by V. Vaughn
Zane grabbed my hand from where it was waving in the air, threading his fingers through mine. His eyes caught mine, trapping me as he smoothed his thumb over the back of my hand, rubbing soothing circles into my skin. “It wasn’t meant to be a one-night stand, Lara. I think it’s safe to say we’ve both been idiots. If we’d just talked to each other, none of this would have happened.”
I knew he was right, but it still didn’t change what I knew to be true. I stared at our hands, trying to absorb the feel of his fingers intertwined with mine, so I would always remember it. The second he had touched me, it was as if something had clicked inside of me. It had been the same that eventful night when we had come together in a whirlwind of lust. How could something that felt so right hurt so much? “So, what do you want to do then? I mean, about the baby—?” I didn’t want him to think I was asking for anything more. I wasn’t going to beg for scraps.
“He’s mine,” he stated simply.
“And you can be a part of his life. I’d like that.”
He studied me. “Just a part of his life? Is that all you want? What about us? We could be a family!”
I didn’t know what he wanted from me, what he expected me to say. It wasn’t as if I had any other choice. One day he would meet the woman meant for him, his mate, and then anything that we had would pale in comparison. He’d leave me, and even now, I wasn’t sure I’d survive it. It was better this way.
I took a deep breath, forcing myself to meet his eyes. I loosened my grip on his hand. “Yes, that’s what I want. You can be a part of the baby’s life.”
For a split second, his fingers tightened on mine, then he allowed me to pull free. I watched the shutters came down as he distanced himself from me. “Okay, if that’s all you’re offering…then I’m not going to say no.”
10
Zane
If I had thought not seeing Lara had been torture, it turned out seeing her every day and not being able to touch her—not being able to hold her—that was killing me. I clung to the hope that one day she would stop pushing me away, that she would recognize what we could have. That she would want me for more than a one-night stand.
I knew one thing for sure—I wasn’t going to put pressure on her, not with her so far on in the pregnancy. Her hormones were crazy; one minute she’d be crying, the next she was laughing at the silliest things. My life had changed. Gone were the days of monotony, the single-minded devotion to my Pride, the business and making money. She filled my days and haunted my nights, commanding my every thought.
“Are you on your way to see Lara again?” Gretchen asked, falling into step with me as I walked across the club, performing the last minute checks before we opened that evening.
I trusted my staff to do a good job. We were kind of like a family, a mismatched pride or pack or clan, depending on what type of shifter you asked, but ever since Stacey had betrayed me…I liked to double check things. “Yep, I’m heading over there right now. We’re going to grab a movie to try and take her mind off things.”
“She must be pretty uncomfortable by now? How’s she holding up?”
The image of Lara filled my mind. She was what some people might describe as blooming in the final stages of the pregnancy. In my mind, she was radiant and gorgeous, glowing with health and vitality, not to mention sexy as hell. Keeping my hands to myself had turned into a battle of wills, and every night I returned to my apartment alone and exhausted with frustration tearing through me. “She says everything hurts and she finds it hard to breathe.”
“I can imagine,” Gretchen said on a shudder. “Any day now, right?”
“Right.” And I couldn’t wait. I’d already decided once the baby was born, I was going to try again with Lara. Once I was sure I wouldn’t upset her and jeopardize the baby. The only thing that had kept me sane these past few weeks had been the constant reminder that it was my child growing inside of her, that in a way, I had already laid claim to my mate. And my lion had surprised me; rather than pushing and snarling at me, he had been…docile? A bit like a pussy cat, happy to protect and comfort our mate. He wanted to upset her even less than me.
We reached the front of the club, and I flicked through the book, checking the VIP bookings. Everything looked in order.
“When are you going to let Stacey come back? She’s learned her lesson, Zane. She’s only a kid—”
I closed the book with a thud. “She knew what she was doing. Anyway, it’s not my decision.” I turned to leave, the conversation over in my mind, but Gretchen was persistent.
“Then who’s is it?”
“My mate’s. She’s the one who was wronged, so she has the final decision on whether Stacey should be let back into the Pride.”
“Your mate, who doesn’t know she’s your mate?”
My hand missed the door. Spinning around, I stared at her. “What?” I forced out.
“I went to see Lara. Remember, I told you I’d visit, just to see if she needed anything.”
I nodded, willing her to go on.
“She’s really nice, by the way. I can see why you like her.”
Like? The word grated on me. It sounded weak, something you would use to describe a movie, or a pair of jeans. Or a car. Or a—
“Zane, are you listening? You’re doing that weird staring off into space thing again.”
I pulled my attention back. “Sorry, go on.”
“We got talking, about the baby, about the future. Your name came up, of course,” she said, “but it was the way she described you, Zane—”
“What do you mean?”
“In her eyes, you’re the father of her baby.”
“Obviously.” She really needed to spit it out, whatever it was. I was going to be late.
“But she thinks what happened between you two was a mistake.”
“She said that?” A mistake? A fucking mistake?
She hurried forward, grabbing my shoulder, forcing me to look at her. “Not a mistake because it happened, but because she’s worried it will upset your future mate. She asked me how I would feel if my mate already had a child with someone else.”
