by Millie Gray
Robin stopped his daydreaming and focused on Ewan. ‘It can’t be that he didn’t leave enough to pay for his funeral?’
‘No. To be truthful, he didn’t really get around to spending much of your money. Five hundred he gave to Susan—’
‘Aye, I know that, and she is going to book a sunshine break on the Costa Brava for her and Ellen. Costa Brava . . . and neither of them know that it’s me that’s bankrolling their jaunt!’
‘Then there were the funeral costs, which he paid in advance. Now, before you say anything, he selected the coffin. He thought that as he never had the best in life, he should have the very best in death. Pity there was only five of us to see him go in such opulence.’
Looking happy and expectant, Robin chirped, ‘So, you managed to salvage at least two thousand pounds of my money for me?’
‘Not exactly.’
Robin stood up and made a grab for Ewan’s tie. He screeched, ‘Just what do you mean by “not exactly”?’
Pushing Robin back down, Ewan said quietly, ‘You remember how I told you that we are hoping to have a St Columba’s Hospice up and running next year? Down Trinity way, it is going to be—’
‘So?’
‘Robin, try and understand.’
‘Understand what?’
‘Drew was so pleased with the nursing care that he received at Corstorphine. Every single member of staff was so good to him and they kept him free of pain. So when he was told that they were trying to raise funds to build and equip the new hospice—’
‘Don’t tell me. I am not hearing right, am I?’
‘Yes, you are. You see, Robin, Drew’s dying wish was to donate all that was left in the bags you gave him to St Columba’s Hospice, to help them start up!’
Fourteen
October 1976
October is one of the months in the year when there is still heat in the sun but you are aware, as the days grow shorter and the nights darker and longer, that the chill of winter is just around the corner.
However, not even the approaching winter could dampen the enthusiasm of Freda, Hannah and the children as they strolled along the beach at good old Portobello. The sun was high in the sky and the clear, buoyant surf seemed to fill them with energy.
As was usual now, Hannah spent every Saturday with Freda and the children. This arrangement was not planned; it just seemed to happen. Freda was well aware that because she had been there when Freda went into labour with Poppy, Hannah felt that she had the right to act as Poppy’s surrogate mother – even when Freda was there. Furthermore, without her saying so, Freda knew that Hannah had given up on finding a suitable man who would wish to marry her. It is true that in life we sometimes have to stand back and watch family members or friends suffering. Freda had always felt Hannah’s anguish. If she could have, she would have waved a wand and given Hannah the means to have a child and the opportunity to have a loving, meaningful relationship with a man. She had lost count of the number of times she had wished that she could purchase a uterus for Hannah. However, whilst this expenditure was within Freda’s means now, medical science was not quite that advanced – yet.
Jet made a beeline for the crashing waves and Harry pursued her. Then, as she felt that she should be wherever Harry was, Poppy also started for the shoreline.
Hannah and Freda called out in unison, ‘Harry, Poppy, come back! The sea is too rough for paddling in today.’ Unfortunately, their words were hushed by the howling of the wind, which had grown energised. Grabbing each other’s hands, Freda and Hannah started to run after the children.
Letting go of Hannah’s hand, Freda stopped. She was staring at Poppy, who had turned and was now racing towards a silhouette that had called out to her. As the sun was blinding her, Freda was not sure who this person was – although she did think it was a man. Poppy, on the other hand, seemed to know the person; she was obviously eager to go towards them. Sheer panic gripped Freda. Someone was going to steal her child!
Poppy was just a few yards from the person when he leapt forward and scooped her up into his arms. ‘You, you, you!’ Freda thought she heard Poppy chant. Then, when she became aware who the person was, Freda drew up abruptly. Her panic turned to anger. Why was it, she thought, that Poppy was so attracted to Ewan? Whenever he was in their company she would scramble up onto his knees and scrunch up her little body in delight. His name was one of the first that she tried to say. It was her shortening of ‘Ewan’ to ‘Ewe’ that made Freda realise that, unconsciously, Poppy knew that Ewan was more than the ‘uncle’ she saw from time to time.
Ewan was now facing Freda. She spoke first, ‘Now, please do not insult my intelligence and say that you thought you would go and have a wander on the beach and – low and behold! – you bumped into us by accident!’
