A whole variety of techniques may be called into play toward any or all of these ends. Some of these techniques are purely physical—caresses to be bestowed with hands or mouth during the act, movements of the pelvis, maintaining and varying the rhythm of the thrusts, the relative pace of the act, and so forth.
Other technical aspects are more cerebral. Certain mental disciplines may be advocated to avoid a premature climax, for example. And some of these techniques relate more to the peripheral circumstances of the act of coitus itself, and these may range from the simple expedient of darkening the bed chamber and playing soft music to enhance the romantic mood and dispel fear, to such outré gambits as mounting a mirror upon the ceiling, playing Ravel’s Bolero on the stereo, speaking obscenely, or making love in a shower stall.
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Physical Techniques for the Male
The traditional aims of the male partner in coitus seem to be almost universal, focusing largely upon his ability to satisfy his mate. Once again, those societies which are most primitive or most repressive are occasional exceptions to this rule. In some tribal cultures sex is more designed for self-satisfaction than for the satisfaction of one’s partner, and in some extremely repressive cultures (or, interestingly, in cultures in which the female is glorified, such as Europe in the Age of Chivalry), the female is seen as being “above” sexual passion and coitus is viewed as something that she tolerates for her mate’s sake and that for her sake ought to be concluded as quickly and monotonously as possible.
With these exceptions, however, the measure of a man’s performance is its effect upon his woman. The image of virility or manliness (not quite identical terms) embraces such features as large genitalia and the ability to achieve an erection upon the slightest provocation, to sustain it for a very long span of time, to stir women deeply in the act of coition, and to be ready for repeat performances almost immediately.
We can readily gauge a culture’s ideals from its heroes. The male gods and heroes of culture after culture exemplify the same traits. Throughout time and space, legendary hero figures have been endowed with superhuman virility. Greek and Norse mythology are replete with the superhuman sexual feats of the gods. Hercules was said to have despoiled some fifty virgins in a single night’s entertainment. The sexual exploits of Ulysses form a vital part of the Odyssey and serve to project its hero’s virile image. Samson was as much a tower of sexual as of physical strength, and the symbolic equation of his haircut with castration has been too often cited to require further comment here. Thor’s hammer of thunder was little other than an analogous extension of his sexual apparatus.
Men, of course, make gods in their own highly idealized images. In our own time, our sexual gods are not apt to be granted divine status, still, those men whom we are inclined to regard as synonymous with virility fit the pattern discussed above. From Don Juan and Casanova to our modern day movie heroes, there is little change in our image of masculine prowess.
Even in the sphere of erotica and hardcore pornography, we find evidence of this view of virility. The erotic art of Japan verges on phallic worship, with the penis represented visually as equivalent in size to the adoring young lady who is to receive its favors. Chinese erotic literature stresses constantly the heroes’ ability to copulate with their partners until the women swoon dead away from a peculiar mixture of delight and utter exhaustion. Closer to home, such eighteenth-century French pornographers as Restif and Sade paid frequent attention to the dimensions of male organs, the ability to perform indefinitely, the quantity of sperm discharged, and so forth. Male characters in American gutter literature are invariably supersexed, partly because the plot demands constant sexual performance and partly because this is the image of virility they must project.
All these factors which make up the image of virility are aimed at one end—the satisfaction of the female. In some cultures the underlying motive of this aim is very much a selfish one. “He who satisfies women and stirs them deeply,” says one Hindu source, “will find women anxious for his love and eager to please him. His sword will never be without a sheath and he may pick and choose his mistresses at his pleasure.” Modern marriage manuals reach similar conclusions for wholly different reasons, reasons more in keeping with the standard of monogamy, which they endorse. Indeed, many of them have raised the satisfaction of the wife to the status of a holy war. Perhaps this is in large measure a reaction to the view of woman as “above” sexual pleasure, as we observed earlier in this chapter; in any event, one widely read marriage manual has gone so far as to state unequivocally that the satisfaction of the female is and must be the sole significant aim in any act of coition. This would appear to be an extraordinary pronunciamento, a credo far beyond the wildest dreams of the most fiery-eyed suffragette.
Two aspects of virility seem beyond the scope of technique. Despite reams of folklore on aphrodisiacs and enlargement of the penis, there is relatively little a man may do to increase his capacity in these directions. As the tag line to a very old joke has it, there is a difference between technique and equipment. But in other areas the male is able to improve his prowess as a lover.
The employment of manual and/or oral caresses during sexual intercourse is one such area. The transition from foreplay to intercourse may be smoothed when caresses bestowed with the lips and hands are carried over from one stage of lovemaking to the other. This may be done for any of several reasons. When female inhibitions are a factor, for instance, coitus may begin less abruptly and in a more “natural” manner. This is stock advice in contemporary marriage manuals, especially in regard to initial intercourse and honeymoon relations. The Sultan’s Wives, the Arabic classic, supplies the following step-by-step advice for making the transition from deep foreplay to coitus.
