JIMMY Oh MARIE, have you seen Mother?
MARIE Oui monsieur, she’s not feeling very well, sir. She’s having her breakfast in her room.
JIMMY What’s the matter with Mother?
MARIE A bad headache, I think sir. (Exits left.) (JIMMY exits right; JENKINS enters from left as MARGY comes on from back room.)
MARGY Good morning, JENKINS.
JENKINS Good morning, Madam. (Crossing over.) Does Madam wish anything?
MARGY No, if I want something I’ll ring.
JENKINS Very well, Madam. (Exits right.)
MARGY I don’t like this Madam business.
JIMMY (Entering From Right) Margie. (He goes over to her on the divan with a worried look and kisses her.)
MARGY What’s the matter, you look worried.
JIMMY Mother’s not feeling very well this morning.
MARGY That’s too bad. What’s the matter with her?
JIMMY Oh, I guess it’s her nerves again.
MARGY Is there anything I can do? Er—has she been saying anything about last night?
JIMMY No, but she seems upset. I imagine it’s about last night—I wonder if she—I wonder if she knows about last night—you and I. Oh dear, why did you let me go to your room. It’s the thing I’ve been fighting against ever since I met you.
MARGY Perhaps I’d better not stay here?
JIMMY What do you mean—what do you mean?
MARGY Well, your mother isn’t feeling well—and you’re all upset—
JIMMY Why—MARGY—
MARGY You want me to stay?
JIMMY Want you? I want you always, always. Oh, don’t you understand—I love you, love you. I realize it now more than ever. To lose you would be to lose every bit of happiness out of my life—I couldn’t live without you.
MARGY JIMMY, you’re mad.
JIMMY Yes, mad about you dear. Well get married at once—
MARGY Married!
JIMMY MARGY—of course—there was never any other thought in my mind. You hold everything in the world for me. Well be happy together, you and I. (Holds her in his arms and kisses hen) Why dear, I couldn’t leave you out of my sight long enough to join Dad at the office today.
MARGY You should have attended to business and—and—
JIMMY And what?
MARGY You’ve got me so nervous, JIMMY, I don’t know what I did want to say.
JIMMY There, I forgot about Lieutenant Gregg again. I’ve got to go meet him at once. I can’t think of anything but you, you see?
MARGY But why did you invite him here?
JIMMY I think he’s a fine fellow. He seemed very much interested in you. He asked how you were feeling.
MARGY Oh, he’s a wonderful man and all that, but I wanted to be alone with you, dear.
JENKINS (Entering From Left) The car is waiting, Mr. STANTON.
JIMMY Very well, JENKINS.
(Exit JENKINS.)
(JIMMY rises and kisses MARGY.)
I won’t be long, sweetheart.
MARGY Hurry back, dear.
(JIMMY exits.)
(MARGY rises and after looking off at JIMMY leaving, makes several ludicrous attempts to rearrange the furnishings of the room. The result is a garish display of taste.)
CLARA (Entering From Right) Good morning, Miss LaMont.
MARGY Oh, good morning—I—was just making a few changes here—to kind of suit myself.
CLARA So I see.
MARGY I thought that thing would look better over here and this thing would look better over here. (She is wiping her hands on a brocade.)
CLARA Well—well—hmm—
MARGY (Holding Up The Brocade) Oh, what’s this thing supposed to be?
CLARA Oh goodness! That “thing” is supposed to be a brocade from MARIE Antoinette, Queen of France.
MARGY Oh, is that what that thing is supposed to be?
CLARA And this thing is supposed to have been worn by Madame DuBarry when she used her wiles on King Louis XV.
MARGY What a break that jane got! I remember reading about that boy.
CLARA Oh, my nerves, my nerves.
MARGY JIMMY said you weren’t feeling very well, and I was going in to see how you were, but I thought I had better not after the argument last night.
CLARA Yes, I forgive you for taking the attitude you did. I realize I was quite harsh with you, but you didn’t understand my feelings in the matter.
MARGY No, and I guess you didn’t understand mine.
CLARA At first I thought you came here in a spirit of revenge.
MARGY Say, I didn’t have any idea I was going to meet you here. I should say not! But that was a pretty mean trick you pulled on me that night in Montreal. After the story you told, I could have done time.
