by Sarah Bailey
“Yeah, like that’s easy to do with Aiden.”
He chuckled, patting my arm lightly.
“You’ve managed just fine so far with him. For as long as I’ve known Aiden, he’s been closed off. You came along and changed that. Do you think he would’ve been open to letting me help him if you hadn’t taught him it’s okay to let other people in?”
I shook my head. Aiden was different now from when we first met. He would never have told me anything about his parents or openly admitted his feelings.
“Well, there you go.”
I fiddled with my jacket pocket again.
“Rick called me a siren and said I have Aiden wrapped around my little finger. He said I’m the one with all the control in our relationship.”
John raised an eyebrow.
“Did you tell Aiden he said that?”
“No. I didn’t believe Rick and I didn’t trust Aiden not to get mad about it.”
“He probably would’ve knowing Aiden.”
He leant in closer to me.
“Women always have all the power, Avery. All you have to do is tell him the truth.”
“What if he gets angry with me?”
He leant back again and gave me a look.
“Are you telling me he hasn’t been angry with you before?”
“Well no, he’s lost his shit with me on numerous occasions.”
“And you’re still with him.”
I shook my head, smiling.
“Okay, yes, I get it. You’re right. I need to grow a pair.”
He laughed.
“I wouldn’t quite put it like that. You’re a woman after all.”
I nudged my shoulder into his. I’d always liked John. My mum thought he had something going on with Esme, my nanny until she left when I was sixteen to go live with some guy she’d met on the internet. John had stopped working for my dad after that too. It’d always felt like too much of a coincidence for there not to have been some kind of affair going on between the two of them.
“I’ll talk to him. I don’t want things staying the way they are now.”
He nodded at me, giving me a tentative smile.
We rode the rest of the way back to Aiden’s flat in silence. He came in with me. Aiden was in his office, but he came out when he heard the door. He dropped a kiss on my forehead.
“How are James and Gert?”
“They’re fine. Gert has a new girlfriend, so we mostly talked about that.”
He raised an eyebrow. I’d forgotten to tell him Gert was bi.
“She likes girls and boys.”
“I see,” was all he said.
He looked over at John and I knew our little bit of small talk was over. Sighing heavily, I walked away into the bedroom, leaving the two of them alone.
I flicked the light on and stood at the end of the bed, staring up at the picture hanging above it. The one I’d painted of us. The representation of my submission to him.
Were Rick and John right? Did I really hold all the power? Could I fix the growing divide between Aiden and me?
There was only one way I could find out.
I walked over to the window and stared out at the dark city and its twinkling lights.
Aiden and I needed to talk.
And I wasn’t going to let him continue to pretend like nothing happened.
Chapter Twenty
Aiden
I leant up against the wall in the hallway, waiting for John to say something. His expression was a little wary.
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way,” he said.
“The wrong way?”
He nodded, his face growing solemn.
“I’m worried about her.”
My chest tightened. Things had been off between Avery and me since Rick turned up and she hinted at marriage. I was going to do something about it. I didn’t know what yet so I’d left it alone. Maybe that had been a bad idea.
“Why?”
“I shouldn’t be interfering.”
“John…”
He couldn’t back out now he’d started. What happened whilst she was out with her friends?
He put his hands up.
“All I’m going to say is you need to talk to her.”
“That doesn’t help me. Talk to her about what?”
He shifted on his feet. I didn’t know why he decided to talk to me about this if it was making him this uncomfortable.
“The day Rick returned her, something happened, didn’t it?”
I stiffened, not wanting to acknowledge it either way. He nodded slowly.
“Your lack of response is telling.”
I shoved off the wall and paced away, running my hand through my hair. This shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me. It was my fault. I’d shut down and I knew it.
“Did she tell you?”
“She told her friends and then she spoke to me on the way home.”
And now everyone fucking knew about our problems. This was a fucking mess. I shouldn’t have been such a fucking wuss. It wasn’t just that which was bothering me. I was worked up over Rick taking her. I was so fucking scared he’d do it again, just like he threatened. The helpless feeling wouldn’t go away. It tore at my insides and dug into my skin. I had to protect my girl. I had to.
“What did you say?”
“I told her to talk to you as did her friends. I imagine she’s waiting for you.” He paused, giving me a significant look. “Let her talk.”
“Are you giving me relationship advice now?”
He grinned.
“No, just life advice. Women are complicated. Let her talk and don’t get pissed off. That’s all I’m saying.”
I wasn’t angry with her. I completely understood her desire for a future between us. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t told her in the past I wanted to be with her forever. That was the honest fucking truth. I couldn’t imagine life without her now. Avery made me happy. And now I’d made her unhappy by not dealing with the situation.
“You going to let me talk to her then?”
“I’ll see you two tomorrow morning.”
He gave me one final nod before slipping out the front door. I stared after him, knowing as soon as I stepped in the bedroom, I had to deal with everything. Rick had well and truly fucking stuck his oar in and given me a fucking headache to sort out. I wished he’d never got his hands on her. Wished we’d never had that fucking conversation. I couldn’t stand it.
