by Claire Shaw
I will never forget the look of fear on her face and the fact I put it there.
“I’m going to fucking kill you,” someone shouts and I’m dragged off the bench by my kut. Brothers come running but I don’t fight back. Reck has every right to kick my ass for scaring her. Reck is pulled off me and I see Beau standing off to the side.
“Son,” I call out to him.
He gives me daggers and storms into the clubhouse. Great he’s mad at me too.
“You stupid, ape like son of a bitch,” Kate spits at me.
Guess everyone is mad at me.
“You know what she’s been through, yet you couldn’t simply talk to her and ask her what she wants? No, you just did what you want for her. Then when she tries to explain why that would upset her, you get angry at her. Great work dipshit! I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d lost her all together now. She doesn’t need taking care of; we all know she can do that herself. She made it back here by herself, didn’t she? She needs someone who is her equal. Fuck you cavemen bikers really are all the same.” Kates rant knocks me on my ass. How did I get this so wrong?
She storms off into the clubhouse. Fuck I hope she’s not right, I don’t want to lose her. Beau is standing near the door, looking at me with pity. Great, he didn’t need to see my verbal ass kicking off Kate.
“Come on, up ya get,” Tank says as he reaches a hand out to help me off the ground.
“Let’s take a ride,” he adds.
Knowing he’s right and I need to clear my head. I also need to find Carrie.
“Others are looking for her, she can’t get out the compound so give her the space she needs brother,” he says like he’s just read my mind or some shit.
Nodding I head for my bike and take off for a while. Stopping at a little diner on the edge of town, we grab a table in the back.
“Wanna talk about?” Tank asks as we look over the menu.
“I fucked up. I know did. I will never forget the fear in her eyes; brother she was scared of me. Scared of me, I would never hurt her. She should know this,” I say feeling more confused than I have ever been in my whole life.
“Think of her situation Joker. How has she been treated and she’s not seen you since she was a teen. I’m sorry to say this brother but you’re different people now,” he explains.
“I’m not different. I'm the same person I’ve always been,” I state.
He gives me a look as if to say, really?
Thinking about it, am I still the same person? Being part of the club and seeing the things I have; it has changed me. I’m a little harder now, more jaded with my view on the world we live in. The things that happened to Carrie are also going to change who she is as a person and the way she views things in life.
I’m such a fucking idiot. I just want her safe and happy. I went off without asking her and then when she tries to explain how she feels I don’t listen. Tank looks at me as if he knows I finally understand.
“I’ve lost her,” I say defeated.
“I don’t think you’ve lost her but I do think you’ve made things harder for yourself brother.”
Trust Tank to give it to me straight. Its why were so close, always honest with each other.
“You’re going to have to work hard and show her that you get it. She’ll need space and understanding. Nothing is going to happen overnight so be prepared to put the work in and wait for her to be ready,” he advises.
Yeah, I can see this being a long road.
“I’ve lost my appetite, let’s head back so I can check she’s at least okay.”
Nodding in agreement Tank and I leave the diner and head back to the compound. We’ve been gone a couple of hours so I pray to god they found her and she’s okay.
Pulling back into the compound, Prez is outside waiting for us.
“She’s in her room brother. Pip found her at the house you built,” he explains.
Letting out a sigh of relief, I head inside and upstairs. Hovering outside her door, I’m not sure whether to knock or give her space. Deciding I need to at least apologise, I knock on the door. Getting no answer, I knock louder. No answer again so I go to check on Beau, maybe she is with him.
In Beau’s room he’s fast asleep in bed. Wondering if she’s okay, I try the adjoining door, finding it open. The room is empty but steam is slowly clearly on the mirror and the bathroom door is cracked open. Peeking in, I can see she’s asleep in the bath. Backing out and pulling the door back too, I knock on the bathroom door and lightly call her name. I don’t want to startle her.
“Carrie, are you in there?” I ask.
I hear splashing through the door.
“Shit. Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute. I fell asleep.” She calls back to me.
“Okay I’ll wait out here for you.” I say figuring it was best to warn her I’ll be in the room. Sitting on the bed, I wait for her to come out the bathroom. It’s not long before she joins me.
“I just wanted to talk about earlier.” I say.
“I’m sorry I ran. I couldn’t take the look of horror on your face,” she says with her head down. Placing my fingers under her chin, I gently lift her face to look at me.
“Don’t hide from me Carrie. I will never hurt you. I promise. I was horrified that my behaviour had caused you fear. That had nothing to do with anything you had done. I’m so fucking sorry. I should have listened to you and I should have asked you what you needed and wanted.”
She looks shocked.
“Thank you for understanding.” Her voice is so small but you see her body start to relax after my apology.
“I only had yours and Beau’s best interests at heart. I wasn’t thinking; I will try to be better. I can’t promise I won’t put my foot in it again but I will make an effort not to.”
That gets a little chuckle out of her and a soft smile.
“Thank you, Jason,” she whispers.
My heart beats a little faster when she says my real name. Baby steps, we just need to take things slowly.
“How is everything going with the counselling?” I ask.