“My future— But— She—” I couldn’t get the words out as I struggled to process what she had revealed.
“She doesn’t know she’s your true mate. Have you actually told her?”
I tried to remember. Of course I had. I had to have. I wouldn’t have— “Fuck!” The curse didn’t come close to expressing how I felt. I was a fucking idiot! “I thought she knew. I marked her, so…I thought she knew.”
“She’s not a shifter; she might not have realized. Then with everything else that went on…” Her words faded, pity plain on her face. Then her lips firmed into a thin line. “Screw it. Zane—you’re an idiot. A non-communicating, closed off, emotional fuck-wit. You don’t talk to people—”
“I talk all the time—”
“Not about anything that really matters! You don’t share how you’re feeling, you don’t let anyone get close to you. I know why, don’t get me wrong. I know exactly how you feel and why you do it. But it’s time to push past it. You have to talk to her, tell her how you really feel.”
“I—I don’t know how I feel.”
“Then you’re even more of an idiot than I thought you were.” With that caustic statement hanging in the air, she turned on her heel and marched off. “You have to make a choice—open yourself up to getting hurt, or lose your mate,” she called over her shoulder.
LARA
Where was he? I glanced at the clock again. It wasn’t like Zane to be running late, especially without calling. I swung in a wide circle to continue my pacing back and forth. Given that I was the size of a truck now, something Zane insisted was only in my mind, I needed all the space I could get for maneuvering. I reached for my cell, something had to be wrong. My stomach lurched at the thought. What if he had been in a car accident? Or a mugging? The scenario of someone trying to mug a lion shifter was goddamn ridiculous, but you never knew. S
tranger things had happened.
I jabbed the number in, waiting for it to connect. Why was it taking so long? I rubbed my stomach in big circles, resisting the urge to scratch. My skin felt so tight, the baby so heavy and low. It started to ring. I blew out a long breath, my hands moving to rub an insistent ache in the small of my back.
The ringing in the earpiece echoed loud in the hallway. Marching to the door, I threw it open, clicking the phone shut. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried! Why didn’t you call?” I snapped out, unable to stop myself. I wasn’t really angry, just worried. And it wouldn’t have killed him to have called.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think.”
Taken aback by his immediate apology, I peered at him closely. He looked terrible, shell-shocked actually. “What’s happened? Is everything okay?” I motioned him inside, trying to suck in my stomach as he passed and failing miserably. How the hell was I supposed to cope with getting even bigger? I followed him into the room, or more like waddled. Dammit, my back was really killing me. I made a mental note to try and wheedle a back rub out of him after the movie. I was carrying his child, after all; the man owed me.
He stopped in front of me, his hands lowering to caress my belly, a look of wonder lighting his eyes. The same one he’d had for weeks now. I stiffened my spine to stop myself from melting into his touch. He wasn’t touching me, not really. He was bonding with his child.
“Someone told me something as I was leaving…it made me rethink a lot of things.”
What was he talking about? And did I really want to know? My blood cooled as dread crept in. “Like what?”
He took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly. “There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me, things I don’t go around telling people.”
“Like what?” I was starting to sound like a parrot, but he needed to get a move on. All this standing around was killing my back.
“Things that explain why I’m not the easiest person to talk to—”
“I think you’re fine! We have great talks,” I protested, already not liking whoever it was who had upset him like this. Because he was upset, I could see his distress in the line of his lips. I had learned a lot about Zane in the last few months, had learned to read his face and body for the emotion he masked.
“But I’m not great about showing emotion.”
I pursed my lips, starting to get pissed off. “You’re enthusiastic about the baby. I know you’re going to love him. I can tell.”
“I’m not talking about the baby. I need to be able to express myself to my mate, to let her know how I really feel, to tell her I love her, have fallen in love with her as I have grown to know her—”
Oh, God! I really didn’t need to be hearing this. That Zane was in love with his mate, that he’d found her—? “Zane, can we just—” The dull ache in my back roared to life, my whole stomach tightening as pain stabbed and stabbed and stabbed and—
“What’s wrong? Lara, talk to me!”
“The baby,” I gasped out around the pain. “It’s coming!”
His face drained of color, his lips parting in shock. “Now?” he eventually whispered.
“Yes. Now!” I snapped out. The aches, the tightening, it all made sense now. Idiot! Apparently I’d been in slow labor all day, which meant— A strange twinge, then a tugging between my legs, and water drenched the floor.
“What—? Please don’t tell me that was your water breaking.” Panic was now the overriding emotion on Zane’s face. Pure panic.
I glared at him while sucking in deep breaths. Grabbing the wall, I braced as another wave of pain hit me. Gnashing my teeth, I begged him with my eyes.
Visibly shaking himself off, he grabbed the phone out of my hand and flipped it open while wrapping an arm around me. “Sarah? It’s Zane. She’s in labor. Uh huh. Yes. Her water broke. Right, we’re on our way.” He snapped it shut. “We’re having a baby.” He still had that stunned expression on his face, but his lips were curving up in a shit-eating grin.
