by C. A. Harms
We were so crazed, both letting go of our inhibitions and giving in fully to every desire.
Palmer was a secret dirty girl, but I always knew. She had that look about her, that I’m gonna eat you alive look that was what intrigued me from the start. I wanted her to devour me, because fuck, nothing had ever felt better than being under Palmer’s spell.
Chapter Twenty-One
Palmer
Corbin kissed along the side of my neck, slowly moving his hips against my own. The sweet gentle brushes of his lips or the soft touches were the complete opposite from mere hours ago when we’d practically attacked one another in the woods. This was more, so much more.
A connection that I’d never imagined feeling struck me hard. My throat felt constricted, making it feel it was difficult to swallow. My chest burned and the tears that were pooling behind my tightly closed eyes were all so surprising.
“You are so beautiful.” Corbin whispered the words, his lips grazing my jaw and giving me chills. “So perfect.”
There was nothing quick about his movements, instead he moved with ease, slow and gradual, dragging out the pleasure, doing everything he could to make it last. Each sway of his hips, every kiss, and the sweet words he whispered only made it harder to hide the emotions coursing through me.
“This changes everything, Palmer.” I knew this. I understood after the first kiss we’d shared our first night here that things had shifted. But it was undeniable, we would never be the same after our time away. That both frightened me and excited me. “No more denying that this means something.” It wasn’t a question, it was him ensuring me that we would pass that point whether I agreed or not.
Good thing I agreed, otherwise he’d have a fight on his hands.
His bare chest felt sticky against my own. The late-night air was cooler, but the warmth we’d managed to create had turned our tent into a sauna. Only I didn’t mind that because with each pull of his hips a coolness kissed my body. It was all so raw yet so amazingly meaningful.
“Tell me what’s on your mind.” I swallowed hard, trying my best to hold it together. I was so overtaken by the connection we shared, so moved by the man I’d gotten the chance to witness that it was all so hard. But our time away, being here with his parents, and then all the time alone, all gave me the opportunity to meet the man I think I always knew was hidden behind Corbin’s charade. His soul was beautiful, so kind and so pure. “I don’t think I can go back to the way things were, not after this.”
I understood what he meant. Before, our tryst in the woods on our first visit was just that. Nothing meaningful, or maybe it was a little, but it was raw and quick. Then earlier it was much the same, but Corbin wasn’t just having sex, he was not just making love. He was pouring everything he felt into that union and it was so powerful I swear I felt everything he felt without him having to say the words.
I was falling for Corbin Powell, and I was falling hard.
“Yes,” I said, my throat felt dry and I pushed past the feeling. The raspiness could be taken as passion instead of the heavy emotions I was feeling. “I’m yours.”
I think even before that I was, but I was a stubborn girl who managed for years to fight against the things that frightened me. And Corbin terrified me because I knew if he wanted to, he could break me.
I opened my eyes to find Corbin looking back at me, a sexy smile on his lips. Then he leaned in closer, kissing me softly, picking up the pace of his movements just a small fraction. I could feel the heat pooling low in my stomach and lifted my hips slightly to meet his thrusts causing him to moan.
The moment was perfect, with the sounds of crickets in the distance and the rustling sound of the tent as the breeze blew outside. This was all Corbin; he was a country boy at heart. He loved this life and something about it all made me feel even closer to him.
“They told me when I found the right girl I’d know.” Corbin looked at me, talking in that low sexy tone of his that made my heart race. “They weren’t lying.”
I had no idea who they were and to be honest, I didn’t care. All I needed to be sure of was what his words truly meant. He and I were now an us.
***
“There’s been an accident.” I stood in the doorway of my room, staring out at a grief-stricken Clayton. He looked as though he’d been running his hands through his hair, the ends now sticking up in every direction. His eyes appeared swollen.
“What kind of accident?” My voice trembled, though I tried my best to hide the fear rushing through me.
“Corbin…” Just hearing his name broke me and a soft sob escaped as I lifted my hand to cover my mouth. “He left the house and was on his way over when a truck pulled out in front of him.”
“No.” I began to shake my head and tried to step around him, but he stopped me. “He’s okay,” I assured him, refusing to believe Clay. “He’s coming over to watch a movie and he’s just running behind. It’s okay, he’ll be here.”
“Palmer…” It was Emelie, who I hadn’t until now, noticed standing a few feet away. “They took him by ambulance to the hospital.”
“No!” I refused to believe these lies.
“He’s in surgery but this doesn’t look—”
“I said no! Stop it!” My words grew angry. “Stop lying to me.”
“We aren’t lying.” Clayton held me tight against him. “We need to get to the hospital Palmer, in case things—”
“Don’t say it.” I couldn’t take it. The thoughts racing through my mind were graphic enough. I couldn’t hear the possibilities too.
“It’s bad, Palmer.” Clayton’s body shook against my own as he held me tighter. My own tears spilled over as I bit down on my lips hard to fight the sobs. “I can’t lose him.”
