by Logan Jacobs
“Right this way, not too far,” he said as he led the way to the tanner’s house.
“I think you’re actually who we are here to see,” I said as my eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Are you the tanner?”
“Aye,” he answered with a nod. “Name’s Cliff.”
“I’m Bash,” I said, and I placed the bundle of skins down on the porch in front of his house so I could shake his hand.
“Pleasure,” Cliff said, and he gave me another friendly smile. “What can I do for you today? After helping me carry my skins, I feel the need to reward you.”
I took a moment to create a new save point just in case the tanner declined my request for a lesson in his trade, and I took a deep breath before I approached the question.
“If you could show me some of what you do,” I suggested in an eager tone, “I would consider it reward enough.”
“Ah, you wish to learn the secrets of the furs, eh?” Cliff raised an eyebrow and gave me an appraising look. “My apprentice is on a trading trip for me at the moment, so I could use some help processing the skins I got today. How’s your bladder?”
“My bladder?” I asked in utter confusion.
“Aye, your bladder.” Cliff barked out a laugh and placed his hands on his hips. “You really don’t know much about tanning, do ya?”
“I think you’d be surprised how quickly I learn,” I informed him with my chin raised.
“We’ll see.” Cliff jerked his chin toward the house behind him. “Come on in. Ignore the smell, it comes with the job.”
We ducked inside his house, and the putrid scent of death, decay, and ammonia filled my nostrils. The scent clung to the air like a dense cloud, and my eyes stung. I blinked back tears of pain and squinted to see the path Cliff took through the barrels and baskets that filled the front room.
Cliff led me to a back room where three tables were tucked into one corner, another corner had several wooden frames of various shapes and sizes, and the last area held wooden barrels in a large stack.
“The first thing we do is scrape the bulk of the gore from the inside of the skin,” Cliff explained in a voice that showed he was used to teaching. “Fortunately, that’s already done, so we can skip that step.”
“Alright, so what’s next?” I glanced around the room, spotted a couple of pegs with aprons hanging from them, and grabbed one to place around my neck.
“Next, you bring those skins in here and lay the bundle on one of the tables over there,” Cliff said as he pointed to the corner with the workbenches. He seemed to be enjoying bossing me around, so I was excited to see his face when I mastered his skill on the first try.
Well, the first try from his perspective anyway.
After I brought in the skins, Cliff cut open the bundle and spread them out. I saw the fur of cows, goats, and deer, as well as something I suspected was a horse skin. I shuddered to think about my Goliath becoming leather armor, but maybe the pelt came from a horse that died of natural causes.
Then Cliff showed me how to strip the legs and neck from the skin so only the largest section of the torso remained, and the discarded pieces were all thrown into a barrel full of some stinky liquid that I didn’t want to get too close to. It made a hissing sound as the random strips of hide disappeared beneath the surface, and I shuddered again as I imagined the acidic ingredients included in the mixture.
“Do you need some water?” Cliff asked as he clipped the skins to a rope that ran halfway up the wall. The bottom of the skins dragged on the floor, but the tanner didn’t seem to care.
“No, why?” I asked with a frown.
What was this guy’s obsession with my hydration and bladder about?
“You’ll need it for the next step,” he explained. Then he positioned himself in front of the first skin, unbuckled his pants, and began to piss into an empty barrel.
I grimaced and turned away, and Mahini’s silent frown spoke volumes as her eyes looked everywhere but at the tanner.
“All done,” the tanner announced. “Now, it’s your turn.”
“What do you need the pee for?” I gave him a skeptical look as my hands hovered over my belt.
Cliff sighed dramatically and motioned for me to come closer to the barrel. “It strips the hair and muck from the skins, young man, I’m not trying to steal your pee for anything creepy. Come on.”
“Ohhhh…” I laughed and ran a hand through my hair.
“You’ve never tanned anything a day in your life, have ya?” Cliff shook his head like this was the biggest tragedy of the century.
I didn’t answer, but I resolved myself to learn everything I could and then restart and come in like a total badass, so I pulled on a pair of gloves before Cliff showed me how to sponge the urine mixture onto the skins. The smells made me nauseous, but I swallowed hard and kept going. When we were finished with the first step, we rinsed all the skins in the river outside, brought them back in, and stored them inside barrels.
Then the tanner opened a row of barrels and pulled out some skins that had already been soaking in the mixture.
“I like to stagger my skins so I always have something to work with,” he explained as he showed me how smooth and pliant the leather he held was. “This has been soaking for a while. We’ll rinse it, scrape it some more to make it even more pliable, and then it will be ready to stain.”
He showed me how to stretch the skins onto a frame, and I worked at the leather until my hair was soaked with sweat. I smelled of urine, and my clothes were filthy, but I was determined to get the full lesson while I could.
Cliff rubbed a gross mixture all over the finished skins and then rolled them back up and placed them inside barrels once more.
“After I wash those tomorrow, then they will be ready to stain.” He brushed the animal shit from his hands and then placed them on his hips.
“Do you have any ready to stain?” I glanced over at the stack of barrels in the corner.
