by Val Wood
‘Hm,’ he muttered as Matt came across the room with Clara and Jane, one on each arm. ‘I shouldn’t sleep easy if I thought she was going to be mistress of my house. Miss prim and proper. She’s got no warmth, none at all.’
Annie and Squire Linton stood up as Matt and the ladies approached. Annie was taller than both of them and they raised their heads to greet her. Clara frowned slightly. ‘Have we met? You seem familiar.’
Annie turned enquiringly to Matt who spoke to her in Dutch, then she said laughingly. ‘No. I sink not.’
Matt turned away and coughed to hide a grin, then turning towards Annie he took her by the arm. ‘If you will excuse us ladies – sir – it is time I introduced Mrs Hope to the delights of the minuet.’
‘Oh, Matt,’ she whispered as he led her away. ‘I’m having such a time. This is another world. Any minute now I shall wake up and find I’ve been dreaming.’
He smiled down at her. ‘And I was about to ask if you would like to leave? Can you bear to go? I’ve had enough of these pompous people, and besides—.’ His eyes kindled behind his mask. ‘I don’t want to share you. I want you to myself. I need you.’
She heard the music begin to play. She didn’t know how to dance and, right now, she did not want to learn. She was having a wonderful time, here was a life she had never even dreamt of, of richness and opulence, but she had no craving for it – more than anything she wanted to be held in Matt’s arms. She lifted her head towards him and he bent to kiss her lips. Behind her she heard someone gasp. It was Clara. ‘Ssh,’ she heard Jane whisper. ‘They do things differently abroad.’
‘How disgusting,’ Clara replied.
Annie turned her head. Behind the two girls, who were watching with outraged fascination, was Matt’s father, who was also watching them, a half smile on his face and an approving gleam in his eye. He nodded his head to her and raising his fingers to his lips he blew her a kiss.
Mrs Burnby didn’t want them to leave. She had plenty of guest rooms available, she said. No need to make such a long journey at this hour. But no, Matt insisted that they must go. Mrs Hope had lodgings booked and he must get back to his ship.
‘You and your ship,’ their hostess said playfully. ‘You’d be fonder of it than a wife, I declare,’ and looked pointedly at Annie.
When he refused to be drawn, she announced that if they insisted on leaving, then first of all everyone must now remove their masks.
Annie drew in her breath. This was it. Was she to be exposed? Mrs Burnby, Matt’s father, Clara and Jane, Mr Beddows, all had seen her before. She could hardly refuse, people were already taking off their disguises and laughingly acknowledging that they had known all the time who their partners had been.
Matt removed his mask and stood behind her as he unfastened hers. ‘Don’t worry,’ he breathed. ‘No-one will know you.’
She lowered the mask and defiantly stared out at the crowd who had gathered to see Captain Linton’s partner.
There was a hum of voices, of approval, faces smiled at her. ‘What a beauty.’ ‘Her husband was in shipping, so I hear.’ ‘Linton will do well to catch her, what?’
She put her head back and laughed. Clara and Jane were standing at the front of the crowd. Jane had an admiring look on her face but Clara still looked puzzled. Mrs Burnby was watching them quizically and Mr Beddows came across and bowed. ‘So glad to make your acquaintance, I trust we’ll meet again.’
I’m sure we will, she thought as she bowed her head to him, and turned to Matt’s father who was coming towards them. He bowed and took her hand and kissed it.
‘I’m delighted to have met you. I hope that son of mine doesn’t let you slip through his fingers.’
He raised his eyes approvingly to her face and caught sight of the pearls. He touched them sensitively. ‘Exquisite,’ he murmured. ‘My wife—,’ he closed his eyes for a second, when he opened them she thought she saw a look of regret. ‘My wife had such a necklace. I bought them for her – she had skin and features like yours, fine and delicate. Pearls are right for you.’ He bowed once more and turned away.
‘Am I really going back to lodgings and you to your ship?’ She leaned her head against him as the carriage pulled away from the house.
‘We’re going back to the inn. I asked them to keep our rooms.’ He kissed her softly on the mouth and ran his fingers across her bare shoulders. ‘I thought that we could have the comfort of a proper bed for once rather than Toby’s old feather mattress.’
