I watched in awe as the gates slowly rolled open. Freedom had finally arrived. Almost as if on cue, the former inmates, most of whom had been relatively quiet, began running their mouths at the guards as they walked by. I found it funny how they’d had nothing to say inside but were undoubtedly turning into tough guys. I heard every curse word and insult in their arsenal, but I wasn’t going to take part in any of it. That wasn’t me.
Focusing my eyes on the pavement, I quickly made my way out, distancing myself away from the idiots. I looked around and watched as they all made their way into the arms of people who cared for them. Wives, girlfriends, parents, relatives. With few exceptions, someone was waiting for them. It was a luxury that I didn’t have. All I could do is walk away. Alone.
It was strange to be unnoticed, especially considering my size and stature. Standing at 6’4” and weighing close to 260 pounds, the majority of which was solid muscle. I’ve never been a small guy. In my life, I’ve always preferred to jobs that kept me outside doing hard, manual labor. Sitting behind a desk or pushing papers are things that would never work for me.
During my prison sentence, the only thing I had was time. Thinking all the time drove me crazy, so I chose to workout instead. If I had free time, I was working out. It helped me stay out of trouble. I already had a pretty solid form when I went to jail, but I came out cut and chiseled. I was easily in the best shape of my life.
When I got sent to prison, I thought I was going to be like all of those other prisoners when it was time to be released. I had people who loved and cared for me as well. At least, I thought I did. The people I always thought would be there for me, turned their backs on me when I was inside. I noticed it happening when letters weren’t being returned, and phone calls weren’t being answered. I tried to tell myself that people get busy, but after a while, it became obvious what was happening. They were still living their lives and had no time for a fuck up like me.
Since I didn’t have anyone to pick me up in their warm car, I was left to walk. I didn’t know what my future had in store for me. All I knew was what I was doing that night. Everything else would be taken day by day.
I was confident of one thing and one thing only. After so many shitty prison trays, I needed to get a real meal in my stomach. If I had things my way, the next meal I ate would consist of a huge steak and a much-needed shot of Jack Daniels.
The only things I had to my name were the clothes on my back, a bag with a change of clothes that weren’t going to fit me any better than what I was already wearing, and a bit of cash that was leftover from my prison account. I didn’t buy much from commissary because I knew I’d need every penny I could get when I got out.
Everything else was going to be for me to figure out. While everyone I knew and cared about had forgotten all about me, I was fortunate to have one friend who didn’t care what anyone else thought and stood by my side from the beginning. A true friend that was willing to give me a bed to sleep in and a job at the construction company he owned. All I had to do was get to him.
In a world where everything else seemed dark and bleak for me, I was grateful to have at least one person in life who refused to turn his back on me. I’d never had any real family. Having grown up in a series of foster homes which made it no secret that I was only there so they could collect a check, I never knew what it was like to have a real family connection.
The only time a foster family honestly gave a shit was on my 18th birthday, and that was only because they wouldn’t be able to collect any more money from the government for taking care of me. They couldn’t get me out the door fast enough.
I don’t like to use it as an excuse because as a man, I realize I am responsible for my own actions, but I can’t help but feel that my upbringing had a lot to do with the bad choices I’ve made in life. Those bad decisions were followed up by even worse choices. What could have been different? What if I had been raised by loving parents who could have raised me better. Would I have still ended up in prison? Maybe, but I think it would have been a lot less likely.
Instead, I followed a dark path that saw me spend my days working at whatever construction site would have me and my evenings sitting in bars, getting wasted and seeing what kind of trouble I could get myself into.
Unfortunately, trouble found me one night when I wasn’t even looking for it. I’d had a bad day at work, and this asshole at the bar would not stop running his mouth. I ignored it as long as I could, but eventually, I couldn’t take his constant tirade, and I snapped. The end result of me losing my temper was five years in the state pen.
All I wanted to do was shut the guy’s mouth. I never intended to put him in a coma. It was just a fight at the bar. There was no malice on my part, but that didn’t stop the state prosecutor’s from charging me with attempted murder.
I was determined to fight the charge and clear my name until I found out I was looking at 40 years in prison if I were to lose. I couldn’t afford a reasonable attorney and the public defender assigned to me didn’t even try to hide the fact that if the case went to trial, I probably wouldn’t come out on time.
Instead, I accepted a plea deal that allowed me to avoid going to trial and only put me behind bars for five years instead of four decades. Even if it wasn’t intentional, I did commit the crime so I was willing to suck it up and do the time.
You always hear a lot of horror stories about prison, but it wasn’t as bad for me as it is for some people. A lot of inmates who may have flexed their muscles at a smaller guy left me alone because I had size on my side. Still, I was smart enough to stick to myself and not go looking for trouble.
Now that I was a free man, I wanted to do things a bit differently. No longer was I interested in being rebellious. Instead, I wanted to focus on actually being a contributing member of society. There was just one problem. I had no fucking idea of how to do that. All I could do was focus on keeping my ass out of trouble.
