“Oh... ugh… Davin said you needed someone to show you around the mall,” I stammered, shifting my weight from foot to foot and feeling like I might collapse under the heavy weight of all of the makeup Bridget had smeared across my face.
“Right,” he nodded as if he had been told the same about me. Glancing over his shoulder, I groaned audibly when I saw Davin in his doorway, waving his entire arm as if he had just pulled off his master plan. My body burned with humiliation but I was grateful that I would finally be able to have some fun with someone else. Don’t get me wrong, books have always been my escape but at some point I need to stop imagining what could happen and live my life before it passes me by.
My brothers muffled voice from upstairs telling my dad we were getting ready to leave brought me back into the moment. I had to disappear quickly. Grabbing the door handle, I pulled it behind me, pushing myself closer to Kaden. Instead of stepping out of the way, he kept his feet firmly planted, causing us to play a game of chicken that I couldn’t afford to lose. I inhaled deeply as a waft of his minty cologne drifted in the thick night air. His body went ridged as I brushed against his chest with my arm, sliding between him and the door frame. The dimple that accented his cheek had disappeared as his jaw went hard killing any self-esteem I may have harbored.
“Come on.” He stepped around me and made his way across the darkened street. I stumbled over my own feet as I followed behind, raising my arm to take a whiff of myself, praying I didn’t stink. All day I’d thought of the numerous ways I could screw this up but stench hadn’t crossed my mind.
“We don’t have to do this… I mean, if you don’t really feel like it, I understand,” I mumbled as we reached his car. Kaden stood between me and the passenger door and I was worried he really did want to blow me off, not that I could blame him. I wasn’t exactly the type of girl I’m sure he liked to spend his time with. The muscles in his jaw worked under his skin as he looked me over.
“It’s fine. It’s… nothing.” Reaching behind him, he gripped the car handle and pulled open the door, this time clearing the way so I wouldn’t have to rub against him. I hated that disappointment that followed that realization but I shoved that thought to the back of my mind to overthink about later.
“Thanks,” I said as I slipped into the bench seat and he quickly pushed the door closed behind me, putting a thick window between us. I felt like a monkey on display at the Alexandria Zoo. I tried not to take it personally as he shook his head while rounding the front of his car. He yelled something to his uncle but his voice was muffled leaving me to worry that he was expressing his disappointment. Why did I agree to this? Oh, right. It was my stupid fantasy since I watched him arrive months ago.
I kept myself pressed against the door as he joined me inside of the car and turned the key in the ignition. His eyes met mine briefly before he rolled down his window with a frustrated sigh.
“Should I?” I gripped the window crank with my damp palm and began to turn it as he shrugged, putting the car in reverse and backing us out of the driveway. The engine was so loud I was terrified my parents would come running outside any second but I knew not even they thought I’d willingly leave the house to hang out with some hot guy in his badass car. They probably assumed I was harassing my brother right now about what times of pens write best and all of the different types of notebooks I would need. Boring old predictable Lila Jane.
“It’s a warm night,” he shrugged again. “The fresh air is… nice.”
“Oh. Really? Most people think it smells like a swamp.” I tilted my chin down and inhaled again, silently cursing Bridget for spraying me down with her Vanilla Sugar body spray. Was I really nastier than a swamp? Is it too late to jump out into the road? If I tucked and rolled I would probably only get a few bumps and scrapes.
Kaden laughed sardonically as we made our way out of the Green Acres, our neighborhood, and onto the narrow highway. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think that you stank.” He laughed again, this time, deeper and I relaxed into my seat as I pulled my seatbelt across my chest and buckled it into place even though I was still seriously considering jumping out. I could use the exercise. I wasn’t fond of being the butt of jokes but I couldn’t say it was worse than being ignored and alone.
“I don’t normally wear this stuff. My friend picked it.” I chewed my lip, still feeling self-conscious.
“It’s… fine,” he glanced over at me as another car passed, illuminating his face with their headlights. The dimple was back in his cheek and it caused my stomach to flutter. “It just reminds me of someone… else.” His words hung heavy in the air and stung my ego like a slap in the face.
“Oh,” I repeated because I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to ask him to elaborate and I didn’t really feel like listening to him talk about some girl. I looked ahead at the road taking in the passing buildings. “Oh, this is toward Lake Charles. I was hoping to go to the mall in Alexandria. Shoot. I should have told you before we pulled out.”
Kaden made no attempt at decelerating and his eyes were locked ahead on the road.
“We’re not going to the mall. Either one.”
“Yes, we are,” I snapped in a tone that can only be described as my mother. I didn’t like being tricked and I didn’t know this guy from anyone. What if he was a murderer? The only people who even knew I was out with him had taken off for the night to protect my lie. My dad was going to kill me if this guy killed me first… or whatever.
“No.” He glanced my way again as he reached for the knob on the radio to turn up the classic rock song that hummed in the background, oblivious to the inner turmoil that was wreaking havoc on my stomach. “We’re not. Besides, it probably won’t even be open by the time we get there.”