‘No,’ Ewan replied. ‘My neighbour isn’t well and, as Saturday is a day off for me, I offered to walk his dog.’
It was then that Freda noticed a huge, ugly, shaggy animal bounding towards her. Before the beast had even leapt at her, she had started to topple over. Rolling in the wet sand, Freda tried to distance herself from what she thought could be a lion. Gasping, she mumbled, ‘Good grief, what kind of an animal is this? Is it a lion or something like that?’
‘A lion! Don’t be ridiculous. He’s a Leonberger Mastiff, and the only danger you face is being licked to death!’
Freda was not amused. Getting to her feet, she advanced towards Ewan. ‘Is that right? Well, let me tell you that I am not amused and I do not buy your cock-and-bull story.’ She huffed and puffed, starting to prod Ewan’s shoulder with her right index finger. Then, as sheer, uncontrollable frustration bubbled, she spat, ‘You promised that you would not seek Poppy out and—’ Hannah, who was pulling Jackie and Harry along by the hand, was now within earshot, so Freda’s final words had to be choked back.
Ignoring Freda’s hostility, Ewan smiled at Jackie and Harry. ‘No need to be afraid. He’s a friendly dog. He doesn’t know his own strength, so he likes throwing his weight about.’ Ewan bent down to clap the beast on the back. ‘Harry, his name is Napoleon.’
Looking askance at the dog, Hannah said, ‘Well, to be truthful, Ewan, if I saw him bounding towards me I would just freeze, and I am not a child.’
‘Come on now, Hannah, are you really saying that you would be scared of this pussycat?’ Ewan teased, ruffling the dog’s coat again.
Meanwhile, Freda’s thoughts were in turmoil. To be truthful, it was not only Poppy who wished to hurl herself into Ewan’s arms. It was Freda too. She knew that she had to keep him at a safe distance. Whenever she was close to him, she wished that she had never met him yet she was always unprepared for the sense of loss she experienced when she did not see him. Their affair had been brief – too brief – and yet the consequences would live with them forever, through Poppy.
‘Right,’ Freda heard herself say, after deciding that she required some distance between herself and Ewan, ‘we have to get going. Daddy and I have to leave at six o’clock for Glasgow, and we won’t be back until lunchtime tomorrow.’ Feeling it was necessary to explain, she quickly added, ‘It is the Scottish Hairdressers’ Association annual dinner tonight. Robin will have a couple of social refreshments, so he may be over the drink-driving limit and I do not like driving in the dark.’
Ewan was now looking at Hannah. ‘So Hannah, I take it you are childminding?’
‘Yes!’ Hannah squealed, hunching her shoulders in delight. ‘And, as Freda just said, overnight, too!’
‘Would you like a hand?’ Ewan asked. ‘I will be at a loose end once I have taken Napoleon back to his master.’
Hannah beamed and clapped her hands. ‘That would be just super.’
‘Hope you like macaroni cheese, because that’s what Mum has made for our tea!’ Harry piped up.
‘Sure do, Harry,’ Ewan replied. ‘Know something, I can never say no to a plate of macaroni cheese.’
*
Ewan wished that the evening would go
on forever. He loved being ‘Dad’. He helped his two-year-old daughter feed herself before bath time, which was an hour of laughing and splashing that he hoped would never end. It was such a privilege to have Poppy all to himself that he was loathe to take her out of the bath.
Hannah called out, ‘For goodness sake, Ewan, take Poppy out of the bath! The twins have to get washed too and it is now eight o’clock. Wrap Poppy in a bath towel, then top up the bath with some hot water and throw Harry in.’
‘What about Jackie? Shall I put her in too?’
‘No. Three weeks ago, Jackie decided that she likes clean water. Now she washes herself – with the door shut and locked, of course!’
By nine o’clock, the children were in bed. Ewan had read a bedtime story to Poppy, who fell asleep before the end. Then it was Harry’s turn, and he insisted that his story was an animal tale. Naturally Jackie decided that, as she was ever so grown up, she would read Enid Blyton’s Famous Five books to herself.