But he also wanted her away from the atmosphere of the cottage, which he still thought of as Toby’s home and which still held vestiges of him there. Much as he’d cared for his brother, he couldn’t get rid of a feeling of jealousy that Toby had shared a part of Annie’s life before he had known her.
They were perfectly proper. Annie was shown once more to her room where the fire was still glowing and a fresh jug of wine was set on the table. Molly helped her out of her dress and looked about for Annie’s night attire.
‘Sank you,’ Annie said in a clipped tone. ‘You may go.’
The girl raised her eyebrows and nodded. She lit another candle from the one which was guttering and placed it on the table beside the bed. ‘Goodnight then, ma’am. Sleep well.’
‘Goodnight, ma’am. Goodnight, ma’am!’ Annie chuckled and squeezed her arms about herself. ‘What a lark. I’ve been a real lady!’ She fingered the softness of the dress which lay across a chair and gave a deep sigh. ‘I’ll never forget this night, never in my whole life.’
A gentle tap came on the door. She opened it to admit Matt. She felt weak as she saw him standing there. Her body pounded, her mouth was dry.
‘I thought we could share a drop of wine before we sleep,’ he said huskily.
‘Sleep?’ She drew him into the room and closed the door. ‘I don’t want to sleep, not unless you’re beside me.’
He remained silent but held her face in both of his hands.
‘Tonight,’ she whispered as she put her arms around his neck, ‘I saw how real ladies behave. They seemed to me to be trapped behind their masks and beautiful clothes. It’s as if they can’t be themselves, they can’t say how they feel. Well, I’m glad that I’m not a real lady, that I’m just a nobody, for I want to say to thee, Matt, that you’re the only man I’ve felt about in this way. I was always afraid of being with a man for they never treated me right. But with thee—.’ She shook her head, she could feel the tears welling behind her eyelids, her lips trembling. ‘It’s something special, something beautiful. I love thee, Matt.’
Gently he kissed her and then picking her up he carried her across to the bed. Love. He had never heard the word spoken before. His father and mother he assumed had loved their sons and perhaps each other, though they would never have dreamt of saying so. The women he had bedded didn’t know about love – or tenderness, for that matter. How strange then, that he should learn about it from someone who had never known it either, but was not afraid to proclaim or show it.
26
Josh was waiting for them as they arrived back at the Marquis of Granby Inn, he had an anxious look on his face.
‘I’m sorry, Captain. I’ve got bad news for thee.’
‘What? Is it the Breeze? What’s happened, man?’
‘Breeze got away, sir, they saw what was happening and hauled up ’anchor.’
Annie touched Matt’s arm to quell his anxiety. ‘Is anybody hurt, Josh?’
‘No, thank God, though they could have been. Revenue men appeared just as we were shipping stuff on shore. They must have been watching for ’ship, they seemed to come from nowhere. I’m sorry, Captain, Mrs Hope – and just when I was left in charge an’ all. I feel that bad about it.’
‘Did they get all the stuff? Nobody was caught?’ Annie pressed him for details.
‘They got most of ’brandy and geneva, and all ’bales of tobacco and they caught one man. He stayed to fight instead of running like ’rest of us. Master Toby allus said that
if ’Rev men turned up we was never to argue or stand up to ’em, but to tail it as fast as we could. But he was allus a bit hotheaded was—!’ He was about to say the man’s name, then checked himself. ‘He’s on ’list as number eighteen, Mrs Hope. Tha’d better cross him off, he won’t be around for a bit.’
‘Have they taken him to Hull?’ She had a vision of the crumbling dank old gaol.
‘Aye. Onny I don’t know where they’ll house him, they’re pulling ’old gaol down. But they’ll find somewhere secure no doubt.’
‘Will he talk?’ Matt frowned. ‘Does he know names?’
Josh shook his head. ‘He’ll not talk, and onny name he knows is mine, but he’ll not give it.’ He gave an ironic snort. ‘He’s a sort of relation, my wife’s sister’s husband—, he’ll not talk cos he knows I’m onny one left to look after his wife and bairns while he’s in gaol.’