“No,” Cliff said with a shake of his head. “I’ve got some more stains coming from the lake town in a couple of days. They have a true tanning master over there, taught me everything I know.”
“I’ll have to go visit him and see what he can teach me,” I said mostly to myself. Then I focused on the moment right before we entered the tanner’s house where I’d made a save point.
Chime.
“I know the basics of tanning, but I’d love to see your technique,” I told the tanner who had just offered me a reward.
“You know some tanning?” Cliff curled his eyebrow in a questioning manner. “How’s your bladder?”
“Full and ready,” I chirped, and I shot a sideways glance at Mahini just in time to see the look of total confusion flash across her beautiful face.
Worth it.
The tanner led us inside, but I made sure to bring the fresh skins with me this time. Then I made myself at home in Cliff’s workshop, and I cut open the bundles and began to spread them out just like the tanner had during my first run through.
Cliff’s eyebrows shot up in surprise as he watched me handle the skins like I’d done it my whole life. I started trimming without being directed, and the tanner rushed over to check my handiwork, pointed out a few flaws, and moved to take over.
Chime.
I received fewer critiques on my trim job this go around, and once that was completed, I immediately moved toward the empty barrel.
“Need some water?” I asked the tanner with a cocky smile.
“What are you doing, Great One?” Mahini asked as she shot me a warning look.
“Relax, my love,” I said with a wide smile. “Urine is required to process the hides.”
“Oh.” The desert goddess frowned, and she looked to the tanner for confirmation.
“He’s right,” Cliff chuckled. “It’s been a while since I got to talk to another man of my trade. Tell me, do you prefer elk or bison skin?”
“Neither,” I replied in a vague tone as I turned my attention back
to the empty barrel. I emptied my bladder and refastened my pants, and then I gestured to the barrels full of skins ready to stretch. “Cliff, let’s work on the ones you started soaking yesterday. They should be ready to dehair by now.”
“H-How did you?” Cliff’s mouth hung open, and his eyes darted from Mahini to me like a cornered animal. “Did you break into my house?”
“Relax,” Mahini said as she raised her hands placatingly. “My master is the God of Time, and he knows all things.”
“A god?” Cliff snapped his mouth shut and frowned deeply. “Impossible.”
“Very possible.” I shrugged. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I know these skins are ready to be worked today, and I’ve never stepped foot inside your house before. I only arrived in Carleone a short while ago.”
“I-I… I don’t know what to think.” Cliff shook his head in awe. “Only my apprentice knows what is kept inside each barrel. It’s impossible for you to know… Unless what you say is true. Could it be?”
“It is.” I set my jaw in a hard line. I was torn between skipping the whole basking in the presence of a god thing or just moving forward with learning to tan.
I stared at the tanner with a neutral expression while he fought his internal battle. His eyes glistened with hope as he stared back at me, and I realized I’d already convinced him.
“It is an honor to have you in my shop, O Great One,” Cliff broke the silence with a low bow that almost had his nose scraping the floor.
“Please,” I insisted, “call me Bash.”
“Alright, then, Bash it is.” Cliff gave me an awed look and then shook his head again like he was trying to wake himself up from a dream.
“Listen, Cliff,” I said when I realized he wouldn’t be teaching me anything else for the day, “I need to speak to the leader of the town, Carlisle. Do you know where I could find him?”
“Oh, he’ll be at the tavern already,” Cliff said without hesitation. “He’ll be deep in the drinks, though, so you might get a better conversation out of him in the morning.”
“I don’t have a lot of time to spend in town,” I explained. “But thanks for the tip.”
“Let me know if there’s anything else I can help you with before you leave Carleone,” Cliff insisted as he shook my hand enthusiastically. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Great One, please come back.”
“I’ll come back through,” I assured him. Then I focused on my power and felt the familiar tingling sensation spread throughout my body.
Chime.
This would be my last attempt, but I didn’t want the tanner to have any memory of me asking him questions about the mayor since I already knew everything.
Well, the townspeople all needed to think so, at least.
I went through the same motions of helping Cliff haul the skins inside, and when I started to trim them, his eyebrows shot up in surprise at my skill. I carved the extra pieces off with precision and a steady hand, and then I went through the process of revealing my god status to him. The only difference during my final attempt was leaving without asking Cliff about the mayor.
The stoic warrior woman at my side said nothing as we crossed the distance to the tavern, but she laid a hand on my forearm to halt me before we entered.
“What are we doing here?” she asked as she eyed the front door of the bar.
“This is where the Mayor Carlisle will be,” I explained with a knowing smile.
Mahini shook her head in awe, and she opened her mouth like she was going to say something but then closed it again.
“I just want to say, it’s been an honor to be by your side as you meet these people,” the desert goddess finally said in a low, reverent tone. “You handle these people with a polite dignity that… well… you are quite benevolent. You truly are the Great One we all need, and I am honored that you have taken me as one of your lovers.”
“Thank you, Mahini,” I said in my most loving voice as my throat filled with emotion. “You know, you’re pretty great yourself.”
“I am incomparably mortal beside your greatness,” she argued with a fervent shake of her head.