Once Jet was positioned in the hallway, guarding the bedroom doors, Hannah felt it was time for a well-earned breather.
‘Can I make you some tea and toast before you go?’ Hannah asked Ewan.
‘Pushing me out the door, are you?’
‘No, but I do know that you only came to be with . . .’ She nearly said Poppy, but caught herself at the last moment and instead added diplomatically, ‘The children. Now that they are asleep, I am going to have a bath and curl up on the couch and watch’ – she thought for a minute – ‘The Bionic Woman, because one day I hope to become one!’
Ewan laughed. ‘Hannah, straight up, you are so good with Freda’s children – have you never thought of marrying and having kids of your own?’
Hannah did not wish to answer this question, so she sidestepped it. ‘Well, Ewan, as you are so hooked on playing “Daddy”, why don’t you put an end to Angela’s agony and get married and have your own wee ones?’
A long, uneasy silence fell between them. It was then that Ewan remembered what Freda had confided to him about Hannah not being able to have any children of her own. He cringed because in no way had he meant to hurt or embarrass Hannah. He was just about to apologise to her when the doorbell shrilled, startling both of them.
Rising, Hannah said, ‘It can’t be Ellen – she goes to the British Legion Club on a Saturday night and that goes on at least until midnight.’ She went to the window and opened the curtains to look at the doorstep. ‘Oh bother, it’s the police. Bet you that one of the shops has been broken into!’
On hearing Hannah say ‘police’, Ewan stepped out of the room to open the outside door.
‘Sorry to bother you, sir,’ the male officer said, ‘but is this the home of Robin and Freda Dalgleish?’
‘Yes, but they are attending a function in Glasgow tonight . . . Am I able to assist you?’
‘Could we come in?’ the female officer asked.
‘Certainly.’ Ewan led the two officers into the lounge.
Without any prelims, the female officer said, ‘I am WPC Shona Mackay of Lothian and Borders Police, and my colleague is Sergeant Green.’
Hannah was now wary. She knew that there were very few female officers in the force, and they were usually restricted to dealing with shoplifting, child abuse and the delivery of bad news.
‘And you are?’ WPC Mackay was looking questioningly at Hannah and Ewan.
‘I am Hannah Lindsey and my friend here is Dr’ – she thought that she should emphasise that Ewan was a doctor – ‘Ewan Gibson. We are childminding this evening . . . Well, to be correct, I am childminding. Ewan is about to go home.’
The sergeant now took over. ‘The children are in bed?’
‘Yes . . . What is this all about?’
‘How old are they?’ the sergeant continued, ignoring Hannah’s question.
‘Harry and Jackie are nine years old. Poppy turned two in the summer.’
‘Are you saying that Harry and Jackie are both nine years of age?’ the female officer enquired.
‘They are twins,’ retorted Hannah.
The sergeant gave the WPC a warning glare. ‘Look, Miss,’ he said to Hannah. ‘I have to be sure we are at the correct address, because we have very bad news to deliver.’
Before the sergeant could go on, Hannah rose from the couch. She heard herself scream, ‘What do you mean?’ She was now panicking. ‘Ewan, ask this man to stop beating about the bush and tell us exactly why he is here!’ she cried.
Ewan went over and sat Hannah down again. ‘There, there, Hannah. Just breathe. Deep breaths.’ He then looked imploringly at the sergeant.
‘Sir,’ the sergeant said quietly, ‘I am very sorry, but there has been a major road accident on the Edinburgh to Glasgow road, just at the junction of Harthill.’
Hannah was now pulling at Ewan’s shirtsleeve. ‘Is he saying that Freda and Robin have been hurt and are now in hospital?’
Ewan looked directly at the sergeant, who was now just shaking his head. Taking hold of Hannah’s two hands, Ewan squeezed her fingers tightly. ‘I think what the sergeant is trying to say is that it is more serious than that.’
Hannah’s tormented gaze was now on the WPC, silently imploring her to deny what Ewan was saying.
‘Sorry, Miss,’ the WPC began, ‘the driver of a lorry carrying a skip lost control, and he veered into the other side of the road . . . No motor car, not even a brand new Cortina Mark IV, would have stood a chance.’