‘That’s a damned shame.’ Matt cursed softly as they walked back towards the cottage. ‘We’ll have to ease off for a while. I’ll take the Breeze along the coast for a week or two, Roxton will get fed up of hanging around the river-bank. It’s me he’s after of course, not the men on land, though he’ll get a bonus for capturing the goods. That’s if the commissioners pay up, they’re notoriously slow.’ He laughed. ‘You can hardly blame Roxton and his colleagues for being frustrated.’
‘He’s after me too,’ Annie added. ‘Only he doesn’t know it’s me! The last time I met him he said he was after my lover – he meant that stranger in breeches and boots who gallops around the countryside on horseback!’
Matt put his arm around her. ‘You must take care. They’ll put you in gaol as readily as any man.’
He kissed her goodbye when they reached the cottage. ‘I won’t come in,’ he smiled as she tried to persuade him. ‘If I do, I won’t want to leave, and the crew will be waiting for me.’
‘You’ll take care won’t you? Don’t antagonize the Customs men.’ She suddenly felt afraid, she couldn’t bear it if he should be captured, or killed as Toby had been; her life would be finished.
He laughed. ‘Would I do such a thing as that? Not I! The next time I come up river I shall have only legitimate goods, duty paid. So warn everyone there’ll be no activity for a few weeks.’
* * *
It amused her to visit Mr Beddows again, dressed in her breeches and boots and with Toby’s hat pulled over her face. She met him at night in his orchard on a pre-arranged meeting and they spoke only in whispers as he handed over the money he owed. She told him that there wouldn’t be any goods for him for a while as the customs were getting too close to take the risk.
‘Mm,’ he pondered. ‘That’s a pity, and Roxton can’t be bribed, it’s been tried. He’s as straight as an arrow that fellow. Well, never mind, young man, we’ll just have to be patient.’
Snow was falling as she rode into Hessle and she knocked on Robin’s door to ask him to tell Josh to collect Sorrel and have him stabled as the weather was obviously going to get much worse. Robin answered the door and she thought how pale and thin he looked, he hadn’t got over his last bout of fever, and his left hand was bandaged.
He held it up at her query. ‘I’ve been working at ’quarry,’ he said. ‘But I nearly sliced me finger off wi’ one of pick axes. I can’t go in now until its healed, so there’s no wages coming in.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m not cut out for this sort of life, Annie. I was meant to be a gentleman, I’m sure of it. It’s just unfortunate that I was born at ’wrong time and in wrong place.’
She laughed with him. He could always make a joke, could Robin, but she couldn’t help thinking that his slight frame wasn’t meant to be wielding a pick or crowbar in an effort to extract chalk from the quarry; or even to be breathing in the fumes as the chalk was burnt to make lime mortar for builders, for the work was hard and arduous and needed strength and muscle such as his brother Josh had.
The time hung heavily as the weather worsened and she brought in extra kindling and logs for the fire and fetched in another bucket of water from the spring. Then she opened her door one morning to find that snow had been falling heavily and had drifted halfway up the door frame. She’d brought in a spade just a few days before and with some effort managed to make a way through. The snow lay pristine and sparkling, a white carpet down to the river which in contrast to the snow, looked grey.
The following two days she couldn’t get out at all for the wind had blown the snow almost to the top of the door and window, so she built up the fire and crept back into bed to try to keep warm and hoped the thaw would soon come. On the third day she busied herself sorting out the lists of numbers for the contacts on land, the farmers and men of property who were eager to buy from those who ran the risk of smuggling the goods from across the sea, the labouring men and women who supplemented their meagre income by waiting on wet wintry nights by the river for the ship to appear and offload into their coggy boats.
She put her head onto the table. She felt tired and lethargic and slightly nauseous. I haven’t had much to eat, she thought. I’ll make some gruel, that’ll settle me and give me some energy. She poured water and oats into a pan and placed it on the fire to boil. It started to bubble and thicken and when it was cooked she poured some of it into a bowl. It was thick and glutinous and stuck to the spoon.
‘I never was much of a cook,’ she muttered to herself, ‘but I suppose it’s better than nothing.’