“Um…” I reached forward, feeling dwarfed as I struggled to reach the volume knob against my seatbelt that had locked and turn the music back down. “No. We are going to the mall.”
“Ugh… My uncle warned me you were sheltered.”
“Wait… Daven said that about me?” The thought of our one neighbor who actually talked to me like I was a human being saying something like that stung, partly because I knew it was true. That was the entire reason behind me wanting to meet Kaden. I wanted to live a little, just not in a get yourself kidnapped by the crazy hot neighbor kind of living. For the first time since I’d noticed Kaden, I began to wonder what brought him to Daven’s house to begin with. No mother I knew was ever excited about shipping their child off to live with someone else, especially not to a small backwoods town like DeRidder. No, this had to be a punishment of sorts. But why? The stories I’d concocted in my head could rival the plots of my favorite novels. One day I would jot them all down and live out my dream of becoming a mysterious recluse, just like the authors in the movies. That is if this stupid boy didn’t leave my body for the gators first.
“He did. I should have listened.” His tone was playful but the look in his eye was menacing. He enjoyed teasing me and the more I showed how much it bothered me, the worse it would get. My nerves began firing off in rapid succession. I could feel the panic heat my belly and spread throughout my limbs and I knew one of my attacks was imminent. My mind went to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I wished I’d thought ahead to bring a purse. I really had become my mother.
“This isn’t funny, Kaden. Just… just pull over and let me out. I’ll call my brother to come get me.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“As a heart attack.”
SEVEN
KADEN
August 6, 2015
Slowing down, I pulled off to the side of the nearly desolate highway and put the car into park before turning to face Lila. She didn’t know what had happened to Taylor and I had no right to hold her accountable for saying something she couldn’t possibly know would get under my skin but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t. I never thought of myself as a bad person but losing Taylor had caused me to
lose something else… myself. I was colder now.
“Heart attacks aren’t funny. You not getting to shop and spend Daddy’s money is not life or death. I knew you were sheltered but spoiled too? Not very redeeming qualities and you should have at least a few if you’re going to dress like that.” I scanned her cream-colored dress and leather boots that probably cost more than everything I’d owned combined. She looked like she’d stepped off the pages of a magazine but it wasn’t a compliment. She put too much effort into her appearance and it made me uncomfortable. I felt dirty just sitting next to her in my well-worn jeans and threadbare t-shirt. The difference in our social status was abundantly clear and it only fueled my hatred for the privileged.
I was being an asshole and I knew I should have stopped my mouth from running but all of the anger I’d carried around with me since I’d lost Taylor was boiling below the surface and I never wasted a moment to let it erupt. I could see Lila pressing herself further into the door as if hoping to meld into the metal and slip from under my gaze. I wasn’t used to people backing down from me. By now she should have been screaming or calling me a prick, but she stayed silent. It made me all the more uncomfortable. I enjoyed challenging others and arguing was my primary means of communication. But Lila was making it clear she wasn’t used to confrontation and I was a stranger to her and subsequently not worth her caring. Her fight or flight instinct was kicking in and when I challenged her, she was too busy planning her escape to defend herself. Most would think to walk away was the honorable thing to do but to me, it meant abandonment and that was an even worse quality than the others I was listing off in my head.
“That’s not what I meant. I just told my parents that’s where I was going with my brother.”
“Oh, so you lied to them about who you were going with but not shopping would be crossing the line?”
“I had to lie. They wouldn’t have let me go with you.”
“So I’m the problem? They don’t even know me. Let me guess, daddy wouldn’t have let you step foot outside with a boy who doesn’t have a six figure bank account, is that it? Well, don’t do me any favors, sweetheart. I don’t give a shit about your family’s money and I only brought you with me as a favor.”
“A favor? For Daven?”
I laughed, shaking my head and knowing that I was going to cross a line but I couldn’t help myself. Pushing people away was a defense mechanism that I had mastered. If I didn’t let them get close, I couldn’t lose them. My eyes met hers as they widened, knowing I was about to say something cruel but she waited anyway.
“For you. He practically begged me to take out the pathetic shut-in next door. It’s kind of sad actually.”
Her gaze danced over me and I waited for a smartass retort but instead her eyes glossed over and her thin fingers clicked to unlatch her seatbelt. I was amped for an argument, but when the corners of Lila’s mouth tugged down, all of my anger dissipated. Just like that, one sad pout was my undoing, snuffing out the flame of rage that was glowing inside of me.
“Consider your good deed done. Have a good night,” she whispered before opening her door and slipping out into the darkness. We were still close to home but I didn’t trust leaving her out here by herself. Even in a small town like DeRidder, there were all kinds of people. “Lila,” I called after her as the heavy car door slammed and she began walking off into the night, the opposite direction of home.
“Shit,” I slipped out of the car and started to walk after her in the glow of my headlights. “You can’t just take off in the night like this. You have no idea who could be out here.”
“That’s true,” she snorted. “You’re out here.”
I knew she was taking a jab at me but I couldn’t help but laugh at her attempted insult. I preferred it to her being sad and easily offended. It felt like she was more on my level. “Lila,” I gripped her elbow from behind and she spun around, fire in her tear-soaked eyes.
