by Ines Johnson
The Mothership continued to cradle Chen. It had known him since he was an embryo in his mother's womb, just as it knew every male on board. The ship was the only mother they all had left, and she was sick. The blasts she'd taken from the Marred Ones had been filled with some toxic element. As far as Chen could tell it resembled something like venom, likely a byproduct or invention of the reptilian Draconians.
The enemy ship piloted by their marred kin had taken direct aim at the Mothership’s energy mines, the very heart of the ship, the lifeblood of all on board. Obviously, the aim had not been to take down the Mothership through firepower. It had been to sicken her. The marred Eloh knew that her death could spell the death of everything inside. To cut all the Eloheem onboard off from their source of sustenance, of healing, of livelihood.
Chen sighed, his hearts breaking inside his chest. He still could not divine how beings created to heal and sustain life could concoct such a horrendous demise, and for their children no less.
Chen knew that the Draconians were behind the murderous spiral of the Yin males attacking them. His compassionate spirit ached for the males he once knew as strong, kind, and centered men. He wished there was a way to heal them and bring them back to their whole selves. But without their brothers and their mates, it was impossible.
Chen reached out to feel for Shanti. His own mate wandered the ship looking for a way out. He hated that he’d misunderstood her desires to come with him. He'd felt so certain she'd wanted him, that she'd wanted to go with him.
From the moment he touched her warm, supple skin to remove the poisonous venom, he'd felt an instant connection. Once he was inside of her, he'd reached the highest level of awareness of his life.
He’d seen everything so clearly. He’d seen Shanti bound to himself and Hsing. He’d seen her happy, smiling, content...and large with their sons. He'd touched Nirvana, and perhaps that clouded his judgment. The effects of Nirvana had long since worn off and the visions he’d seen in his mind all seemed like a dream to him now.
In front of him, a body crashed to the floor. Pakua's purple head smacked into the hard surface right on his nodes. All assembled, Chen included, winced. The nodes of an Eloh's head were particularly sensitive. But Pakua grinned as he looked up at the cause of his demise.
Hsing stood over his brethren, his hand outstretched offering assistance. Pakua waved it away. The male sprung to his feet and assumed another fighting stance. The two went at it again. Hsing easily bested Pakua who was without a doubt the best warrior on the ship, but not at this moment while the Nirvanic energy ran through Hsing's veins.
When the two were done, they clasped hands, huge grins on their bruised faces.
"If that is the power a female brings, perhaps I must rethink acquiring one," Pakua said as he and the other males filed out of the room to return to their duties.
Hsing grabbed a piece of cloth and wiped at his face. "I had always assumed that our Yin father was simply a mighty warrior with unparalleled skill,” he said to Chen. "But after what I experienced, the high between our mate's thighs and the residual effects, I will never doubt the power of higher awareness again.”
"She wants to leave."
Hsing's hand paused in the wiping of his face. He tossed the cloth aside. "She cannot leave. She is ours."
"Hsing, there was a misunderstanding."
"It does not matter. We are bound. You know what would happen if she were to leave."
"You know what it means if she never gives herself fully to us. We cannot plant our seed with in her."
"We cannot worry about that now," said Hsing. "We have more pressing matters. Namely, the energy mines. The ship should be able to heal herself, but she has not. Whatever the Marred Ones blasted us with, it has infected her."
"We can continue the Chi Kung maneuvers of pulling the toxins out of the energy stores," said Chen. "But that will not eradicate the problem."
Hsing tied on his robes with agitated fingers. "I will think of something."
"You need not add more weight to your shoulders, Hsing-I."
Chen regarded his brother.
For the first time in such a long time, Hsing looked light. There had been a gleam in his eye and a quirk to his lip when he fought Pakua. Even earlier, when Chen greeted him, shortly after the male had left Shanti's room, there had been something of a pep in Hsing’s step, an ease to his gait. Hsing was relaxed.
Chen knew it was from his time with Shanti. Their Yang father, Chou, had told them that the unique brotherhood of the Eloheem provided balance. But males could still wobble too far into their opposite natures from time to time. It was a woman who provided stability to a brotherhood, the ability to access the other side of their natures, and the pathway to that higher plane of awareness known as Nirvana.
For many revolutions after their parents passed on to the next life, the males aboard the ship had no access to the stability of a female. Hsing and Chen were the oldest and so everyone deferred to them. Hsing, being Yin with a more commanding personality, took the lead. Chen was always at his brother’s side or back or wherever Hsing needed him to be to keep them all together.
It had been rough, but they had been able to provide a sense of stability for their fledgling tribe. Most of that stability had balanced on Hsing's back. So when Chen suggested that Hsing did not need to take on this new problem of the energy mines, Chen expected push back.
"All right, brother." Hsing clapped Chen on the back.
Chen wobbled at the unexpected acquiesce.
"Do you have any idea of how we can solve the problem permanently?" Hsing asked.
"I do not know, but we will figure something out. We always do."
"You should go and lay with her," Hsing's eyes looked hazy and unfocused with the memories of pleasure. "Perhaps when you touch Nirvana, when you see things from up high, you will see a way through."