Stop being such a fucking coward.
I took a step towards the room. My phone rang. I dug it out of my pocket. It was Ben.
“Hey shithead.”
“Aiden, Skye is in labour,” Ben replied, sounding a little frantic.
Wait, what?
“She is?”
“Mate, I really need you here. I’m freaking the fuck out right now. Skye’s parents are on their way, but she’s screaming at me. Shit, I’m sorry, I know you’re not good with this stuff.”
“Hey, it’s fine. Where are you?”
He told me which hospital they were at and to make sure to bring Avery along. Although Skye was screaming at him at that moment, she still wanted to meet my girlfriend.
Well shit.
Time was of the essence. Walking into the bedroom, I found Avery staring out the window. She didn’t turn around at my approach. I stopped a few feet away, not wanting to encroach on her space too much. My palms twitched, wanting to wrap themselves around her waist and feel her skin on mine. I fucking missed her.
“Princess.”
“We need to talk.”
“I know.”
She shifted on her feet, wrapping her arms around herself. She was in a plain blue t-shirt and black skinny jeans which hugged her arse and made my mouth water. Fuck. She was so beautiful. So fucking perfect. And she was upset with me. How the fuck had I allowed it to get this far?
“Skye has gone into labour and B
en wants us there.”
She turned around, staring at me with wide eyes.
“Oh, oh shit. Well, let’s go then.”
I felt like shit for having to postpone our conversation, but my best friend needed me. I mean I had no fucking idea how I would be any use in this situation. I wasn’t good with babies nor screaming women. My messy relationship with Avery was evidence of that.
We both went back out into the hall, putting shoes and coats on. We didn’t talk as we rode down in the lift and got in the car. After I pulled out of the underground carpark, I reached over and took her hand, running my thumb down the back of it. I just needed to touch her. My beautiful girl who made my heart fucking sing.
“Is it far?” she asked.
“Shouldn’t take longer than twenty minutes, depends on traffic.”
“He must be freaking out if he wants you with him.”
I glanced at her. She was smiling to herself.
“I’m just doing this for him. There is no fucking way I’m going in that delivery room. I’d rather not see my best friend’s wife pushing a kid out.”
She giggled, squeezing my hand.
“How long have they been together?”
“Eight years. They got married when Ben and I left the army and before you ask, yes, I was his best man.”
Talking about Ben was easy. Talking about us? Not so much.
“Did you tell embarrassing stories in your speech?”
I smiled. It had been the perfect summer’s day for them. That was despite me telling all their guests how our unit had left a naked, passed out Ben outside our staff sergeant’s quarters after he’d got drunk and sobbed to us about how much he loved Skye.
“Yes and he roped me and the boys into helping him propose to her. She came to base one weekend and he got us to wear these t-shirts under our uniforms which spelt out ‘Will you marry me?’. So we all line up and she’s like, ‘Ben, what are they doing?’ and when we all started to take our uniform shirts off, she was about to go off on him, but he was down on one knee. The fucking fool was crying like a baby trying to get his words out.”
“Seriously? What did she do?”
“She said and I quote ‘You little fucker’.”
Avery snorted, letting go of my hand to put hers over her mouth.
“She dragged him off the floor, slapped him around the head and told him to take her back to his quarters so she could give him her answer without us all staring at the two of them.”
“That’s not exactly the most romantic way to propose.”
I wasn’t sure talking about proposals and marriage was the best idea considering we still needed to have a conversation about that topic ourselves.
“What do you think is romantic then?”
I looked over at her as we’d stopped at a red light. She squirmed a little in her seat.
“I don’t know. Just not something in front of other people.”
That was hardly a surprise. She didn’t like being the centre of attention. Except when she was the centre of mine. Then she liked it a lot. It reminded me we hadn’t had sex for days. She was always asleep when I came to bed and even yesterday, she’d spent all day painting in the living room. She passed out on the sofa when we were watching TV so I tucked her up in bed even though I wanted to kiss her awake and make love to her slowly.
I had to remedy this situation between us. We needed to reconnect and that started with a conversation about what she’d said last weekend.
I pulled up in the hospital carpark and we got out. I called Ben, who said he’d meet us outside the maternity unit. When we got up there, he was pacing outside the double doors.
“Thank fuck you’re here,” he said when he spied us.
I gave him a pat on the back when I reached him.
“How are you holding up?”
“Badly… Hey Avery.”
She gave him a quick hug, smiling.
“Are Skye and the baby okay?” she asked.
“Well, Skye is screaming bloody murder every time she gets a contraction, but the midwife reassured me everything is fine.”
He pressed the button on the doors and spoke to the receptionist who let us in. He pointed over to an open door.
“That’s the waiting room, Grant’s in there. I should get back.”
