“Not. Until you get around to your usual questions about San Antonio. Come on, what will it be tonight?” He leaned back on his hands, crossing his legs. “Do you want to know how the shoot at the Alamo went? How many pictures I took of tourists? Curious why I keep returning day after day rather than spend hours on end wandering around the ranch house, waiting for you to stop training horses, and trying to avoid your family?”
“You don’t have to avoid them.”
“Really? And I quote, ‘We can’t be married without knowing our history,’ end quote.”
She crossed her arms over her chest but remained standing, one hip jutted out in annoyance. She chewed her cheek for a moment and then said, “I didn’t mean you couldn’t talk to anyone. I just meant we needed to have a few details straight.”
“Like why I go into San Antonio to photograph tourist attractions every day?” he pushed, knowing that was exactly what she wanted to know. Along with every other reason he had for everything from brushing his teeth to why he lived in New York. Each time she asked why he kept photographing San Antonio she was really asking why he kept himself so distant from life. From her.
“No, like why you’re wandering around some dirty neighborhood with more weeds than people!” She sucked in a breath and had the grace to look ashamed.
So it had been her in the old-man get up. And it had probably been her in the old truck, slowing down and speeding up between the ranch and Lockhardt. Was her erratic driving another ploy to keep him at the ranch?
“I’m sorry, I just had to know what keeps taking you to San Antonio.”
“The SUV,” he said flippantly. He immediately regretted the words when a tear escaped the corner of her eye.
Jackson shook himself. He was losing his mind and being a Class A jerk in the process. Kathleen wasn’t kidnapping him or forcing him to stay at the ranch against his will. This is exactly what he signed on for. Her questions were normal. Following him wasn’t, but it was understandable. A little bit.
He got to his feet and reached out to her but she pulled away.
“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.”
“No, you’re not,” she said, sniffling. “You’re not sorry. You leave every day and put all of this out of your mind and for what? A few hours spent in that dusty neighborhood, taking pictures that will never be in your New York show? Are we that terrible?”
Jackson didn’t know what to say, so he kept quiet.
“I saw you today, Jackson. Really saw you and I didn’t like what I saw. You’re secrets are hurting you.’
He bristled. “I don’t have any secrets.” Liar.
She turned, smiling sadly at him. “We all have secrets, Jackson. The difference between you and the rest of the world is that most of us share our secrets eventually or deal with them so that they don’t interfere with our lives. But you keep it all inside. Why didn’t you tell me what you were really doing in San Antonio?”
It was Jackson’s turn to clench his jaw. His fists. “I did. I’m just photographing an area that interests me.”
Kathleen slapped her hands against her thighs. “In a historical city like San Antonio the best thing you can find to photograph are empty streets?” She shook her head. “Now you’re keeping secrets and you’re lying. That’s not a way to build a relationship.”
Angry that she was seeing so much and afraid that she would figure everything out, Jackson grabbed her upper arms and turned her to face him.
“Relationship? Kathleen, you’re the one who set out the rules: this is a four-week, pretend marriage. There is no relationship and will never be. Because as soon as your birthday is over, I’ll be on a plane to New York. Like I should have been eight days ago. You don’t need me to run interference with your Grandfather. You don’t need a pretend marriage to cover a silly, drunken mistake. Just tell him what happened and if he turns on you, turn right back on him.” He shook her. “He’s turning you inside out and for what? A grandson-in-law? Sit him down and make him listen to your plans. I’ve known you for less than a month and I bought in. He’s known you your entire life, there is no way he could turn his back on you now.”
“You don’t know anything about this.” Tears rolled down her cheeks. She ripped her arms from his grasp. “You can’t understand how hard it’s been for him. I can’t let him know that his worst fears are true.”
What was she talking about? Worst fears? From where Jackson stood, Kathleen was the pillar of the Witte family. Dedicated to the ranch, her father, sisters. What more could Mitchum want? Before he could question her Kathleen turned and fled.
Chapter Thirteen
Twilight painted the sky with watercolor pinks, purples, and oranges. Had Texas been this beautiful when he was a kid?
Jackson finished loading the picnic supplies into the Jeep and started back down the narrow track toward the barn. He would make this up to her. He hadn’t jumped to conclusions but he had jumped to the wrong motivation and he knew he owed Kathleen an apology.
He also needed to develop a tougher exterior if he was projecting pain all over Texas. What was that about? He wasn’t in pain. Turmoil, maybe. An early-mid-life crisis? Mostly he just had his own questions and being around her was making them echo in his head. How could he even think he was the man she needed in her life?
But he wasn’t going there just now. This was about Kathleen’s pain, not his. Because Jackson had a feeling that fixating on his “pain” was just another way for Kath to pretend the issues in her own life were normal.
He slowed the Jeep, wanting to clear his head and develop his arguments before catching up with his wife.
Only she wasn’t his wife. Not really. They had the paper but none of the trust and Jackson was finally ready to admit that was his fault. He couldn’t afford to trust Kathleen with his past because it could harm her future. A drunken wedding was one thing. There was no way over-protective Mitchum would accept someone with his background happily into the family. He had as much as accused Jackson of wanting the Witte fortune that first night.