Chen reached out to Shanti again. She was near the rear of the ship. He felt her frustration that she didn't see the way out of what she thought was her predicament, her prison. He was certain she wouldn't allow him passage into herself and into Nirvana again.
Chapter Sixteen
"It is called grool." Niao shoveled in a mouthful with a utensil that looked like a spork.
Shanti poked at the dish. There were some leafy greens that looked like a cross between broccolini and kale; only it was a bright shade of orange. And then there was a brown glob of mush. She poked at it. The texture was firm.
"Is this some sort of space animal?" she asked.
Niao's face scrunched in horror. "We do not eat animals."
"Good," Shanti consoled him. "I'm a vegetarian."
Niao frowned at the word, but went back to shoveling the grool into his mouth. Shanti tried a bite of the brown mush. It was surprisingly good. It tasted like curry. Her stomach grumbled and, before she knew it, the entire plate was empty. Niao smiled at her cleaned plate.
"So we get one meal a day on this ship?"
"Not so often." Niao collected her empty plate and spork.
"Are they trying to starve us?"
Niao frowned and cocked his head to the side. "Oh, I keep forgetting you are human. You take the energy from liquids and other life forms to sustain you."
"Well, yeah," said Shanti. "What do Eloheem eat? Air pie and wind pudding?"
Niao laughed at this, the childish sound rang in her ears. Shanti almost caught herself smiling at his glee. It had been so long since she'd heard a sound of pure joy.
"Eloheem eat only for enjoyment and fellowship. We take our sustenance directly from the ship."
"Do you mean the energy mines?"
Niao nodded. "The Mothership takes energy directly from the elements in the Heavens. She processes them and feeds them to any beings on the ship in a form that their cells can ingest. Any waste product, she takes back unto herself."
"Like recycling?"
"Soon, you will acclimate and your human body will become more proficient at collecting
energy from the source instead of taking it from other living things."
There was a knock at the door.
Niao frowned. "It is Chen-Na. But why would he knock? Doors do not lock."
Niao went to the door and opened it.
Chen stood on the other side of the door. Just the sight of him caused Shanti's heart to kick up a pace. His eyes immediately found hers as though he'd seen her through the door and had been staring at her for some time. Shanti felt instantly heated.
"Is the ship too damaged as not to let you in, Chen-Na?"
"No." Chen's gaze never left Shanti as he addressed Niao. "I wanted to be invited in."
Shanti ducked her head. "Aren't I your captive?"
"No, my only. It is you who has captivated me."
Niao ducked out of the door with a wave and the dishes.
"May I come inside with you, Shanti?"
Shanti hesitated. Her body craved Chen's. It was on more than a sexual level. Even though she'd spent the night, or what she assumed was nighttime, with Hsing and her waking time after the space battle with Niao, Shanti still felt a deep sense of loneliness ever since Chen left her in the bed that first night.
Shanti had been ready to commit an eternity to this man just after holding his hand. Her eyes traveled down to his hands now. They were clasped in front of him. She did the same with her hands.
"I want everything between us to be clear from now on," Chen said. "I will not cross this threshold without your permission. I was hoping to spend time with you. To show you around."
"I've been around the ship."
Chen nodded. "But you have not found what you are looking for."
Shanti's fingers clenched in her palms. She thought she'd hid her search for an escape well.
"No, my only," Chen shook his head in confirmation of her suspicion. "That was the other reason I wanted to come to you. To show you how to block your thoughts. So you might have some mental privacy as well as physical privacy when you so desire it."
Shanti regarded Chen. It was the same open, somber face that she'd first glanced up into when she thought she was dead. He still regarded her with the same wonder. But she detected...was that shame at the edge of his large eyes?
She made a motion with her hand. It was unnecessary. He would know that she was allowing him inside. But -she looked over her shoulder at him with narrow eyes- just inside of her room. Not inside anywhere else.
Chen bowed his head in understanding of her silent edict. Before he ducked his head, she caught the crinkle of disappointment in his large eyes.
Shanti put her shoulders back. There was a part of her that wanted Chen to embrace her. She was scared of...all of this. Everything was new and scary and Shanti was used to having all the information in order to proceed.
Having knowledge and experience had made her confident in her dealings in her work and in her life. Which was funny, because when she thought she was dead, she hadn't been afraid. She'd felt unafraid when she decided to place her hand in Chen's. Once her hand was in his, every worry and fear of her life had slipped away.
Hsing had made her forget her worries and fears the other night as he brought her to climax after climax. Now that she was self-possessed, standing on her feet instead of laying on her back beneath Hsing, holding her own hand instead of Chen's, Shanti felt the worry and fear creeping up her back. All the uncertainty of her future, the worries of her past, the indecision of the moment crowded into her mind.
Her fingers trembled in her palms. She almost wished Chen would take her hands, crush her into him, and place her beneath him on the bed. When he'd held her in the light as they ascended to the ship, Shanti had never felt more safe or secure in her entire life. She missed that feeling.
She looked up to see Chen staring at her. His lips parted. His eyes yearned. He'd heard her every desire.
Shanti crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her chin. "So, this blocking thing...?"