Gulping, Ewan asked, ‘Were they both . . . ?’
The sergeant nodded. ‘It would have been instantaneous . . . I do not know if it is of any comfort to you, but they would not have felt a thing.’
Nothing except blind terror, Ewan thought, when they realised that they were leaving their children behind.
‘Are their parents still alive?’ the sergeant then asked. Nodding, Ewan gave him their details. The sergeant and the WPC then got up to leave, to go and inform Ellen, Moira and Stevie of the sad news.
In the hall, the sergeant turned to Ewan and Hannah and said, ‘I don’t know if this will mean anything to you, but when the emergency services got to the lady they noticed that at the moment of impact she must have raised her left hand to her right shoulder in a sort of salute.’
Hannah turned away from the officers. She knew that Freda must have thought of her precious dad in her final moments. Well, who was to say that he hadn’t come to escort her to the world beyond?
When the officers closed the door behind them, Ewan fell against it. His whole body shook with sobs. Was ten days really all he was ever to have with the one woman he worshipped? Hannah didn’t hear his anguish for she was too absorbed in her own pain, her body convulsing with grief. Freda had been her confidant. Without her, life had lost all its sweetness.
The rest of the night would always remain a mystery to Hannah. She knew that Freda’s mother, Ellen, arrived, accompanied by her son, Stuart. Moira and Stevie followed a few minutes later. They were all in a state of shock, babbling incoherently. This was no wonder; Hannah couldn’t even begin to imagine how they felt about the sudden loss of Robin and Freda. It was not until someone suggested that the children should be awakened and told of the accident that Hannah pulled herself together. She was adamant that the children should be left to sleep until the morning. Thankfully, Ewan agreed with her. Their next problem, as they saw it, was what would they tell Poppy? She was only two years old and would not understand. Shaking his head, Ewan declared that, should it be necessary, he would explain to her that Mummy and Daddy loved her very much but had to go away.
Before breakfast, Harry and Jackie were told about the accident. Sidling over to sit beside Hannah, Harry reached for her hand and mumbled through his tears, ‘Please, Aunty Hannah, tell me that it wasn’t too sore for them?’
Taking him up on her knees, Hannah replied, ‘No. They didn’t feel a thing.’
‘And what is going to happen to us? Poppy is only two and too wee to go into a home.’
; ‘Darling, the three of you will not be parted. Believe me, there is no way that any one of you will end up in care.’ She then sat Harry further up on her knee, turning him around so that he could see his grandparents, uncles and aunts. ‘Look at all these people. They will all be fighting to get custody of you. I promise that you will stay in your home here, go to the same school and have your same pals. We all love you and we will do our best for you.’
Poppy was sitting on Ewan’s knee, unconcerned and enjoying seeing all the people in her home. However, it was as if she knew that Harry needed comfort. ‘Harry,’ she cooed, stretching out her arms to him, ‘come here!’
Once Harry was settled beside Poppy on Ewan’s knees, Hannah looked about for Jackie. She was surprised to find that Jackie had gone into the garden.
Jackie was sat on a bench, her shoulders hunched and her arms wrapped around her knees. Hannah approached quietly and sat down on the hard bench beside her.
‘Jackie,’ she began softly, ‘how are you?’
‘I want my mummy. And if I can’t have her, I want to run and run and run away.’
Hannah was stunned; she just didn’t know what to say. Thankfully, Angela arrived. She had come out into the garden seeking Hannah, but she went over to Jackie and encircled her in her arms. ‘It’s all right to cry,’ she said. ‘You have a right to say that it is not fair. I know that you are worried, but we will all be here for you until things get sorted out.’
Jackie slumped against Angela. The sounds of the birds singing in the garden were drowned out by her heart-rending cries.
Angela had just got Jackie composed when Ewan came out of the house. He felt that the children needed a break from all the grief, so he suggested taking them over to the park.
Ewan and the children had just departed when Angela turned to Hannah. ‘I can’t imagine how you are feeling,’ she said. ‘You and Freda had such a special relationship. You will never know how much I envied that – how much I wished I could have been included.’
Hannah looked startled. ‘But you could have been. You were the one who made us feel second class. You had everything–’
