. I will tell you the truth. I love you and I always have. It is true that I believed that you had . . . well . . . I knew, or wished to believe, that Robin was not the father of your twins, and I thought that—’
‘I was a tart, as your mum and darling Angela both said?’
‘No. I thought that you may have got carried away with someone . . .’
Freda laughed scornfully, shaking her head.
‘Please, Freda, this is all so difficult for me, so don’t interrupt again until I say what I have to.’ Freda nodded, and Ewan went on, ‘Look, I think that you feel the same way about me as I do about you . . .’
Freda inhaled deeply and nodded. However, still being wary, she raised her hand to indicate that he should keep his distance.
Ewan continued, ‘When Robin told me that you had come on this cruise by yourself, I thought this could be a gift for us . . . Ten days might be all we will ever have together, because your first priority is your children. As hard as it is for me to accept, I know that you will never leave Robin. Freda, please try and understand that I just . . . I jumped at the chance to spend time with you. And I promise you, I most solemnly do, that there will be no strings attached. Please, Freda, for ten short days allow me to just be with you . . . Allow me to play make-believe with you.’
‘I trust you are not suggesting that you share my bed?’
‘No. I have a single cabin of my own – true, you wouldn’t be able to swing a cat in it, but I have booked and paid for it. Don’t you see? I just wish to spend precious time with you. Dance with you, go on the excursions with you . . . I promise you that I will not ask for anything more than to be in your company.’ Ewan’s eyes met Freda’s, beseeching her. He sought her hand again, and this time she allowed him to take hold of it. He raised it to his mouth and tenderly kissed her open palm. ‘Freda,’ he whispered, ‘please, please let us grab this chance at happiness.’ Freda started to shake her head. Quickly, in order not to lose the momentum he had gained, Ewan added hopefully, ‘Let me reiterate that nothing will happen between us on this holiday, unless the advance comes from you.’
A long silence fell in the cabin. Both were thinking about just how much they had always desired that the other would love them. Freda knew that she would never know the joy of being Ewan’s wife, so would it be so wrong to steal the next ten days and make them their special time? Indeed, who would ever know? Most importantly, who would it actually hurt? The only problem for Freda – and it was a big one – was that before the attack and ever since, she had not been intimate with anyone. Now, the very thought of allowing anyone, even Ewan, that close to her filled her with revulsion and self-loathing.
Lifting her eyes to meet Ewan’s imploring gaze, Freda began to weaken in her resolve to reject his proposal. She had always loved and desired him, and he had made a promise that she knew he would keep. There would be no strings attached, and he would only cross the line if she gave the signal.
She was surprised to hear herself say, ‘Okay, let’s give it a try. But you have—’
She was interrupted by another soft rat-a-tat-tat on the door.
‘Who will that be?’ Ewan asked.
‘Well, unless one of us opens the door, we will never know,’ Freda retorted.
Freda had the door only slightly ajar when Tommy stuck his foot over the threshold. ‘Freda,’ he hurriedly began, ‘I just wanted to explain about . . .’ His words died in his mouth when he became aware of Ewan’s presence.
‘Tommy,’ Freda began blithely, ‘please let me introduce my very good friend, Ewan Gibson. He is going to be my companion for the rest of the cruise. Now, is there something I can do for you?’
‘No. Not really,’ Tommy blustered. ‘I only wished to make sure that you knew that afternoon tea will be served in the bar area in half an hour.’
Then, without uttering another word, he did an about-turn and fled from the cabin.
‘Who was he?’ Ewan asked.
‘Just a gigolo that kept me company for a couple of days, until his first-class meal ticket turned up and I was’ – she started to laugh – ‘saved from telling him that I am not that kind of girl!’
*
The memory of the Canaries cruise would stay with Freda always, because it was like living in a dream.
On day one, Freda said goodbye to Santa Cruz de Tenerife and the island of Tenerife itself, and hello to ten days of having Ewan all to herself. For the rest of her life she would, with affection, recall their trips from the ship to Lanzarote, Fuerteventura, Gran Canaria and Lisbon. They spent wonderful days strolling hand in hand, sometimes sightseeing and sometimes just sitting together, enjoying being a couple. Sipping a coffee or a cooling drink at a wayside café, they would watch the world pass by and wish the day would never end.