“You won’t be alive to see it if you don’t get me to the hospital, now!” I said, the words coming out in a low growl. Fucking hell, it hurt! Why did no one tell me how much it hurts? I grabbed my belly, my legs trembling and threatening to give way. I was having a baby!
Zane scooped me up into his arms, cradling me against his chest.
I sucked in deep, soothing breaths, my fingers curling into his shirt as the contraction eased off.
“On my way,” he murmured, striding toward the door.
“Wait! The baby bag!” We had packed it weeks ago, arguing over which outfit the baby should wear for his first photo. I had won, of course.
Snagging it, he slung it over his shoulder and off we went.
11
Zane
I wasn’t crying.
I stared at the little bundle nestled in Lara’s arms, blinking away what had to be dust. Swaddled within an inch of his life and topped off with a little blue hat, Xander was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. His mother was cat napping, completely worn out from bringing our child into the world, though we had been informed by the doctor it had been a relatively easy delivery. Yeah, I bet he was regretting saying that after Lara had threatened to castrate him, just to give him a taste of the pain.
He had my eyes—big and green—and he had blinked at me, right before opening his little mouth and screaming at the top of his lungs. I’d told Lara he had her voice, then had promptly shielded my groin from attack. But she had just laughed sleepily, her face relaxing into a contented smile.
She was so beautiful it made my heart hurt. The curve of her cheek when she found something amusing, the small frown lines that gathered at the bridge of her nose when she disagreed with me, the faraway look she got in her eyes when she was lost in thought. The way she had brought our son into the world, full of determination and love and courage. My heart hurt just looking at her, so why hold back?
I was going to tell her the truth, and hope and pray that she loved me back. Like ripping off a band-aid—just say it. Put it out there. Lara, you are my true mate and I love you.
“What are you thinking about, all serious and brooding? Have I ever told you that? You brood a lot, but it looks good on you, all sexy and mysterious.” She squinted at me, then her eyes flickered shut again.
Maybe I should wait for the drugs to wear off. She hadn’t had much, but apparently she had a low threshold when it came to narcotics. Yeah, that was probably a good idea.
Gently scooping Xander out of her arms, I walked over to the window, cradling him against my chest. I kept my voice to a low murmur, so I didn’t wake his mother. “Your momma needs her sleep, little one, so you and me are going to get to know each other. I’m your dad, and I’m always going to be around, you can count on it. I’ll never leave you like my folks did to me. Do you know why? Because I love you, just like I love your momma—”
A quiet gasp sounded from behind me. “You love me? But you can’t!”
I turned slowly, meeting her wide brown eyes with my own. Just say it! “You’re my true mate, Lara. I will always love you, whether you want me to or not. I do. I will.” It wasn’t the best proclamation of love, I was sure, but I was trying.
Xander chose that moment to let out a high pitched wail, his little face turning red with frustration as he wriggled in my arms.
LARA
I accepted my son from Zane and settled him to feed, my mind churning and swirling in shock. He loved me! I hadn’t seen it coming, had closed myself off to the possibility on purpose. Because I wasn’t his true mate. Which turned out not to be true. “Why didn’t you say anything? You let me think—”
He grabbed my hand, settling himself cautiously on the edge of the bed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t think, and I should have. I thought you knew. It took Gretchen telling me I was an idiot for me to realize.”
“That you were an idiot?”
“Yeah, a complete idiot. Forgive me?”
I consid
ered him carefully. He didn’t seem to be playing with me or stringing me along but— “So, I’m your true mate?”
He nodded, his thumb stroking over the palm of my hand in a lazy swirl.
“And you didn’t tell me because?”
He glanced away, seeming to steel himself. “I grew up in a foster home. My parents abandoned me when I was two or three years old. I’m not sure, I was too young to remember. Kathy, my foster mom, found me after I had been on my own for a few years, living out of trash cans or hunting in the wild. She took me in, gave me a home with some other kids that were like me. I’ve always had a problem…connecting with others. Of letting people get too close. I find it hard—” His head dropped as his eyes squeezed shut. Tension hummed through him, and I could see he was skating the edge of pulling back.
Pain tore through me at the thought of him abandoned and alone, barely old enough to talk yet forced to fend for himself. My eyes burned, tears threatening to spill. I forced the words out—if he was willing to share his horror, then I could share mine. “My ex-husband used me. He married me for the money I had, used it to make his fortune, then threw me out when I couldn’t get pregnant. He spent every day making my life miserable. He wasn’t abusive in the violent sense, it was more little digs and put downs, telling me I was fat, commenting about how I looked, how I spoke, disagreeing and ridiculing anything and everything I showed an interest in. And then he started to sleep around, saying that if I couldn’t give him a baby, someone else would.” A tear rolled down my cheek as I remembered how weak I had felt, how out of control. It had been the lowest point in my life, my confidence hitting zero and life… Some days I hadn’t been able to look myself in the mirror. Archie had made me hate myself. “So, I understand not letting people get close, trying not to feel. Feeling means hurting.”