I nodded, taking Avery’s hand and leading her towards the room. Ben ran a hand through his hair before he turned away and walked a little way down the corridor to where we could hear a woman screaming. I felt sorry for him.
Skye’s dad, Grant was sitting in a chair by the window with his phone in his hand. He looked up when we walked in.
“Hello Aiden.”
“Hello Grant… This is my girlfriend, Avery. This is Skye’s dad,” I replied by way of introduction.
He stood up and took Avery’s hand, shaking it.
“It’s very nice to meet you.”
She smiled at him, extracting her hand and curling it around my arm.
“Ben didn’t mention you had a girlfriend.”
He waved a hand between the two of us.
“It’s kind of new.”
We all sat down. Grant went back to his phone whilst I put an arm around Avery. She leant into me.
“So we’re just going to hang out here until the baby comes?” she whispered.
“Yes… I know it’s not what you expected to be doing this evening.”
She rested her head on my shoulder.
“It’s okay. This is more important.”
She looked downtrodden and resigned. I felt like shit. I wanted to sort this crap out between us but now we couldn’t because Grant was in here. I wasn’t going to talk about our problems with an audience.
“Do you want me to get you a drink or a magazine?”
She shook her head.
“I just want to sit here with you if that’s okay.”
“Of course it is, princess.”
She curled a hand around my waist and closed her eyes.
~~~
Hours passed without a word from Ben. I fiddled with my phone when Avery fell asleep on me. I didn’t want to disturb her. Grant got coffee for both of us but didn’t say much else to me. He’d always been the stoic type.
Finally, Skye’s mum, Deb, came in around two in the morning to let us know Skye delivered a healthy 7lb 9oz baby boy. Grant went with her to the delivery room leaving me alone with my sleeping girlfriend. I told Deb to send Ben to get us when Skye was ready to have us in there.
Avery looked so peaceful curled up on the chair with her head in my lap. I stroked her hair back from her face.
“Princess, wake up.”
I shook her gently. She shifted, turning her face up towards me and blinked.
“What time is it?”
“Like two.”
She sat up, rubbing her eyes.
“Why’d you wake me up?”
“The baby is here. We’ll go see them in a bit, but I thought we should talk first.”
She eyed me for a moment before standing up, stretching and walking towards the window. She stood looking out at the city beyond. She didn’t say anything for a long moment and when she did, she didn’t turn to look at me.
“Aiden… I feel like this is all my fault.”
It wasn’t. I opened my mouth to speak, but then closed it again. John told me earlier to let her talk.
“What I said… I didn’t mean anything by it. I mean I did, but not in the way you’re thinking.”
She sighed.
“Fuck. Why is this so hard?” she muttered.
I wanted to reach out to her, tell her it was okay. If she didn’t mean she wanted to get married, then what had she been trying to tell me?
“You keep telling me you don’t deserve me. It’s frustrating. I can’t seem to convince you that’s simply not the case. It’s not about who deserves who. I want you. I need you… I fucking love you and that�
�s not going to change. You can hurt me a thousand times over and I’ll still be here. I’ll still love you.”
I sucked in a breath. That’s what all this was about?
“I won’t deny I want a future with you and I hope it will include marriage one day, but I don’t want it to cause this distance between us. This isn’t moving forward, it’s taking a hundred steps back.”
Fuck. I’d been such a fucking idiot thinking she wanted to get married right now.
“I’m lonely, Aiden. I miss you. I miss us.”
Each word sucker punched me in the gut. I got up and went to her, unable to stay away any longer. I turned her around and wrapped my arms around her. Burying my face in her shoulder, I breathed in her familiar scent of coconut. Fuck. I loved this girl so much. And I’d missed us too.
She exhaled slowly and wrapped her hands around my back, holding me close.
“So you don’t want to elope?”
“I hope that’s a joke.”
I smiled, tightening my hold on her.
“I’m sorry, princess. I meant to talk to you…”
“But you got freaked out by the prospect. It’s okay. Honestly, my head is all over the place right now and everything that happened with… him. It all just got too much for me. People keep calling me, Miss Daniels. I hate everything associated with my family, including my name. It’s the one thing which still ties me to them and their sick legacy. It’s like having it dangled in front of my face on a daily basis.”
I had no idea she felt that way about it. Why hadn’t she just told me? I would’ve understood. Hell, that’s why I was fucking glad my mother gave me her last name rather than his.
I pulled away, staring down at her. There were still things I should say to her, but I found I couldn’t. I couldn’t tell her how terrified I was about Rick taking her away again. How enraged it made me feel that he had the audacity to stick his fucking nose into my life when he’d left me alone all this fucking time.
“When this is all over… We’ll talk about the future. We need to make sure we have one first.”
“You’re right, we do.”
She shifted up on her tiptoes and kissed me, her hands curling around my neck. Fuck. I’d missed the simple act of having her kiss me. Having her pour out her feelings in this way. I felt the connection between us deep within my chest. Her heart and soul bound to mine.