“It’s going great, Dr Wood is amazing. She’s really patient and is making me see how I can move forward. It’s never going to go away. I’ll always have the memories but I’m learning to live with them,” she explains.
Nodding, I’m happy she’s learning to cope.
“If the scars bother you, see Sketch. He’s a brother and also a tattoo artist. He runs Havoc Ink. I’m sure he can come up with design to turn them into something positive and beautiful,” I tell her.
Looking over at her, she has tears running down her face.
“Carrie, I’m sorry what did I do?” Frantic I’ve upset her again.
“I’m sorry, you didn’t do anything. I just love the idea of making something horrible into something beautiful. I’m not sure I'm ready to be undressed near another man yet but I’ll definitely think about it,” she says with a little more hope in her eyes that wasn’t there before.
Relief flows through me. Thank god I haven’t upset her again so soon.
“Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be happy to go with you if that will make you feel more comfortable,” I ask.
Seconds after saying that, she moves to hug me. Having her in my arms again is heaven. I know in that minute I will wait for the rest of my life for her to be ready and I will do all in my power to prove to her that I am the right man for her.
Holding her close for a little longer, I kiss her head and pull away.
“I’ll leave you to get sorted after your bath,” I say softly.
I get up and head to the door.
“Jason?”
I stop in my tracks and turn to face her.
“Thank you,” she says.
Nodding as I’m not sure I can find words right now; I head for the room I’m staying in. At least this day ended better than it started.
Over the next few days we work tirelessly
on finishing the house and we go shopping for furniture. Carrie loves the house and that makes me happy. When we were younger, we would dream of what our future would be like and I remember all the little things Carrie said she wanted for her dream house. They are all in the house we’ve built. I’m not sure she remembers mentioning them as she’s not said anything but hopefully once her and Beau have moved in, she’ll start to notice.
Moving in day comes fast and Beau loves having his own space. His bike that his Gramps and Grandpop got him, which matches mine, sits next to mine in the driveway. He rode next to me from the clubhouse to the house. When Carrie saw us, she laughed and took a few photos. His little electric version is freaking ace and the guys all gave him a kut to. It says future prospect on it. Kid looks like a mini version of me in his jeans, black boots, t-shirt and kut and I couldn’t be any more proud. He is definitely going to be a handful as he grows up.
I’m sitting on the back deck with a beer, relaxing a little after moving everything in. Carrie has everything in the right rooms and now it’s just a case of putting it all where she wants it. Carrie comes to join me with her own beer.
“That’s enough for one day. I’m looking forward to bath in that amazing bathroom and then a good night's sleep in my new bed,” she says as she settles into the chair next to me. She looks happier now she’s got her own space.
“I’m glad you like it all,” I say as I turn to look at her.
“Don’t play coy with me Jason Davis. Don’t for a second I didn’t notice the touches around the house are the same ones we talked about as kids. I can’t believe you remembered.” Her eyes are getting all misty.
I smile knowing she noticed.
“Of course, I remembered. I promised you a dream then and now I’m making good on that promise,” I state.
“Thank you, Jason.” She is a little choked up. I’m glad it means so much to her.
With a kiss to my cheek, she whispers, “Goodnight.”
Soon I’m alone on the back deck watching her walk away from me. I can still feel her soft lips on my cheek. Maybe there really is hope for us. Finishing my beer, I lock up and head back to the clubhouse.
Dropping back on my bed, it still smells of her. Closing my eyes, I can feel her hand on my chest as she reached up to kiss me cheek. Undoing my jeans, I grab my hard as steel cock in my hand and start to rub up and down. Remembering how soft her skin felt and how good she felt in my arms. It wasn’t long before I felt the tell-tale tingle in my balls and I was shooting my load over my hand and t-shirt.
Feeling a little more relaxed, I strip, dumping clothes in the hamper and head for the shower. The hot water feels good over my muscles, relaxing me some more. Going to check on Beau after my shower, his bed is empty. Sighing and dropping my head forward, in that moment I forgot he wasn’t there. False of habit, I guess. I miss being so close to the kid. Giving up, I head to bed.
It's been a few months now since Carrie and Beau moved into the house, Prez got Carrie a job in the clubs garage, keeping the boys in check and the office in order. Plus, the garage is always protected so it’s safe for her, with the brothers always coming and going. She seems to love it and she is really good at it. The office has never been so organised. I’m so proud of the progress she’s made, seeing Dr Wood has done wonders for her. She’s more confident every day and is comfortable with the brothers and male customers. Beau is now like a normal kid. He’s started school and doing well. Carrie took him to see Dr Wood also to help him readjust to life.
My phone ringing draws me out my thoughts.
“Yup,” I answer.
“Get to the garage, it’s Carrie.”
That is all wrench says before I’m running for my bike and gunning full throttle for the garage. I pull up five minutes later, nearly dropping my bike in my haste to get to Carrie. Running into the garage, Carrie is curled up in Tanks lap, shaking with tears running down her face.
“What the fuck?” I ask
With hearing my voice, Carrie is up and flinging herself into my arms. Wrapping her up as tight as I can, I hold her to me.
“It’s okay Babydoll, I’ve got you.”
