Shutter: The Complete Series

by S. E. Dosher

  “That was my fault,” he says, turning his back to me and running a hand through his now shaggy hair.

  “Your fault?” I whisper, “I don’t understand.”

  A heavy silence falls between us. He knows something; there’s more to him than I know, than I can guess. It’s big and wearing on him mentally and physically.

  “I thought I was the only one with secrets,” I tell him.

  His head shakes slowly, and I see his shoulders sag with a heavy breath.

  “Little sister, your secret was never really a secret, was it, Niko?”

  Niko’s head jerks up at the same time my eyes turn to see the surprising statement came from Brock.

  “What the fuck is going on?” I demand, my heart pounding and my head swimming in confusion.

  “Would you like to tell her, or should I?” Brock questions Niko.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Niko deflects, but his voice wavers.

  “You do, and we both know it. Now either you can tell her, or I will,” Brock says, and I’d swear his shoulders broaden, and he stands a little taller as his tone grows fierce.

  “I knew,” Niko says as he turns from Brock’s penetrating eyes and faces me.

  “You knew what?” I ask, still not understanding what the hell is going on.

  “I knew you were following me. Well, I knew someone was following me. It just wasn’t until that night Suzy broke into my house that I knew it was you.”

  The air in my lungs rapidly escapes, leaving me gasping for breath. “You knew the whole time? The whole time it was a lie?”

  My legs grow weak, and I feel them giving way beneath me. Niko’s arms shoot out to grab me and pull me back upright. He lifts me onto the countertop.

  “Nothing was a lie. Nothing,” He says with clear emphasis, but ice starts forming over the place I was reserving in my heart for him.

  “Tell her the rest,” Brock urges him on.

  “Stop!” Niko shouts at Brock. “I will, I am.”

  He moves away to lean on the island, still facing me. “I’ve known you were around for over a year. It might sound crazy, but I swear I could feel when you were there, and when you weren’t. Everything changed when I felt your presence—I felt calmer, more alive. I never knew it was you; I just knew we had a connection.”

  A sputtering sound comes from Brock’s direction, and my eyes flash to him, giving him a look that tells him to shut up. He shrugs his shoulders, but doesn’t make another sound.

  Niko continues, “I had to know who it was; I couldn’t stand not knowing. So I hired someone to follow you—to follow the person following me. But the only pictures they could get were grainy and unusable. You were too sneaky; I couldn’t track you down. I finally came up with an idea to draw you out. Suzy was always around and causing problems for everyone. I trusted you knew who she was; you were around too often not to know her. All I had to do was convince her I’d be waiting for her at my house. I saw you in your usual spot outside in the trees, so when I heard the back door open I hoped you’d come rushing in behind her. I just had to wait for you. You had to come, everything was banking on that connection I felt, I hoped you felt it too. If you did, you’d come, you’d follow her inside my house and I’d finally know who you were. It was risky, but I had to…I had to.”

  Shocked, my lungs suck in a deep breath as my hand slaps over my mouth. “You set the whole thing up?” I ask in utter disbelief. My chest feels empty and hollow and it spreads to my entire body. If I could feel my heart, I know it would be splintered at his words, but all I felt in my chest was a dull numbness.

  His gaze falls from me, and he exhales just as loudly as I had gasped. “I did, but I had to know who you were; I couldn’t stand not knowing. Then you ran off before I could talk to you, before I could figure out who you were. When I finally found your phone, and discovered you’d only been a few blocks away from me this entire time, I couldn’t let you get away. No matter what it took.”

  “The photos?” I ask. “How did the police get them?”

  “Suzy broke into my house again and found them. She knew about you, too. She saw you like you saw her. She was furious when she figured out I’d set it up. It’s all my fault. The police—all of it. But you don’t have to worry about Suzy anymore. I took care of everything with her. She’s not even in L.A. anymore; she’s back on the East coast with her family.” The anguish on his face is suffocating, his hands are tightly clenched in front of him, and with every word the paleness in his knuckles grows more severe.

  “How could you? You can’t possibly understand what I’ve been through these past few weeks. What I went through even during those few days we were together. The guilt, the soul crushing shame for what I’d done to you. How in the fuck could you do that to me?” Tears stream down my face, tears of heartache and betrayal.

  He eyes come back to my face, and I see my pain reflected in his gaze, but I don’t care. He reaches for my face and wipes away the tears with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry Brook, I never meant for this—I never meant to hurt you. But I needed you; I had to find out who you were. I couldn’t live not knowing.”

  I push his hands away and then thrust my palms against his chest, sending him stumbling back a couple feet. “Then you should have fucking told me. Hell, I was already stalking you, you knew that, what difference would it have made if you’d told me the truth instead of continuing the lies?” Even though my heart is pounding at a frantic pace my voice softens. “I had enough lies for the both of us, you should have told me the truth.”