This train of thought was getting him nowhere. The fact was that Kathleen would never be his true wife because Jackson didn’t want a wife. He didn’t want commitment. He wanted to live life on his own terms, just as he’d been doing his entire life.
He wanted to travel the world, spend time with beautiful women, and view life through his camera lens. That was what he had always wanted. Certainly he wasn’t going to change that now. They were nearly three weeks into their fake marriage and, if anything, the days and nights spent with Kathleen only reinforced his certainty that they were completely wrong for one another.
She needed stability. He, at best, could offer a life lived out of a suitcase. Sure, he’d try to change if there was a baby in the picture. But three weeks after their unprotected sex episode he was feeling better about the chances of there not being a baby. A few more days and he would know for sure; once he could be certain he would walk away.
Except, if leaving was still what he wanted why was he chasing after Kathleen now? Why wasn’t he already back in New York? Why did he care that she thought he was in pain?
The barn came into view moments before he saw Kathleen disappear inside one of the big doors and he pushed the questions out of his mind. Just as well. They needed to talk and she wouldn’t want to have this conversation in the house where Mitchum could overhear.
Jackson parked the Jeep and set the picnic basket on the hood before following Kathleen through the door. He waited a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dimness of the interior. Although the ranch was state of the art in every other area, the lighting inside the barn left a lot to be desired. He found her inside Jester’s stall, combing the horse as if her life depended on it. Still sniffling. Had she cried all the way back? He shook his head and stepped into the stall.
She stiffene
d when he would have touched her so Jackson took a few steps back until his shoulders touched the opposite wall. In a lot of ways Kathleen was like her horses and he needed her to stay calm so they could talk. Finally.
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugged. This was not going to go well if she wouldn’t even accept his apology. He tried again.
“I didn’t mean to push so hard.”
Kathleen spared him an eye-rolling glance before looping the curry comb around the stall door. “Would you stop turning this around on me? Our problems are about you and the past, not about me.”
She might as well be an ostrich, Jackson thought, as opposed to self-examination as she acted. He felt his temper slip. She needed to wake up before the life she dreamed of passed her by.
“This has everything to do with you. It’s your secret we’re keeping. You’re the one who came up with the plan to stay married until your birthday — ”
She waved her hands, cutting him off. “I’m not talking about our deal, I’m talking about the fact that you won’t talk to me. You don’t tell me anything. We can’t have a relationship like that.” The last words were barely a whisper.
Jackson crossed his arms over his chest. They’d tackle the relationship aspect later. “Fine, what do you want to know?”
“Why haven’t you called your family once since you’ve been here?”
“Because there’s no one to call.”
She narrowed her eyes and plastered a fake smile on her face. “Another lie. Boy, for a man who wanted to be honest about our wedding from the start you’re sure not shy about lying about everything else in your life.” She took a step forward, pointing at his chest. “You escape into San Antonio every day and when I ask why you start in on my family and their problems. My father’s drinking, my sister’s marriage, my grandfather’s ultimatum. None of that holds a candle to you. You know everything about me. Your parents might be dead but Janice and Tyler are right down the road. Yet you’d rather sit outside a vacant, decrepit building than go see your family.”
“They aren’t my family. And you know everything that matters,” he insisted stubbornly.
“I don’t know anything that matters. Why did you stare at that building for so long today?”
He clenched his jaw but said nothing.
“Why did you photograph that boy?” Again he was silent. “Why did you lie about taking tourist photos? Why not tell me you were working on another project?”
“I’m not used to reporting my movements to a family of four. My mistake, it won’t happen again. Tomorrow morning I’ll skip San Antonio and take that tour with Mitchum.” He kept his voice as flat as a stone from the creek bed.
“That isn’t what I want. If you need to be in the city, go. But stop lying about what you’re doing. Families don’t do that to one another.” Frustrated, she pushed her hands into her thick mane of hair. She opened her mouth but then snapped her jaw closed and hurried away from Jester’s stall. Jackson caught up quickly.
“How do I know what families do, Kathleen? Hugh Henderson might have donated the sperm that made me, but he kicked my mother out of his life before I was born. When I was seven she left for cigarettes or the proverbial loaf of bread maybe just because she wanted to and never came back.” He wanted to stop when the color drained from her face, but couldn’t. It was time she faced the truth about him - that he not only didn’t belong on her ranch, he was incapable of being the man she’d created in her mind. He wasn’t some artsy photographer who saw the world differently. He saw the world exactly as it was. Broken. Just like him. So instead of stopping, instead of giving her the space she obviously needed he pressed on.
“When they eventually served him with the paternity papers that proved I was his biological son I’d been in the foster care system for nearly a year. Janice not only didn’t want reminders of the cad my father had been before he married her, she didn’t want some foster care reject influencing her precious Ty.” It was his turn to shove his hands through his hair. “I didn’t choose boarding school, it was foisted on me and any time I showed my face around here it was made perfectly clear I wasn’t wanted. That fact was underlined when not only didn’t Hugh show up for graduation at UTEP — not that I expected him to — but that the very next day I received a ten-thousand-dollar check and a request to never come to Lockhardt again.”
