"I think–"
She waved away my rebuttal. "That's your problem, Em. You're always thinking. There are times when your brain is going to get you in trouble. This is one of them. Because there is no logical reason to fall in love, my friend. There is no logical reason to ever trust another human being. But we do it anyway. We do it against all evidence because our hearts tell us to."
I tried to open my mouth to speak but she held up her hand and shook her head.
"You'll get to speak when I'm done. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that if you followed your heart all the time, you'd be a brokenhearted mess. Well...sometimes that happens. Sometimes we misjudge and we get a slap-down in return." Her expression softened and she patted my hand again. "And I know that you've had more than your share of that. I know that you've tried to believe but life has knocked you down more times than you can count. You're battered, bruised, and exhausted. But being a human in this world means you have to get back up again. You have to fight."
I wanted to but she was right. I was tired.
"Why can't it be easy?"
I hadn't even realized I was speaking until the words were out. More like a whine than an actual statement.
"Because nothing worth it ever is," she sighed. "It's sucks, doesn't it? But that's the way. Look at Mia and Josh or me and Kyle. It didn't come easily. We had to fight for our happily ever after and you do, too."
"Shelby and Brad–"
"Don't," she said sharply. "Don't go there. Shelby ignored warning sign after warning sign. We saw it and didn't say a word. We're complicit. But you are not Shelby and Owen is not Brad."
We were guilty and would have to live with that.
"I wanted to take a chance with Owen. I tried to do that. Just like Shelby's book said to."
Understanding crossed Ashlyn's features. "You took advice from Shelby and then when her relationship fell apart it gave you doubts. That explains so much. Shelby is probably the one person on the planet whose advice you would actually listen to."
That wasn't true.
"Uh...I'm kind of listening to you now."
"You have to admit that's not your usual modus operandi."
"Are you calling me a know-it-all?"
"Yes," Ashlyn answered with a kind smile. "But only in the nicest and sweetest way."
Sometimes I wished my friends would lie to me more often.
"I'm not sure one can be a sweet know-it-all but thank you for that." I paused and took another fortifying sip of my coffee. Slowly but surely, I was beginning to feel more human-like. "I do like to be right."
"You do, but then I guess we all do. Your need is simply stronger. I've always put that down to your childhood."
"Middle child syndrome? You sound like Shelby."
And Owen.
"I'll take that as a compliment, and yes, middle child syndrome. You were praised for being practical, efficient, and smart. That's not a bad thing but I think in your mind you might have taken it a bit too far. You seem to think that those are your best qualities."
"They are my best qualities. It sure isn't my singing."
Ashlyn slapped her hand over her mouth and laughed. "You are a terrible singer but efficiency is not your best quality."
Okay, I'll bite. She wanted me to ask, obviously.
"What is my best quality?"
"Your heart. Your warm, loving, and generous heart. You stomp around with that resting bitch face scaring everyone in your path but you're actually a teddy bear filled with fluff. You want people to think you're formidable, and you are, but you're also the best friend anyone could ever hope to have. I know that if I called in the middle of the night and told you to bring a shovel, you'd bury the body and we'd never speak of it again."
Shit, now I was all choked up with tears. I didn't want to cry.
"Even now," Ashlyn went on, "you don't want to show any weakness. It's okay if you want to shed a tear or two. I won't tell anyone."
"So what you’re basically saying is that I'm a freakin' mess. If I were a man, I'd want to stay far away from me. I don't have a clue as to what to do or how to act."
"I think Owen, or any guy for that matter, would be lucky to have you love him. Because you're the type that once you fall in love, that will be it. It's forever."
In the time that Owen and I had been together I'd begun to believe that as well.
"I wanted to love Owen. I wanted...to believe in him. And us." I stood, wanting to fill my empty coffee cup. "But I don't know anything about this magic of love. I don't think I know anything about love at all. I'm love-deficient."
"That's where you are wrong. The fact that you wanted to set aside your cynicism for Owen and believe in the two of you is a huge step. I've never heard you talk like that before. See? The magic even worked on you."
Had it? I didn't feel any different. If you didn't count the horrible hangover I currently had. But...
"It doesn't matter anyway. It's too late. He's with her and he's happy."
Ashlyn lifted the coffee cup out of my hand just as I was going to reach for the still warm pot. "Do you hear yourself? Emerson Grant never gives in or gracefully accepts defeat. She fights for what she wants. She takes chances. Like when you opened your business. Everyone told you that you'd regret it but you made them eat their words. It's time to take another chance."
That sounded scarier than jumping out of a plane with only a tiny parachute.
"I'm not sure I can do that."
"I know that you can," Ashlyn replied firmly. "You'll never have what you want unless you take a chance. Do you want Owen?"
"Yes."
"Then you're going to have to go after him. What's the worst thing that could happen?"
Holy hell, did she really just ask that question?
"Complete and utter humiliation."
I wasn't sure I could handle Owen turning away from me, telling me that he didn't love me after all.
"You're already hungover from drinking too much because of him. Really, when you think about it, you've hit rock bottom. There's no way to go but up."
"There's another woman," I pointed out. "What about her?"