She ate no more than half of it when she started to feel sick again and so lay down on the bed. But a minute later sat up retching.
‘Oh,’ she groaned, her eyes streaming and the back of her throat strained. ‘I haven’t felt as sick as this since – since – our Jimmy!’
Realization hit her like a blow and she closed her eyes and put her hand to her head. ‘Oh,’ she whispered. ‘I never thought! I didn’t think I could!’
She never imagined that she would become pregnant again after the dreadful labour she had had with Jimmy. The midwife had shaken her head and said she needn’t worry any more. Her flux had never been regular and when she thought back she couldn’t even remember when her last one had been.
For a few minutes she was elated. This is coming ’cos of love, she thought, a bonding between Matt and me. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. She went to fetch the hand mirror and held it up above her, looking to see if there was any change in her body, any thickening of her waistline, but there wasn’t, she looked just the same. She ran her hands across her belly and her hips, there was no sign, and yet she knew.
She thought of the first time she became pregnant, with Lizzie. She hadn’t known then. I was that ignorant, she thought. She hadn’t realized that she was pregnant or why she kept being sick, but Alan did, and when he came home one day and saw her retching, he’d hit her, knocking her onto the floor in his fury at her being caught with a child.
He hated me when I was big. Big and ugly he said I was, even though I wasn’t very big, not like some women. But he couldn’t stand the sight of me. She gave a sob. Each time, each time – as if it was all my fault. But at least he kept away from me, he didn’t want me then. Not ’till it was all over.
So how will Matt feel about it? Do all men feel the same? I expect they do. And will I be an embarrassment to him? ‘Yes, of course I will,’ she whispered despairingly. ‘He’ll not want a bastard child. It doesn’t matter to folks like me, there’s no shame in it – but he’s gentry, no matter that he tries to deny it.’
She went across to the window and peered through a small gap where the snow hadn’t reached. The sun was up and the snow crystals were sparkling and scintillating like shards of glass. I’m trapped, she thought, and I thought I was free. As she stood pondering, she saw two figures, dark against the white background, break through the hedge into the meadow and stand up to their knees in the snow, their hands shielding their eyes and staring at the cottage. They turned to each other and as if making a decision started to make their way laboriously towards it.
She knocked on the window and called back. ‘Aye. I’m all right, but can you dig me out?’
‘Aye, that’s why we’ve come. We guessed tha’d be snowed in when we hadn’t seen thee.’
She could hear their grunts as they tried to clear a path to her door and then the scraping of the spades on the door as they reached it. She tested the kettle, just in time, this was the last of her water, the bucket was empty. She put it on the fire to make them a drink and then tried the door to see if it would give.
Her eyes watered with the brightness as daylight flooded in and with it the sharp cold air.
‘By, tha doesn’t look well, Mrs Hope. Has tha had nowt to eat?’ Josh was concerned as he peered at her face. ‘Tha looks that pale.’
‘Well I’ve been cooped up for a few days, and even if I could have opened the door I couldn’t have gone anywhere.’
They scraped their boots free of snow and came in at her invitation, she made them tea but didn’t drink any herself, the thought of the strong brown liquid turned her stomach and she poured some hot water into a cup and sipped it.
She felt Josh observing her with some consideration and presently he said to Robin, ‘Now tha’s finished tha tay, why dossn’t thee finish clearing ’path? I’ll come and help thee in a minute.’
Robin did as he was bid and Josh leaned towards her. ‘Tha’s got caught, hasn’t tha?’ he whispered. ‘In family way!’
‘How can you tell?’ she stammered. No point in denying it, not to Josh.
‘My wife allus drinks hot water to take away sickness, she can’t keep owt else down.’
‘What am I going to do. Josh? I’ll have to leave won’t I?’
He drew in his breath. ‘He’d look after thee and ’bairn; he wouldn’t see thee go short, but tha might be a hindrance to him; he’s gentry after all. And wives are for breeding and doxys’ for summat different, if tha’ll beg my pardon, Mrs Hope. I’ve seen how tha’s cared for each other, but he’s bound to take a wife of his own kind one day.’