Me either, I wanted to say, but I couldn’t form the words. I couldn’t form any words. I felt so lost, my heart ached to the point of excruciating pain and I could feel myself slowly falling apart.
I opened my eyes and looked up to see the ceiling of the tent, the same rustle of vinyl echoing through the small space. My breathing was ragged and my heart beat fast. Sweat beaded on my forehead.
With one big deep breath in, I turned my head to the left and found Corbin sleeping soundly beside me. I saw he was still shirtless, the big blanket tucked around his waist and one arm stretched up and tucked behind his head. I just stared at him for a few minutes, looking over his face, chest, and then back up to his face again, listening to his deep breaths mixed with the sounds of the wilderness around us.
My dream was still so vivid in my mind, the emotional stress of the idea of losing him still so raw. All the feelings of losing Anna years ago filled my mind. They’d been tucked away for years, safely kept in the back of my mind and rarely did I allow myself to think of that time. Instead I remembered all the years before the accident, when she and I did all the crazy things young girls do. Calling boys, doing each other’s hair and make-up, those were the memories I welcomed. But especially over the last couple of days, I’d been seeing that day, the day I lost my lifelong friend. The girl who at the time knew me better than I knew myself. Her laughter just before the accident rang through my mind, her voice screaming out along with the music on the radio. It was all so clear.
Tears sprang to my eyes and the mixture of that night and the rawness I still felt from my dream hit me. Reaching my hand out for Corbin, I calmed just a little when I felt his warmth against the palm of my hand. How just one touch from him could calm me was still shocking. Or how just one kiss from him could clear my mind of any worry. I was beginning to love those feelings he inflicted in me.
Closing my eyes, I did my best to remain calm, trying to find sleep once more.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Corbin
I jerked awake and sat up, looking around, momentarily lost in my surroundings. Then I was reminded of where I was and who I was with as I felt her hand slide over my arm soothingly. I looked over and found Palmer watching me with a concerned ex
pression.
“Hey,” she moved in a little closer and cupped my jaw with her other hand, “you okay?”
I stared at her for a few seconds, trying to decide if I should just lie and say “yes.” Then I reminded myself of where lying about the things I’d felt got me before, and I decided I didn’t ever want to go back to that place again. I wanted Palmer, I wanted what we’d had over the last couple of days and hiding in the darkness meant I’d be letting all that go.
I shook my head and watched the concerned look in her eyes grow more intense.
“Every time I close my eyes it’s always the same,” I confessed, trying my best to even my breathing. “It’s the quietness of the night,” I began again. “I hear it in my mind.”
“Hear what?”
I pictured her face in my mind and I closed my eyes tightly when they started to burn from impending tears that I didn’t want to fall. “Leah…” The second her name left my lips I knew there was no way I’d be able to hold back. Fuck, just her name was like a stabbing feeling in my chest. I could feel my strength fading fast. “Her smile and her laughter.” Palmer flinched as if that statement reminded her of something in her own mind, but I couldn’t stop the words. It was almost like the instant I opened the gates, everything came rushing out. The weeks of grief, the guilt, and the anger I’d felt all hit me hard. “That last day it was so easy to see that she adored Brent. Her daddy was the greatest man in her life. The way her face lit up when he picked her up or tickled her.”
“You can’t do this to yourself, Corbin.”
Did she not realize I already knew that? But it was there, it was always there. “How do I stop? How do I clear my head of all the things that haunt me? Tell me, Palmer, because I’ve tried, and it never goes away.” I tap my head with my finger. “It’s so fucking clear.”
Seeing her lip tremble caused my stomach to tighten with the guilt of making her listen to me break down, piled on top of everything else.
“I’m a fuck-up, Palmer.” The same tactic I’d taken so many times before resurfaced. Push, get space, and hide behind the anger. “You even said it. I screw shit up, I can’t be serious. I ruin things. It’s who I am.”
“No.” Palmer hurried toward me, crawling over my lap and forcing me to look at her as she gripped my face with her hands. “I have never in my life been more willing to admit that I was wrong. You are not a fuck-up, Corbin. You are a good guy. You like to have fun, you find the good in everyone around you.” I closed my eyes trying to ignore her, but she refused to give up on me. “Look at me.”
I remained hidden in my own mind, lost in the darkness of that day…at least until I felt her lips press softly to mine. “Even all those times you drove me crazy, you still made me smile,” Palmer confessed. “You are adorable in your own perfect way.” She rested her forehead to mine. “You didn’t do this, Corbin. My god, you have no control over fate. You may be special, but destiny is out of your hands.”
We both took deep, shuddering breaths. I was unable to stop my movements and wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Our heads still touched and my eyes remained closed.
Though I’d tried to fight them, I was unable to control the tears that ran over my cheeks. Instantly I felt Palmer’s body shake and I understood she was breaking with me. She was there, feeling for me, for herself; she was letting me know it was okay to fall apart. It didn’t make me weak, it made me strong because I was facing my demons.