However, it was Madeira and its laid-back capital of Funchal that Freda would never, ever forget. Looking back later, Freda had to admit that she had been intoxicated by the perfume of the beautiful and exotic subtropical flowers and fruit that grew there. As the magic of mystical Madeira seeped into her being, she began to wonder what it would feel like to make love to the man she loved. She became so exhilarated by the thought that she could even picture herself slowly awakening from sleep to find him lying beside her. She still experienced a sickening feeling whenever her old demons surfaced, but when they did they were soon banished by the sight of Ewan’s wonderful smile, which stretched the very cute dimple on his chin. Freda accepted that magical Madeira had completely bewitched her and perhaps, just maybe, it was time for her to satisfy her longings . . .
To be truthful, they were both reluctant to leave Madeira – the two wonderful days in that port were enough time for it to get under their skin. However, when they got back on board the Black Prince, a steward reminded them that it was the special Captain’s Dinner that evening. For the event, you had to put on your very best glad rags and have your photograph taken when being welcomed by the captain.
Freda was still so relaxed that she enjoyed every minute of the evening. The entertainment was just superb and as they had been taught dance at school in Leith, as well as at the Palais de Danse in Fountainbridge and the Eldorado Ballroom in Leith, she and Ewan were both accomplished modern and Scottish country dancers. Indeed, when they took to the floor for ‘Strip the Willow’, they were the champions. As Ewan birled and twisted Freda up, down and through their partners in the reel, the sensual longings she had experienced in the morning began to resurface.
Arriving back at their table, Ewan asked Freda if she would like another soft drink, as she did not drink alcohol. To his surprise, she did not sit down again. Trying hard not to look directly at him, she said, ‘Why don’t we have our nightcaps in my cabin?’
Ewan’s response was to put the index finger of his right hand in his ear and waggle it. ‘Tell me that I am not dreaming and that you really have just asked me to a pyjama party.’
‘Pyjama party?’ Freda almost shouted, looking quickly about to make sure that no one was listening. ‘I am just asking you to have a private goodnight drink with me.’
‘Oh, so I shouldn’t go back to my cabin and collect my nightclothes?’
‘No,’ Freda replied tersely.
The music started up again and as Ewan swept her onto the floor to enjoy a waltz, Freda leant in close to him and murmured, ‘Ewan, please don’t walk from your cabin to mine with your pyjamas in your hands.’
‘Would it be okay if
I ran and collected my toothbrush? I promise you, I will hide it away in my dinner jacket pocket.’
‘Before you get carried away, there are things I have to make you aware of.’
They had only just opened the door to her cabin when Freda began to get cold feet. She couldn’t believe that she had actually led Ewan to believe that she would allow him to . . . As they began to run their hands over one another, Freda flared up with embarrassment. Her face was on fire and as scarlet as her lips, and she began to back away from Ewan.
‘Changing your mind?’ Ewan asked as he closed the door behind them.
‘Please try and understand that because of what happened to me, I find it difficult to even be alone with a man. As for love-making, I have’ – she was now crying softly – ‘no experience.’
‘Okay. Now, here’s what I propose. We will take it slowly, step by step. Tonight we will just laugh and talk. Then, when we get into bed together, we will just cuddle.’
Freda relaxed. The plan seemed so sensible. However, plans do not always follow the path that they should; by the rosy dawn, Freda was no longer afraid to be alone with Ewan, and her demons had been well and truly slain.
The rest of their holiday was like a honeymoon. True, they had not been churched, but as far as they were concerned they had grabbed the chance to experience what life could have been like. They were so besotted with each other that they were oblivious to everyone else on board with them. The three-day sail to Southampton more than fulfilled the dreams Freda had once had of what being loved by Ewan would be like. He was a gentle, considerate lover, and he gave her a sense of healing and well-being. For Ewan, their union was so perfect that it filled him with the desire to try and persuade Freda to leave Robin and marry him. This was now his burning objective but, as he did not wish to break the magic of the spell that seemed to be surrounding them, he decided not to broach that subject until they were off the ship and homeward-bound.