  “I know that now, but then I thought the truth would scare you. I knew you followed me, but I didn’t know why. I didn’t know what your feelings for me were, if it was just about money, or if it was about something more real.” He takes a small step toward me, holding his hands up like he’s approaching a cornered animal. His face is scared and his eyes desperate, it helps dampen my fury, but only slightly. “It’s all my fault, the whole thing. You’re right, if I would have told you we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

  “No, it’s not,” I tell him. “The entire thing is my fault. No matter what you did, I was the one following you. I have been for years,” I admit, my voice growing softer but still holding an edge of the anger I feel.

  “Years?” He asks in disbelief.

  I nod my response.

  The room grows silent for several minutes, and it’s deafening to my ears. All I can hear is the rhythmic pounding of my heart and the blood it sends coursing through my veins. My emotions are numb; everything I thought I knew is skewed, my life now sideways. I don’t know what to do with this knowledge; don’t know if I’m allowed to be angry even though I feel it deep into my bones. The betrayal from his actions is real, but in contrast to my own treachery the severity of his lies seems minute.

  “I miss you; my life is too silent without you near,” he says, so softly I almost can’t decipher the words.

  “Yet you’re still pressing charges against her for stalking,” Brock says, his voice laced with revulsion.

  “I’m not,” Niko says defeated.

  “What?” I ask, astonished by the only good thing I’ve heard today.

  “They were dropped this morning; I’m surprised your lawyer hasn’t told you yet. I never meant for things to get this far, but it’s taken some time for me to convince my lawyers not pressing charges was truly what I wanted. I never did, never.”

  “Did you send Kiki to talk to me last night?” I ask, my voice accusatory.

  “No, I haven’t seen her in weeks. I haven’t seen anyone but you in weeks.”

  “Why haven’t you been working?” I ask not sure why I even care.

  He points to his face. “No work until it’s completely healed.”

  Brock walks to stand in the open space between us. “You dropped the charges?”

  Niko nods. “I never wanted her to get hurt. I swear I didn’t.”

  “Okay,” Brock says.

  “How d
id you know?” I ask Brock.

  He drops a picture of me perched in the tree outside Niko’s house onto the counter next to me. “Suzy sent this to me, I’ve had them for a while but didn’t know how to handle it. I’m sorry, Brook, I let my anger with you cloud everything. She also gave me a number to call her, but I didn’t actually do it until this morning. After last night, I knew I had to help you. I couldn’t just sit by and let them destroy your life. She told me most of what Niko just said.” His hand comes out to squeeze my knee in a show of support, nods in approval, and then leaves the room.

  “Where do we go from here?” Niko asks me, his eyes begging for an answer I know I can’t give.

  “I have no idea, Niko.” I jump from the countertop and walk to the other side of the kitchen, needing some distance between us. “But I know there is no we. There never really was; this whole mess is fucked up. I don’t think it can be repaired. Too many lies and betrayal stand in the way.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way Brook. I know you feel drawn to me like I do to you. I’m not asking for some grand gesture—just a chance.”

  I shake my head in disagreement; I don’t know that I can trust him, and ultimately he shouldn’t trust me.

  “Stephen?” he asks. “Is this because of Stephen? I know you’ve been with him…I’ve seen you with him. I know the look in his eye, he wants you back.”

  “Stephen doesn’t have anything to do with this; he’s done nothing but help me when I needed him most.”

  His body jerks at the assault of my words.

  “I can make it right, we can fix this,” he pleads, taking several small steps toward me.

  “No, Niko, no.” I say holding my hands up so he won’t come any closer. I turn and walk toward the back door, pausing when my fingers glide across the doorknob.

  “If two hearts are connected, nothing else matters. Who they are, what they do—it doesn’t matter because there are no boundaries, or obstacles, if they’re destined to be together.”

  His words flow through me, but they can’t plant in my heart because it’s too numb and icy to hear his words. A single tear falls down my cheek as I twist the knob and walk away.

  Volume Three

  Chapter 1

  My whole body moans with pleasure at the feel of the smooth surface colliding with my fingertip as I depress the shutter button. The unmistakable snick follows and sends a wave of tranquility coursing through my veins. I’ve missed the weight of the camera in my hands, the unfiltered view through the lens, and the rush of capturing an image that can never be altered by time. The perfect setting and breathtaking subjects before my lens only heightens the ecstasy.

  His hand weaves up her side, caressing the leather of the bodice she’s wearing like a second skin. The distinct flutter of her muscles as she becomes acquainted with his touch is as innocent as it is alluring. I hope the macro lens I’m using picks up every tiny detail my eyes so easily detect. The loss of such an intimate aspect of their encounter would be tragic.

  His dark brown hair falls to the side as he tilts his head to lightly graze his mouth along her cheek, past the black lace blindfold covering her eyes, to place a single kiss on her temple. The simple gesture increases the pace of my heart and falters my breath.

  Her hands momentarily flutter through the air as she searches for him, longing to feel and draw him closer, but he pulls just out of her reach and a smug grin spreads across his full lips. She is exactly where he wants her, and he doesn’t hide how much he relishes the feeling. He knows she can only stand the wanting for so long before she breaks and begs him to grace her flesh with his touch.

  My hand adjusts the focus, making him the prominent figure in the shot, her scantily clad body fading into the dark surroundings. His shoulders squared and commanding, the muscles of his back pull taut, ready to pounce on his target. My mind pleads for him not to move—this is perfection that has to be captured. I depress the shutter button, savoring every second.