Kathleen reached a hand toward him but then dropped it before she could touch him. Funny how the truth changed people, Jackson thought as he shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Families don’t lie? Your father is playing chess at the bar all day, every day, and drinking sweet tea. No alcohol. He’s lying about being a drunk. Why would anyone do that?” Jackson stared into her eyes until Kathleen glanced away. “If Mitchum really wanted to sell, he’d have done it. He’s using his lie to make you bend to his will. And we’ve been living the biggest lie of all of them since that night we got drunk and married in Puerto Vallarta. We aren’t a family, Kath, we’ve never been a family. I should know. I was raised without a family. Shipped here, there, and anywhere there was an empty bed and a bowl of cereal in the morning.” The words he flung at her threatened to topple her, but somehow she remained upright. Then, he said the words he was certain would kill any remaining interest in him. “I didn’t accept your terms out of the goodness of my heart, I did it because you could be pregnant. I might not know anything about family, but if you are pregnant I’m not going to leave my child behind the way I was.”
• • •
“You’re here because you think I might be pregnant?” The words were barely a whisper and Kathleen hated that. She needed to be strong now that her world — the world she’d apparently, crazily invented over the past couple of weeks — was well and truly imploding.
“You asked.”
“Hugh wouldn’t turn his child away.”
“Yeah, right.”
“But things would be different now. You’re a huge success. Ty brags about everything. Why wouldn’t he want to brag about his older brother the photographer?” Kathleen wanted her image of Jackson to remain perfectly vague and bland. Reason number four-hundred-twenty-four she should have stopped herself from wondering about him, following him into the city, and using that stupid picnic idea to make him tell her about his life. His vague and bland life got her into this mess in the first place. That first night in Puerto Vallarta she fell back under his mysterious spell. The artistic, quiet, handsome boy from college was still artistic and quiet and drop dead gorgeous. So she had pushed and prodded, looking for his weakness. Looking for anything that would keep her school-girl crush under control. Only now she feared it wasn’t just a crush.
Had she been in love with Jackson all this time? Was he the reason she was a serial dater with no inclination to settle down? Had she unconsciously been waiting for him to show up in her life? And now that he had she had no more illusions. He didn’t just dislike her. He felt pity for her and responsibility for a child that very likely didn’t exist.
“You can’t be that naive. Me being here means Ty has to share the family fortune. That he and Janice have to acknowledge the existence of a stripper’s kid. My mother, Maria, left our apartment when I was seven. Five days later one of our neighbors heard my cries for help.” He paused, clenched his jaw and then continued. Kathleen’s heart broke for him, emotion she knew was wasted on his hardened heart. “I was locked inside the apartment. No lights, no heat, no food. My so-called family couldn’t have cared less. I’ve made a good life for myself and none of this matters. Stop trying to fix me like you fix your horses. I’m not broken.”
“Oh, Jackson,” she said. This was so much worse than she had expected and not at all the way to break his hold on her. If anything, knowing his past made her want to hold on to him. To show him what life could be like if he would open his heart again. But Jackson didn’t want t
o open his heart. That was clear from the way he looked at her now, eyes filled with contempt.
“You can’t help yourself, can you? You’d rather fix every problem in the world and ignore your own. What happens to you, to your horses when your birthday comes around and Mitchum comes up with another reason to withhold control of the ranch?”
Kathleen stiffened her spine. “He won’t do that.” He couldn’t. Could he?
“Really? You’re certain that he’ll take everything from you if we aren’t the happy newlyweds now, but in three weeks when I leave you really believe that he’ll still give you control?”
“He might have,” said a venomous voice from the corner. “But he won’t after I tell him what you two have been plotting.” Vanessa strutted into the light in another pair of designer high heels hatred brimming in her eyes. She slapped the shaft of her leather riding boots together like a whip. Kathleen’s body jerked at the sound. “Poor, innocent Kathleen. Grandfather’s favorite and married to her kiddie crush. Only she’s really planning a divorce that will be even faster than her drunken I Do’s. I wonder what good, old, Mitchum will think of that? You might have wanted to stay in the hayloft with another stable boy, sis.”
“Van, please.” Kathleen’s voice was barely a whisper.
“What do you want?” Jackson asked.
“I want my money.” Greed gleamed in her eyes. “Now that I don’t have a rich husband to fall back on I need a home, vacations, and meals in all the right restaurants. All of that costs money — until the next rich husband comes along.” She slapped the leather boots together and smiled. “Once Grandfather sells, we split one-fifth of the estate. That’s a cool fifteen million for me.” She stepped closer to Jackson, drawing tiny circles on his chest. “I don’t think you can beat that offer, Brother, so don’t even try.”
• • •
“Go after her,” Jackson said.
Kathleen knew she should run after Vanessa to try to stop her, but couldn’t move her feet. If this was it, this was it. Grandfather could take her dreams for the ranch and she would start over. She was a smart girl and a great trainer. She had connections she had never thought about using on her own. This might be the time to do that. For now, she needed to talk to Jackson. Because he was right.
Texas Wishes: The Complete Series Page 13