The reality of it all was that I wasn’t actually a bad guy. I wasn’t even all that much of a troublemaker. I just had a low tolerance for bullshit, and when people started shit with me, I made sure that I was the one to finish it. I guess you could say that I never really played well with others.
All of that was behind me. I was leaving it all in the past. My buddy was going to let me crash at his place while I worked to save up a little money to find a place of my own. After that, there was nothing but potential for me.
2
Nick
I have no idea how many miles I’d been walking, but in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t really matter. Although it was cold, I had gotten used to it, and the weather was little more than just a minor annoyance, at least until the sun went down.
Everything changed when the sun disappeared from the sky. The wind chill plummeted, and it began to snow, leading all of the roads and sidewalks to freeze. I was getting chilled to the bone, and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.
Up ahead, I could see the lights of the city where I grew up and where my life changed when all the bullshit went down. When I was locked up, I told myself that I’d never return, yet there I was, walking right up to the only city I knew.
After walking for what felt like forever, I finally came to a bar. This wasn’t just any bar, however. It was the bar. The one where everything happened. The last place I visited as a free man. The place I was a patron of the night everything went south.
I’d come full circle, and I wasn’t sure whether or not I would be welcomed inside. I debated not going in at all, but I was freezing. I didn’t have it in me to walk any further.
Opening the door slowly, I cautiously walked inside, being careful not to draw any unnecessary attention to myself. The first thing I noticed was the delicious smell coming from the kitchen. It hit my nose like a sucker punch and made my mouth start to water instantly. I was already hungry when I was released, and after all that walking, I felt famished.
The bar was packed, which was going to
make being inconspicuous quite a challenge. I’d barely made it through the front door before what felt like every head in the place turned. It didn’t take long before the whispering started and I noticed plenty of widening eyes. Of course, when I returned the look, they looked in the other direction.
As long as I lived in the area, it was something that I was going to have to get used to. I did seriously injure another man, and these people didn’t give a shit whether or not I had done it intentionally. All they cared about was the fact that I did it.
It also didn’t help that I was such a large man. I’d been big ever since birth and only grew into my body from there. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I should be a pro wrestler or something similar, I’d be a rich man. There wasn’t anything I could about the fact that people were intimidated by me. I’d learned to stay to myself in prison, and that’s exactly what I was going to do at the bar. Besides, I wasn’t looking to cause any trouble, especially on my first day out of prison.
Ensuring that I didn’t make eye contact with any of the customers, I grabbed a stool at the corner of the bar, tucked away from everyone and everything. Placing my bag on the floor, I sat down and enjoyed the heat of the building. It was the first time I’d been off my feet since waking up in a cell that morning and my feet were happy to have a rest.
“What can I get ya?” the bartender asked, snapping me from my thoughts.
“Let me get a shot of Jack, a Budweiser, and a steak.”
“No steaks here, man. We’re a bar, not a restaurant. I can get you a burger or a sandwich.”
“Fine, I’ll take the biggest burger you have back there with everything on it,” I replied, disappointed that I wasn’t going to be getting that steak that I’d built up in my head.
“All right buddy, have it right out to you.”
While I waited for my food, I turned towards the counter and trained my eyes on the dark wood and wondered what it would say if it could talk. I thought about what kind of stories that bar could tell before shivering at the thought that at least some of those stories would probably be about me.
It seemed like it took forever, but the minute the bartender sat my burger in front of me, I felt like I was a little kid in a candy store. It was huge, but that didn’t stop me from devouring it within a couple of minutes. Even though I downed it, I still managed to savor each and every bite. It had been years since I’d had a real burger and the hard hockey pucks that they served in prison shouldn’t even be allowed to be called burgers. I had my doubts that they were even made from real meat.
That burger was exactly what I needed and the shot of Jack that I chased it down with hit the spot. I really wanted to order some more shots and enjoy my first night of freedom, but I only had a little bit of money and knew I had to be smart with it. It needed to last me until I started getting paychecks on a regular basis.
I’m not sure how long I was sitting at the bar before a hard slap made contact with my upper back. It was unexpected, and it took everything I had not to jump off my seat, turn to the person who did, and knock them on their ass. Fortunately for him, I took a deep breath, composed myself, and turned to see who the hell it was.
Instead of a dickhead trying to pick a fight with me, my best friend Curtis was standing there, arms open wide and an enormous smile plastered across his face.
“Well would you look at this big mother fucker?” he asked jokingly. “You were big when you went in, and now you’re a huge fucking ogre. Get your ass over here and give me a hug, you gigantic son of a bitch.”
I jumped up off the stool and scooped him up into a bear hug.”
“Fuck,” he yelled as I lifted him into the air. “Put me down before you crush the life out of me.”
“How the fuck have you been?” I asked as I lowered him to the ground and shook his hand.
“I can’t complain brother. You doing any more drinking or do you want to get out of here?”
