by Max Monroe
“Stop with the formality shit, Savannah. If the man can’t handle that I’m Dick Cummings, then he’s not the right man for our Georgie,” he retorted, eyeing me with slanty eyes. “Does it bother you, Kline?”
“No, sir,” I answered, fighting the urge to laugh. I literally hadn’t even set foot inside of the door to their house yet, and a full-length daytime drama was rounding its way into the second arc of the storyline.
“Son.” He patted me on the shoulder, nudging the girls out of the way and pulling me inside.
“When you’ve got a last name like Cummings, you can either be a chickenshit, or you can grow some balls and roll with it. That’s why I go by Dick and I had my son go by Willy for most of his life. Hell, Georgia’s lucky we didn’t name her vagina,” he said through a laugh. “Plus, it’s pretty fucking enjoyable to watch someone squirm when they meet me.” He grinned, big and wide, his eyes turning jovial. “You handled yourself well. Much better than the other idiots Georgie’s brought home. I like you already.”
“Jesus, Dad.” Georgie sighed. “Think you can tone done the F-bombs for now? It’s not even five p.m.”
“No siree, Bob. You’re in my home and I’ll do anything I damn well please. If I want to walk around in my underwear all night, I’ll fucking do it,” he responded, unfazed. “Anyway, like you should talk. Last phone conversation I had with you, you were ranting about ‘the fucking subway.’”
“And five o’clock is an antiquated schedule associated with alcohol, Georgia. The fucks have always been given free rein,” Savannah put in.
Georgia’s parents were a trip. I was having a hard time keeping my smile in check.
“Come here and give me another hug,” her dad ordered. “I’ve missed you, baby girl.”
She flashed a pointed look. “Only if you promise not to bust my boyfriend’s balls all night.”
“Deal.” He grinned.
She hugged her dad, a genuine smile on her face, and then moved to her mom. Hugs and smiles overflowed the small space of the foyer. It was apparent she was close with her folks. I loved we had that in common.
“And Richard.” Savannah tsked. “You know the no-pants rule doesn’t start until after dinner.”
He growled under his breath, wrapping his arm around his wife and whispering something I could only assume was full-on dirty into her ear.
“Later.” Savannah giggled, a perfect incarnation of what I knew as her daughter’s laugh, and slapped him on the chest.
He chuckled, waggling his brows at her, visibly amused with himself.
“Why don’t you two make yourselves comfortable and freshen up from the drive. There’s fresh sheets on Georgia’s bed and clean towels in the bathroom.”
Dick abruptly turned for the hallway, striding toward the kitchen, muttering something about “the fucking grill.”
Her mother still remained, smiling at both of us in a way that made me a little concerned about what would come next. “There’s also a box of condoms on the nightstand,” she whispered. “Feel free to put them to good use.”
“Gee, thanks, Mom.” Georgia sighed, tipping her red face to the ceiling in an effort not to meet my eyes.
“Anytime, baby girl.” Savannah patted her cheek, smiling. “I’m just thrilled you’re finally being adventurous with your sexuality.”
This meet the parents visit was getting more interesting by the minute.
“Dinner will be ready in about fifteen minutes,” she called over her shoulder, following her husband’s lead.
The second they were out of eyesight, Georgia sagged against the door.
“I told you they were a little offbeat. Please don’t hold it against me.”
I grinned, pulling her into my arms, and avoided the urge to tell her that her definition of a little felt more like a lot. “I love everything about your parents.”
Her eyes showed she was skeptical, but I spoke only the truth. I’d take a free spirit and a ballbuster over two sticks in the mud any day.
“They’re your parents, baby. Believe me, I like them. Dick and Savannah are great.”
“Yeah, they’re real awesome. I mean, how great is it that my mother thought to put condoms in my bedroom, you know, just in case we decide to bang it out when they’re two doors down.”
“Very practical.” I fought my smile, rubbing her shoulders to ease the tension in her muscles.