From this (mouth-to-mouth kissing and manual fondling of the breasts) you shall then turn your attention lower. Let your hand brush over her while you continue to kiss her mouth. She shall tremble with appreciation. Shift in her arms so that your lips may seek her breasts to take up where your hands have abandoned. Kiss them in turn, addressing them as you would address her lips or her lower lips (i.e., the labia) with your lips and tongue, licking or sucking as you will…
Then let your fingers stray to the source of man and the source of his pleasure. If her hand pushes yours aside, or if she stiffens in your arms, you have gone too swiftly: be thus better guided in the future! If she must draw your hand to the spot herself, you have tarried too long: be not so slow in your next attempt!
First touch the bud of the rose (i.e., the clitoris) and then the petals below, until at last you touch the heart of the lotus blossom. But still rain kisses upon her breasts, though not as much as before. And move your body yet again, so that your scepter touches first her and then rubs the bud of the rose, and all the while let your fingers stir her depths.
And then let your sword do as your hands have done, but slowly, by degrees, and neither too fast nor too slow lest she free herself of the passion you have stoked within her furnace. And as your sword replaces your hand, let your hand do as your sword has done and dally once more with her little bud. Then you may make the shape of the bow so that you continue with your mouth to her breasts, playing the infant and the father at one time, or you may straighten in her arms and kiss her mouth… but as you probe her more deeply, and as you stir her, and as you redouble the force of your stabbing and piercing, then let your hands and your mouth be still at last, for by then she shall be yours with her whole heart, and you may work upon her with your lance and stir her to her depths…
The Arab who penned this manual so many centuries ago has described in consummate detail a simple yet thorough method for effecting intromission and beginning copulation without in any way destroying the mood engendered in foreplay. It seems astonishing to note how precisely his advice is echoed in the marriage manuals and modern sexological thinking. The admonition to continue manual attention to the clitoris during early stages of i
ntercourse is particularly recommended by modern authorities in relations with relatively inexperienced women for whom erotic response is still centered in that organ rather than in the vagina itself; as sexual experience increases, the clitoris commonly loses much of its sensitivity, while portions of the vagina become substantially more responsive to penile stimulation. An erotic proverb, variously attributed to both the Chinese and the Indians, shows that other cultures were also aware of this distinction; the most commonly met version of this adage holds that
One loves the nose of girls;
Of women, the whole mouth.
Whether these additional caresses ought to be continued throughout coitus is open to discussion. Some sources agree with The Sultan’s Wives in counseling the reader to “let hands and mouth be still at last” so that complete sexual attention will be focused upon the genital region; complimentary caresses would merely diffuse the female’s sensory response and thus prevent as complete a buildup of sexual tension as might be desired. Other erotologists suggest that any caress that contributes to the woman’s sexual excitement is valuable and ought to be continued as long as it is effective. Modern authorities are apt to recommend that the best course of action depends upon the temperament of the two persons involved, the circumstances of the act, and a whole body of similar variables.
Occasionally certain supplementary caresses are specifically recommended as suitable during coitus. Eichenlaub notes that
After a few months of married life, the urinary passage also has intense sexual sensitivity in most women. The husband can press urinary organs which could not otherwise be touched (and portions of the vagina which rarely get direct stimulation) down into range of the surging penis with a special maneuver. Toward the end of intercourse in the wife’s heels-on-husband’s-shoulders posture, he puts one hand against her lower abdomen just above the pubic bone and presses firmly down toward the pelvis, pushing her abdominal wall and attached structures down toward the inner end of her female organ. As the wife hits her climax, a rapid rotary motion of his hand adds further to her delight.
The common recommendation of the rear-entry postures to facilitate clitoral manipulation has been noted earlier. Further clitoral stimulation may be brought about by the male’s positioning somewhat higher than usual in the face-to-face postures so that the upper surface of the penis is rubbed to and fro over the clitoris in its course in and out of the vagina. Essentially the same objective is involved in very turbulent copulatory movements that are a common feature of Middle Eastern and Oriental lovemaking. The penis is thrust as powerfully as possible into the vagina, and the pelvises of the man and woman are pounded furiously together. Not only is the vagina itself greatly stimulated by this action, but contact is effected with the clitoris, the outer labia, and other highly sensitive and responsive parts of the female anatomy.
Similarly, anal masturbation of the female during coitus may be extremely successful in heightening female excitement and bringing on climax. The anus is itself an erogenous zone, and anal copulation, though moderately uncommon among heterosexuals in Western culture, is considerably less so in other areas of the world. Anal masturbation during sexual intercourse is most easily facilitated in any of the face-to-face positions and may consist of either the simple introduction of the finger into the woman’s anus or the mock-coital movement of the finger in and out of the anus. This practice may have an effect beyond the woman’s anal-erotic response. Digital pressure brings the lower portion of the vaginal canal tightly in contact with the penis and in this fashion may contribute to the sensory response of both the man and the woman.