"What about her?" Ashlyn shot back. "He can't be in love with her because he told you that. Maybe she's a friend or a coworker. Maybe she's a rebound, but he can't have deep feelings for her. If he does, then you're better off without him. Is he the type of guy who flits from female to female?"
No, he wasn't which made last night all the more strange.
"He was pretty mad when he walked out. I doubt he'd take my call."
Scrunching up her face, Ashlyn thought for a moment. "We're going to need a plan. You need to do something big to show him that you're sincere. Like how I flew to Seattle to be with Kyle."
"My brain isn't working well right now. I can't think of anything."
"I can. I know just what you can do."
Ashlyn and I both whirled around when we heard that voice. Shelby. She was standing in the kitchen doorway looking only slightly better than myself.
"How long have you been standing there?" I asked. "You're sneaky."
Shelby stepped farther into the room, holding onto the island for support. "Long enough to know that you need a big gesture. I can help with that. I have an idea."
I was always afraid when Shelby had ideas. Everyone was. I was also desperate enough to do it.
"Let's hear it," Ashlyn said, reaching for another cup in the cabinet. "Do you want some toast to go with your coffee?"
"We need the usual hangover remedy," Shelby said, authority in her tone. "What time does the diner open?"
My stomach lurched at the mere thought of what Shelby was talking about. She thought hangovers could be cured with greasy diner food. Lots of it.
"It's open now," Ashlyn replied. "I'll give them a call. What else are we going to need?"
I feared this answer. Great fear.
"I'll go into it as soon as I've showered and eaten." Shelby looked at me. "A
re you in?"
Yes. I wanted a chance with Owen, even if it meant more heartbreak. And diner food.
"I'm in. But I do have a question."
Shelby accepted the coffee cup from Ashlyn. "Shoot."
"Does anyone know where my shoes are?"
Chapter 28
Owen
Teri, an admin, poked her head into my office interrupting my afternoon of doing absolutely nothing. I'd been about as productive as a statue today.
"Dr. Shelby Kelly is on line two. Do you want me to take a message?"
I'd basically told Teri that I didn't want to talk or see anyone today. I wasn't in the best of moods even after Carly had set me straight last night. Fear didn't put me in the best of moods and I was terrified. I was going to call Emmy tonight and ask her to see me so we could talk.
If she didn't hang up on me. Carly assured me that I had a good chance of patching things up. I hoped she was correct.
This was interesting, though. Shelby had called the office on occasion but not often. Did this have to do with Emmy? My heart dropped to my stomach. Was she okay? Had something happened?
"I'll take that call, Teri. Put her through. Thanks."
"Owen? Hi, this is Shelby."
I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder, my heart still beating like a bass drum in a marching band. "Hi, Shelby. What can I do for you?"
I'd wanted to ask straight out if Emmy was okay but I didn't even know if that was why Shelby was calling. Maybe she simply wanted me to pen the forward to the book Emmy had talked about.
"I know this is last minute but I'm hoping you can help me. I really need to talk to you. Do you think we could meet for a drink?"
I couldn't contain the question. I needed to know. "Is this about Emmy? Is she okay?"
"She's fine," Shelby answered swiftly. "I mean, she's upset, of course, but she's fine. No, this is about me and my...situation."
I could breathe easier knowing that Emmy wasn't hurt or sick.
If this didn't have anything to do with Emmy then it appeared that Shelby wanted to speak to me in a professional capacity. Did she want to talk or perhaps she wanted to use my dating service? Either way I would help her. She'd been through the wringer in the last week or so.
"Of course, I'll meet you for a drink. You name the place and time."
"Why don't we meet at the fountain downtown? There are several places near there. About six?"
"Perfect. I'll be there."
Then I'd go home and call Emmy.
Emmy
I was sweating through my blouse, a sheer black number with pink polka dots. I was wearing it over a black camisole that was currently sticking to my back and making me uncomfortable. The temperature of the bar was damn near freezing but I was still glowing as Ashlyn liked to call it. At this rate, I was going to look like I'd jumped in a lake with my clothes on.
"I'm so fucking nervous," I said through gritted teeth. Otherwise they'd chatter from complete and total terror. "Why did I ever tell Shelby about my date here with Owen? Better question... Why did I agree to do this?"
Ashlyn handed me a bottle of water. I'd begged for booze but she'd said that I needed to keep a clear head. Bitch. She was probably right but I could have used a shot of whiskey right about now.
I was off tequila for awhile after last night.
"Because you want Owen to see that you've changed," she explained patiently. "That you're willing to take chances."
"It's those people in the audience that will have taken the big chance when I start belting out a tune. They'll cover their ears and run screaming from the building."
Ashlyn simply smiled and patted my shoulder. "As long as Owen stays then it's okay."
"I might make the news. I can see the headlines now. Local woman's singing forces audience to gouge out their eardrums. People flee to the hills."
"We're in the middle of the prairie. There are no hills."
She was right. The biggest hill we had was in the park and people sled down it when it snowed but no one was going to be able to hide in it. Or even behind it.
I took a big gulp of water. "It's going to be fine."
"Of course, it is. I wouldn't let you do anything stupid. You're my friend."