CLARA I’m sorry, but I have a clearer understanding of your problem now.
MARGY I’m glad you have. Of course we all make mistakes.
CLARA Yes, I’ve made mistakes, too. I only caught myself in time. You don’t know the agony, the mental suffering I’ve endured on account of that Montreal affair.
MARGY I don’t know how you ever fell for that guy. Of course with me it was more business than anything else.
CLARA It was my first and last experience of anything like that. I swear to you from that night to this I’ve given all of my love, every one of my thoughts to my husband and boy. God, what a lesson it was to me, my nerves go to pieces at the very thought of it.
MARGY Don’t worry about the past. That’s my motto. Always think of what you’re going to do tomorrow.
CLARA And what are you going to do tomorrow? You hold my boy’s future in your hands. Some day he’ll find out—and then, don’t you see what it’ll be?
MARGY He loves me and it won’t matter.
CLARA Oh, yes it will matter. He’ll never forgive you for deceiving him. He’ll hate you and you’ll both be miserable.
MARGY I—I—don’t believe it.
CLARA Those things can never remain a secret—Some day they will come to life, and even though he did love you well enough to forgive, what would it be for him, dreading the very meeting of every man he sees thinking that perhaps his wife—Oh, don’t you understand it would be enough to madden him, and you, how would you feel? You would never know a moment of peace.
MARGY You’re certainly not drawing a pretty picture.
CLARA Yes, but I’m drawing a true picture. Tell me you’ll give him up, please. (MARGY turns her head away. MARIE enters dressed for the street.) Oh MARIE, are you going out?
MARIE Madame said I could—the others have all gone on ahead.
CLARA Oh yes, yes, I’d forgotten, our neighbor’s cook—you’re all invited to her wedding. My nerves are in such a state, I don’t remember.
MARIE If Madame wish me to remain—
CLARA No, you go, but call up the druggist, and tell him to send over the nerve prescription Dr. Gordon left for me.
MARIE Oui, Madame.
CLARA Has JENKINS returned from the station?
MARIE I think not, madame. (Auto horn Off stage.) I think it is the car now. (MARIE exits and returns later followed by JIMMY and GREGG dressed in civilian clothes. MARIE exits again.)
JIMMY Come right in, lieutenant.
Gregg Thanks, awfully.
JIMMY Mother, this is Lieutenant Gregg.
CLARA How do you do Lieutenant Gregg. (CLARA and GREGG recognize each other, but before GREGG gets a chance to admit it; MARGY jabs him. JIMMY notices nothing. GREGG and CLARA falter in their greetings.)
MARGY (To JIMMY) Oh dear—
CLARA You’ll pardon me, Lieutenant Gregg, but I’m not feeling well. I’ll see you later.
Gregg I’m sorry to hear you’re indisposed. It’s quite alright, I quite understand.
JIMMY Mother isn’t quite herself today.
MARGY No, she’s not feeling well.
JIMMY Now, dear, that the lieutenant is here I’d like to show him around the place. Won’t you join us?
MARGY Honey, I don’t feel that I’d care to go out today. You go.
JENKINS (Entering From Right) Your mother would like to see you, Mr. STANTON.
JIMMY Pardon me, I’ll be right back. (Exit JIMMY and JENKINS.)
Gregg Isn’t that the woman from Montreal?
MARGY Of course it is. Who did you think it was?
Gregg I wasn’t quite sure. I was just going to ask her when you started all this sort of business. (He indicates the jabs she had given him.)
MARGY That’s all I need around here, just one bright remark from you.
Gregg But doesn’t he know?
MARGY (Going Over To The Piano) No, he doesn’t know.
Gregg Aren’t you going to tell him?
MARGY No I’m going to let you tell him. (She plays “Home Sweet Home.” GREGG watches her smoking silently.)
Gregg (At End Of Piece) That doesn’t sound a bit like you, Marge.
MARGY It’s not supposed to be me. (Starts to play blues number stopping just long enough to answer him.)
Gregg That’s more like you, Marge, You’re looking beautiful, Marge, more beautiful than ever.
MARGY Yeah?
Gregg You’re not saying how I look?