The male’s actual movements in coitus may vary considerably. The thrusts of the penis may be fast or slow, deep or shallow, regular or irregular. Western sources rarely discuss these coital movements at much length beyond stating that the man should take his cue from the rhythm of the woman’s response and let things come naturally, with both speed and depth increasing as orgasm approaches. As we might suspect, The Perfumed Garden displays a considerably more systematic approach to the entire question. Six movements in all are cited and seem worth examining in their entirety.
The bucket in the well.—The man and woman join in a close embrace after the introduction. Then he gives a push, and withdraws a little; the woman then follows him with a push, and also retires. They continue their alternate movement, keeping proper time. Placing foot against foot, and hand against hand, they keep up the motion of a bucket in a well.
The mutual shock.—After the introduction, they each draw back, but without dislodging the member completely. Then they both push tightly together, and thus go on keeping time.
The approach.—The man moves as usual, and then stops. Then the woman, with the member in her receptacle, begins to move like the man, and then stops. And they continue this way until the ejaculation comes.
Love’s tailor.—The man, with his member being only partially inserted in the vulva, keeps first up a kind of quick friction with the part that is in, and then suddenly plunges his whole member in up to its root. This is the movement of the needle in the hands of the tailor, of which the man and woman must take cognizance. This movement only suits such men and women who can at will retard the crisis. With those who are otherwise constituted it would act too quickly.
The toothpick in the vulva.—The man introduces his member between the walls of the vulva, and then drives it up and down, and right and left. Only a man with a very vigorous member can execute this movement.
The boxing up of love.—The man introduces his member entirely into the vagina, so closely that his hairs are completely mixed up with the woman’s. In that position he must move forcibly, without withdrawing his tool in the least. This is the best of all movements… The women prefer it to any kind, as it procures them the extreme pleasure of seizing the member with their womb, and appeases their lust most completely… It provokes prompt ejaculation both with man and woman.
Another characteristic Moslem coital movement, one strangely unmentioned in The Perfumed Garden, is especially geared to retard the male climax and thus prolong intercourse. The penis is introduced fully into the vagina and is merely held in place while the woman makes whatever movements most contribute to her excitement. Actual stimulation of the penis is kept to a minimum, and this combines with the basic inactivity of the male to delay orgasm significantly. When the end approaches, the male finishes with short, swift strokes designed to heighten his climax and contribute to that of the woman. In Western culture, this movement is commonly employed in the woman astride posture and is thus doubly effective in husbanding the man’s strength while simultaneously delaying his climax.
Other sources explain still other movements; certainly the list could run on forever by merely inventing new steps for the coital ballet, but it would be too little point to enumerate additional instances here. The erotic and pornographic literature of the West is singularly lacking in detailed discussion of this aspect of intercourse. Hardcore pornography rarely emphasizes it to any great degree, and many of the erotic realists pay a good deal less attention to it than one might suspect.
Frank Harris is a notable exception. This area of sexual technique was of considerable interest to him, and he makes frequent mention of the rhythm and force of coital movements and their effect upon the women in his life. The following paragraph, describing the seduction of a young virgin, typically discloses what Harris considers to he the conflict between the coital movements most pleasing to a woman and those which seem most natural to a man.
As soon as Kate found that I was leaving it to her, she pushed forward boldly and the obstacle yielded. “O—O!” she cried, and then pushed forward again roughly and my organ went in her to the hilt and her clitoris must have felt my belly. Resolutely, I refrained from thrusting or withdrawing for a minute or two and then drew slowly out to her lips and, as I pushed Tommy gently in again, she leaned up and kissed me passionately. Slowly, with extremest care, I governed myself and
pushed in and out with long slow thrusts, though I longed, longed to plunge it in hard and quicken the strokes as much as possible; but I knew from Mrs. Mayhew that the long, gentle thrusts and slow withdrawals were the aptest to excite a woman’s passion and I was determined to win Kate…
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Prolonging Coitus
As we have seen, the goal of sustaining sexual intercourse as much as possible has long been a basic male aim. It would seem especially surprising, then, that Western sexologists have ignored the problem to a very large extent. It seems evident that insufficient duration of the act is a major cause of women’s failure to reach orgasm, and since contemporary sexology attaches such great importance to the sexual satisfaction of the female, one would expect that males would be well supplied with advice on how to prolong the act.
This, though, is rarely the case. Extreme incidences of premature ejaculation are often discussed, usually with the suggestion that the afflicted male consult a psychiatrist. But the average man, capable of sustaining copulation for an average span of time and desirous of increasing his endurance, is offered little in the way of positive help.
A possible explanation lies in the fact that the disciplines involved are largely mental ones, and our culture is not geared to think in terms of mental disciplines. The nearest approach to this sort of technique involves “thinking of other things.” The male deliberately concentrates on some specifically asexual matter in order to divert his mind from the sexual sensations that threaten to bring on orgasm. He may force his mind onto business or baseball batting averages or almost any topic unlikely to provoke a climax.
Eros & Capricorn: A Cross-Cultural Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Techniques (John Warren Wells on Sexual Behavior Book 1) Page 9