"If you're my friend, explain to me how I got here again because I still can't believe that I agreed to this."
This was the karaoke bar that Owen and I had visited with Lisa and Dan.
The plan was that Shelby would lure Owen here on the pretense of needing his professional advice.
The action was that I would go up onstage and sing a love song dedicated to Owen despite the fact that I sounded like a cat dying in an alley.
The hoped result was that he would be so overwhelmed by my stupidity that he'd give our relationship another chance.
Hey, it worked in the movies...
When Shelby had described her little plan, I had been wholeheartedly against it. There simply had to be another way. I'd proposed showing up at his house with dinner and wine, asking him if we could talk but both Ashlyn and Shelby had been horrified by that suggestion.
What if he had a female there?
I could call first?
Shelby insisted that I had to make a grand gesture to show how much I've changed. To show that the magic of love had done its work on me, too. Eventually they'd worn me down so here I was, standing in the wings of the stage waiting for Owen to show up.
And seriously thinking about fleeing for those hills I'd mentioned earlier. This was not going to go well. Owen was going to think I'd lost my mind and the only thing that was going to come from this was I'd be barred from all karaoke bars for a hundred-mile radius.
Ashlyn pointed to a table on the other side of the room. "There he is. Owen and Shelby have arrived. I'll let the manager know you're ready."
But I wasn't ready. Not at all.
Pressing a hand to my chest, I could feel my heart racing underneath the palm. My stomach was doing a Cirque de Soleil number in my abdomen and I was heartily glad that lunch was many hours ago. It might have made an impromptu appearance.
Woman pukes onstage. Film at eleven.
Finally working up the courage, I turned to look at Owen who was speaking animatedly to Shelby. He hadn't yet noticed me and he probably wouldn't. Ashlyn had found the darkest corner of this joint and from the angle that we were sitting at he'd have to crane his neck to get a glimpse of me. But I could watch him right now and he'd never know.
It had been less than forty-eight hours but I missed him. He looked the same as always, dressed in casual denims and a button down shirt. His silky hair just brushed the collar and I wanted to reach out and wind my fingers through it. Owen had been complaining that he needed a haircut but I liked it.
Currently his head was bent close to Shelby's, intently listening to whatever bullshit she was telling him. She'd said something about asking him for advice about Brad and he seemed to be giving it, nodding and speaking every now and then.
"Okay, you're up." Ashlyn had left and come back already. "He's going to announce you and then you can get the plan rolling."
"I think I'm going to be sick."
Ashlyn simply smiled and pulled me out of my chair. My knees buckled and I had to hold onto the table. "You can be sick later. There's no time right now. It's begun."
I'd used those exact words on several brides who were about to walk down the aisle. They'd take one look at the full church and get spooked, declaring that they were going to throw up. I'd always said that the best thing to do was be calm and in control and tell them that they could do that later.
It was too late to make a run for it. I was going to do this because I wanted Owen to know that I could, indeed, take a chance.
It's begun.
Owen
A karaoke bar was a strange place to have a relationship discussion but Shelby had been adamant about the location, saying that the odds of seeing anyone she knew were low. She was avoiding people in general as they
seemed to ask personal and embarrassing questions she didn't want to answer. Frankly, it was none of their damn business but even well-meaning folks could be a pain in the ass.
I'd ordered a beer and Shelby a cranberry juice. Over the drinks, she'd confessed that she'd known for quite awhile that her relationship with Brad wasn't on firm footing but she'd ignored it, hoping that it would solve itself. Unfortunately, these issues rarely do.
That's why I needed to speak with Emmy. We had differences that we needed to work on but they weren't fatal to our relationship. Yes, they were frustrating, and I shouldn't have let it get to me the other night, but if we worked together we could get through it. A little compromise on both our parts would go a long way. I wanted her to know that I could be patient.
"I think you just need to give yourself time, Shelby. It hasn't been–"
"Look, someone is about to sing," she broke in, her gaze on the stage. She fidgeted in her chair and craned her neck. "Is that...Emmy? I think it is."
What in the hell?
I hadn't been paying any attention to the stage or anyone around us, but now every cell in my being was zoned directly in on the lone woman standing on stage. Just her and the microphone.
Emmy.
My breath caught in my chest as I gazed at her. She looked beautiful, but then she always did. She was dressed in a black pencil skirt, black blouse, and black high heels. I could just see the curve of her ankles and calves and damn if it wasn't sexier than if she'd been standing there stark naked. Her hair was down, tumbling around her shoulders, and her lips quivered with fear. Even from this distance I could see that she was frozen with fear, her eyes wide and her lips quivering.
Christ on a crutch, what was she doing? She'd told me that she couldn't sing, that she was so terrible she could crack glass. What would make her stand up in front of a crowd - okay, a half-full bar - and sing? It didn't make a lick of sense.
"She wants you to know that she's willing to take a chance."
Shelby's soft voice interrupted my thoughts but I couldn't pull my attention from Emmy. I wanted to run up on stage and wrap her in my arms, telling her that everything would be okay. She was absolutely scared out of her mind.
Touch Him (ManTrap Book 3) Page 20