I took a step back from her, raising my hands in surrender. “I wasn’t being fair alright? I know I can be a dick and it’s not your fault. That smell, it reminded me of someone who was very important to me. You couldn’t have known that and I shouldn’t have taken you out without telling you where we were going.”
“Used to be important? As in you don’t care anymore because you could have fooled me.”
“No.” I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and struggled to swallow past the lump in my throat. “She was… the most important person in the world to me before she… Fuck it. You win all right? Just get back in the damn car and stop asking so many damn questions.”
“I’m not trying to win, Kaden. I just want all the cards on the table. If I crossed a line, you need to show me where it is or I won’t be responsible if I step over it again. It’s common sense.”
“Ugh… you sound like my mother.”
“Good. At least one of us is acting like a rational adult.”
“I didn’t say it was a compliment.” I took in her slender figure silhouetted in the headlights of the car. She looked like an angel dropped down in the middle of this decrepit Hellhole and I couldn’t help but think God had released the wrong one. But it wasn’t her fault she wasn’t Taylor and if she could see me know, she would be disappointed in the way I was treating Lila.
Her perfectly arched eyebrow was raised, challenging me. I could dish it out but now I was the one wanting to cut and run. I would take on a three-hundred-pound asshole if he pushed me to it, but this waif of a girl made me nervous.
“Fair enough. She… she died, alright. I wanted to get out and fucking forget just for a few God damn hours and then you…” I dropped my hands to my sides knowing I was unleashing too much on her. I was shocked she wasn’t diving into the tree line now to escape.
“Oh God,” her hand flew to her mouth as she gasped aloud. “I had no idea. I’m so sorry.” I could see the guilt consume her like it did anyone when they found out about Taylor.
“Don’t do that,” I shook my head.
“What?” Her eyes were wide and waiting.
“Don’t apologize. Everyone always apologizes and then they start treating me like I’m going to crumble if they say the wrong thing. I hate it. I’m not weak. I don’t need pity.”
“Sorry,” she whispered before smiling nervously. “Shit.”
“You can swear. That was almost worth the confession.” I forced a small laugh hoping she would say something, anything to lighten the mood. I didn’t want to drown in memories, not now.
“You didn’t think I knew how to swear?” Her eyes narrowed playfully as she allowed the heaviness of our conversation to fade away.
“I didn’t think it was in your programming.”
“Did you just call me a robot? Is this you apologizing? Because you really suck at it.” Her eyebrow quirked up as she folded her arms across her chest. She was fighting a smile, which was much better than the frown that I had put their moments before.
“I just want to take you back home… or wherever you want to go. If you want to go to the mall, we can do that.”
She looked me over as she tried to decide if she could trust me. Her hand swiped against her damp cheek. “Really? You’re not just messing with me?”
I smiled, stepping closer and running the pad of my thumb under her eye to erase the smudge of black. “Anywhere you want to go. Just name it. We can be in Mexico by morning.”
She fought to keep her expression unreadable, glancing behind her. “I think it may take a little longer than that. Especially in this old piece of shit,” she mused, tapping her index finger against her chin as I struggled not to set her straight about my car and make her cry all over again.
“It was cute the first time you cursed but if you direct your hatred at my car, I’ll have to defend her honor,” I warned.
“Fair enough. Where is it that you wanted to go?”
“There is this party I thought might be fun.”
She shook her head causing long curls to cascade
over her shoulders. “I’m not really a party type of girl.”
“Shocking.” I rolled my eyes and took a step back to dodge her arm that swung out in a half-hearted attempt to hit me.
“I’m not some weird recluse that only comes out on full moons or something.”
“Okay.”
“I’m serious.”
“Got it. I was wrong,” I cringed as I admitted fault even though teasing her was causing her to turn an adorable shade of pink.
“You’ll take me to the mall if I want to go?”
“I said I would.”
“Well, you said it before too.”
“I didn’t mean it then,” I smirked, hoping she would decide to trust me.
She thought it over for another second before a broad smile spread across her face, revealing her perfectly white teeth. “Fine. We can go to the party but I can’t be gone all night and if I want to leave-”
“I will take you home the second you say so,” I assured her before she nodded in agreement. “But you’ll have to ride in the trunk if you keep talking shit about my car.”
Pulling open the passenger door, I swung my arm out in a dramatic gesture for her to enter, eliciting a giggle from Lila.
“Thank you, kind sir,” she joked and I felt my guard slip a little lower around her. She was so damn weird… but I kind of liked it.
EIGHT
LILA JANE
August 6, 2015
We rode in silence for a few minutes but it wasn’t uncomfortable. I wasn’t scared of crowds, just the opposite. I loved being able to blend in and be anonymous. It’s becoming the center of attention that I dreaded and something told me Kaden wasn’t the wallflower type. My eyes danced over his profile taking in the hard angles of his jaw as the muscles flexed under his skin like he was thinking of something he’d rather forget.
The Death of Lila Jane Page 6
