Dahlia giggles. ‘We look possessed. Especially me.’
‘Look,’ Kiko says, pointing, ‘Florence still has sauce stains on her shoulder from the plane ride from hell.’
‘And I think I was relieved to be alive,’ Dahlia says with a wry grin. ‘What a start to the week.’
She turns over to the next photo. It’s of her. The nape of her neck, the curve of her back, the arch of her body draped in Kiko’s sheer white T-shirt as she runs her fingers through wet sand.
She glances at Kiko, who averts her eyes and plays with the zip on the purse. Neither of them say a word.
In the next photo, Kiko and Dahlia are entwined on the couch at the hostel, each reading a book from the free street library on the corner. Dahlia’s head rests in Kiko’s lap, while Kiko’s fingertips run through her pink hair. Florence must have fished the camera out of Kiko’s bag and taken the photo when they weren’t looking.
Dahlia swallows. ‘Kiko, I, um . . .’ Her voice falters and she can’t finish the sentence.
‘I know. Me too.’ Kiko gestures at the photo of them on the couch. ‘Would you like to keep it? I mean, only if you want.’
Dahlia sits up, knees pressed to her chest. ‘Is that okay?’ she asks, shivering a little. ‘I do love it.’
‘Yes, I’m sure,’ Kiko says, wrapping her towel around Dahlia’s shoulders. ‘Always have been when it comes to you.’ She blushes. ‘Sorry, cheese alert.’
They laugh.
‘It’s okay, it’s great,’ Dahlia says and bites her bottom lip. She wonders if this is how the edge of love feels. ‘It’s just . . . everything is nearly over. It’s terrifying.’
‘Or everything’s just beginning,’ Kiko says. ‘Let’s not do goodbyes before we have to. You’re going to be the best au pair.’
Dahlia breaks into a smile. ‘Debatable. I don’t even know if I like kids and I can barely look after myself. Why did I ever think it was a good idea?’
They crack up laughing again.
‘Although, I know one thing for sure,’ Dahlia adds. ‘You’re going to tear up the programming world.’
‘That’s my plan,’ Kiko says with a grin.
Dahlia sighs. ‘All my shit aside, I want to go overseas. I just wish it wasn’t a whole ocean away.’
Another list pops into her head.
5 Things To Say To Kiko If I Wasn’t So Scared
I’ll miss you
I’ll miss you
I’ll miss you
I’ll miss you
I’ll miss you
Dahlia leans closer and brushes their lips together. The words slip out in a whisper. ‘I’m going to miss you so much. But let’s pretend I didn’t say that.’
‘As if,’ Kiko murmurs, pulling her even closer. ‘I’ll never forget you said that.’
* * *
Soft folk music plays as Dahlia dawdles through the hostel’s empty common area, fingertips tracking the edges of the photo in her pocket. She passes the corkboard and notices her newspaper clipping has vanished beneath a pile of outdated flyers for free meditation sessions and guitar tutors. After a quick look around to ensure she’s alone, she rips the clipping from the board and folds it around the photo of her and Kiko.
As she walks past reception towards the stairs to their room, someone calls out in a deep voice. Dahlia looks up. A guy with long thin braids is leaning towards her over the front desk.
‘You one of the girls in Room 22?’ he asks. ‘Got some luggage here.’
Dahlia’s heart flutters. ‘You do?’
The man pulls a red backpack from behind the desk. ‘This it?’
She squeals, overcome with relief. ‘Thank you!’ she says, rushing to collect it. ‘Thank you, thank you!’
‘Need a hand getting it up the stairs?’
‘No, no, I’ll be fine,’ she says, lugging it into the empty common room.
She sits on a beanbag, lays the backpack flat before her and unzips it. On top is her make-up bag. She opens it. Nestled between lipglosses and mascaras is a Polaroid photo of her and Stevie from Kiko’s camera. They’re hugging and sporting matching pink overalls.
She turns the photo over to soak in Stevie’s scribbled handwriting on the back.
Love you! Sx
Heart racing, Dahlia sets the photo aside with the newspaper clipping and photo of her and Kiko, then continues leafing through the backpack. Her bikinis. Her sundresses. Her sandals. Her books. Her toiletries bag. Her lucky shell. Her pencil case. Her favourite pen. Her journal.
She sinks back into the beanbag, a foot tucked up beneath her, and turns to one of the journal’s unmarked pages. Her fingers play with her hair and she nibbles on the end of her pen, before writing four words in bold lettering on the first line.
Do It Now List.
Thank you for reading Can’t Say it Went to Plan.
If, like Dahlia, you would like some extra support, you can get in touch with one of these wonderful organisations:
Beyond Blue: beyondblue.org.au
headspace: headspace.org.au
Kids Helpline: kidshelpline.com.au
Relationships Australia: relationships.org.au
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
As always, creating a book takes a village.
A huge thank you to the marvellous HarperCollins dream team: Lisa Berryman, Cristina Cappelluto, Eve Tonelli, Nicola O’Shea, Michelle Weisz, Yvonne Sewankambo, Kady Gray, Pam Dunne, Amy Fox, Holly Ovenden and the HarperCollins Design Studio. Years on and I’m still amazed by your professionalism and passion for stories, design and creativity.
To JT, you’ve been there from the beginning and this wild ride would be impossible without your support. Living with a writer isn’t for the faint-hearted and I’m so grateful to share a life of creativity and storytelling with you.
Darling Sienna, my little outside heart: your imagination, sparkle and affection for books fill me up every day. I love how you see the world.