“Come on.” She took my hand. “Let me show you my childhood bedroom. Who knows? Maybe my mother left a complimentary bottle of lube on the nightstand.”
I stopped her before she could head up the stairs, pulling her tight against me, her back to my chest. “Like you’d even need lube when I’ve got my hands on you,” I growled into her ear, then kissed along her neck.
“Okay.” She let out a soft sigh, head falling to my shoulder. “Maybe we can follow the no-pants rule after dinner too.”
“Wouldn’t want to go against house rules,” I added, smirking against her soft skin.
“We are guests,” she said, lifting her chin and urging my lips to continue down her neck.
“Definitely wouldn’t want to come across as rude.” I nibbled along her neck a bit more, until I pinched her ass, earning an adorable squeal. “Show me your bedroom, baby.”
The stairs creaked as we climbed, and pictures of Georgia and Will lined the wall. One of a toddler Georgia stood out in particular.
“Aw, look at your cute little—”
“Don’t even say it!”
“What?” I asked innocently.
“I know you! I know where you were going, and we’re not going to talk about the fact that my mother keeps a naked picture of me on the wall.”
“I was just going to point out that your tushy then was nearly as cute as it is now.”
“Kline!” she snapped with a finger in my face.
I threw her over my shoulder in a fireman’s hold and slapped at said ass.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll pay special attention to it tonight. Especially if there’s lube.”
She shrieked and kicked as I ran up the rest and paused, throwing her to the hallway carpet at the top of the stairs and tickling her sensitive sides.
“Kline! Stop!” Her breath heaved. “Stooooop!”
When I removed my hands, she scurried up and out from underneath me, slapping at my shoulder lightly.
“What is it about being in a childhood home that makes a man act like a child?”
“Fun. Freedom.” I smiled. “Memories.”
“I just bet. Were you a bad boy in your youth, Kline?”
“Nope,” I answered honestly. “As a boy, I didn’t know enough to be bad.” I waggled my eyebrows. “I’m much more convincing now that I’m a man.”
She ran again at that, shrieking the whole way and trying to close her bedroom door between us. I played tug of war with the handle convincingly enough, reserving my full strength in an effort not to hurt her, before finally busting through and tackling her cackling form to the bed.
She turned her head to the left and sighed. “Ah. The condoms.”
I pulled her eyes to mine and touched our lips together softly before rubbing my nose along the line of hers. “We didn’t use one the night that we fought,” I whispered. I hadn’t even thought about it until now, too consumed by lies and love and the complicated mix of the two, but the box on the nightstand brought my oversight into stark relief.
She nodded.
“I’m okay with that in all the ways I can be. Are you?”
She nodded again, and a shiver ran through her body. I pulled her closer.
“I’m on the pill, and I trust you.”
“I’ll do every single thing I can to deserve that, baby,” I promised.
She looked back over to the nightstand.
“I feel like we have to use a condom tonight because my mom put them there.”
“Do you even know what you just said?”
“Kline!”
“Okay.”
I laughed. “Just tell her we used our own because she failed to get magnum.”
Her body shook with laughter despite her stern face.
“Get cleaned up for dinner!”
“Yes, ma’am,” I agreed with a wink, sliding my body all the way down hers and pushing my face to the front of her pants.
“Mmm.” I inhaled. “I think I should help you clean up here. I’ll lick up all of my mess,” I promised, pledging my truth with a hand at my chest.
She just shook her head and smiled, sliding a hand into my hair and yanking up on my head. “Go get changed and throw some cold water on your face, you bad man, you.”
I reached into my pants with a grin and adjusted my dick to a more comfortable position.
“I can’t help it, baby,” I teased. “It’s the house’s fault.”
She shook her head again, climbing to her knees and pushing her lips softly to mine. She spoke softly right there. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“Keep me.”
“What am I gonna do with me?” she whispered. “So lost in you.”
I squeezed her tight and answered with a prayer.
