This morning, he woke me up with coffee and then ate his eggs, which he made with the windows open and a fan going, on the deck even though it was freaking freezing outside. While I probably deserved to puke after the day he had with Mrs. Garner and Villafane, he went out of his way to make sure I was comfortable.
Speaking of . . .
“Are you going over to check out Mrs. Garner’s locks today?”
He gives me a side-eye glance. “Yes, after our appointment.”
“It was very sweet of you to offer.”
Josh snorts. “Offer? I think you mean got steamrolled into doing.”
“Sort of sucks, huh?”
“What?”
I raise one brow. “Being steamrolled. This man I know, who is really hot and I hooked up with a few times, well, he did this same kind of thing to me.”
Josh’s lips twitch. “Did he?”
“Yup, one day, I made a comment, and the next thing I knew, he was moving in.”
“Sounds like a caring guy.”
“Oh, he cares like an overbearing brute.”
Josh leans in. “Did you call me a brute?”
“Did you steamroll your way into my home?” I counter. As much as he did do exactly that, it’s also more than any man has done to ensure my safety. It’s kind of sweet, even if I have to sit on my hands to stop myself from mauling him.
“Maybe, but you’re having my baby.”
“And that means?”
He shrugs. “Nothing.”
I huff and rest my head on the wall before cutting my eyes toward him. “Thank you.”
“For?” he asks with confusion in his voice.
“Caring.”
Josh’s fingers tighten just a bit. “I’ve always cared about you, Delia. I’ve always . . . well, feeling and caring haven’t been the problem for me.”
No, it’s been allowing himself to give me more.
“I know.”
He’ll love and care for our child, but we will just be friends. I fight back the emotions because, no matter how many times I draw that line between us or tell him that this is how it has to be between us, I hate it. I want more, and it’s going to take me longer than a few days to find my footing in the idea that Josh will never shirk his responsibilities around our child, but that’s as far as his love will extend.
The more I tell myself this, the easier it’ll be.
When my name is called, Josh walks back with me. The nurse gives me instructions to pee in a cup and change into the paper gown so the ties are in the back before she lets us know that someone will be right in.
Josh goes to the chair, and I head into the bathroom.
Once I’m done, I hop up onto the table, draping the blanket over my legs. He sits there, looking extremely out of place, and I grin.
“What?” he asks, catching the look.
“Nothing.”
“That smile isn’t nothing.”
“Just that you look like you’re ready to bolt.”
“What exactly is that?” He points to the ultrasound machine.
“Well, it’s going to show us the baby.”
“I know that, but what’s that wand thing that looks sort of like . . .”
“It goes inside me,” I explain.
He pales. “Seriously?”
“Yup.” I laugh after he goes from pale to green. “It’s fine. It’s all safe, and it’ll allow us to see the baby.”
“How do you know all this?”
“Jess.”
I went with her to an appointment before she told Grayson, and I got to see this part.
“Right.”
There’s a soft knock before the door opens. Josh gets to his feet as a very attractive male doctor enters. “Hi, Ms. Andrews. I’m Dr. Willbanks, an associate of Dr. Locke’s. She’s out today, so I’m filling in.”
“Hi, this is my . . . the baby’s father, Joshua.”
Josh extends his hand, and they shake. “Aren’t you a bit young to deliver babies?”
Dr. Willbanks laughs. “I assure you, I’m perfectly capable of handling Delia’s care.”
Josh doesn’t look impressed.
“Steamroller?” I say softly, and he turns to me, rolling his eyes.
“Excuse me?” the doctor asks.
“Nothing,” Josh replies. “I apologize, this is all new to me.”
The doctor bows his head graciously. “I understand. It’s a lot of information and very overwhelming.” He opens the chart. “I see that you are already confirmed, which is great, and you’re pretty clear on the conception date based on the situation. Your urine tested positive again, which we do each visit,” he explains. “I see everything else looks good. Today we’ll do an ultrasound, take a look at the progress, determine your due date, and hopefully, we’ll hear the heartbeat.”
I exhale deeply, looking to Josh with tears in my eyes. He moves toward me, taking my hand. I could pretend, for just a moment, that we’re a couple and this is a joyous moment. That the two of us are a unit, bonded by love and happiness.
I could, but I won’t.
Josh is a friend, a protector, and someone who is here because of duty, not love.
Don’t fool yourself, Delia.
The doctor sets everything up and then explains what he’ll do. “We’ll try to do the ultrasound external first, and if we can’t see clearly, we’ll do transvaginal.”
I nod, and Josh lets out a loud sigh of relief.
He’s such a baby.
The cold gel goes around my lower belly, and then there’s this sound. At first, it doesn’t really sound like anything specific, but after the doctor moves the wand around a bit more, I hear it. This rapid whooshing sound.
Josh and I look to each other, and tears fill my eyes. “Oh my God,” I say as it grows louder.
“It’s so fast. Is this normal?” he asks.
The doctor looks at the screen, concentrating and almost ignoring us. Then his eyes meet ours. He smiles reassuringly. “The heartbeat is normal, plus, well, there is . . .”