I downed what was left of my beer and sat it on the counter, along with enough money to cover the food, drinks, and a small tip. “I’m more than ready to get out of here.”
“Is there anything you need?”
“The only things I need are a hot shower and a warm bed. I’m hoping you can help me with both of those things tonight,” I said, grabbing my bag and tossing it over my shoulder.
“Brother, you’re gonna love what I’ve got lined up for you then. Not only do I have the guest room all set up for you, but it’s even got a private bathroom with a shower. There’s just one favor I’ve gotta ask of you.”
“Sure man, anything. Just name it.”
“All right, well Kim doesn’t have any problem with you staying with us for a while, but I may have left out the part about you being in prison, so we can’t let her in on that little secret. As far as she knows, you’ve been living in California and are coming back to town for work and to start over. You cool with that story?”
“I’ll cool with whatever you want. I just hope that nobody sees me around town and lets the cat out of the bag. Everyone seemed to know who I was the minute I walked through that door behind you.”
“Yeah, well this bar doesn’t count. It might as well be a world of its own. I highly doubt you’ll have anything to worry about once we’re away from here,” he told me as we walked out the door and headed for his truck.
“Well, you are the boss. I’ll just go along with whatever you say.”
“As far as all this goes, I think less is more. The less we talk about it, the better it’s going to be for both of us.”
We rode in relative silence during the nearly 45-minute drive to his house, pulling into the driveway just before 9:00pm. I’d never seen his place before since he’d bought it while I was inside, not long after getting engaged to his girlfriend.
I was impressed by how well he had done for himself. The house was very nice, and from what I could, he didn’t have any neighbors for miles. I hadn’t planned to be in such a private place, but I was actually grateful for it. If there weren’t anyone around, it would be tough for me to get into any sort of trouble.
As I followed Curtis into the house, I couldn’t get over how much it looked like something you’d see on the front of a Christmas card. He shared the home with Kim, his live-in girlfriend, who I had never met since they met while I was in jail. Curtis, on the other hand, has been a friend since I was just a little kid.
We first met when we were placed in the same foster home. We were only together for a couple of weeks before the cops raided the house for manufacturing drugs, but we became close in that time. Over the years in the foster care system, the two of us always seemed to cross paths, and we made a pact to stay in touch. We’ve been friends ever since.
Curtis even visited me in prison when I first got there, although his girlfriend had no clue about any of that. In her mind, I was nothing more than a hard-working man from California who was making his way to Minnesota for a job opportunity with my old friend.
The first thing I noticed upon walking through the door was that the house was full of thick, plush carpet that looked like it had never even been stepped on. I watched as Curtis removed his shoes and placed them next to the door, so I followed suit and took off my wet boots and socks. My feet were sore and achy from the cold and all the walking I’d done that day.
“Just come with me, and I’ll show you your room. You can take a shower and get cleaned up before you meet my future wife if you’d like. Oh, and I stopped at the store a couple days ago and picked you up a few pairs of pants and some shirts. I had a feeling you’d be coming out with clothes that didn’t fit you and just by looking at you, I can see that I was right.”
“Shit, you didn’t have to do that man. I’ve got a few bucks I could have used for that.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Besides, I can always dock your first paycheck. That’s the beauty of being the boss,” he joked with a wink.
The room itself was relatively small but looked huge c
ompared to the two-person cell I shared in prison. It might as well have been a presidential suite at an expensive hotel. It had a television, which was more than I could say for where I’d been.
“Curtis, I appreciate you letting me stay here. I promise I won’t let you down and if you need anything, I consider myself indebted to you for this.”
“I don’t need your thanks, Nick. You and I might as well be brothers. You’ve got to remember that. Just keep yourself out of trouble so you can get your life back on track. Anyway, if you’re not going to get in the shower, you can come on out and meet Kim. I’m pretty sure Alexa is here as well.”
Alexa was a name that I’d never heard him mention before. “Alexa? Who is that?”
“Alexa is Kim’s best friend. You can never repeat this, and if you ever do, I will deny saying it, but she is sexy as fuck.”
Curtis led me towards the kitchen. The closer I got, the more I could hear women talking, complete with laughter that seemed to be bouncing off the walls. One of the voices was on the deeper side, but still very feminine while the other was soft, smooth, and comforting.
Compared to the sounds I was used to hearing inside the prison walls, the soft voice had a comfort that made me smile. I wasn’t quite sure why. Once I stepped into the kitchen, I was able to put faces to the voices. The first woman was tall, thin, tan, and had brown hair hanging just past her shoulders. She was cute and had a good figure, but she wasn’t curvy enough for my taste. The girls were so lost in their conversation that they didn’t even notice we had walked in.
The brunette continued laughing, allowing me to see that she was the one with the deeper voice. My eyes shifted to the other woman, who had the most beautiful smile on her face as she listened to her friend telling whatever story she was telling. This woman was shorter, only about five-feet tall or so, and had a creamy, pale complexion. She had blonde hair with brown highlights that fell close to the middle of her back.
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