  The thrill of his desires causes small beads of sweat to form across the expanse of his back. The faint moonlight casting through the window catches on them, causing his dark skin to practically glow. He pauses as if hearing the silent plea of my heart. His head dips to the side, his eyes casting my direction before he takes a long stride toward her.

  I’m just close enough to hear a small whimper resonate from her throat before it’s quickly cut off by his powerful growl. She timidly ducks her head, and my own breath stalls in my lungs as I watch him wrap his large hands around her dainty wrists and pull them behind her back. He jerks them downward showing her exactly where they belong. She doesn’t respond verbally, but as he releases her wrists she keeps them positioned exactly where he commanded. His lips caress the edge of her shoulder in a show of true reward for her obedience. My vision catches the faint sight of wetness as his tongue snakes out to twirl across her collarbone. I snap more photos just as chill bumps skate along the surface of her skin.

  No matter how much I’ve lied to myself recently, I’ve missed invading such intimate moments while hiding behind my camera. The price that came with the act was too great to continue my obsession, but the hunger for the perfect shot that encompasses every longing of their primal desire was never far from my mind.

  “Do you think you have what you need?” a voice whispers through the silence.

  I nod in response.

  “Sure?”

  I nod once more.

  “Okay, that’s a wrap,” Kiki calls out in her normal booming voice for the entire room can hear.

  “You guys were fantastic,” I say as the man removes the lace blindfold covering the woman’s eyes. “Really, I got exactly what I needed.”

  They turn and smile at me briefly before looking back at each other with the same level of intimacy they just displayed for my camera.

  “Did you?” Kiki asks, not nearly as exuberant about the photo shoot as I am.

  “I did, truly,” I reassure her. “Where did you find them? They were incredible.”

  “I don’t know,” she shrugs. “Some BDSM club downtown.”

  I cough on the water I was attempting to swallow. “You’re fucking kidding me?” I shriek, and she barks out a laugh.

  “Lord, Brook, you’re so gullible. They came from the modeling agency, we told them we were doing a story on the popularity of kinky sex and they sent them. From the looks of things, I’d guess their little tease is going to end with a poke and tickle a little later.” Her knowing eyes grow wide and as she elbows me in the side with a click of her tongue.

  “Right? They were fucking hot, weren’t they?”

  She once again explodes into a laughing fit. “God, woman, I’m so glad I hired you. You keep my days filled with laughter.”

  Kiki hired me on a trial basis as a freelance photographer for InTune right after news broke that all the charges against me had been dropped. At first I thought it was another trick set up by Niko, but Kiki had assured me her connection to Niko was done. She continues to reassure me on a daily basis because of my ever-present paranoia.

  I had, after all, met her through him, so in my head they would always be connected. She’d completed her interview with him weeks ago, and the article for the magazine featuring him had been put off until after news of our scandal blew over. When the time comes to publish it, she plans to pass it down to an assistant editor instead of finishing it herself. She was positive, or so she told me, the public was already tired of hearing about Niko; therefore, she wasn’t planning on wasting her own precious time on it anymore. I was currently taking the “wait and see” approach on how I felt about it, and how much I should actually trust her.

  It didn’t hurt that I currently had zero other potential job opportunities beyond photographing the plant life in Brock’s backyard, which he and Paul so eagerly reminded me, so I took the job.

  This was my fifth shoot for the magazine in just the past two weeks, and so far, everything had gone smoothly. The story that wen
t along with this shoot had the potential to put my work on the front cover, and I couldn’t deny the prospect made me giddy. I just had to ignore the obvious similarities of my current subject matter to what I’d once photographed with Niko. The only notable difference being there was no Niko, and more importantly, this job wasn’t illegal. Which is a win-win for me. I can’t think much about Niko these days without wanting to jump in my car and track him down. However, sometimes in that scenario, I was kissing him, while in others I was kicking him square in the gonads.

  “So you’ll be in tomorrow for editing?” Kiki’s voice breaks me from my thoughts.

  “Yes, I’ll be there,” I answer as I pack my gear.

  As she passes by me, her hand lands on my shoulder. I look up to see an amused grin on her face. She doesn’t speak, she simply squeezes my shoulder, offers me another small smile, and turns to leave. Sometimes I have no idea what she’s thinking, but today I think she’s just happy I’m here – which I’ll take from a boss any day.

  Before I drop my phone in my bag I send a quick text:

  Will you be home tonight?

  The past two weeks have been more normal than any other time I can remember in recent years – long before Niko, long before modeling, long before outside factors pulled at me to be something different than my heart truly desired. I finally feel at peace, for the most part anyway. My life is at a point where I don’t feel the weight of others expectations weighing me down. My own expectations, however, carry the weight of the world at times.

  I have the support of the people that love me and accept me for who I am. Brock and Paul have been here for me since Niko revealed he’d been behind the largest mess of my life that played out in the public eye. I still had a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I’d spent so much time placing myself in the starring role of “dirt bag” that it was hard to share the spotlight with Niko.