“There’s what?” I ask, feeling nervous that there’s something wrong.
“Do you see this?” He points to something on the screen. “This is an amniotic sac, the placenta is here.”
At first, I can’t tell what the hell any of it is, but then he shifts the wand just a bit and there’s no mistaking the shape on the screen. I blink a few times. “Are there supposed to be . . . two of each?”
Josh’s hand falls away, and he shifts to get a closer look. “Two?”
The doctor nods, clicking a few buttons, and then smiles at us. “Based on the measurements here, you’re about eleven weeks pregnant.”
I shake my head. “That’s great, but . . . that’s two, right? There’s an extra of everything in there.”
Dr. Willbanks prints out the photo. “Yes. Congratulations. You’re having twins.”
Chapter 20
Joshua
Two. Twins. Two.
That goes around and around. I didn’t even want one, and now I’m getting two.
“Josh?” Delia calls my attention as I’m walking in circles in the living room.
“Twins?”
“It would seem so. I mean, they do run in your family, don’t they? Ugh. And they run in mine. Jesus!”
Right. Stella and Oliver are twins, so, yeah, I mean, it’s possible. And now her family as well. I . . . two.
I run my fingers through my hair, wondering what the hell I’m supposed to say. Delia hasn’t said much. We left the appointment in a daze. She took the photos from the doctor, who is probably still in training, nodded aimlessly as he asked if we were okay, and then drove back, not speaking.
Twins.
Two.
Dos niños.
Doubly screwed.
“I didn’t think I would have them.”
“I wasn’t exactly anticipating this either, but here we are,” Delia says, pulling the blanket around her.
I am being an assh
ole. I make my way to the couch and sit next to her. “You’re right. I am just stunned.”
“Same here.”
“We’re going to have twins, and we’ll be fine.”
She laughs once. “You’re insane! We won’t be fine! We aren’t equipped to have one kid, let alone two of them! This is like some cosmic joke, Josh. Twins. Nothing is okay. I’m not okay. Are you okay? Because you don’t seem so okay. You keep saying two, twins, and I don’t know if you’re aware that you’re speaking. I’m freaking the fuck out. You don’t love me, and now I have to have two of your babies? Do you keep one and I get the other?” Delia gets to her feet, starting to ramble and walk the same path I was pacing two minutes ago. “That seems insane, right? We don’t split them, but then do you get one on one weekend, and I get the other? Again, that makes no sense. Now I have to wonder how to feed two babies, change two babies, clothe two babies. Not to mention, I am in my prime, Josh! My fucking prime, and now I’m going to have two kids. What man is going to want to date me? I’m going to be alone and fat and have saggy tits because two babies mean double everything. No one will want me!” Tears are streaming down her face, and she’s throwing her hands up and down. “I am never going to find someone to love me.” She turns, now shifting to anger. “And it’s all your stupid fault!”
“My fault?” I ask, and I realize immediately that was a mistake.
She stalks toward me. “Yes. You had the condom that broke. You had to be nice to me that night and make me want to have hot, sweaty sex with you. It’s. All. Your. Fault! Why do you have to be so damn irresistible?”
“I’m . . . sorry?” I say as more of a question, absolutely smart enough not to point out that she was who demanded I stay that night.
She groans and takes the blanket off the couch before tossing it in my face and then flopping down beside me.
I set the blanket aside and take her hands in mine. “No matter what you think, you are not going to be alone or fat.”
“You don’t know that.”
“No, but I know that you could never be anything other than gorgeous.” She shakes her head, but I continue, “I mean it. Any man who says otherwise is stupid and doesn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”
“That’s sweet.”
The saddest part is that I’m the stupid one. I know she’s beautiful, funny, sweet, and everything a man should want. I also know that she loves me. So, here I am, letting this amazing woman walk around, believing I don’t spend every hour of the day thinking about her, wishing I were a better man.
Delia sighs. The sound of defeat nearly breaks me. “What do we do now?”
I haven’t a fucking clue. I will say that I’m smart enough not to say that to Delia. “We take a little time and figure it out.”
“You know, we said we’d figure it out a few weeks ago, and you moved into my house.”
“See how efficient I am? Now you don’t have to worry about having to take care of two babies alone because I’m here.”
“Yeah. You are.”
“Delia!” I call for the tenth time because she’s still in her room getting ready. “We’re going to be late.”
“We’re fine!” she yells back.
I look at my watch, the seconds hand taunting me with each tick. Stella will kill me if I’m not there on time. Four days ago, she called me, asking if I’d be the brother to walk her down the aisle because she decided not to invite our father to her wedding.
I can’t imagine it was easy for her. As a kid, she spent way too many hours playing dress up for her imagined wedding. I can remember the one time in particular when she burst into our father’s office with her white dress and requested their first dance.
It was one of the few times I saw him actually be a good father and oblige her.
That won’t be the memory she makes today.
The minute hand moves. “Delia! Baby, we have to leave.”
She opens the door and sighs. “I’m fat.”