“Stay there.” Forever.
“Let me show you one of my favorite places in the house,” my father instructed, leading Kline toward the garage. This was another one of his tests.
Hell, he’d been testing my boyfriend all weekend.
There had been the beer test. Dick had offered Miller Lite and Guinness. Kline had chosen Guinness, and my father had patted him on the shoulder, adding, “I’m happy Georgie didn’t bring a light-beer, piss-drinking pussy into my home.”
There had been the liquor test. Dick had offered him a martini. Kline had politely declined and asked if there was any bourbon or whiskey in the house. Dick’s response: another pat on the back.
There had also been the pizza test. Last night, my mother hadn’t felt like cooking, so Dick had handed Kline a menu from Pappadoro’s—a mom and pop pizza shop up the street—and told him to order a bunch of pies for everyone. Kline had gotten another pat on the back when he ordered three large meat lover’s supremes and cheesy garlic bread.
Sports. Cars. Politics. You name it, and Dick tested. Surprisingly enough, Kline had passed every one with flying colors. How’d I know this? The pat on the back, of course.
We stepped out into the three-car garage, and Kline immediately removed his arm from my shoulder, walking over toward one of my dad’s cars.
“A 428 Cobra Jet Mustang. Wow.” He let out a low whistle, eyeing my father’s car with an appreciative gleam in his eyes. “She’s a beaut.”
“Probably my favorite person in the house.” My father patted him on the back, chuckling.
“Bought her in sixty-eight. She’s in prime condition. Engine was restored a few years ago.”
“Tell me you kept the Low Riser cylinder heads,” Kline added, moving around the car with his hands on his hips, his eyes plastered to the red paint of my father’s most prized possession.
Sometimes, I wondered if he loved this car more than he loved his own kids.
“Of course I did.”
“Thank God.” Kline skimmed his fingers across the paint, light enough that he wouldn’t leave a mark, and a giant smile consumed his face. “This, right here, was the game changer for Ford.”
Dick stared at my boyfriend like he was falling in love. “She redeemed the Ford name in the factory of horsepower.”
Kline nodded and glanced up at me, a boyish smile still etched on his handsome face. “Why didn’t you tell me your father had this in his garage?”
I shrugged. “I had no idea you’d get such a hard-on for a car.”
“Are you kidding me?” Kline laughed. “This is one of my favorite cars. Ever. My father’s a Ford man, through and through. He’d lose it if he got his hands on this car.”
“I think your dad and I would get along just fine,” Dick said with a smile.
Jesus. I’d never seen my dad smile so much in my life. The pulsating vein in the center of his forehead, yeah, I’d definitely seen my fair share of that, especially when I’d missed curfew in high school. But this giant smile that had taken up residence on my father’s face? It was so rare that it was almost creepy.
Dick Cummings was a pretty happy guy, but he didn’t usually pass out smiles and giddy looks on a daily basis. Honestly, I think the last time I’d seen him smile like this, my mother had brought home three bags from Victoria’s Secret.
“I’d let you take her for a spin, but I’ve gotta take her into the shop come tomorrow morning. She’s having issues when I try to crank her.”
“Mind if I take a look?” Kline asked.
By the sounds of their conversation, you’d think my dad’s car was an actual person, a female, at that. Men were so weird.
“By all means.” My dad gestured toward the car. He grabbed the keys from the hook and tossed them to him.
Kline hopped in the driver’s seat and attempted to turn the engine. It didn’t start, and I’d never claimed to know car sounds, but whatever abnormal sound was coming from the car couldn’t have been good.
“See what I mean, son?” Dick asked, elbows resting on the driver’s side window.
Son? One bonding moment over his car and my dad was calling him son. I was sure any minute he’d give Kline his blessing and tell my mother to start planning my bachelorette party. No doubt, Dr. Savannah Cummings would prefer picking out penis straws to floral arrangements.