“You have got to let go of this ugly guilt inside you. You have to accept that you couldn’t control this, no one could. Don’t let this hate and regret you feel change the guy I know you are.” She whispered her words through her own tears. “Don’t let the hate you feel inside you take away the guy we all love.”
Though I held her tighter, there was still a small part inside me that wanted to fight against everything she said.
“Please, Corbin, don’t be this version of you.”
Leah flashed in my mind, then Brent. “This is me.”
“No, it’s not.” She leaned back again, gripping my face harder this time and I opened my eyes for the first time since she climbed on my lap. “I won’t let it be.”
Seeing her and the determination in her eyes took the last ounce of resolve I had and shattered it. My body grew limp, sagging against hers. Suddenly I let go and buried my face to her chest as she placed her hands on my head and just let me break. I don’t remember ever crying as hard as I did then. The sobs that fell from me didn’t even sound like my own as they rang out through the small cove where we were hidden.
“Let it go,” she whispered near my ear. “Letting go of this ache inside you doesn’t mean you’re forgetting. You need to heal, sweet man, then you’ll find a way to cope with it all. You’ll be okay, Corbin, because I won’t let you go back to the man you were. I refuse to let you go.”
I held her tighter, and though I knew I should have been concerned about hurting her, I felt like no matter how close she was it still wasn’t close enough. I understood I had more healing to do, but I wouldn’t be this far if it hadn’t been for her. I had so many people trying to help me, so many trying to find a way to break through the walls I’d built, but it was Palmer who reached me. She stood up and took control.
I know I could have fought her, but honestly, I think I needed to be saved and she was the one I needed to save me.
***
The next time I opened my eyes it was daylight. Palmer lay stretched out over my chest like a second blanket. It was almost as though she was placing her own body over mine to ensure I didn’t try to go anywhere without her.
Memories of last night started coming back. Memories of her holding me and allowing me to be everything I needed to be: angry, sad, hurt…she accepted it all without pause. This woman was so strong, so determined to stand by my side, but she did not attempt to fix me. She knew she couldn’t do that, no one could. I had to take the first step. When I did, she held me above water, refusing to give up on me.
You just wait Corbin, one day you’ll get it. One day you figure it out and then you won’t calling me a pussy for being at Em’s mercy.
I still remembered the day Clayton said those words to me. I also remembered tossing my half-eaten apple at him, too, as he exited the frat house on the way to Emelie’s place. But he was right.
I brushed Palmer’s hair off her forehead and cleared the view of her face so I could see her completely.
My brother was right.
She opened her eyes slowly, blinking a time or two to clear her vision then looked up at me.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
She stared at me for a few passing seconds before she spoke. “Morning.” I could sense she was still weighing my mood. “Are you okay?”
“I’m not perfect,” there was no purpose in lying to this woman, “but I’m getting there.” She placed her hand on my chest and propped her chin on it. “I needed last night, I know that. I also know that most likely I’ll have a few more times like it before it’s all over.” She nodded, and I knew if anyone understood what I meant it was her because she’d gone through something similar. We connected in that sense. “I’m gonna be okay, Palmer.” It was my way of promising her I would continue working on healing and I’d stop running from it. “And I love knowing that you won’t let me fall.”
Her lower lip trembled and suddenly she was moving up my body and covering my lips with her own. “No, I won’t,” she assured me, and my heart soared. “We’ll get through this together.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Palmer
“What exactly is this?” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at Corbin, who sat on a large four-wheeler. He simply grinned wide, patting the space behind him. “No way am I climbing up on that thing with you.”
“Come on.” He revved the engine and moved it closer, still smiling brightly. His father chuckled as he stood near the barn and his mother remained perched on the porch. They were both getti
ng an extreme amount of pleasure out of the display. To see Corbin relaxed, a little fire inside him as he continued to torment me was a nice surprise.
After last night I feared what today would bring, but it seemed as though he’d had a breakthrough. A little clarity maybe, though like he said earlier, there were still hard times ahead.
“I promise I’ll be careful.” Corbin interrupted my thoughts and regained my attention. “The last thing I’d want to do is hurt my girl.” There was no way to hide my smile after that.
“I just wanna show you around, and some of the places are too far to walk.” He was like an excited little boy. It was adorable.
I stepped toward the beast of an ATV and held onto his shoulder while I crawled up, straddling him from behind. “Wrap your arms around me.” He took my hands in his and pulled them around him, placing them low on his stomach. “Don’t let go,” he directed over his shoulder, then shifted a little closer to kiss my forehead, which made my body warm. He didn’t care that his parents were watching our exchange.
Suddenly we were moving, slow at first as if he was attempting to ease me into the ride, then he took off. I squealed, he laughed, and just went faster.
I’ll admit it, the entire thing was thrilling. I’d never done anything like that before. The views were amazing, the streams and hills, Corbin lumbered through them all. Water splashed us, mud splattered from the tires onto our legs, and I couldn’t stop smiling.
Corbin slowed to a stop high on a hill that overlooked a large lake below. Trees surrounded the entire area and off in the distance was property that had what looked like half a dozen horses grazing. It was all so beautiful.