I decided to change her mind about that, even if it took me a million lifetimes to do it.
I made a new save point, and the familiar tingling washed over me like a glass of warm milk before bed. Then I pulled open the tavern door and ushered her in before me. I made my way to the dirty bar at the far end of the room, and I glanced around at the people scowling into their drinks as I passed through the common room.
No one in Carleone was happy, it seemed.
I leaned over the bar to get the bartender’s attention, and I eyed the old man on the stool beside me while I waited. He had a bald spot on the back of his head, but the rest of his scalp was covered in salt and pepper hair. His long, grungy beard looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks, and he wore a saggy gray tunic with a black sash wrapped around the waist. He looked like a homeless man and a noble all at once, and I wondered who he could be.
“What do you want?” the bartender asked as he ran a dirty towel inside a beer mug and eyed me suspiciously from the other side of the bar.
“I’m looking for Carlisle,” I said with a small frown.
These people needed to lighten the fuck up already.
“Fuck off,” the older man beside me muttered, and he pushed off from his barstool and moved to an empty table.
“That’s him, there,” the bartender said, and he jerked his chin toward the older man with the salt and pepper hair and the sour attitude. “Careful, he’s been in here since noon.”
Just fucking great. I’d finally found the mayor of the town only to discover he was a pissed off drunk who looked like a homeless man.
Carleone was in dire straits, and it was up to me to fix it.
Even if it meant playing nice with an asshole mayor.
‘“Is that any way to speak to a god?” I asked Mahini, and the dark-haired goddess shrugged.
“He doesn’t seem to be the friendliest mayor around,” she quipped with an arched eyebrow.
I wanted to hack the conversation with the mayor, since it was already obvious to me I would need several attempts to get on his good side. If he even had a good side, anyway. Still, I was set on winning this encounter, so I’d just have to figure something out.
“Maybe things are different in Carleone,” Mahini suggested when I didn’t respond, but I could tell from her voice that she didn’t truly believe it.
Carleone was in a bad situation, and they needed my help, so I took a deep breath and crossed the distance to Carlisle’s table.
“Can I buy you a drink?” I offered with a friendly smile.
“I have a tab,” the Mayor of Carleone replied in a gruff voice, “I don’t need your handouts.”
“Well, then, can I sit with you?” I summoned all the patience I possessed and ignored the hostility in his tone.
“No.” Carlisle glared up at me. “Go away.”
Alright, so a head-on, direct approach didn’t work.
Chime.
This time, I ordered three beers before I moved to Carlisle’s table with Mahini at my side, and I slid the extra mug across the surface to the mayor with a friendly smile.
“That one’s on me,” I said, and I took a long swig of my own beer before Carlisle could argue.
“Thanks,” the mayor grumbled under his breath, and then he drained his mug in one long gulp.
“I’d love to hear more about Carleone,” I started to say, but Carlisle held up his hand to stop me.
“I don’t feel like talking to strangers today,” the mayor said in a voice that left no room for argument. “Scram.”
Well, this grump was a tough nut to crack, but I was determined to get him to talk to me.
Chime.
On my next attempt, I tried to intimidate the mayor with my physical strength.
“Listen here, you grumpy asshole,” I growled in my most powerful tone. “You’re going
to talk to me, or else!”
“Guards!” Carlisle shouted, and an instant later two men in leather armor stepped forward from the shadows and grabbed both of my arms.
Chime.
This bastard wasn’t going to get the better of me. I had another trick up my sleeve, and something told me it was the one thing Carlisle couldn’t resist.
I led Mahini out of the tavern the moment I respawned, but she stopped to give me a questioning look as the door fell shut behind us.
“You’re giving up on the mayor already?” she asked with a confused expression. “I thought you wanted to talk to him.”
“He’s in a bad mood today,” I explained. “But I think I know what will warm him up to us.”
“What is that, Great One?” Mahini asked as her eyebrows shot up in surprise.
“My secret weapon,” I informed her with a mischievous grin. “Elissa.”
So, we jogged down the street to the inn, and I dashed up the stairs to our room where my wife was napping. The beautiful redhead blinked her dazzling green eyes at me when I entered the bedroom, and she let out a long, slow yawn.
“I need you,” I informed her in an urgent tone.
Elissa gave me a sly smile and pulled up the bedsheets to reveal her completely naked, porcelain skinned body. “Come here.”
I growled with desire, but I resisted the urge to ravish her right then and there. I wanted to get this mayor thing out of the way, and besides, there would be plenty of time for ravishing later.
I had all the time in the world, after all.
“I’m sorry, my love,” I sighed. “I need your other skills right now.”
“Oh.” Elissa gave me a joyful grin. “My other skills? What can I do for you, my husband?”
“Carlisle won’t talk to me if I’m on my own,” I explained. “I need you to come with me to get through his dark funk. If he knew you when you were a little girl, he will be overjoyed to see what a fine young lady you’ve become.”
“I’d love to see Uncle Carl!” Elissa hopped out of bed and scurried over to her luggage, and then she pulled out a demure blue dress and tugged it on over her head. “Here, help me with the straps, please?”