MARGY You’re looking alright.
Gregg There was a time I looked rather good to you.
MARGY You look the same to me now.
Gregg But how do you like me in civilian clothes?
MARGY They look alright. But I think I like the uniform better.
Gregg Why?
MARGY I don’t know, I guess it’s because I’m so patriotic.
JIMMY (Entering) What is my little sweetheart doing? Entertaining?
MARGY Not tonight, dear.
JIMMY Won’t you change your mind and join us, dear.
MARGY No, you two run along and hurry back, dear.
JIMMY Alright. Come along lieutenant, we’ll go.
Gregg You don’t care to come, too?
MARGY No, I don’t care to come too.
Gregg Will you be here when I get back?
MARGY I’ll be here when you get back. (Exit JIMMY and GREGG. Enter JENKINS.)
JENKINS (Sees CLARA Entering) Have I permission to go to the wedding?
CLARA Yes, you may go.
JENKINS Thank you, madam.
(Door bell rings. JENKINS exits and returns with a card on a salver.)
CLARA (Looking At Card) Show the gentleman in. (JENKINS exits and returns ushering in ROCKY WALDRON. JENKINS exits.) And you have the impudence to come back here!
Rocky Your little boy friend is broke again.
CLARA I refuse to give you any more money.
Rocky Then I park the body here until you do.
CLARA I can’t let you stay here.
Rocky I’d be a handy man to have around the house. That husband of yours is an old gink. A young chap like me isn’t to be found everywhere.
CLARA You must leave.
Rocky Be reasonable. You don’t want to lose a home like this and a husband with plenty of jack.
CLARA (Rising) But I can’t let you have any more money.
Rocky You can’t bluff me, CLARA. You play a bum poker hand.
CLARA I can’t let you stay here. You must go. My husband, my boy. Oh for God’s sake, please go, go.
Rocky I don’t mind taking a little jewelry with me. What a nice new collection you have. That husband of yours does like to drape you in gems. By the way, what did you tell him you did with the others?
CLARA I told him they were stolen.
Rocky Well, tell him the same thing about these.
(CLARA is standing by the door to MARGY’s room. ROCKY makes a grab for her; and CLARA picks up a gun from a table. She is about to shoot him, but MARGY enters and takes her gun, hiding it behind her own back. ROCKY is astonished by MARGY’s entrance.)
Rocky (To MARGY) You? What are you pulling here?
CLARA He threatened to tell my husband about Montreal unless I gave him money.
MARGY Don’t my little pet know that blackmail is against the law?
Rocky It’s none of your business.
MARGY Yes, but I’m going to make it my business. You know you’re not in Montreal now, dearie. No to be exact you’re just three hundred fifty-four miles from there. You’re in the States now, get out your little map. Rocky Waldron, alias Gentleman Jack, wanted for several things including murder.
Rocky (To MARGY) So that’s what you’re pulling! If you think I’d let you get away with it…You’re mine, you belong to me! (He starts at her. MARGYdrives a chair between him and herself.)
Rocky (To CLARA) You stopped my allowance in Montreal but it’s going to start again here. You’re going to come across with that jack. We’re going to blow this town right now.
(MARGY goes to telephone.)
Rocky (Back To MARGY) What are you going to do?
MARGY Make a reservation, dear. Now, just where would my little pet care to spend his next twenty or thirty years? I know a beautiful place down South dear, called Atlanta, where I know they’re waiting to welcome you with open arms.
Rocky You think so?
MARGY Or maybe you don’t care for the warm climate? I could very easily arrange a beautiful trip up the Hudson. Where you get free tonsorial visits. In other words the closest haircut you ever had. And Baby, the classiest suit of clothes, you know, sort of zebra effect. I can just see it draped on that perfect figure of yours.
Rocky Who do you think you’re kidding? You trying to waste my time around here—why I’d—
(MARGY brings the gun out on him. He recoils in fear. She takes receiver off phone.)
MARGY (Calmly) Hello, police headquarters, yes please hurry. (To Rocky): Mmmm—I can just see it draped on that perfect figure of yours. Hello, police headquarters? This is the Robert STANTON residence, Boulevard Road, yes, will you kindly send someone here immediately, yes, to take a desperate character. Yes, please hurry, thank you.