And to my family, especially my parents and sister, thank you for everything: the pep talks, the cheerleading, the babysitting, the lot of it.
Oh, and how I adore my kindred spirits, whether we’re catching up over a tea, a glass of wine or a flurry of messages in the dark. What we share is a kind of magic and I cherish it so much.
Special mention to the people who championed with me and the Australian book community to raise funds for bushfire relief in 2020, especially Lesley-Anne Houghton, Sara Tacey’s book club and the real Kate O’Connell, whose generosity and friendship meant the world during a difficult time.
Last but not least, thank you to my beautiful readers for joining me on another adventure. This story is, as always, for you.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
GABRIELLE TOZER is an award-winning author and freelance writer based in regional New South Wales. She has published six books, including the young adult novels Remind Me How This Ends, Faking It and The Intern, which won the 2015 State Library of Victoria’s Gold Inky Award.
Her first picture book, Peas and Quiet (illustrated by Sue deGennaro), was published in 2017, as was her young adult short story ‘The Feeling From Over Here’ (featured in Begin, End, Begin: A #LoveOzYA Anthology). Gabrielle’s debut children’s novel, Melody Trumpet, hit shelves in 2019.
Can’t Say it Went to Plan is her latest young adult novel, and she is currently working on her next project. Gabrielle loves sharing her passion for storytelling and creativity with readers and aspiring writers, and has appeared at numerous events including the Sydney Writers’ Festival, the Somerset Festival of Literature and the Children’s Book Council of Australia’s national conference.
Say hello: gabrielletozer.com
ALSO BY GABRIELLE TOZER
YOUNG ADULT FICTION
The Intern (2014)
Faking It (2015)
Remind Me How This Ends (2017)
‘The Feeling From Over Here’
(Begin, End, Begin: A #LoveOzYA Anthology, 2017)
CHILDREN’S FI
CTION
Peas and Quiet (2017)
Melody Trumpet (2019)
PRAISE FOR CAN’T SAY IT WENT TO PLAN
‘Gabrielle Tozer has done it again! Carving out a story about the precious and precarious in-between times for teens, on the cusp of so much and filled with all the joy and terror that brings! In Can’t Say it Went to Plan, she’s taking rites of passage in teenagerdom and giving them a hilarious and honest platform, and there’s something here for everyone. It is tender, true and wonderful – as all of Tozer’s coming-of-age stories are.’
Danielle Binks, author of The Year the Maps Changed
and editor and contributor to Begin, End, Begin
‘A delightful romp with such relatable and poignant characters. I had a blast spending the week with Zoë, Samira and Dahlia.’
Wai Chim, author of The Surprising Power
of a Good Dumpling
‘Gabrielle has written a story with so much joy, humour and heart. It was a holiday in the very best way, and I found myself cheering for Zoë, Samira and Dahlia. I loved the ensemble of support characters – they were real and funny; the sort of friends who will help readers discern and aim for real friendship in their own lives. So! In the spirit of the novel . . .
5 Things I Loved About This Story
Its glorious energy
Fast, furious, funny dialogue
Characters who make mistakes
The Peachies!
The joy at its beating heart.’
Kirsty Eagar, author of Summer Skin
‘Gabrielle Tozer vividly brings to life the magic and madcap mishaps of the infamous rite-of-passage that is Schoolies. Foam parties, friendship breakdowns, famous pop stars, and unforgettable moments collide in this truly contemporary coming-of-age novel, led by three fabulous female protagonists.’
Tara Eglington, author of My Best Friend is a Goddess
and The Long Distance Playlist
‘An ode to Schoolies with a great big heart. I loved it. Absolutely nails the rollercoaster of emotions that is being eighteen.’
Jenna Guillaume, author of What I Like About Me
and You Were Made for Me
‘Nobody captures what it’s like to stand on the edge of the rest of your life quite like Gabrielle Tozer. Can’t Say it Went to Plan is honest and affirming, and an absolute joy to read.’
Will Kostakis, award-winning author of
The Sidekicks and Monuments
‘Tozer rejects the moral panic surrounding Schoolies. Instead, this novel serves up a heart-warming celebration of the power of sisterhood and chosen family. Rather than presenting teens as either trouble, or troubled, she also explores the bravery they demonstrate as they leave the structure and stability of school and dive headfirst into adulthood.’
Dannielle Miller, CEO Enlighten Education,
parenting author and columnist
‘Life is full of transitions, but the end of school has to be one of the most significant. This book perfectly captures the momentousness of finishing high school – the love, grief, fear and giddy joy of it all. It’s Gabrielle Tozer at her finest, deftly painting complex characters and tugging on heartstrings. I loved every moment.’
Lili Wilkinson, author of After the Lights Go Out
and The Erasure Initiative
COPYRIGHT
Angus&Robertson
An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, Australia
HarperCollinsPublishers
Australia • Brazil • Canada • France • Germany • Holland • Hungary India • Italy • Japan • Mexico • New Zealand • Poland • Spain • Sweden Switzerland • United Kingdom • United States of America
First published in Australia in 2021
by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited
ABN 36 009 913 517
harpercollins.com.au
Copyright © Gabrielle Tozer 2021
The right of Gabrielle Tozer to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.
This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
ISBN 978 1 4607 5853 3 (paperback)
ISBN 978 1 4607 1233 7 (ebook)
A catalogue record for this book is available from the National Library of Australia
Cover design and illustration by Holly Ovenden
Can't Say it Went to Plan Page 25