Chen's eyes dropped. He motioned her towards one of the cushions on the floor. Once she sat down, he settled himself in front of her, folding himself into a graceful lotus position that reminded her of Wizdom back at the ashram.
Shanti grudgingly reached for her right foot to fold herself into a pretzel. Reaching for her left foot, she wobbled before settling.
When she glanced up at Chen he had a humorous tilt to his lips. Shanti rolled her eyes at him, but it was without any sting. When she was looking away from him, she fought and failed to keep a grin from her face.
"Do not dwell in the past," Chen said when he sobered. "Do not dream of the future. Concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Chen's voice was light, the heaviness of guilt gone. Shanti was flooded with the same warmth she'd felt the first time she saw him, the same rightness.
Chen said nothing aloud or in her head as these thoughts floated through her mind. He simply regarded her, his face serene. Only his pupils moved. They roved over her face as though committing every detail to memory. For the briefest of seconds Shanti panicked, wondering if he was trying to remember her because they were about to be separated.
But wasn't that what she wanted? To be separated from him? To go back to her life where she was an independent woman who made her own choices without having to consult anyone or ask for permission?
"Concentrate, Shanti."
Shanti sighed as she reached for the quietness of meditation. It came surprisingly quick. Her sit bones ground into the floor, her shoulders lightened, her mind cleared. She opened her eyes to see a small, prideful smile on Chen's lips.
Chen held up his hand in a fist. "Humbleness, clarity, forgiveness, and love." Chen ticked each word off on his fingers until only his thumb rested against his palm. "These are the foundations of freedom. Freedom is the key to the power within you."
"So if I'm humble, forgiving, clear, and give love, I'll be able to perform martial arts, read minds, and move things with my thoughts?”
"Yes. It is simply a matter of changing your mind."
Shanti didn't expect that answer. She sat up straighter and listened closely to the lesson.
"Your current state of mind operates under false beliefs. We need to show it a new way. Rewire, I think would be the correct vernacular."
"All right then. I'm pretty humble -most of the time."
Chen shook his head. "Humbleness is knowing your place. A woman's place is different than a male's."
Shanti's hackles reared.
Chen held out his hands in a placating fashion, a new smile on his face. "Women can be both strong leaders and subservient helpers. Eloh brothers cannot shift their status so easily. I assume human males are similar. Males are either leaders or followers. Yang tend to serve as helpers while Yin tend to lead. Females are capable of both, able to cross the bridge to either side of their nature. You must master when to switch between the two."
Shanti's shoulders relaxed. She liked this definition, this division of the sexes.
"Clarity is something you struggle with," Chen continued. "You must learn your own mind and speak and act in accordance."
Shanti knew he was talking about her encounter with Hsing and Hsing’s proclamation that she thought and felt one way but spoke and acted another. Shanti rolled her eyes as she continued listening intently.
"And now onto forgiveness-"
"Are you going to tell me that if I forgive you, I’ll have power?"
"Yes, my only. Holding on to the past weighs you down. If you cannot forgive my actions of the past, then practice compassion. Try to understand my position."
Part of her felt she understood Chen's position. She'd thought she understood him the moment they clasped hands. From the first kiss they shared. When he entered her body for the first time. She'd felt everything he did. But Chen had had more information than she had. That knowledge gap was hard for Shanti to cross. He'd known where he was taking her and why. She hadn't understood fully.
Chen rose.
"Wait, you said f
our things. What about love?"
Chen smiled. "That, my only, you have in abundance."
Their eyes locked. Shanti tried to swallow past the lump in her throat. Chen watched the movement, hunger clear in his eyes.
"So can I block you from my thoughts now?"
Chen shook his head. "We are one. We can never block each other, not entirely."
"Why can't I hear your thoughts?"
Chen smiled. "You know exactly what I think and feel, my only."
It was as though a windstorm kicked up in the room. A flood of emotion hit Shanti in her head and her heart. She swallowed against the tidal wave of love and devotion Chen sent her way.
"This lesson was for you to guard against others," Chen said. "I can see your mental walls strengthening already. The more you practice clarity and forgiveness the stronger you will become."
His hand rose towards her, but then it stopped and rejoined his other hand at his waist. Chen clasped the two appendages together with a small, inaudible sigh. "Will you come with me, Shanti?"
"Where are you taking me?" she asked.
"To join the others."
"In a room full of grown, sex-starved males who have no problem with kidnapping women?"
Chen's face frowned deeply. "No soul on this ship would ever harm you, my only. Every one of my brethren would lay down their life to protect yours."
Shanti took a few steps to the door. Chen preceded her, opening the door. They were quiet as they walked down the stark white hallways, side by side.
“Did you enjoy your meal?” Chen asked.
“I did, but I still don’t understand how it all works. You don’t eat food?”
"As grown Eloheem we do not require food to sustain ourselves. We can siphon energy directly from the ship. When we are off the ship, we feed from natural sources; a star's rays, or even certain chemicals. But we do enjoy the taste and texture of certain food sources. My mother enjoyed the taste of blueberries and I developed a liking for them as a child."