Rocky So you’d turn me up after all I’ve done for you?
MARGY After all you’ve done for me? A fine thing you did when you left this woman on my hands. If she hadn’t come to, I’d be in jail yet.
Rocky I’d have come back, I’d have got you out.
MARGY Yes you would. Yes you would.
Rocky Come on Marge, you’re not going to turn me up. Why they’re on my trail now. That’s why I came here. I just wanted more jack to make a get away. Please don’t turn me up.
MARGY Alright rat. I’ll give you a chance. Escaped convict 3844. I’ve got a pretty good memory, haven’t I? Why, if I didn’t have a certain amount of refinement, I’d kick your teeth all over this floor. Now blow bum, blow. Not that way, you ought to know better than that. Come on, come on. (ROCKY exits hastily.) (To CLARA:) Where do you keep this thing? (She indicates the revolver.)
CLARA Just put it on the table.
MARGY (She Writes On A Pad On The Table And Hands CLARA A Piece Of Paper) Now any time your little boyfriend should forget his promise and come back, a little phone call will put him right where he belongs.
CLARA Thank you very much. When he threatened to tell my husband about Montreal I thought about my boy and everything. I picked up that gun and I would have shot him.
MARGY You must never do that. You must never shoot anyone.
CLARA Oh, why did I do it? I went mad. (Door bell rings.) Oh, the police are here. What are you going to tell them?
MARGY Now don’t worry, I know how to handle those babies. (Exits to door.)
Policeman (Off Stage) Alright Mike, you stay outside.
Voice (Off Stage) Look out Al, he’s desperate.
Policeman (Entering With MARGY) What’s the trouble, lady?
MARGY I’m very sorry, officer. But there has been a slight mistake on our part.
Policeman Why, the report at headquarters was to come and get a desperate character.
MARGY Yes, he was desperate, in the beginning, very desperate, wasn’t he, Mrs. STANTON?
CLARA Yes, he was very desperate. You see, we ladies were all alone. The servants have gone to a wedding.
MARGY Yes, the butler and the maid, they had a friend, a cook. And she just got back from her honeymoon and is going to be married tonight.
CLARA Why, she hasn’t had her honeymoon yet—
MARGY Oh, I don’t know how it is, but I will make those mistakes. Yes, she’s going to be married tonight and tomorrow night she’s going to have her honeymoon. I will do those things. And you see, we ladies were here alone. And this man, he came in, and he wanted money, he wanted carfare, he was going some place. And of course we ladies, we felt that we didn’t dare to give it to him. And then he became very annoyed, oh very angry. But after a while he cooled off and he began to see things our way, and he left. I don’t think he’ll be back, in fact I’m sure he won’t. (She starts to flirt with officer in her attempt to make him believe her.) So you see, officer, a slight mistake and very sorry to have troubled you, really.
Policeman (Starting To Exit) It’s alright lady, no harm done. (Stops. Comes to MARGY.) I beg your pardon. Haven’t I seen you some place before?
MARGY I beg pardon?
Policeman Haven’t I seen you some place before?
MARGY Well, I’ve been some place.
Policeman Don’t you remember me?
MARGY I can’t say that I do.
Policeman Sailor Gordon?
MARGY Do you mind stepping out here for just a minute? (Starts to exit.)
Policeman Coitenly.
(They exit together. CLARA stands and looks out after them thoughtfully. After a few moments, MARGY returns. She cannot look CLARA in the face, and goes to her room in silence. JIMMY and GREGG enter.)
JIMMY Mother, has there been any trouble here?
CLARA Why no, Son, why?
JIMMY I saw Warren and he said he saw some officers coming in here.
CLARA Yes, they were here but they had the wrong place, darling.
JIMMY I’m so glad. We certainly did hurry to get here, didn’t we Lieutenant?
Gregg We whizzed, what?
JIMMY Mother, where’s MARGY?
CLARA Up in her room.
JIMMY Mother, you haven’t been saying anything to offend her have you?
CLARA Of course not, Son.
(MARGY enters dressed to go away and carrying a bag. They all turn and stare at her.)
JIMMY Why, dear, what’s the matter?
Three Plays by Mae West Page 9