She is absolutely not fat. “You’re beautiful.”
Her eyes are brimming with tears. “I can barely get it to zip up. I wasn’t supposed to start gaining weight yet, but . . . the cakes and the pregnancy and we’re having twins,” she rambles.
I walk to her, nudging her chin up so she can see my face when I say these words. “Delia, if there were a thousand women standing here right now, none of them would even compare to you.”
She steps closer, her hands moving to my chest. I lean down and kiss her. It wasn’t a thought. I just had to kiss her lips. She moves her hands up over my shoulders and into my hair, the two of us lost in the sensations. I press her back against the wall as I kiss her deeper, pouring everything I feel that I keep buried into it.
Too soon, she gasps and turns her head to the side. “We can’t. I can’t.”
I step back, the loss of her immediate. “Shit. I shouldn’t have . . .”
“It’s not because I don’t want to,” Delia explains. “It’s because I want to that we can’t.”
As convoluted as that sounds, I get it. “We’re roommates, that’s the agreement.”
Her eyes shift to mine. “Right. Roommates.”
I swallow and run my hands through my hair. “I’m sorry, Deals. I . . . well, I’m sorry.”
“I really wish you’d stop apologizing.”
“I wish I would stop doing things I need to apologize for. Anyway, I just wanted to say again that, clearly, I think you’re stunning and I am going to struggle to keep my hands off you all night.”
Delia bites her lower lip. “That is also the agreement. No touching and, you know what, Josh?”
“What?”
“I just decided this is going to be a lot of fun for me.”
“Fun?” I ask, feeling a little uncomfortable.
“Yes. See, you want me. I know you want me.”
“That has never been in question.”
Delia takes a step closer, her finger runs down my chest. “Yes, that has never been our issue. The issue is that you have some reason that you keep this heart locked up. Until you find the key, there’s no touching what you want, right?”
Oh, fucking shit. “This isn’t a game.”
“No,” she says softly. “It’s not. It’s our lives. Our futures, and so, I’ve decided that I’m going to make this very hard for you. I’m going to show you all the things you’re missing out on by choosing to keep me as your friend and roommate.”
“Great.”
She laughs softly. “I think it just might be—for me.”
“You’re insane. Do you know that?”
“I do. But so are you. Because I’m right here, Joshua.” Her words break at that last part. “I’m here, waiting for you to get your head out of your ass.”
I move closer, rubbing my thumb against her jaw. “I will only hurt you.”
“One day, you’re going to have to explain it because you keep saying you’ll hurt me or fail me or whatever else, but you don’t see.”
“See what?” I ask, not really wanting the answer.
“That being like this, pretending that neither of us feel something more than this, is what’s hurting us both.”
“To the bride and groom!” Grayson lifts his glass, and we all follow the gesture.
I glance over at Delia, who is drinking sparkling cider from her champagne flute. She looks so happy and carefree. I hate that the only reason she’s happy is because she’s around everyone other than me. Delia and I were doing fine before today. I was keeping my head down, working on the renovations, and doing everything humanly possible not to think about my current mess of a life.
Stella and Jack head my way. My sister looks absolutely stunning with a smile showing her joy.
I extend my hand to my new brother. “Jack, really happy for you.”
“Thanks, Josh. I’m a lucky man.”
“That you are.”
Stella shrugs. “I am a treasure.”
“So you say.”
“Good luck,” I tell him. All of her uncles have already tried to get her to dance, and she told each of us that she was keeping her options open. She’s so her mother’s daughter.
Jack heads off, and Stella grabs a drink from the bartender.
Sure enough, a minute later, Jack has his daughter on the dance floor, a wide smile on her face as her father spins her.
“He’s a good dad,” I say, wondering if that will be me one day.
“She makes it easy to be. I will never be able to express the joy she brings us.”
“I’m glad, Stell. You deserve it.”
She smiles and then lifts her hand to my cheek. “As do you, big brother.”
“I’m getting there.”
She rolls her eyes before turning her attention back to her husband and daughter. As the song ends, she turns back to me. “You look sad, Josh. I don’t like seeing you this way.”
“How could I look sad when I’m so happy for you and Jack?”
“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. You keep looking over at Delia.”
Like a moth to a flame, my eyes go there again. “I hurt her again.”
She takes my hand in hers. “Then stop denying you’re in love with her and that you’re not worthy of love. Now, before you launch into some stupid excuse, I came over here for a reason.”
“And what would that be?” I ask.
“Would you dance with me as my big brother who gave me away?”
“It would be my honor.”
I know it was difficult for Stella not to have our father here. Regardless of the fact that he’s a piece of shit, she loved him. We all did. My brothers and I did what we could to make the loss easier, which means anything she asked for, she got.
The DJ comes over the system, asking for everyone to please make their way to the dance floor as the bride is going to dance with her oldest brother.
“Why is he announcing this?”
Stella grins. “Because I don’t have a father I want to dance with, so I picked my oldest brother, who has always taken care of me.”
Now, I get another rite of passage, and I couldn’t be more humbled by it.
A Moment for Us Page 12