If anyone bought me dicks for my bachelorette party, it would be my mother. Cassie would provide the liquor and gift bag filled with crotchless panties. Now that I thought about it, it was a wonder I’d stayed a virgin for as long as I did. I was surrounded by a bunch of horny floozies.
“Dick, I think it’s the starter motor relay.”
“Really?”
Kline nodded. “I can hear the high-load relay engaging. Mind if I pop the hood and take a look at the engine?”
“Of course.” My father stood back from the car as Kline hopped out and busied himself under the hood.
After a few minutes, my boyfriend was convinced he knew the issue and could fix it. And by the look on Dick’s face, I was starting to wonder if he would be the one to marry Kline.
“I’m grabbing something to drink. You guys want anything?” I offered.
“I’m good, babe,” Kline declined, while my father merely mumbled, “No,” too damn entranced by what was going on underneath the hood of his car.
I walked out of the garage and into the kitchen, leaving them to their man time. Popping the tab on a can of Coke, I leaned my hip against the counter and took a gulp from the sugary soda.
To say I was shocked by the open-armed, constant-back-patting greeting my father had been giving Kline, would be the understatement of the century. My dad was never this nice to any guy I brought home. Growing up, it had been a common occurrence for Dick to clean his guns in the living room if he knew a boy was picking me up.
Sheesh. No wonder I’d fallen so fast for Kline’s charms. He practically had my dad, the boyfriend ballbuster, eating out of the palm of his hand.
I walked past my mother’s office, finding her typing away on her laptop. She paused, sliding her glasses to the brim of her nose. “What are you up to?”
“Nothing much. Dad and Kline are in the garage talking car shit.” I shrugged, leaning against the doorframe.
“Seems like they’re hitting it off.”
“Pretty sure Dad’s going to propose to my boyfriend before we head home.”
“I hope he lets me plan his bachelor party,” she joked.
See what I mean?
She smiled a wistful smile. “It’s always been a dream of mine to jump out of a cake and do a sexy striptease for your father. The closest we ever got to that was when I—”
I held my hand up. “For the love of God, I do not want to hear about you and Dick doing the nasty.”
“Georgia, sex is a normal human urge. It d
oesn’t matter how old you are or how many kids you have, you’ll still want to do it.”
“Are you finished psychoanalyzing my views on human sexuality, Dr. Cummings?” I asked, raising a skeptical brow.
Her smile turned curious and I braced myself for the next question that would come out of her mouth.
“Speaking of sex, how are things with you and Kline?”
“I’m not talking about my sex life with you.”
She pouted. “Oh, come on, sweetie.”
“Nope.” I raised both hands. “Not happening.”
My mother cupped her mouth, whispering, “Last night, it sounded like things were going really good.”
I groaned. “I get that you’re a sex therapist and you’re extremely open when it comes to talking about sex, but it’s a little creepy you were eavesdropping.”
“Actually, I wasn’t eavesdropping. You were just that loud.”
I gaped.
“I can’t tell you how happy this makes me.”
“You realize this isn’t a normal mother-daughter conversation, right?”
“It’s not the normal conversation society thinks we should be having, but I know it’s the conversation we should be having. Just know, I’m beyond thrilled you’ve found someone who makes you happy in every facet of your life. Not just in bed, which I have to say, from the sounds of it, Kline knows what he’s doing.” She winked. “But it’s obvious he makes you really happy. And anyone who can make my daughter walk around with a constant glow and a gorgeous smile is someone I hope she keeps around.” She paused as I smiled, and she considered me closely. “He seems like a really good man, Georgia. And he’s extremely lucky he found you.”
Although my mom was her own type of crazy, she was still my mom and I loved her. I’d always want her acceptance. And I’d definitely want her to like the man in my life.
I walked toward her, leaning down and wrapping her in a tight hug.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, sweetie. I’ve missed having you home. I hope you’ll start visiting more often.”
“Consider it a done deal.” I squeezed her tighter. “As long as you promise not to eavesdrop.”