I try to reassure her, stroking her head.
“Does someone want to tell me what the fuck happened?” I growl.
Tank and Wrench look at each other and I know this is not going to be good. It’s then I spot the blood on the floor and a few drops on Carrie.
My eyes find Tank and he nods his head.
“Seems one of the customers who came in, Carrie recognised him as one of those sick fucks friends. She knew from his face that he also recognised her. He grabbed her but she fought him and stabbed him with the scissors from the desk. We came running when we heard her shouting. Girl is a badass, waited until we had moved the body and closed the garage before she let go,” he explains.
Holy fuck!
Kissing the top of her head, I hold her tighter.
“Fuck Babydoll, you did the right thing. I’m sorry this happened. I promise I will keep you more protected.”
Sniffling, she moves to look at me.
“No Joker, I can’t let this send me backwards. I refuse to let this rule my life. The chances of this happening again are slim. But I want to be able to protect myself better. Tank has agreed to show me self-defence and I was hoping you would agree to show me how to shoot?” she asks.
Her strength and courage is inspiring. My girl is strong as fuck.
“Of course, I will Babydoll. Anything you want to feel safer. That said you’re clearly badass with a pair of office scissors,” I joke.
This gets a laugh out of her.
“Never going to look at a pair of scissors the same again,” Wrench says shaking his head as he chuckles.
“Come on, I’ll take you home,” I say.
Nodding to the boys, I know they’ll clean the mess up and get rid of the evidence.
Guiding Carrie towards my bike, I find a hoodie in my saddle bag for her to wear.
Climbing on, I hold my hand out for her to get on. Once she’s on and snuggled up close to my back with her hands wrapped around me, she whispers in my ear
“Can we go for a ride please?”
She starts stroking her hand on my stomach to reassure me she’s okay. Fuck she feels right on my bike.
“Anything you want Babydoll,” I reply.
Starting the bike, I head out the garage and onto the road. Just driving in any direction, we ride for about an hour. The longer we ride, the more relaxed she becomes, my girl always did love being on a bike. After riding for a little longer, I pull over to a beauty spot and turn the engine off.
She stays on the bike, with her arms still wrapped around me I’m not going to complain. I love the feel of her wrapped around me and her warmth at my back. After a little longer, she gets off and stretches.
“Been a while huh?” I ask.
Getting off the bike, I take her hand in mine. It fits perfectly.
Smiling at me, we take a stroll along the trail. Not talking just holding hands and enjoying each other’s company. We find a clearing with some benches and take a seat.
“Thank you for coming earlier,” Carrie whispers.
“Carrie I will always come when you need me,” I reassure.
She rests her head on my shoulder and sighs. I wrap my arms around her and hold her close to me.
“You make me feel safe,” she whispers again and I only just hear it but boy does it have me smiling at her little admission, I kiss the top of her head.
“You will always be safe with me Babydoll,” I confirm.
Deciding to be brave while she’s relaxed and being open.
“Carrie, my love for you has never faded. I’ve been giving you the space and time you needed. But I hope you know I would love for us to be a family. I still love you and would love to have a chance. I understand if that is something you can’t give me yet or if ever but I’m willing to wait,�
� I declare.
She is so quiet but she doesn’t pull away from me which is a good sign.
“Jason, I would like that too. I want to try. I can’t promise you anything but I am willing to try. We would need to start slow and build it up. I’m sorry I can’t give you more than that right now,” she admits with a sombre expression.
“Babydoll, that means the world to me. I understand you wanting to take things slow. You set the pace and I’ll follow your lead. Thank you for giving me a chance, giving us a chance,” I say trying hard to keep my excitement at bay.
The look on her face is priceless. Stroking my finger down her cheek, she closes her eyes.
“Kiss me, please,” she whispers.
No way can I say no to that. Slowly lowering my head to hers, I gently touch my lips to hers, softly at first until she whimpers and then I deepen the kiss, holding her tighter to me, I glide the tip of my tongue across her lips until she opens and lets me in the kiss. The kiss deepens until we are battling to pour all our emotions into the one kiss. Slowly pulling away, we are both breathless and my cock is pushing against my zipper. Fuck that was the best kiss I have ever had.
Chapter Seventeen
Carrie
My lip still tingled after he had pulled away. Touching my lip, I looked up at him. He had a smirk across his face.
“Fuck Babydoll, I’ve miss you,” he says making me smile.
Kissing me again, I wrapped my arms around his neck and back, pulling him closer. I can feel his erection pressing into me making me pull back. Fuck this is getting a little too far ahead.
He places his hand under my chin and lifts my head to look at him.
“At your pace Carrie. You tell me what you’re ready for, there is no rush. I am more than happy kissing and holding you,” he reassures.
Giving him a soft smile, I nod my head. Not sure I could form words or form fully sentences at the moment. He’s turned me to mush and I can’t think straight.
Taking my hand, he leads me back to his bike. God, I love being on the back of his bike. I am definitely my father's daughter, it’s in my blood. The freedom you feel while riding is just amazing. Getting back on the bike, he goes the long way back to the club house. Guess he loves me being on his bike as much as I am.
